Thursday, January 25, 2018

I Can't Cum. WTF?

Howdy stanger. Been awhile.

I have a problem. It's not a fun problem, so I don't really want to talk about it with people I know. So I figured I'd share it with the internet. Nobody reads this blog anymore anyways. Safe space.

I can't cum. Well, I can, but not when I'm fucking a girl. It's...disconcerting, to say the least.

I've had this problem since at least the summer. And I don't know why. It's really messing me up though. Sex is fun and all that, but without a 'payoff', so to speak, I'm starting to just view it as a (pleasant) cardio exercise. And who likes cardio? I don't.

I noticed the problem when I met a girl in the summer. If you follow my twitter you may know about her. She was a Sri Lankan. Hot chick. Hourglass figure. Tits and ass. Curves. Usually I go for skinny heroin addict looking girls, so this was a new type for me. I quite liked it.

And she could fuck. Last year I got into 'pick up' and 'red pill' stuff, which kinda boils down to 'be confident and dominant'. And boy did she respond to that shit. I wonder if anybody had treated her like that before. I think she was used to guys walking on egg shells. I didn't, I just took her. Didn't even ask. And she loved it, I think, because her was good. Didn't say anything when I took the rope out to tie her up. Loved the handcuffs. Enjoyed fucking in fake-risque places (like I'd open my blinds up and fuck her on my living room couch. She liked the thrill of 'someone might see us'). She was kinda a freak, and I liked it. That's the reason I still miss her. She was boring otherwise.

But the point: For three months, three or four times a week, I was dominating this hot girl, she was basically letting me do whatever I wanted to her body, and you know how many times I came? Once. One time. One freaking time. And that was from her giving me a handjob, where I had to grab her hand and guide her.

One time. What the hell is wrong with me?

After she split, I've gone on a bit of a hoe parade. She left in November, and I've had some girls since. Same thing. Can't cum. Now, not all of those girls were as good in bed, they wouldn't let me choke and bite and spit in their faces, which is fine but if bad guy fucking isn't doing it for me then you can imagine my boredom with nice guy fucking. And some of the girls just weren't hot. If you follow my twitter you may have heard my news year story, for instance (that's a good one, actually). But a hot wet hole is a hot wet hole. I just can't cum.

Now the current girl I'm running with is an Asian girl. She's cute enough but I'm not animal attracted to her. Still, she's a freak. She's freakier than the Sri Lankan. I literally left bruises on her, and she loved it. Still: I can't cum for this poor girl. She has begged me to cum in her mouth and I can't do it.  Imagine that. What a fucking nightmare.

And honestly, I feel bad for these girls. Girls like making a guy cum. They do. It's like an accomplishment to them. I think it hurts their self esteem when they can't make me explode. I can see it in their eyes. I have to come up with excuses so they don't get sad. I'm nervous. I'm tired. I'm whatever. It's not you, baby, it's me.

And it could be. What I'm going to try is to go cold turkey on masturbation. That way the only way I'll be able to get some release is with a woman. That should reset my brain, I hope. Fuck, I hope.

Or it could be the women. I'm old enough I should know what I want, but maybe I don't. Or maybe it's the way I'm having sex. I mean, I'm having sex with girls who I barely know. There is no emotional attachment. Maybe that's what I need. But that wouldn't explain why I couldn't cum in the Sri Lankan. Or maybe it does. Maybe I didn't have any attachment to her beyond sex.

I really don't know. I'm grasping at straws. I just know the inability to bust a nut with a girl is driving me crazy, and I had to get it off my chest.

Monday, October 2, 2017

The Jagr Cucks Win

We signed Jagr. It is cool. Jagr is cool.

I am a Jarome guy so I am a little disappointed. I don't know if Jarome asked for money or something. But I would have liked to see him back, obviously. He can certainly take Brouwers spot if you ask me.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Shout Out To The Flames Pre-Season Edition

I arrived to the preseason game tonight in the second period. Actually I got there at the start of intermission. I left after the second period. I enjoyed about 40 minutes of Dome time and 20 minutes of hockey.

So I dunno if the first and third period were exciting, but the second period sucked.

Wasn't that awful? It was terrible. Some takeaways:

 Smith has cool pads but if he sucks those will drive people crazy. 

The music sucks. I don't even care that they play dance music when they should play country music, the dance music they play is bad. Like, you can play rock and you can play pop and dance and whatever it is they play over country if you play good quality selections from those genres. Which they don't in the Saddledome. 

Hamonic looks like a doofus player we used to have. I don't mean his play, I mean his face. I had it when I saw it but it's 1 in the morning and I can't remember. 

I wish someone would get in TJ Brodies ear about being more flashy on the ice. 

That's about it. 


Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Male Butthole Eater @Studpuffin44 Got Me Kicked Off The Twittah

That's right, between his busy schedule of pimping out his children to syphilis infested homeless men and munching on his wife's pussy after her boyfriend leaves a mess of spooge in it, this lifeless retard has found time to complain to the twittah about my genius level tweets. What a fucking maroon.

Anyway. Don't know if I'll be back or not. Having to deal with the faggotry these faggots throw my way gets a little tiresome, I can't lie. But if you guys wanted to take time out of your busy schedules to let this little pussy know that he has less appeal than a rectal wart, I wouldn't mind all that much.

Studpuffin44...just typing the name might give me the HIV. Anyway I'm not allowed to tweet this to him and since I'm not really using the blog I figured I'd put this up and if you guys come across it you can bullycide him for me.

Thanks in advance!

