Monday, September 21, 2015


I like the restraint the Flames are using when pitching their message in regards to the new arena. You don't see that type of soft sell employed very often nowadays; and the mellowness of the approach is quite refreshing.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Funny Picture Of Kim Jong-un

I think I stole this from Reuters.

I’ve got a license to chill

What is homie in the hat thinking?

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Flames Show Life

Second best game of the year? Behind Vancouver Game Six.

Bollig scored. Colborne scored (on a break away!). A rookie scored and had it disallowed. Another rookie scored with twenty seconds left to put it into overtime. Backlund puts it away in overtime.

The hockey gods love us and want us to be happy. What more proof could you want?


The Flames gave out pom poms for the game, which was smirk inducing. The pom poms were red and yellow. Which means they became orange when viewed from afar. I would imagine they looked orange on TV.

Pretty dumb.

Hopefully they fix that before the next game. The noise sticks they gave away for the Vancouver series would be a better 'thing' than these pom poms.

Flames should give out duck calls, obviously.


At least seven people fell traversing the stairs in my nosebleed section.

Good line from one of the fallers: "Doing my best Prentice impression!"


The Saddledome did not announce anything out to the crowd about the election. I have been to games played on days where elections were held, and they usually announce who wins. So I thought that was kinda funny.

My line yesterday was "They didn't announce because everybody in the Saddledome for a playoff game has a job."


The NHL video review guys who were in the Toronto war room for the game last night should not be allowed to work another playoff game for the rest of the playoffs.

The Flames scored and the video guys in Toronto disallowed it because they wanted an American team to win. What other explanation holds water?

If the Flames had lost, the video guys were putting the refs of that game in a bad spot. Would they have been able to leave the parking lot without getting torn limb from limb?

Just poor work. It-Was-In Part Two.


Someone buy the Ducks a trip to Banff. Maybe we can get them dehydrated for the game on Friday.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Flames Go From 'Best Game Ever' To 'Worst Game Ever'


The team plays Game Six versus Vancouver, gets behind three goals in the first and manages to come back.

Greatest game ever. We love em. What a heroic effort.

Euphoria all around the city.

Then we play Anaheim. I believe Bob Hartley had the quote akin to "These guys are the greatest guys ever, best team ever, why are we even going down there?" And of course he was just employing Belichik coaching techniques.

And then the puck dropped and it turned out these guys ARE the greatest guys ever, they ARE the best team ever, WHY ARE we even going there?

Does Vancouver have any of those white towels hanging around?

The best illustration for the night was when Ferland threw a check on 44 on the Ducks...and bounced off.

Does anybody still think Burke is a moron for thinking the team is too small?


I don't know what you do. In basketball, if a team is going 'big' and you can't match them, you go small. I don't know if that's the play here. But I do know that this team isn't going to out 'big' the Ducks. Or at least I don't think it is very likely. So what can we do? I think, and this sounds silly considering the beat down the team just endured in Game One, but I think you go small. You play Raymond, you play Granlund. You go small, you go with speed and skill, and you hope like hell you can generate neutral zone turnovers and score off the rush.

I don't know what else you can do.



Of course, if Ferland and Hudler are hurt, small guys are probably getting into the lineup. It's not like we have a ton of guys of any note down on the farm that would allow you to play one 'style' over another. All hands on deck, if you will.


Do you continue to play Bennett?

I think, if my math is correct, and it never is, that Sunday (Game Two) is his ninth game played. I don't know if the first year burns at 9 games or 10 games. I think it's the tenth game.

I would play him the ninth game (assuming it burns the elc on the tenth game) and if we get killed again by the Ducks, you call it a year for the kid, and don't burn the contract.

If the team competes or even wins on Sunday, then you burn the contract and play him in Calgary.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Flames Win, There Will Be A Game One On Thursday



You can tell I am busy because I have not put anything up about the greatest comeback ever seen in the history of man.

