Thursday, July 19, 2018

Calgary Flames Rumour: John Gilles Caught Out With...

In the aftermath of signing a new two year deal with the Calgary Flames, John Gilles was caught out on the town celebrating his new deal with...a cell phone holster.

Yes, the talented six foot six Providence product was seen brandishing a brown leather cell phone holster on his hip, in 2018. It had beige stitching, according to witnesses at the scene.

No word yet on what cell phone Gilles' was using. There is rampant speculation it was an Iphone 5. has reached out to Gilles representatives to confirm if in fact he was wearing a cell phone holster. They have not replied as of yet. We will update the story as soon as new information is available.

This isn't the first time Gilles has been the centre of controversy. In 2016, Gilles was reportdely spotted singing an Alanis Morissette song at a karaoke bar.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Monday, July 16, 2018

Stampede Stories

I don`t have twittah no mo so I gotta puke out on this page.

Stampede time in the city. Oh boy. Did your std apps blow up? Mine did. Well, some of mine. Tinder was absolutely dead for me. On bumble I had 15 matches this week (that's a lot for me). 0 tinder, 15 bumble. Girls who didn't match me on tinder matched me on bumble Makes no sense to me, but it is what it is. I had about 5 from plenty of fish, but those are iffy. I only got one on OKCupid, and I think that's all I'm on. I did have a chick send me a 2 am message on instagram. That was nice.

Anyways...I had been drying up in June, so this bump in July was timely. I had one girl going into July, and I met her late June. I have ended up hooking up with her and two more girls in midpoint July. All Asians. Korean, Chinese, Taiwanese. I can never get what I want, a Japanese. Whatever. I don't even want a Japanese chick anymore. I'm sick of Asians. Almost all the girls I've bedded in 2018 have been Asians. I used to wish for Asians. I had an Asian fetish. Well, be careful what you wish for because you might end up only banging Asians for year.

(As an aside, the other girl you guys know I love are hindu's, and I don't know if they turned the Elbow into the Ganges but it seemed like there were a ton of hindu chicks there. Like, one third of the girls were white, one third asian, one third were hindus. I was sorta in heaven, but of course I was at the Stampede with girls I was trying to bang or currently banging, and I didn't have the time, game, or energy to try to pick another one up with one hanging off my arm. Curses.)

Why am I bringing this up? Well, be patient and I will tell you. On the second trip to the Stampede, I was with a girl. I had not banged this one yet, and it was our first date, so I was doing kino escalation and all that stuff, and we were being cute and huggy as a couple (yes I would end up banging her on our first date I'm sorta good at that). Of course, what happens? You probably guessed. Another one of the girls I am 'dating' was there with her friends (fucking slut!) and saw me, I think. I say I think she saw me because she knows where I live and what car I drive and the next day I woke up to this:

The only car on my block to have a smashed window just happened to be mine. What a coincidence. Now, it may have been a bum trying to get my change, but I think it was the girl because she had texted me some sweet and innocent things that night/morning. I guess I should be flattered. I'm just glad she didn't get the Challenger.

The other thing that happened was that a girl drove down from edmonton to see me, and we were supposed to meet at the Big 4, but when I saw her I didn't think she looked like she had advertised on the std apps so I didn't even say hi. Abundance mindset and all that. She was texting me updates all night about the guys she was dancing with, so I think she was pissed I 'missed' her.

I think I might give up girls for a month. Draining my chi, mang.

I stalk the Instagram page of the hindu girl I still dream about and she posted a pic of her at Stampede with her girlfriends and I was going to DM her with like "hey if you needed a date smiley face" but my homie grabbed my phone and stopped me. It was probably for the best. I need a new hindu though. Driving me crazy. Or a white girl would be nice. One can dream.

Softball team is 7-3. I think this is the year we win the league. Everyone pray for it to happen. Also my summer league hockey team is like 9-2. If we don`t win the `cup` in that I may quit sports forever. I`ll end up getting second place in both those leagues like I always do.

Furthermore I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Flames Kill Smoking At Saddledome. Also Sign James Neal.

