Friday, November 23, 2018

I Got A Strippers Phone Number Last Night

Brothers birthday. After dinner went to ESQ, because it's close to the house.

Thursday strippers aren't the greatest. When we walked in there was a fat mexican on stage. Not my bag of tea.

Anyway, we are sitting there, and this girl comes up to me, and I've been in enough places I can tell an off duty stripper when I see one, and she says to me "you're in my spot, you gotta move."

What a great opener. Women can't open, because they don't have to usually, so I was impressed with this one. I told her she would have to fight me for it, and I was actually a little nervous about if I would win it because pretty girls usually don't looks so tough (That's a Prince line, btw. Prince has lots of good lines, google his lyrics and use them). She laughed and said she was going to let me off this time because I was cute. Awww, that was sweet of her.

I said thank you and played it cool, like I get called cute by off duty strippers all the time. She was glancing at me through my remaining time at the club (I think I only stayed an hour), so when I went to leave I walked up and told her it was rude to stare, but she could make up for it by taking me out for coffee. She laughed and I got her number.

I thought I did pretty well. The caveat being it's a stripper, so who knows.

She sent me a snap chat thing, I got it when I woke up this morning. It was her trying to be sexy. My response, like yours should be when you get sexy pics, was "messy room".

Thursday, November 22, 2018

The Calgary Flames Will Win The Western Conference, And Then The Stanley Cup. You Heard It Here First.

You know me. I don't make these predictions lightly.

But it is so obvious that even I can see it. The Calgary Flames are the best team in the NHL. Period.

They have scoring, they have depth, and David Rittich is the best goalie to ever goalie, or at least he will be this year. What happens when you have scoring, depth, and goaltending?

You win Stanley Cups, that's what happens.

It's simply math. The Flames have the formula. At this point it's just...I don't have the word for it. When something is obviously going to happen but you still have to run the experiment. If someone has the word, please let me know.

Sorry, I have the word. It's Fate.

Again, I don't make this prediction lightly. But you look at the numbers, and then you factor in the fact we should have three or four more wins but don't, because of Mike Smith. It is what it is. Don't hate, appreciate.

The Flames are a top team in the league. Now you add in the goaltending. Fait accompli, same as I tell the french girls after they ask how they fell for a guy like me.

And this Rittich guy...he's like oppo Kipper. Euro, but gregarious. He's giving me the tingles, not afraid to admit.

So I'm smitten with this team. It's the best. Plan the parade. You dig?

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

The Only Thing I Miss About Twitter Is Kantbot





I had a buddy contact me the other day to tell me that they were asking where I went, on twitter. It's nice to be missed. It only took the people a year to realize I was gone...

I say this in all sincerity: ya'll can get fucked.

Here is the definitive list of people I still sometimes look up using twitter search: Rubbertrout (who has gone full commie, and it breaks my heart), akaRCN (Who has always been a commie but I don't mind because he's always been a commie), and Sap (or officially MacSapintosh, who may or may not be a commie, but I just find interesting).

That's the list. Sorry if you didn't make it.

(I will search up Mr. Wilson too from time to time but he's all "Read my shit in the Athletic", which I don't have a subscription for, so the twitter feed is of limited value. But he's the OG so mad respec)

I don't think I am coming back. I tried after I got banned, but they must have my phone on file, so after a minute they banned that account. I'm like banned banned. I'd need a new phone. I'm not married and cheat like crazy but I'm open about it so I don't need a burner phone. So I haven't gotten a new phone and I doubt I will.

I know you all miss my takes, because it's what you are thinking but can't say because of society blah blah blah. It is what it is.

I'm in the 200's now. Holla if you hear me.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Never Use Condoms

Like, ever.

You shouldn't even have them in your home. I used to keep a bowl full of them by my bed, and then chicks who would have let me fuck them raw started demanding I use them. Why? Because they saw them by the bed. So now I keep some in my sock drawer. I shouldn't even do that. Just don't own them.

I can't even stay hard if I'm wearing a condom. Well, I can, but I have to start rough fucking the girl. And how do you go ass to mouth if you are wearing a condom? So just don't wear them.

Also, chicks hate them. They won't tell you because 'women', but all chicks love it when you bust in them or on them. You aren't suppose to be using your real name anyways, who cares if you get them pregnant?

But the real reason you should never use condoms is because the fucking Chi Coms have scammed the market by recycling used condoms and then re-selling them.