One, I was there. In the Dome. In the flesh. I saw it with my eyes. My own eyes.

I was there.

I'm sure as the time passes, the people who 'were at the game' will increase from twenty thousand to a million. But I was there, that night. Legit.

What can you say? We were down three nothing. In the first ten minutes. After the Canuck's first four shots. Ramo gave up the first shot he faced.

It is always darkest before dawn.

I gave up on them. I won't lie. They went down three nothing, I was tweeting that the team should goon it up in preparation for game seven. I was considering leaving the Dome before the first period was over.

I'm sure I wasn't the only one.

But we all stuck around. The crowd had come to party, and it just needed an excuse. And down three to nothing, with the period drawing to a close, the newest star in the universe provided the spark to set the C of Red aflame.

Saint 79, Michael Ferland, with his homies Stajan and Jones, scored. And the crowd went nuts.

Nobody left at intermission. Nobody even thought about leaving. 

And then we won.


Red Mile was ok. I bought beer and walked the street and drank beer. I saw homie lighting fireworks but didn't see him get arrested. I think it's kind of bullshit he got arrested, but whatever.

It (the red mile) was better when I was a teenager. Most things are.


Sven took a minus. That was good.


Beating Vancouver is special. The team could get swept by the Ducks and I wouldn't care. Everything from here on out is gravy.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Flames Lose, There Will Be A Game Six At The Dome

Meh. I don't really have anything more to add then what else is out there. I assume. I haven't read any of what is out there.

I don't read sports anymore. Well, today. I didn't read sports today.

I hear on the radio that the team got killed. I mean, I guess? I thought the team played ok, to be honest. My brother says it's because I am a fan of the team.

But, I mean, they weren't shut out on chances. They had powerplays. They had two, in fact, in the third. I think. My brain turns to mush at the end of April.

I'm trying to cobble together what stood out for me, the day after.

I noticed Sven Bustchi (savage DB) twice. He turned the puck over in his own zone in the first (I think it was the first?) and had a chance to score a bit of a flukey goal shortly after the Canucks tied the game up. The box score for the game showed he got about 9 minutes of ice in the game, and if I can recall it correctly, he had about 1 minute (I think it was 1:57) of ice in the third.

Haha fuck that guy.

Colborne was noticeable. I thought he played well overall. He has no hands at all, however. And so he did not perform well when he was out on the PP in the third. But myself, I like the way he is playing overall.

David Jones had a play, I can't remember which period, where he took the puck in the neutral zone, over the blue line, past a defender, and took a shot on goal. It was an amazing play.

The rookies (Ferland and Bennett) took two horrible penalties in the game. Dumb penalties. I know some people question if Ferland's penalty was legit, but he has to know he can't do anything because the refs have him targeted. Bennett's high stick was just bad. Stop doing that.

Mason Raymond, you son of a bitch. I thought Raymond had two, maybe three, chances where he could have potted a goal against his former team and each time he ended up fucking up his shot. 

And of course, I have to talk about Backlund. I thought he played, probably, his best game as a Flame. I thought he was very good in the neutral zone, and I felt he did a great job getting back when he had too. My Father says he needs to pass more, but I have no opinion. I thought he was distributing well, but he was distributing to Colborne. Who has no hands.

 I don't know what next year is going to be like when it comes to roles, but if they end up playing Bennett at centre, then it looks like Monahan, Bennett, Backlund, and Stajan, and I am completely fine with that. That's very stong.

Monahan and Hudler aren't healthy. They can't be. They are playing as shells. It sucks. The cup run derailed by injuries to Gio, Hudler, and Monahan. Shitty.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Did Burrow's Inlaws Get Thrown Out Of The Saddledome?

