Remember, If You Sign An Organ Donor Card, The Doctors Will Kill You

Kids, if you sign anything with the authorities that says that when you die you'd like them to harvest your organs, the doctors or paramedics or whoever will kill you when they get the chance. 

The organs are valuable. They will let you die so they can get them. Don't sign the organ donor card. 

Stay woke. 

WTF I Hate The Raptors Now

They traded my favourite player on the team, JV.

The last time the Raptors traded my favourite player on the team, Rudy Gay, it actually worked out. The time before that when the Raptors traded my favourite player on the team, Charlie V, it did not work out.

I do not like it when the Raptors trade players I like. JV was a good.

Eh, the Raptors will not be making the Eastern Finals. Trading a scoring PF for a scoring PF doesn't strike me as too great of an add. They needed to keep the team they had and add to it a scorer, either a wing or a guard. They don't have enough as is.

They should have traded for Lou Williams.

Anyway, I hate the Raptors now. Go Bucks.

I Just Got One Comment On The SOTU: Why Are They Wearing White During Winter?

The democrat broads all wore white...I didn't get it. I'm a dumb dumb, someone will have to explain it. But I didn't like it. It's winter. You don't wear white in winter. I'm a dude and I know that. It's a spring colour.

Maybe I'm out of touch. I don't know anymore. But to me it would be like wearing a seersucker suit in February.

Maybe communists see fashion differently. Yet another strike against them, frankly.

***

I went out on the weekend and pulled a bird. It reminded me why I had stopped going out to pull birds. They bug you after.

Eh, I kinda like this one. She has Strahan teeth, I don't know what it's actually called, gap tooth I guess. I've always been into that look. I don't really like anything else about her. She isn't fat but her tits aren't huge and she didn't let loose during sex. Some chicks do that when you are 'new'.

I want to talk about that phenomenon actually, because it has happened to me more times than I care to remember and it always makes me laugh inside my head. I get a girl home who I have known for a scant few hours, and she's down to fuck and we start fucking, but she doesn't go all out because...she doesn't want me to think she's a slut or whatever? Like, you know what I mean? And to them it makes perfect sense.

I've shared this before, I think, but the example I always think of in my head is this one time where I had matched with this chick on Tinder, got her number within 3 messages, got her to meet me within 5 texts, picked her up at the bus stop, drove her over to my place, had her sucking my dick within the hour, and she looks up at me, takes my cock out of her mouth, and tells me she doesn't fuck on the first date, she's not that type of girl. Like, she has tears in her eyes because I've been throat fucking her, but she isn't that type of girl.

***

People don't you know don't you know it's bout that time

Some Girl Called Me From A Private Number All Night Last Night

Women...

I have gone out like one time all January. I haven't gotten any pussy in January, and that's probably why. I had a harem in 2018 but I cut them all at the start of 2019.

So that's the situation. And then, yesterday, starting at about 1 AM and going till about 2ish, someone calls my phone from a 'private number', continually.

I didn't pick it up, as I always assume a call from a private number is a cop, and I've been told not to speak to cops, that's what lawyers are for. But my phone's screen comes on when it gets called, and it was flashing for about an hour, keeping me up.

It was one of those flashes that woke me up. I look at my phone and it's ringing from a private number, they really want to get a hold of me, but I notice that they must have left a message.

The message goes, and as I'm writing this I'm kicking myself for deleting it last night, but it goes "Hey this is Medical Clinic and your test results came back and you have the clap, call us back at some number". (Now I'm like 'why did I delete that' as I could have searched the number, maybe some clue would have emerged). Obviously a crank call. One, I haven't gone to get tested for an STD in a while, and two, I don't have STD's despite my high risk habit of fucking strange girls without a condom, because I don't do Mondays.

So I got a stalker, I guess. Which is cool, but what is bugging me is this: like 90% of the girls I get with end up falling for me, and when I don't reciprocate, they end up hating me. I have a phone list full of women who hate me. So my list of suspects is not small.

Ladies, if you want attention from a man, just ask for it.

Awwww

"Melania Trump noticed the president-elect’s suddenly solemn mood, squeezed his hand, and told him, “We’re going to do this together. And you’re going to be a great president."

That's cute. I should get married.

I Haven't Had Pussy All Month

I haven't fucked at all in January. I'm going to go crazy. In my defense, I've only gone out 'hunting' once this month. I got a number but I doubt I'll call it.

I've been in a mood. I've been unmatching chicks on the dating apps. You never unmatch chicks. Like, as a rule. But I've been unmatching chicks after two messages. I get one whiff of 'boring' and I'm pulling the chute. And all women are boring.

2018 was a good year for me for pussy, and it was a bad year. I fucked more chicks this year than I ever had in a year, which is good. I took some targets off my list as well. I'd never fucked an asian chick, and I fucked a bunch. I'd never fucked a redhead, and I fucked one (who was 19). I fucked a chick from the maritimes, which I had wanted to do, for some reason. I fucked a chick who spoke french. I fucked a blonde who was a month out of highschool. It was a good time.

But you know what? It's nothing special. A redhead's pussy feels like an asian chicks pussy feels like a french chicks, etc. So I took a bunch of targets off my list, and you know what I got out of it? Disillusionment.

This is no way to live.

Reminder: Calgary Flames Are Going To Win The Stanley Cup

And the best part? I have season tickets in the 200's.

Weird Email From Flames: Special Announcement Regarding March 2 Game

Got a cryptic email from the Flames today. All season ticket holders did. I just wrote that to gloat about being a season ticket holder. In the two hundreds. Pretty sweet. Gonna get to watch the team win the Cup live, and not have to do it in the wasteland that is the 300 section either.

Anyway...Special announcement on the game March 2. They are going to tell us all what it is about tomorrow, per the email.

I looked at the shitty Flames blogs and didn't see this mentioned. Then I went to Calgary Puck and they have a speculation thread. The speculation seems to be that Iginla will have his jersey retired. The theory I liked was that it was a tough game to move tickets for, so that's why they are choosing this game.

Ehh...I don't know. When I saw the email my immediate thought was also a jersey retirement, either Iggie's or Kipper's. Minnesota though...

Could it be anything else? I haven't slept all week, I can't really think of  it being anything else (in this state). Wait...they could retire #14.

They should Forever A Flame Ferland when we play Carolina.

Experts

The thing about the lowest of the low, journalists and reporters, trying to make themselves a professional guild, always strikes me as funny. Because these people are the most vapid people you will ever meet. I've dated some. They don't know how to tie their shoes.

So it's an idea that should be pushed back on. The great thing about this new social media age is that you can see how unqualified most of these people are in real time.

I wouldn't hire these people to walk my dog without five character references.

Anyway...the experts, doing expert things. Wonders never cease.

LOL

The Carolina Hurricanes are going to trade Playoff Hero Ferland and Douglas 'The Pussy' Hamilton.

This is very funny to me because, as you may remember, the Flames were panned for 'trading the best player' in the trade.

There are more things in Heaven and Earth and the Hockey Rink than are dreamt of in your spreadsheets.