Saturday, April 20, 2019

Calgary Flames 2019 Season Is Over, And The Team's Credibility Is Shot

Whelp.

That sucks. And I mean, I pay for season tickets, and I've already given them my $4200 for next year. So it really sucks.

The Flames, who won the West, were eliminated from the playoffs last night. They went out meekly, losing 5-1 in there final game, to lose the series 4-1. To the 8th seed.

The team had a whole swack of players who had career years. Usually when you have 5 or 6 guys having career years, it means you are going to win the whole damn thing, or at least, get past the first round.

But then the games were actually played and the chips landed and boy, is that heartbreaking.

My initial reaction is that this team is a fraud. That no matter how many points it puts up, it doesn't really have a chance at the post season. That players on the roster can't skate between the dots in the post season.

My initial reaction is that this coach is a fraud. The team hadn't played well for since the all start break, and the lines did not change. No tinkering during the regular season when the team needed an octane boost. That's bad enough. The fact that he waited so long into the playoff series to tinker with the roster? Doesn't sit well with me.

The only guys coming out of this looking good, to me, are Smith, the kid european defencemen, and Bennett. Everyone else on the roster comes out of the playoff series looking more negative than they did when they came into it. I don't think any of these opinions are too out there.

What I want to see, following this disaster, is real change. I compare this team to Toronto Raptors. The Raptors were a good team with a solid roster, but that same solid roster, for whatever reason, didn't have a shot at actually winning the league. So, no matter how good the regular season was, the whole thing was a waste of time, they weren't going to win in the post season. So what did the Raptors do? They put on their big boy pants and enacted major surgery to their team. They jettisoned very very good players who were well liked by the fans, and they got LEGITIMATE TOP OF THE LEAGUE PLAYERS. I capitalize that so people understand what's needed. Make a list of the top 5 players in the league...we need to go out and get one of them. Otherwise it's a waste of time.

Would 13 and 23 make a list of top 10 players in the league?

So with that said, I would blow up the team. I know this team, on paper, could probably be kept together for another 5-10 years, as most of the players on it are like 25. But what would be the point?

Spitballing: A blue line without Giordano or Brodie on it (with Anderson and Valimaki as the top pair) would still look just fine. Trade 5 and 7.  7 is probably worthless but you might be able to get something for 5.

Forwards? They all disappointed, really. Bennett should not be leading the team in post season scoring. This area is tougher, because the team doesn't have depth to replace too many people up front, but obviously change should be made. I think you could keep 13, but he can't be your number one option up front. You need to bring in someone real to play with him. I think you need to bring in someone to push 11 down to the third line. Suddenly there are a lot of holes.

13/?/?
19/23/?
88/11/28
10/77/21

And that's me being nice, because I don't know how much appetite I have for guys who are under 180 pounds and under 6'2. So 10, 88, 27...who knows. You would like to get bigger.

But looking at that 'depth chart'...You need to construct a real first line, and you still need to find that scoring winger for the second line. There is a lot of work.

Spitballing: You could trade 23, keep 11 up at the second line, and use Dube as the 3rd or 4th centre. That's a way to create some cap space. You could attach a draft pick to James Neal and make him disappear. That gets you 10 million, or around there, in space. If you trade Brodie and Gio that gets you another 10. The problem is I think you need to get 30 million in cap, because two top line players are going to cost you 20 million, and you still have to fill in the second line winger, re-sign 19 (Honestly, I would trade him if his ask got higher than 7 million. He's as fake a tough guy as there is in this league, doesn't embrace the rat role as much as he should, and got completely exposed in this series. I would trade him if I could get the depth back that would allow me to trade more players to create more cap), and bring a goalie back (in Smith) or in.

Treliving is in a spot. He could defensibly bring back this team. It did win the West. But I would be angry if he did so, I would feel like he was wasting my time. But he could bring it back. I hope he shows some balls and does a major re-tool. Just let someone else do the scouting on free agents.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

PS: Loubardias was brutal on the radio after the loss. Every gay ass cliche you could imagine. I'd paraphrase his post elimination game analysis as: Maybe the real playoffs were the friends we made along the way. Just useless as an analyst. If the guy you have analyzing the team is too scared to analyze the team because he doesn't want to seem like a dick to the players, fire the fucking analyst. Fucking hell, the fan960 is brutal, brutal radio.

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Dome Beers Take On The 2019 Flames As They Sit On The Verge Of Elimination From The Playoffs In The First Round

Whelp.

The bright side view: The team is being inhibited by it's lack of playoff experience. For those of you who do not speak sportanese, what that means in real life is that they are not acclimated to the pace of play of the playoffs. In real life, if you have ever jumped up a league that is higher skill than perhaps you are, you know that feeling of the game going by too quickly for you. It takes you some time to adjust to the pace of play. That is what is happening, or rather, that is what you can hope is happening, if you subscribe to trying to find the silver linings.

I don't really believe that but as I get older I find it's better for your mind if you try to have multiple perspectives about a topic. The universe is funny, things can be both hot and cold, if you will.

But I actually probably fall into the negative mode of thinking, which is: The Flames are not built for playoff hockey. They are too small, too slow, and too bloodless. They are not willing, as a group, to pay the required price for success in the playoffs.

The Colorado coach had a telling quote at his presser after last nights game. He said something like "We asked our group to be more committed to paying the price for holding onto the puck in their (the Flames) zone, and they have done that."