Birdies birdies all a tweetin'
about the Flames and the beatin'
That they put on the Canucks
but also about a couple of schmucks
That got kicked out from the Dome
For throwing beer cups full of foam

Was it Burrow's inlaws? They inquire
I do not know, I'm just a squire
But it's a story I have heard told
And if it's true, it fits the mold
Of a bad apple by the name of Burrows
If true it would hardly make the brow furrow

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, April 20, 2015

They Played Raymond, Not McGrattan

"I'm not sure what happened with the penalties, but hopefully we'll see Mason Raymond next game." - Kevin Bieksa

Well, the Flames took Bieksa's advice and played Raymond.

And ended up winning the game.

Famous last words from Bieksa?


"Who suggested that? Them? I think he's pretty irrelevant so far." - Bieksa on `Ferkland`

At this point, all Ferland needs to do is to slap a Sedin.


Scouting Report From My Nosebleed Seats:

Flames forecheck was very, very aggressive. It's hard not to love a team that plays like that.

I think the boys are getting comfortable. Some of the passes they made in the first two games of this series were a little off. This game, they were connecting on almost everyone they made. When they get a little puck luck, the speed and skill shine through.

Let's continue to hope for the favour of the hockey gods.

Oh. Cowboys girls number one star.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Second Look At McGrattan?

If Hartley wants to go beefy, I think you go with Bollig/Shore/McGrattan. I don't know if it's possible to play this combination of players, what with McGrattan not being, you know, on the NHL roster. But if it is, and you want beef, that's a good place to start. Hartley is already showing an unwillingness to play his fourth line very much, so I don't know if I'm too worried about them burning us by playing them. More of a deterrent.

Of course, to do that, you'd have to sit some players who are better at playing hockey than the aforementioned are. But if Hartley is in the school of thought that the games are going to get less pretty and more heavy, and is eager to sacrifice skill to play size, then I'd expect to see something like that.

Myself? I'm not so sure. I'd definitely sit Bollig for McGrattan (again, if that's even allowable under the rules) if I was looking for a bit of a 'cheaper' nuclear option. I think, perhaps strangely, the presence of a vet like McGrattan, who enforcers the game the right way, would calm both sides down moreso than Bollig's presence has.

But I don't know if I'm looking for a nuclear option. If I was Hartley, I just might take Bieksa's advice and play Raymond. Vancouver is playing all their lines. And our team has injuries. Or at the very least our top skill guys are playing more hesitantly than they have before. We need as many guys in the lineup who can potentially put the puck in the net or make and accept a pass as possible, if you ask me.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

A Story About Our Loveable Flames

A client came in and had a story about the Flames which I thought was cute so I am going to share it.

So it turns out Jarome Iginla fought... naw I'm just playing.

The story is about the current crop of characters,

The client's friend took a trip down south. I forget the city now, to be honest. It's not important. The client's friend took his kid with him. He pulls some strings and he gets it arranged for Gaudreau to sign his kids jersey after the game.

So game ends and homie goes down into the bowels of whatever arena they were in, and homie and his kid are waiting for Gaudreau to come out and sign the jersey. The locker room door opens up, Gaudreau comes out, and he starts to sign the kids jersey.

"What the hell are you doing? I was the first star of the game, not him. You want my autograph, kid, not his."

It's Hudler talking junk! He's talking junk on Gaudreau! They like each other!

Anyway, Hudler invites the kid in, and, according to the client (I have no idea) Hudler gives the kid a jersey, and then signs it. And then Monahan sees the commotion, and he starts chirping Hudler. "You wouldn't be the first star if I didn't do all the work. Kid, you want my autograph!" And then he apparently gives the kid a signed jersey as well.

(I suspect they all just signed the one jersey and the story has been embellished but I don't know and frankly it's not important why am I quibbling on this detail?)

So the kid was in boner city, I imagine, what with the good players on the team making a big deal about getting to sign his jersey. I know I would be and I'm old, not eight like the kid was.

Super cute, right? Anyway, that's the story.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Raw: Who Acquired Who?


I mucked that list up pretty bad because I don't know July comes before December. Other than that, the story was accurate. 

