Saturday, March 10, 2018


It's been months. Months. But I finally did it. I came. I was fucking a chick and there was something about her, and I cracked. Busted the nut. Finally. I'm not broken.

You know what it was? The girls I was fucking were too nice. They loved the shit I would do to them because they were used to fucking nice guys. But they didn't know how to participate, because they were used to this nice shit. So I would go nuts and they would love it but they couldn't match my energy. I was giving it and they were taking it. But I need to get the energy back, too. I'm more than just a gigolo, or however the song goes.

This chick...she knew how to act. Which is terrible. A chick like that...they will steal your soul. A buddy of mine once told me you can't sleep with a chick like that more than a couple of times because they will hook you, you will get addicted. So I might have to blow her off, because she can blow me off. Ironic?

But damn. Finally. Finally. I thought I was done for. 

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Deleted Dating Apps, Two Weeks In

Oh lawd.

I had become a bit of a whore and it was not making me any happier. I had become a whore because I actually fell for a girl, like an idiot. When you fall for a pretty girl they can smell it. It disgusts them. They then let you get just comfortable enough so that when they rip your heart out the wound isn't able to clot. It bleeds and bleeds and bleeds and you eventually get sick of it and you have to seek out some gauze. My gauze was new, strange women.

So I downloaded these STD apps, tinder, bumble, even match, and started 'mingling'. It was easier to use these things than to actually go out. These things can be brutal on you. I suspect that there are a few guys who get most of the matches, while the rest of us chumps sit around and wonder if the thing is broken. I got about a match a week, and I thought that was really good. To be honest, I have (had?) a fairly high conversion rate. Over 50%. I think that's ok.

The girl I still miss (god, how pathetic, she's probably forgotten my name, you know?) killed my spirit in November. I had three dates that week, I was so pissed off with her. I converted one of em, a chick from Ghana. December I had another chick, some nondescript white girl, a single mother. I never called her again. January I had two. The infamous new years eve girl, and yet another nondescript white single mom. She hadn't been treated rough before. She liked getting choked (don't they all?). She still texts me every once in a while. February was an ok month. I got with my first Asian girl. She had never been tied up before. I was very rough with her, left bruises on her and everything. I though she would never talk to me again but she wont leave me alone. I see her once a week. I also got with a 22 year old white girl. She was weird. She had told me she was french and had armpit hair. She was not french, and she did not have armpit hair. 22 year old pussy is great, especially when you get older. But her not being able to moan things in french really disappointed me. I made her squirt though. What a mistake that is. If you make a woman squirt they don't stop texting you. I should have made Sri Lanka squirt.

But trying to forget a girl by using other girls wasn't making me happy. It did make me forget about the other girl, a week at a time, but she was always lurking in the periphery. A buddy of mine gave me a talking to, and I took his words to heart. He told me to get off the dating apps, to get girls off my mind period, and take some time for myself. I thought the advice was solid, so I took it. I deleted the dating apps off my phone, cold turkey.

Is it working DB? No, dear reader, it is not working. I miss the girl I miss more than I did when I was whoring. I think at this point I don't miss her so much as have it as a habit to miss her. Having the Asian girl is nice, but she want's to be more than a weekly lay and so that's going to explode at some point. The best part of deleting the apps is it makes you go out in real life to meet women. I got a girls number at the casino, which was nice. I got another girls number standing in line at a deli. But for those two numbers I probably stuck out 20 times. My conversion rate is far lower than 50%. That's normal though, I think.

It's tax season now. Hopefully that can keep my mind occupied.