Wow. They did. They actually did it. Everyone was sitting here waiting for them to not sign a scoring forward, and resigned themselves to watching the team in a chase for 8th place, but Treliving stepped up to the plate and signed a real life scoring winger. Damn. Was not expecting it but am very happy they did it.

I will be honest: I just upgraded my season tickets, going from the nosebleeds to the the second level. I was joking about how I spent more money on this team and they 'rewarded' me by spending it on depth level players. But now I can't complain. I moved my tickets up and the team signed a real forward. I am quite pleased.

Now on to the the real news of the day:

Holy hell. This is a shake up. I am not pleased by this at all.

They just killed the smoking pits. Holy fuck. Do you realize how bad that is for me? It's terrible. It's fucking terrible. I use those smoke pits to meet girls!

I don't smoke regularly. I do smoke when I am at the Flames games, because one of the few places to go that aren't overly crowded in 'dome during intermission are the smoke pits. And when I am in those smoke pits at intermission I look for girls, and I go up and I bum a smoke. That's my opener. I use the bumming of the cigarette to break the ice and talk to girls. This move, the ending of the smoke pits, is a disaster for me.

Call the Prime Minister. Complain. Send letters. We need to get smoke pits back at the 'dome, otherwise how the hell am I going to meet any girls at the games this year?

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Friday, June 29, 2018

Flames Leak Free Agent Targets To Media

It's not that much of a secret that the people who cover the team are...well, I was going to say dumb, but the proper term might be lazy. Anyone who has followed the team for any length of time will have seen the phenomena where major stories about the Flames are broken by eastern based media. The local reporters just don't like to do much, you know, independent reporting on the team. When is the last time one of them broke a story independently?

So with that said, I think you have to take this list of potential Flame free agent targets for what it is, a leak by the team. They are floating the people they might pursue. I don't know why they need to float it, but the team feels they do.

The list: C Derek Ryan, C Jay Beagle, RW Michael Grabner, RW Ryan Reaves, F Austin Czarnik.

What does that list tell us? The Flames are once again going to dip into the free agent pool, where guys get too much money and too many years, for depth players. Oh joy.

I think, obviously, that that isn't the smartest thing to do. If you need depth, go ahead and sign it off the free agent market, but for the love of all that is beautiful, don't go out and sign them on July 1. Nobody on that list of five should be signed for more than one year. And if we sign them they are going to get three. Just stupid.

To me, I resign Versteeg instead of getting into a bidding war for Cznarnik or Grabner. I like Reaves but I don't think you can have a Reaves on your roster if you have a Brouwer on the roster. And if you buy out Brouwer to give Reaves a contract longer than a year...that would be a dumb move. I don't hate the addition of Derek Ryan, but to me it's a misuse of cap. Jankowski might not get my blood flowing, but he's cheap and I'd run him out as the 3rd centre. Like, I don't know why we are pushing Jankowski down the depth chart by bringing in a free agent when the immediate need on the team is to push Frolik down the depth chart by bringing in a real scoring winger.

Like, if we are bringing in a centre, to me, the quality of the centre should be such that it pushed Backlund down the depth chart. You'd bring in a guy to make Backlund the third centre, which pushes Jankowski to the 4th. You don't bring someone in to push Jankowski down. Again, that's a misuse of cap space in my mind when you still don't have a real winger to play on the top six.

How I see the forwards, or how I would like to see the forwards:
19/11/NEW WINGER (James Neal)

If they sign Ryan I see Versteeg being replaced with 93 and Lazar moves to the wing on the 4th line. The team would still need a winger, the way I see it.

I just don't love that the team's targets seem to be depth guys that they will probably have to give contracts to that will be longer than a year. The whole point of a minor league system in a cap league, to me, is to use it to develop the depth players your team will need so you can go out and spend money on real players.

But it is what it is. I'm not thrilled by this list. Let's hope Treliving has some trick up his sleeve to get a 50+ point winger on to the team.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Thursday, June 28, 2018

The Best Take On The Doug Hamilton Trade

Asked the boys on the summer league hockey team what they thought about the big trade. One guy there had the best take, and I will share it with you here:

"Hamilton was a pussy. Do you lose trades when you trade the pussy?"