I learned how a calendar works, and I have updated the list accordingly. This one should be better. 

Just a quick look at who acquired the current team:

I have a funny way of spelling "Weisbrod"

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, April 10, 2015



Pretty neat.

Rough count of career years:

Hudler, Wideman, Gio, TJ, Russell, Bouma, and Ramo.

Seven guys had their best season (based on points and sv% in Ramo's case) ever this year.

How did the Flames make the playoffs? A huge portion of the roster had career years.

Rookies and the rookie-ish. Ortio comes in and has a .931 sv% when we called on him to play. Goes 4 - 1. A 'Saves the season' type of performance. Gaudreau comes in and puts up 61 points (so far). Monahan puts up 62 in his second year. Even Granlund contributed, relative to expectations.

How did the Flames make the playoffs? Significant contributions from young players.

Having the favour of the hockey gods doesn't hurt either. All the come from behind of destiny stuff. Who knows if it will continue.

But... We have decent goaltending. We have some skilled forwards. On paper, our PP should do well. We don't take a lot of penalties. You never know.

Vancouver is under water during 5 - 5 play, a minus nine. Flames are plus two. So, again, you never know.

I've been with this team for a while now. I can't go against them now. I do think they will beat Vancouver, but it's based on faith more than anything. And honestly, Vancouver, looking at the stats, isn't that much more impressive. It's not like we are playing the Blues. Flames and Canucks are two close teams. And we've gotten bounces all year.

It's going to be fun, either way.

So Hudler scores the empty net goal. I am up in the 300 sections. Hudler scores the goal, and everyone jumps up and starts cheering.

Some jackalope 5 rows above me decides (is drunk? got pushed?) to, literally, belly flop onto the people the row in front of him. Which causes a human dominoes chain, maybe seven rows are involved. Just a mess of flopped people. Luckily I wasn't caught up in it.

Kinda funny.

Where can a brother get a car flag in this town?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, April 6, 2015

I Have Nothing To Say But I Wanted To Post A Picture Of A Girl In Knee High Socks

Eh, why lie?

I mean, I guess there is shit to talk about. Are they gonna play Bennett? Why won't they play player X over player Y? Why did no one in Ricco's Roughnecks shoot the alien bug creature behind Diz even though they clearly should have been prepared to shoot the bug alien because they had just shot 50,000 thousand of them?

Oh, and there is some stadium, or something, they are going to build? And this little playoff run, I guess.

So I mean, yes, there is shit to talk about. And actually, lots of shit to talk about. Content, content, content.

But, I don't know. The season is too long and it's snowing, and my cousin was in all weekend so I had to fake being a human being and...I'm just not in the mood right now.

Anyway, Playboy has a gallery of girls in glasses

They are wearing clothes and shit. The world aignt what it used to be, lemme tell yeah. I miss Reagan's America: Transformers cartoons that didn't suck, and Freedom.

Anyway, the picture I like is below the fold.

I took my cousin out shooting on Saturday. He had never been.

I own one of those machines that throws the clay dove for you, but I never use it. I always use the hand thing.

Now, I always throw out as opposed to across. IE: I throw the clay so it flies away from the shooter, not across the shooters line of site.

So I'm standing next to the shooter as I'm throwing clays. This is a big no no. You are supposed to stand behind the shooter off to the side.

Vets can figure out what happens next.

I throw the clay, it doesn't release when it should, and I fling it right smack into my cousins head.

Furthermore, I think Peter Lounardias should be fired.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Your Shiny New Malinvestment

New shiny stadium.

The sparse details:


Stuff I noticed:

" [Calgary Multisport Fieldhouse Society] has been working with the city’s recreation department on a $202-million, publicly-funded development at Foothills Athletic Park, just north of McMahon Stadium. In February, city staff ranked it at the top of the city’s unfunded infrastructure projects. "


" Several councillors have said they’d be open to giving the Flames free land for a new arena..."