Monday, April 3, 2017

Flames Letter Regarding Moving The Team

Hi guys.

The Flames sent out a letter with  regards to all the noise around them totally not threatening to move the team. I don't know how to put the letter up so I just copy and pasted it. I'm pasting it for you non season ticket holders to read, if you are curious. It is below.

"Confused about news reports about threats or non threats about a new arena?
So are we.
So let's explain.

Before that though, let's all agree that our primary focus is the Stanley Cup playoffs and the thrill of the hunt. Nothing, including our fiscal challenges, should interrupt the joy and community pride of a playoff run. We look forward to all of us sharing in the excitement.

To be clear, no one has any obligation to meet the Flames’ needs for a new building to play in.  Any arrangement must meet all hurdles of public scrutiny and we welcome that part of the process when and if it comes.

Our goal is simple. We need a place to play that provides long term economic stability and allows us to be competitive.

If the City feels an event centre is an important piece of infrastructure for Calgary and can be our new home as well as provide the gathering place for community, cultural and entertainment events, we are prepared to participate in its cost.

All of which brings us to the news reports of threats to move. In response to a question, are you going to use the threat of moving as a tactic, I said we would not. I also said we would "just move". The facts are we need a solution and if it is deemed that there is no made in Calgary solution, we will have to make a decision at that time, which logically could include deciding to move the team. It is merely one, out of a few possible outcomes if we are unable to reach a deal with the City, that will work for both sides.

No one, including me, should speculate on what the decision will be. Time will tell.

Now, a quick history of our process:

1. In August 2015 we presented a concept, CalgaryNEXT, that included an event centre, public Fieldhouse and football stadium.

2. The City reviewed the concept and, in their view, determined it was not feasible. We challenged their findings in city council in June 2016 with some success.

3. An alternate City vision for a Victoria Park event centre was brought forward (by the City) and council directed a comparison to CalgaryNEXT be made and brought to council by late October 2016.

4. Just prior to the October comparison we were asked to abandon CalgaryNEXT in favour of exploring the Victoria Park city vision. We did not agree to abandon CalgaryNEXT, but did agree to put the comparison on pause while we listened to their proposal. We did so with the understanding the process would be expedited and that certain parameters would be understood to be our position. This was agreed to by both parties.

5. Since October 2016, we have been meeting with City administration on the Victoria Park option. Recently we received their proposal in response to our stated parameters in which there are differences. We continue to meet for further discussion.

I hope this clarifies things a bit.
We can assure you that we continue to meet privately with senior City administration in an attempt to find a beneficial solution for all Calgarians and southern Albertans.


Ken King"

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Current Year Season Ticket Holder Letter

Season tickets have arrived. The package they came in is cool, they sent everything in the 'retro' colours. So the box the season ticket package arrived in is retro, and then the colouring used for the marketing material inside is retro. The season ticket debit cards are in retro. The history book they give you is in retro. The immediate thought that came to my head was "the Flames winning a Cup is retro."

Besides all that good stuff, the season tickets always come with a nice form letter sent from the desk of Ken M. King, President & CEO TM. This years had a few things that I thought were funny. The letter is below:

"Dear Calgary Flames Season Ticket Holder"

I like that I'm such a commodity to the powers that be that not only do I not get a name on my letter, I don't even get a number. Like, we are such cash machines they don't even bother to number us, let alone name us. "Dear Calgary Flames Season Ticket Holder" I got a name, trick.

The first sentence of the first paragraph is utter word salad. The second part, where they reassure the nameless fucking cash machines reading the letter like me that they are 'truly grateful' for my money err support and dedication, just makes the whole thing art.

Second paragraph kiddos. I think it starts off with a shot at the former coach (may peace be upon him) with the use of the word 'evolving'. You tell me. Other than that this paragraph is fine holy shit wait did they talk up the acquisition of 'Alex Chaission' like it was a real move? Even more retarded, and I wouldn't have even noticed this if they hadn't talked up the acquisition of a noted bust, is that they spell the dudes name wrong. You spell his name CHIASSON. (I misspelled it too in all the hysteria and I fixed it now). Well, I mean, you do if you care about spelling peoples names correctly.


The third paragraph, finally. What I really wanted to talk about. The stadium. The thing that I can take or leave about the paragraph is that in the first sentence they do this trick where they add volume and size to their proposal and then present an alternative. To be as clear as mud, I am talking about the trick where they put what their proposal is about "event centre/cfl stadium/public field house (three things)" and the alternative is about "event centre (one thing)". It's a little gimmicky to me.

The actual important things in that paragraph are the facts that we are now talking about there being a 'plan B', which I assume to be on the Stampede grounds somewhere (Where I happen to think it should be and that has nothing at all to do with me living in Stanley Park). That wasn't a 'thing' last time around. The other thing I noticed is where Kenneth writes 'it's clear the future will include new facilities in Calgary'. That made me gulp. People are telling me it's innocuous but I disagree. I think it's also a gimmick. If you accept that the argument is over location, then you accept a lot of stuff that should be up for negotiation. Because location is an issue, sure, but what makes it an issue? Money. The real issue is capital M Money.  Who is going to pay and for how much. I just think it's another little gimmick to shift the debate from cost to location, which is what I kinda see this letter setting up.

The fourth paragraph is vomit. They try to sell you some ticket exchange program but we all know that's bullshit because you should be using Tik Tiks for that shit instead holmes.

Oh my lord does Kenneth put "hockey experiences" in "scare quotes" at the "end" of "his" "letter"?

Furthermore, I think Treliving should sign Gaudreau.