Feel Good Post Of The Week

Submitted without comment:

“Upon police arrival, officers found Bates in the bathroom with the door open while masturbating and simultaneously attempting to penetrate his anus with the handle of the toilet bowl scrubber,” borough Police Chief Kenneth Ehrenberg said in a statement.
“This act was witnessed by several adult females who were in the office,” he added.

And to think, when I want to add a little spice, I use my left hand. So pedestrian. 

Dating In The Current Year - Death By Fat Broad Edition

Instapundit used to do this bit but I can't remember what he used to call it. 21st century relationships?

Anyway:

The 44-year-old Thomas admitted killing Keeno Butler last March, partially by lying on top of him. Thomas weighs about 300 pounds, while the 44-year-old Butler weighed about 120 pounds.

This is something I've noticed, and it disturbs me. A 300 pound woman should not have a lover, period. But there are...'men'...out there who will fuck these broads.

Fellas...stop rewarding this behaviour. You should not be so desperate for pussy that you even entertain fucking 6's and below. Stop that shit. Stop that shit now. The reason you have 5's acting like they are 8's is because you have a huge amount of men out there willing to fuck a 5. Stop that shit now. Guys, remember: YOU ARE THE PRIZE

It continues:

Thomas was reportedly drunk and wanted to smoke crack when the pair got into an argument that ended in Butler's death.

At least the story had a happy ending. 

Alberta Is Full Of Cuck Pussies, Accepts Carbon Tax, Unlike The Manly And Virile French

Fuck Alberta. What the fuck happened to you? You used to be cool.

Now you whimper like a tamed dog at the heels of the federal and provincial governments tax increases. Carbon tax? Sure, we'll take it. Please sir, do you have some more?

Disgraceful.

Albertans, if they could untuck their heads from between their tails, should emulate the mighty French, who successfully protested the imposition of the purely religious carbon tax legislation.

And Notley isn't a bigger pussy than Macron. It would have taken 3 days of protests to save the province, and none of us had the balls to do it. Closest thing was when the farmers drove their trucks up to the capital, and even then they turned around after a couple of hours.

Shameful.

Albertans: Bigger surrender specialists than the French.

Arc de Triomphe Vandalized

I like the rioters in France. Climate change is a marxist conspiracy, and if they ask you to pay that much for gas, the only choice for a man is to riot.

The yellow vests apparently smashed up the Arc de Triomphe. Well, vandalized it,and smashed some of the artifacts inside.

I was on wikipedia, and saw this:

After the interment of the Unknown Soldier, however, all military parades (including the aforementioned post-1919) have avoided marching through the actual arch. The route taken is up to the arch and then around its side, out of respect for the tomb and its symbolism. Both Hitler in 1940 and de Gaulle in 1944 observed this custom.

So, while I like the yellow vest protesters, Hitler, you know, Hitler, thought it was uncouth to violate that monument.

Vive le Roi

I Would Like You All To Donate To Charities That Buy Kids Christmas Gifts This Month

I'm giving to something called "The Magic Of Christmas" .

I don't know if there is a charity that gives gifts to poor Jews for Hanukah. I did not see it when searching google. I wish there was, I would give. Maybe for next year. But I'm loathe to give to a general fund. So I'm donating to the goys. 

Poverty at Christmas time is a sad thing. Please give. It will make your soul feel good. There isn't much real about this world. Your family and your health, right? Doing a good thing will make your soul happy.

Neil deGrasse Tyson Out Here Creeping On Chicks And The Left Says Nothing Lol

I can't stress this enough: The current left wing is not ideological, it is religious. They are religious fanatics sure that they are on the road to Utopia. And you are Evil with a capital E if you get in their way.

They are quacks. Don't try to reason with them. Don't try to embarrass them by pointing out their hypocrisies. They don't care. It isn't ideological. It's religious. When you talk to a left winger, it is the same as if you are talking to a flagellant. Logic's not gonna do it, Hoss.

You deal with a quack by mocking them. Do not take them seriously.Let them talk, laugh, roll your eyes, and then continue as if they had said nothing. If they get mad, laugh. Treat them as you would a girl. Agree and amplify. "You're a racist" Say Ok and then wink at their girlfriend (unless she isn't hot, which she probably won't be).

Banging The 19 Year Old Was A Mistake, Kinda

Your humble hero did indeed take down the 19 year old yesterday.

Quick background: Don't remember where I met her, bumble or tinder or real life. Met her about a year ago when she was 18. I like young chicks. Fuck off. Anyway, we talked, we flirted, but we didn't fuck. As I recall I don't think we went on a date even, she flaked. Maybe we went on one. Anyway, I had her in my phone, and every few months I would send her a text, like a corny one line joke, stuff like that. But I'm not a creepy nice guy, so I made it pretty clear I wanted to fuck.

She'd indulge in flirting but never go out. She'd always back out last minute. A 'time waster' is what I dub these women. So I didn't waste time on her.

This week she texted me some lame one liners out of the blue. I knew the score right away. I didn't ask. Maybe I should have asked, but asking is weakness and women, like dogs, can smell weakness. You gotta be cool, daddio. So I was cool, and she ended up in my bed yesterday.

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE, DB

It's my fault. I hadn't had any pussy for over a month. My birthday ended up in a threesome I slept through, after all. I wanted some gushie. She was offering gushie. Like am moron, I took it. I should have screened much harder.

Why? I think you can guess why. She's 19 and new. I'm 33 and know what I'm doing. Guess.

Yup. She's in love.

At some point during the evening she got on to my phone. I don't password it, because I don't mind girls looking through my phone. I'm not married, and them seeing I have other options has only ever worked out in my favour. But there can be a downside. That downside is she discovers your, say, instagram account.

Because she might discover your instagram account and you might wake up the next morning to having a girl comment on all your posts, for the world to see. A world that included girls. A world that included girls you are gaming.

So as you might imagine, I have spent this morning fielding texts from various girls. Which is a great way to spend the morning.

I have an 18 year old in Regina who I bang who is very curious as to who this other girl is, for example.

Christ.

It actually is funny. I'm laughing while I type this. Just a warning to the fellas though.

***

While this chick was clearly in to me, so YMMV, I did the 'your fat' thing to this girl as my pre fucking text flirting. When she would send me nudes or sexy pics this week I would text back 'Lose 10 pounds by friday"

The girl is not fat. She protested out loud, but she must have liked it. Try it out if you think you can pull it off. It's not a rookie line, be warned.