Friday, February 26, 2016

But Do You Know The Penalty For Making Eye Contact?

I'm 'beefing' with the mayor on twitter this morning. I guess that makes me a Person Of Influence (TM)

Now that I am a Person Of Influence (TM), I must say, the sunshine feels better on my skin, the air tastes sweeter, and my hair, oh lord, my hair, my hair has grown thicker and more luxurious than God had ever intended hair to get. It's glorious.

I really don't know how you normies get through the day without hanging yourselves. Grey skies, coffee that tastes like lukewarm water. Cable sitcoms. Is that even living?

It's more like dying in slow motion, if you ask me. Which you would, obviously. I am a Person Of Influence (TM), and my opinion is worth a lot more than yours is. If your opinions could even be said to be worth anything, which, I gotta say, is highly suspect.

However, being a Person Of Influence (TM) is a life not totally spent basking in privilege. We carry a burden of noblesse oblige, and I take all my responsibilities very seriously. And so I will generously impart on you normies some of my wisdom.

The mayor says that I know a lot about hockey, and as Person Of (lesser, definitely much more minor) Influence (TM) himself, he obviously knows what he is talking about. While my mastery of subjects encompasses a vast array of topics, really, more numerous than the stars in the sky, if I am internationally renowned for my exquisite hockey wisdom, so be it. Who am I to argue with the mayor on this?

So come; If you have an inquiry as to the frozen game, do not be intimidated by my presence. Ask your questions, no matter how troublesome or querulous, and I will answer with such exquisite sagacity that your tormented soul will be put into a state of imperturbable serenity.

As a Person Of Influence (TM), it is, really, the least I can do.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Hey

They charged my credit card for this site. I'm Jewish. 2+2=4 so I'm back, at least until I think I get my 10 bucks worth. Although, and I hope I was just getting marked, but I've been charged the 10 bucks by the googlecorp twice now. As in, once every month.

I'm sorta hoping that was just a fluke and I'm not paying 10 bucks a month to host this prose shit pile. Because it's gonna piss both of us off if I have to try to get my money's worth on a consistent basis.

Anyway, I changed the site a little. I got rid of the girls. It killed me to do. Believe me. I loved the goalies, they were always black chicks. But I am a lazy man, and the thought of changing them up every month just wasn't appealing to me. I'd sooner take a vacation to Syria to be quite honest. I'd rather lend Kanye money than change the girls up on a consistent basis. I'd rather motorboat Susan Sarandon.

I also got rid of the wall of fame videos because, like Alberta, half of them didn't work anymore.

Everything else stays the same like the weather.

* * *

Alright I gotta post something that is at least a little cute if I'm bothering to log on and someone (doubtful) is coming to read. So I give you the story of what happened to me last Saturday.

The ol' accounting factory is starting to get busy, so I'm coming in on weekends. Which means I'm at the office on Saturday morning. Usually on Saturday mornings, I like to drink coffee, smoke weed, and play Dragon Ball Z on my Xbox. Instead I'm in the office, and feeling as miserable as that last sentenced implied.

But God loves us and wants us to be happy. When I arrive at the office I am greeted by the news that there is a homeless person sleeping on the floor of the men's bathroom. Now, my office is on the floor of a building, and the bathroom is on that floor; every tenant of the building located on that floor use the bathrooms on that floor. And what makes it funny about there being a homeless person sleeping in the men's bathroom was that on the Friday, my boss had printed a sign that read "Please do not lock the bathroom" and taped it to the bathroom door, because he didn't like taking the bathroom key with him.

Oops.

Now, I had my dogs with me. So I lobbied the boss to let me put the dogs on him, but he said something about liability and criminal battery and whatever. Party pooper city. Instead, we call 311, and they say they are gonna send someone to get him out.

The poor homeless schmuck. Apparently, when the city says they will send someone, that someone is the cops. Aww great now Im a narc. Anyway, the urban camper probably thinks he has gotten away with his perfect crime. The cops come up to our floor and knock on our door to just get the story before they go in to (into? is it 'in to' or 'into'?) the bathroom to evict the buildings newest tenant. As they are talking to us, the guy comes out of the bathroom.

Oops.

Here is the punchline: As the homeless dude is being escorted out, a woman comes out nowhere (the women's bathroom? I have no idea) and they put their arms around each other.

My boss turns to me and goes "If this guy can get a girl, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, September 21, 2015

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I like the restraint the Flames are using when pitching their message in regards to the new arena. You don't see that type of soft sell employed very often nowadays; and the mellowness of the approach is quite refreshing.


Friday, May 15, 2015

Funny Picture Of Kim Jong-un

I think I stole this from Reuters.

I’ve got a license to chill


What is homie in the hat thinking?


Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Flames Show Life

Second best game of the year? Behind Vancouver Game Six.