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

More Doug Hamilton Trade Stuff

As I often lament, I am banned from twitter, but I still like to go on and search it from time to time. One of the pages I creep is @akaRCN, which I would assume anyone reading this blog in 2018 already follows, but you never know. On his page I found a couple of things that made me lulz, as it related to the Hamilton trade.

In my last post I had wondered why the Flames didn't try to move Hamilton at the trade deadline, if he was really so bad in the locker room or so unhappy on the team.

Well, there you go. The team, according to Mark Spector, did indeed try to move him. I think stuff like this lends credence to the Flames version of the story, where Hamilton was a 'murper' and unhappy on the team. It seems weird to me that the team wasn't able to trade him then. Maybe they got cold feet. I also find it odd that his name, as far as I recall and I could be wrong, didn't leak out during that time. I mean this thing is odd all around.

More evidence that the Flames and Hamilton had a bad relationship:

They didn't even tell the kid he was traded! He found out when the rest of us found out, while watching the TV. That's amazing to me. I don't know how Ferland found out, but the two Carolina guys we got were called by Carolina to tell them they had been traded. Maybe I'm reading in to the Flames not calling Hamilton to tell him he had been traded too much, but I don't think I am. That's an asshole move. The Flames must have hated this guy, and I would assume they had reason to do so. I would hope they did, at least.

More from Chip, on the players we got:

So, there is that. One underachieving forward for another. Oh joy! And a guy who 'is going to be' a very good NHL player for someone who 'is' a very good NHL player already.

I will say, in my experience running much much much lower level teams in completely different sports, getting rid of talented players who piss the team off with their attitude, people I call 'murpers', and replacing them with people who are not 'murpers' does tend to increase the success of the team, regardless of the talent level difference between the murpers and the non murpsers. I don't know why, but in my experience my teams have always done better the following year after I get rid of the murpers from the last season. So I see the Flames logic in this trade.

But time will tell.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Monday, June 25, 2018

Doug Hamilton Trade Was Bad Tho

Regardless as to the motivation of the trade, the trade itself was a bad one. Some thoughts I have one it:

- I would have liked the media to ask the GM if he had consulted the team leaders about making this move.

- This move implies the Flames believe the locker room has issues. Does moving one player fix it? Who else needs to go?

- If Douglas was this 'unhappy' in Calgary, why wasn't he traded, say, at the trade deadline?

- Douglas being unhappy or a bad apple or whatever may be true, but it is also a convenient excuse for the organization making a widely panned trade. How much benefit of the doubt you give the Flames largely depends on your opinion of the front office. I choose to believe the cover story because I pay for season tickets, and the alternative, while plausible, is horrifying.

- Treliving trading a guy he got in a trade he is acknowledged to have 'won' is another data point in favour of Douglas being a problem, either through his demeanor or his agitation for a trade, whatever the case may be. Douglas Hamilton on the Flames is perhaps Treliving's signature move. Brad moving that guy is not nothing.

- This isn't an original take, but the inclusion of Adam Fox in the trade makes no sense. The Flames should be getting the prospect or pick back in this deal. Imagine offering up the best players in the trade and still having to sweeten the pot. It's fucked up. Did Treliving get worked?

- The GM, by making this move, has married the coach. If Peters doesn't work out, Treliving will be fired now, as well. That may have been the case anyways, but now it is official. Ballsy move.

- Because of that, I can't imagine the team is done adding. Treliving is going to want to look good coming off this trade, and that means getting Peters enough players for his roster. The team is universally acknowledged to look like they need at least one more forward, and I won't argue with this notion at all. The forward brought in has to be a scorer. Do you pay James Neal?

- Were any of the players traded by the Flames in this deal offered up to Ottawa in the trade talks for Hoffman?  If not, if the Hoffman trade was going to be based around different players or assets, I would think the team would still be pursuing trading for a scoring forward, as well. Could we be seeing two new forwards in Calgary?

- There still seems to be moves to make. Getting rid of Brouwer would be nice. I'd like them to look at Reaves. Moving Stone would be nice, but I think he'd also be missed if an injury hits, as you'd be forced to play kids with kids on your bottom pair, unless they could sign an cheap alternative. Who plays in the bottom six? Do you play Bennett as the 4th line centre or the 3rd line winger? Lots of questions.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.