Hey why not both!

That land that the city wants to give away for 'free' was paid for by...the city (aka property owners). The paper says a section of the land cost them $40 million. I do not know what the full parcel cost the city (aka those of us who pay property tax) to acquire.


Nenshi, the great civic vanguard against waste (dies laughing) is already appearing to flip on his earlier stance on public funding for the stadium. It has gone from 'I'm not giving them any money' to, and this is a quote: “Whatever solution we end up with is a solution we’ll get with great respect for one another and figuring out together what’s best for the community,”

And he apparently said in a Q&A forum that: "it (the stadium) must have some public benefit if it’s to garner public funding."

If. Lulz. If.

Look, this is stupid. Here is the funding model the taxpayers should be demanding.

1: City has the ability to borrow at lower rates than most.
2: City gets a loan at the current (negative? lol) low interest rates. From the BoC!
3: City then loans the Flames money at a low interest rate. (Let's say the city gets the loan for 1%, then they turn around and loan it to the Flames at 1.05%.)
4: Flames take the money they were loaned, and then buy the land they want to put the stadium on from the city.
5: Flames then pay for the construction of the stadium. These funds would be from the loan. (IE the city gets enough of a loan to pay for the land and the stadium construction).

I mean, it's still corporate welfare, but at least it is a little more palatable.

It doesn't 'cost' the city anything. In fact, they make a small amount on it.

It's early, maybe I'm missing something in my model. Ya'll let me know.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Legit Question I'd Like The Media To Ask Hartley

So I like Colborne.

You all hate Colborne.

Which is fine. The beauty of life has been stripped away from your souls and left you cynics. Which is fine. Really.

But here's the thing: You guys are probably right. I don't even debate that. Colborne, compared to other legit NHLers, probably sucks.

Which is one of the reasons I like him. I like rooting for him. I myself suck at hockey. I am getting better, but I am under no illusions. So I like guys like myself, guys who suck. I root for them.

If the team was actually hyped to win anything, I'd probably hate him. But it isn't.

Anyways, here is my questions.

Is there not a story here?

I get that the Herald and the Sun write about what they are told to. I get that. But to me, here is an easy story.

So what I'd like is this. Next time Hartley is talking to the media, if someone in the media could ask a question like this:

"Stats (advance and traditional) show that Colborne is struggling. You (Hartley) seem to have confidence in him, playing him 15+ minutes a night consistently. What are you (Hartley) seeing in the player that the stats are not showing?"

And then let him talk.

I like learning. I like seeing new perspectives. This question, I think, lets Hartley talk about his hockey philosophies. It's informative, even if Hartley answers with BS or coachspeak.

(I get that many of you think "He has to play him because Burke told him too" and that the coach can't say that. I acknowledge that.)

Anyway, that is it. That's all I wanted to say.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Don't Kiss Chicks Hands As An Adios Move, Dudes.

Ok ok ok ok ok.

So I'm at the game last night, as is my want, as I am a fancy pants season ticket holder. My seats are in the nosebleeds, which is fine, but not ideal. The good thing about the seats is that you get a good view of seats in the upper and lower bowl that are empty.

We (shitty writing, who is we? My brother and I, now fuck off) get to the game late, get beer, get food, and get to our seats. There is about 10 minutes left in the first. We sit down for about a minute, scout out the place, find some good seats that are empty, and proceed to make our move.

The seats we have selected are in the lower bowl, in the section that is right above the zamboni entrance. People have told me this is 104. I don't really know. What I do know, from previous discussions, is that a chunk of this 104 section is for the team. In English, that means it is the friends and family section.

So we get down to the section, and there is half a row of empty seats. As we made our way down from the nosebleeds, other people have started to fill up the empty row. Fellow travelers.