"Committed to paying the price for holding onto the puck" is a perfect description for what the Flames have lacked in this series.

To my eyes, they look slow, they look nervous, they look overwhelmed. They look bloodless. They look uncommitted to paying a physical price. I don't want to confuse that with 'not trying', because they are trying. But they perhaps are 'not trying' in the areas that are important in the playoffs. I don't know how to quite phrase it.

Has there been a player who has proven to be a bigger fraud than our Sean Monahan? Even Johnny Hockey TM has been shown to be, at best, a support player when the playoff brand of hockey rolls around. The 3M line has not come off smelling like roses, either. Chucky has not been plucky. He's a 5 million dollar player in my view. None of them, to me, look like impact players. Which is terrifying.

What they remind me of is the Derozan led Raptors. Good team, solid players, no hope of ever winning a championship. The Raptors thought big and made big boy moves. They traded their franchises most popular player, brought in a real no-doubts-about-it superstar, and now the franchise and the fans can dream about perhaps winning a championship.

Are the Flames willing to make the big boy moves that are required? Time will tell.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired. 

Monday, April 8, 2019

Old Town Road Is Country Enough

From youtube comment section: They made a new genre: G-Haw

Listen, this is old, but country music, for years and years and decades and decades, has devolved it's standards. They have people on synths and drum machines singing with autotune, and they call it country. So country music deserves this. Because Country Music is steel guitars and banjos, and that definition has been dead for 50 years.

So Country Music hasn't been about the sound or the instruments or even the content for years. I wish it was because I like the country sound, but it isn't.

The only debate about whether Old Town Road is country or not is: Does he sing about momma? Or trains? Or prison? Or getting drunk?

And the answer is he does. Kinda. He sings about drinking lean. Close enough.


Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Maybe Nobody Watches Women Hockey Because Its Lower Tier Competition IDK

Like, if it can't work in Calgary, it can't work anywhere.

Anyway, seems to me the story isn't that nobody wants to watch garbage hockey, women or not. It seems to me the story is:

The CWHL lost a financial backer in November. Graeme Roustan of the venture capital firm Roustan Capital withdrew his financial support citing a lack of transparency regarding board expenses.


LOL! It was a grift! Hilarious.

Any analysis that doesn't include that nasty little tidbit would, to me, seem to be a sell job. They're not going to sleep with you, bro.


Wednesday, March 20, 2019

This Is So Hot

Honestly, my dick is so hard from watching this.

I wish I was lying but I'm not. Toilet licking is such a turn on for me.

Have you ever made a chick lick a toilet? I have. I mean, it's hard, at least for me. You got to get the right type of girl. Or just get the girl drunk.

I don't know if I should share the story. But I will say I came so hard in the bitch she had semen coming out her face every time she blew her nose. Like, it's hot as hell.

No point to this post other than to brag about having had a girl lick the toilet while I was banging her doggy style over said toilet. I think the licking of the toilet was even hotter than when I swirlied her after I finished.

And yes, she still took my calls after. Woman love it when you treat them like shit.

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Thanks For The Help

I have a buddy. I love the guy, known him since I was in kindergarden. How old are you when you are in kindergarden? 4? I've known this motherfucker my whole life. He's my homie, for realz. Love the guy, no homo.

This motherfucker sends me a video the other day about 'finding your soulmate'. It's a video by an orthodox rabbi. I think. I didn't actually watch it. Why would I? You get into the Game to kill the version of you who believed in Disney.

No, what pissed me off about it was the fact that he outed himself as Just Not Getting It when he sent me the video. He still believes you (me) can find a soulmate. He believes this shit. And now I have to look at this cat, who I love as a brother, and decide whether I should burst his bubble or not.

You know, you get a little good with girls and you start to see reality a little differently. Like in the Matrix movie when the guy can see the code. That's what it's like, you see humans interacting and you see the code behind the surface, not the surface. The surface is lies, the code is the truth. So you see that shit, and it changes you, and you have to decide: should I let my homie in on it?

Am I any happier now that I can 'see the code'? No. I get laid a hell of a lot more, but so what? As a great man said, pussy is only a thing if  you aren't getting it. If you are getting it, it's...it's fucking annoying. I hate to say that but it's true. I don't even know if pussy is worth it. Is this hell?

Why would I want to to do that to my homie? Why would I want to take away Disney from him? It is a better world. It may be fake and made up and not reality, but who cares? My world is real and it fucking sucks. Well that's not true. The loss of the illusion is what sucks. As a man you do want to view women a certain way, and when you know, then you know, and you can't view them in that way anymore.

If I'm actually his friend, I wouldn't wreck the illusion.

***

I went out on the weekend, even though I told myself I wouldn't, and I picked up a young thing. I only did it because some other chick I wanted to fuck told me to die in a fire. Fuck you, Melissa. So I showed her what a cunt she was by picking up some 20 year old and taking her to my home, slapping the handcuffs on her, and going to town.

I think I bought her an uber at like 4 am. Wouldn't even let her stay. I sent the 'you can't say I raped you if you respond to this' text ("Hey I had a great time hanging out last night") about 5 minutes after she left. Didn't respond to her response ("Yeah had a fun time").

She sent me a text on Monday, complaining about how I choked her so hard I left red marks. She didn't like being choked, she said. Bitch, you came when I choked you. Fuck you. Women, amirite?

Just text me back and tell me I'm funny, Melissa.