Bollig scored. Colborne scored (on a break away!). A rookie scored and had it disallowed. Another rookie scored with twenty seconds left to put it into overtime. Backlund puts it away in overtime.

The hockey gods love us and want us to be happy. What more proof could you want?

***

The Flames gave out pom poms for the game, which was smirk inducing. The pom poms were red and yellow. Which means they became orange when viewed from afar. I would imagine they looked orange on TV.

Pretty dumb.

Hopefully they fix that before the next game. The noise sticks they gave away for the Vancouver series would be a better 'thing' than these pom poms.

Flames should give out duck calls, obviously.

***

At least seven people fell traversing the stairs in my nosebleed section.

Good line from one of the fallers: "Doing my best Prentice impression!"

***

The Saddledome did not announce anything out to the crowd about the election. I have been to games played on days where elections were held, and they usually announce who wins. So I thought that was kinda funny.

My line yesterday was "They didn't announce because everybody in the Saddledome for a playoff game has a job."

***

The NHL video review guys who were in the Toronto war room for the game last night should not be allowed to work another playoff game for the rest of the playoffs.

The Flames scored and the video guys in Toronto disallowed it because they wanted an American team to win. What other explanation holds water?

If the Flames had lost, the video guys were putting the refs of that game in a bad spot. Would they have been able to leave the parking lot without getting torn limb from limb?

Just poor work. It-Was-In Part Two.

***

Someone buy the Ducks a trip to Banff. Maybe we can get them dehydrated for the game on Friday.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Flames Go From 'Best Game Ever' To 'Worst Game Ever'

Well...

The team plays Game Six versus Vancouver, gets behind three goals in the first and manages to come back.

Greatest game ever. We love em. What a heroic effort.

Euphoria all around the city.

Then we play Anaheim. I believe Bob Hartley had the quote akin to "These guys are the greatest guys ever, best team ever, why are we even going down there?" And of course he was just employing Belichik coaching techniques.

And then the puck dropped and it turned out these guys ARE the greatest guys ever, they ARE the best team ever, WHY ARE we even going there?

Does Vancouver have any of those white towels hanging around?

The best illustration for the night was when Ferland threw a check on 44 on the Ducks...and bounced off.

Does anybody still think Burke is a moron for thinking the team is too small?

***

I don't know what you do. In basketball, if a team is going 'big' and you can't match them, you go small. I don't know if that's the play here. But I do know that this team isn't going to out 'big' the Ducks. Or at least I don't think it is very likely. So what can we do? I think, and this sounds silly considering the beat down the team just endured in Game One, but I think you go small. You play Raymond, you play Granlund. You go small, you go with speed and skill, and you hope like hell you can generate neutral zone turnovers and score off the rush.

I don't know what else you can do.

Pray?

***

Of course, if Ferland and Hudler are hurt, small guys are probably getting into the lineup. It's not like we have a ton of guys of any note down on the farm that would allow you to play one 'style' over another. All hands on deck, if you will.

***

Do you continue to play Bennett?

I think, if my math is correct, and it never is, that Sunday (Game Two) is his ninth game played. I don't know if the first year burns at 9 games or 10 games. I think it's the tenth game.

I would play him the ninth game (assuming it burns the elc on the tenth game) and if we get killed again by the Ducks, you call it a year for the kid, and don't burn the contract.

If the team competes or even wins on Sunday, then you burn the contract and play him in Calgary.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Flames Win, There Will Be A Game One On Thursday

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

GREATEST GAME EVER HOLY SHIT

You can tell I am busy because I have not put anything up about the greatest comeback ever seen in the history of man.

One, I was there. In the Dome. In the flesh. I saw it with my eyes. My own eyes.

I was there.

I'm sure as the time passes, the people who 'were at the game' will increase from twenty thousand to a million. But I was there, that night. Legit.

What can you say? We were down three nothing. In the first ten minutes. After the Canuck's first four shots. Ramo gave up the first shot he faced.

It is always darkest before dawn.

I gave up on them. I won't lie. They went down three nothing, I was tweeting that the team should goon it up in preparation for game seven. I was considering leaving the Dome before the first period was over.

I'm sure I wasn't the only one.

But we all stuck around. The crowd had come to party, and it just needed an excuse. And down three to nothing, with the period drawing to a close, the newest star in the universe provided the spark to set the C of Red aflame.

Saint 79, Michael Ferland, with his homies Stajan and Jones, scored. And the crowd went nuts.

Nobody left at intermission. Nobody even thought about leaving. 

And then we won.

***

Red Mile was ok. I bought beer and walked the street and drank beer. I saw homie lighting fireworks but didn't see him get arrested. I think it's kind of bullshit he got arrested, but whatever.

It (the red mile) was better when I was a teenager. Most things are.

***

Sven took a minus. That was good.

***

Beating Vancouver is special. The team could get swept by the Ducks and I wouldn't care. Everything from here on out is gravy.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.