I've been down in the 104's before, quite a few times, actually. Usually it is not filled with hotties. This time, it was filled with a bevy of blondes. WAGS. Which is pretty cool, because they are pretty, and what guy doesn't like taking in the scenery?

Sitting in the occupied half of the row is a blonde and her blonde friend and the blondes baby. She keeps saying stuff like "waive to daddy!", which is kinda a tell. In front of me sits a blonde (twitter told me she was TJ Brodie's squeeze), a redhead (cheered very loudly when Bouma scored, so...), a dude, a brunette (dude's wife? idk), and then a top shelf candy blonde. Also, there are two dudes sitting to the right of the candy blonde, which will become important later.

The focus of my story is the candy blonde. 

The candy blonde is wearing a leather jacket, leather pants, fancy nails, heels, hair done up, make up, pouty lips (which is why she is a candy blonde), the whole nine. I'm on my best behavior. I don't even say "hello." to the girl.

However, a fellow seat stealer, who, despite all the cues around him seems to not have picked up what section he is sitting in, is not worried about decorum and all that bullshit. He is worried about love. And the heart wants what it wants. And he wants candy.

Homie makes his move, and everyone, and I mean everyone, in the section, holds their breath. We are all pretending to watch the hockey game, but the real game everyone is watching is Romeo try to seduce the candy blonde.

And Romeo starts out strong, I got to say. His opening line was "You don't look like you are enjoying the game." and she bites. She turns around and starts talking to Romeo. He introduces himself. They shake hands. All is good, but Romeo doesn't read the situation right. He doesn't slow play.

Romeo: Are you here alone?

Candy Blonde: Yeah, sort of.

Romeo: Why don't we get out of here at the end of the period and go grab a drink?

Candy blonde demurs.

And then Romeo looks at the blonde/redhead/dude/brunette combo sitting next to the candy blonde and says "Your friends can come, too. Drinks on me."

But again, candy blonde demurs.

Now Romeo is about to drop another line when the two dudes sitting to the right of the candy blonde interrupt. "Buddy, you don't get it. She is here with one of the guys on the ice!",a nd candy blonde laughs in a way that indicates that it is true.

Game over, right? I would think so. But Romeo scrambles. He attempts a last ditch attempt at seduction. He puts out his hand again in the universal gesture of the handshake. When candy blonde goes to shake his hand, I guess to say goodbye, the dude brings her hand up to his mouth, and kisses it.

Kisses. Her. Hand.

I almost threw up in my mouth. You know that scene in "Don't be a menace in south central while drinking juice in the hood" when the one Wayan licks the neighborhood bicycle's feet? That feeling I had watching that (revulsion) is the same feeling I felt watching dude kiss this chicks hand.

And let me tell you why: The 'kiss her hand' move is...and this is skeevy introduction move. Hi, I am Romeo. Hi Romeo, I am Juliet. And then Romeo would kiss her hand and say something like "enchanted". It is also a move you should only attempt when properly dressed (ie in a suit for fucks sake) and in a proper setting (like in a formal ball, you skeevy fuck). It is not a move you pull after hearing the chick has a boyfriend and is shooting your advances down. It is also not a move you pull as a goodbye.

Because it's fucking gross to pull that shit at a hockey game. Hands are gross, mouths are gross, and strangers are gross. It's the Bermuda triangle of puke.

Anyway, dude kisses her hand, everyone in 104 laughs, and candy blonde has to sit there for the rest of the game in this awkward ass situation. Not to mention Romeo, but Romeo has no shame, and I know because he went to kiss a girls hand when she basically said "no I do not want to fuck you."

So that's the story I wanted to share.

Other shit that happened: All WAGS hate other WAGS. They talk shit on each other when they get up to leave to go to the bathroom.

Some Flames employee asks me if I want to ride the zamboni but I said no because there were little kids around. I say take on the of the kids, and the flames employee does. Then the zambonis come out and nobody is riding them. When the flames employee and the kid comes back, the kid says to me "I was scared to ride the zamboni.", so the lesson here is to never be nice to children. Because they are scared cowards.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

I Was In The Bathroom At Work And Somebody Came In And Started Picking A Fight With The Urinal

So I'm at work. Lucky me.

