Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Tales From The Exile: May

I can't remember when they kicked me off twitter. I think it was May. Feels like it was May. I've quit addictive things before, and a month after you get this dullness feeling. I have that dullness feeling, so it must have been in May.

Of course I started a new account almost immediately after they kicked @DomeBeers off. But they caught me there too. Suspended for having multiple accounts, or some shit. I had a good tweet about women get some attention, and they killed me off shortly after. I haven't bothered trying to start a new one.

I have an old alt account, @AGiantTRex, I think, but I can't remember the password to get in. So I'm done.

It's both good and bad. It's good for me because I have more time to chase skirt. It's bad for you because you don't get to hear my tales. Did I share the butt plug girl story before I got canned?

I wasn't going to even blog anymore but like I said, I'm feeling the post addiction dullness. So I came back here. Paid for this damn site, might as well use it.

March sucked, April sucked, but I wasn't an exile then so you heard all about it. DB, how was May?

May was cool. I enjoyed it. I took some time off after tax season. To the chagrin of at least one of you, I bought a used Dodge Challenger R/T, not a Mustang GT. I really like her. She's fast, she's low, she growls. And she's black. Which I like. I've owned her for about a month and I wash her twice a week. She's black.

Everyone tries to race me now, though. Everyone. Civics try to race me. I don't even know what the point is. Sometimes I oblige and most times I don't. I'm not scared of traffic or speed so I usually win. I narrowly lost to a Porsche 911, and that was cool. Did I mention she was black? Oh, she's mean.

I bought the Challenger for me, because I've wanted one since it came out. But I would be lying if I said it was not helping me get pussy. Girls don't even need to know it's a somewhat fancy car. I hit the gas and make the thing growl and it makes their pussy tingle. Lay-ups from there. I banged three chicks in May, and she helped me land everyone. That and the pickup line "You're attractive and I want to go out with you. Basically".

I'm getting pussy again, after the tax season dry spell. And it has me in a good mood so I have been helping other people get pussy. After one of my softball games I yelled at a girl walking across the street to have a beer with us. She came over. She said she was 19. She looked younger, and she weighed maybe 90 pounds. Heroin addict look, which I would have fallen in love with in my younger days. Turns out she was a heroin addict, fresh out of rehab. I got her and a buddy on the softball team talking, with my boyish charm, and they are still together a couple weeks later. Love Doctor DB.

Did I tell the butt plug girl story? I got a girl on tinder, went to pick her up in the Challenger, which I had just cleaned. She gets in and I do my usual thing where I took em home and start just assuming we're fucking, rubbing her legs and all that. Went from make out to eating pussy in about a minute, and I'm down there and I see this thing. It's a fucking butt plug. Which is cool, I guess, but all I was thinking about was how she had her butt plugged ass on my car's freshly detailed leather seats. Abundance mindset, I guess.

I finally got a date with that girl who had stood me up, the one I put on twitter couple months back. She was a hit it and quit it story, so not much to tell. Same thing, get her back home, sit on the couch with her legs over mine, start rubbing them and go up from there. She did the white girl thing of fake no's and then they turn into 'no don't stop'. Other than that, vanilla.

And I got with a black chick from south Sudan. Great tits on that one. That one I got by being extremely racist, like over the top jewish stereotype racist. It's in the vibe. If I hadn't been so charming I'm sure she would have had one of her 8 brothers beat me up.

And finally, while I have not banged the Brand New Hot Hindu girl I met, I am talking to her, and have a date with her this week, actually. This one I'm excited about. I deleted old hindu girl out of my phone, so hopefully this one can take her place. Love Hindu's. So hot.

The garden is going well, for all you #GardenTwitter veterans out there. I planted potatoes, lettuce, spinach, radish, zuchinni, tomatoes, corn, peas, carrots, and cucumbers. I think that's it. Everything came up, which was nice, as I planted them at the start of May and I think it snowed like a day after. I'll post pictures soon.
Other than that, not much has been happening. I built a shed box, and I built some birdhouses.

I'm taking next week off from work, so hopefully I can get some adventures from that to share. I have a few dates scheduled, one with a korean chick and one with another black chick, but she lives in Edmonton. She wants me to drive up and see her but I feel that would be bad for frame game. Might just bang the korean and work on the hindu chick instead. 

I'd really like it if the Flames were to do something, or if there was a cool Flames rumour. I could write about that, then.

Oh yeah I'm on instagram under a fake name where I post pictures of my dog. I think some of you have found me. Keep it on the down low now.