Friday, February 13, 2015

Calm Down

This is a little inside.

After the Flames lost to the Kings last night, if you were anywhere near twittah you would have seen what amounted to a complete emotional meltdown by many Flame fans.

Many people, it turns out, have internalized the successful season the Flames are having. They view the Flames `as they are now`, as opposed to viewing them, as I think they should, from `where they started from`. And so the loss last night upset them.

This team, they harrumphed, is not very good. The team doesn't have real defence corp outside the Gio and Brodie, their key strokes thundered. The coach, who is a complete and utter moron apparently, is a complete and utter moron. The players are being used incorrectly, they trumpeted, as they offered their line combinations that would instantly fix everything if only people listened.

It was, in short, an epic clusterfuck of self-beclowning.

I have not come to point and laugh, I have come to offer advice and wisdom.

Ahem: CALM THE FUCK DOWN, TURTLE TITS.

The Flames are having a great season. The players are all playing over their heads. This is a team that was constructed to be ok, and most assuredly in the minds of management, even have a chance to tank. 

It didn't happen. I don`t know why it didn't happen, but it didn't. The team has won games. I was going to write that the team has played well, but there is a mountain of evidence that shows that the team manages to win despite being outplayed. But the team is winning, and even despite a horrific - what was it, nine games? - losing steak, it still finds itself in a playoff position in February.

There is nothing to be angry about, sweat peas.

This season is a fluke. I've enjoyed it immensely. If the team doesn't win another game the rest of the year and finds itself outside of the playoffs, I won't be upset. That's probably, by rights, where they should end up. If they make the playoffs it will be a blessing.

And yet. And yet.

Do you guys know the team has shitty players on it? I do.

Do you guys know the coach doesn't always coach by the book? I do.

Do you know the team has played well above the level we all expected them to? I do.

Do you guys know your moronic braying about bric n brac is stupid as shit, given the circumstances? I do.

So please, take my advice. Remember the expectations that we all had for this team at the beginning of the season, which was none at all, and judge them to that. You will be much happier.

(Honestly, the same people a month ago who were expressing concern that the team might sell the future to compete this year were the same people last night demanding the team trade the future so that they could compete this year. It's madness. I understand the madness. They've caught the vapours and have fallen for this team. I get it. I've also fallen for this team. It's an easy group to cheer for. But a little perspective, please.)


Furthermore I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.


Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Some Nazi Locked Me Out Of Twitter And So I Have This Blog Might As Well Use It

First off, lets get to what is important: I scored in rec league this week.

I may have been a minus 5 and my team may have lost but what the fuck do I care I scored!

Ok, now that the important shit is handled, let's get to the shitty tweets I can't tweet out because some nazi locked my account out.

well, nazi or feminist looking for pipe or a faggot. I insult a lot of people.

Anyways...

98.5 FM in Calgary... I like how they play four songs all day long, on a loop. It's great. You can turn it on at an old folks home where it never gets old.

That's a clumsy Alzheimer joke.

***

The Comments!

Look... I can't even believe this needs to be said... Mr. Yost does not hate your team. His excel spreadsheet does not hate your team. Who hurt you? Do you need a hug??

The Flames are fluke. THEY HAVE BOUMA PLAYING IN THE TOP SIX ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING MORONS THEY ARE FLUKEY AS SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

That doesn't make it any less fun. In fact, it makes it more fun. We have the favour of the hockey gods at the moment. It's tits!

But that doesn't change the fact that it is flukey. Who cares? Enjoy it. But some of these people are acting like ISIS at an art show featuring exhibits of Mo. Get a fucking grip.

What you people should be geeking out over is this chart. WARNING NSFW:



Look how MEGASTAR Gio and Brodie are. These guys are chocolate syrup covered clit good. It's a great foundation for...say it with me...STANLEY CUP CALIBRE TEAM.

You read that right.

Now I'm not saying this year. But in two years? Why not.

DB Theory of Hockey states you need four legit good forwards, and two legit good defenceman. Well, we got the defenceman part already. Gio might even re-sign with us! And so, we just need four forwards...

Monahan...John Hockey...Bennett...Backlund? Hey I'm not saying I'm just saying.

And we already have excellent depth options on the forward ranks. Cheap guys who can play a role.


It's going to get really sexy in the next couple of years. Hey just in time for them to beg for public financing for a new stadium!

Neat.

Furthermore I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.