And so I gotta take a shit. I save all my shits for work. So I shit at work an awful lot. And this was one of those times.

So I get up from my desk, leave the office, go down the hall, walk into the bathroom. It's empty. Fucking lovely, I'm thinking.

The bathroom is a normal one. It has two stalls for shitting, and two urinals. One of the two stalls for shitting is set up to handle retards/people who need to change diapers. It's big. Of course, that's the one I like to use.

So I head in, drop the trousers, and set up shop. As I'm working away at the assignment, I hear the bathroom door swing open.

"What the fuck are you looking at?"

What? Did somebody just come into the bathroom and proclaim "What the fuck are you looking at?", and if he did...who was he talking to?

And so I'm shitting, waiting for whats going to happen next.

I hear pissing.

"You're not so tough."

So at this point I don't think he is talking to me. I think he is talking to the urinal.

*Talking to the urinal.*

My brain can't believe it. It's telling me to get ready to fight this motherfucker when I step out of the urinal. But I tell my brain to relax, because the crazy guy is clearly talking to a urinal. Clearly.

"Fuck you."

"Eat shit."

"Fuck you."

And all the while, the piss sound. This guy is pissing in and swearing at the urinal. And it's amazing.

I'm half expecting the guy to start throwing punches. But he doesn't. He flushes the urinal.

"You're not so tough, tough guy."

It's taking everything I have to not laugh.

The dude leaves, and I finish up, admire my work, flush, and leave the stall. I look around. Is there another guy in here? But no. No one. It's empty.

He was talking to the urinal.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, March 2, 2015

DB Trade Deadline Is Bettah

First, the important thing.

Rec league game last night. I had 5 shots on goal. I even had a breakaway.

Notice I am not talking about all the goals I scored and points I put up. Because it was 'none'. Still, 5 shots and a breakaway. I was pretty pleased.


DB Trade Deadline was pretty good:

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.


Friday, February 27, 2015

The Best Player On The Team Gets Hurt And Nobody Knows What Is Hurt In A Media Market Of One Million People

Giordano gets hurt. On February 25.

Nobody knows what is hurt on him.


It's February 27.

Still nobody knows what is hurt.


Look, I think I get it. They don't want to say anything so close to the trade deadline. Why? I don't get that part. They must assume that news of Gio going down is going to increase the price of adding a player. Or because the season is now lost maybe they think it turns the third rounder they were going to get for Glencross into a fourth rounder.

But fuck that shit. This team should not be adding, anyways. And if we are moving Glencross just to do the guy a favour, who cares about the return?

So it's a bit maddening to me. I don't get it. Worse, I'm a paying customer, a season ticket holder. And I feel the team is deliberately keeping me in the dark about something which pisses me off. (I mean, keeping me in the dark about something beyond the scope of things all teams keep their fans in the dark about).

The only other thing I can think of is that Gio is hurt but he might be able to play through the injury the rest of the year before seeking treatment in the offseason, so they don't want the league to know what body part is hurt so no one destroys it during play. But if that's the case why not just go with upper/lower body injury and go on.

I just hope the dude isn't pregnant.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

This Post Is An Excuse To Post A Picture Of An Attractive Woman Below The Break Line

I mean, she's pretty mean. You'll understand.

What is actually going on? Nothing.


Well, not really. Some hitler named Steve Bernier attacked Gio maliciously with one second left in the game and now Gio doesn't have a knee anymore.

It's fucking horrible.

Oh well. Guess we can't trade him anymore. Darn. We could have gone to 'Nam with all the draft picks he would have gotten us.

And Ortio got hurt so we can't trade Ramo.

And Glencross is worth a third round pick.

Sigh...Two more years until this team is even close to being good, I guess.


Softball update.

I could field two teams. I got over twenty responses.

As I've been saying on twitter, I can convince women to play softball with me, I can't convince woman to play with my soft balls.

Life just aignt fair.


Nik Lewis is the best and I will miss him immensely.

Stamps should retire his number, obviously.

Nenshi should declare a day "Nik Lewis Day"

That is all.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Softball Crash

This is kinda funny in a "you're so sad, DB" type of way.

All the girls on my softball team quit on me over the offseason. It was hilarious!

One died. Died! Well that's not true. One died the year before. This year, one just went MIA and no one has seen her since and her mom calls us sometimes to ask us if anybody has seen here.

One got divorced because she slept with a guy on our team and her husband didn't like that very much. And then she got mad about having to get divorced and blamed us. Which makes sense, totally. So she's gone.

One quit because one of the guys on the team, who was subsequently cut because of it, made a comment about her being fat. You see, she was fat, and then we met her, and she got skinny. But chicks who were fat never forget. So this guy reminded her she used to be a fatty in a moment of high stress (she was at bat in a tie game late). "Hit a homerun, fatty" or something is what he said. She walked off the plate, slapped the guy, and left. Haven't seen her since.

One got into the needle and the damage done. I mean, I know I can be abrasive but...

And then one got married and is having kids and is all grown up now.

So we had no girls and the softball team was dead. But I have nothing to do ever, so I was like "you know we should have a team so I can get out of the house at least once a week." And so I began my journey to recruit strangers.

Within 12 hours I recruited 5 girls. Pubs and internet, basically.

I cannot get a date. Try as I might, I cannot close. But I can, it turns out, convince 5 strangers to play with my softball team.

And I had a big bushy moustache at the time I was recruiting. So I looked like a pedo. It's fucking nuts, my luck.


Jew Hockey season is ending. I got 9 points in 20 games. Yes, I suck.

But I cannot recommend the sport enough. I never played when I was a kid, and only picked it up in my mid-twenties. But it is fun. It's probably the most fun I have playing sports. I mean, my first love is basketball, because I've always played that, and am a short Jew, and short Jews have a bit of a love affair with the sport, because we cannot dunk, yet all we want is to be able to dunk. It's like dating a non-Jewish chick. And I'm not saying basketball isn't fun, because it is. But hockey is fuuuun.

You fly on the ice. That's the most succinct way to put it.

So if you are looking to get active in the winter, take up hockey. Or shinny, down at the ODR. If you have never played, it will take about a year before you get your sea legs under you, but you will have fun the whole time.


I post something about how the Flames are fated to win and boom guess what happens? We get booted out of a playoff spot.

My own take on it is this: It's year two of a rebuild. We should be looking to win around year four or five. That means there is still plenty of time to build organizational depth. No need to trade players to take a shot at eighth place this year.

In English: Don't pay big prices to get established NHLers. There is no need. The target win date is two years down the road. If a guy is purchasable on the cheap, then fine, go ahead. But the team should not be reaching up when it comes to acquiring guys. It should be reaching down (To use the old stock buying analogy).

I would totally be happy with Kessel. Bennett will need someone to play with. But if we take Kessel's full salary on, we shouldn't have to pay the Leafs much to get him. Just my thoughts.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

We Play The Rangers Tonight. I Have Nothing To Say Other Than I Am Nervous.

Really nervous. This team, I think, needs to add a forward who can really play, and at least one (i'd like more) defenceman who can actually play.

I also do not want them trading assets in year two of the rebuild to get that shit, unless it's top shelf.

So I am nervous that the GM, trying to look good and keep the good feelings going, is going to trade shit away we could use in rebuild year four, for a shot at making eighth place this year.

Because I am nervous I am going to be posting a picture of a really cute girl with really cute hair below the break line. Yes, I said really cute hair. Fuck you if you have a problem with that.


Don't trade Backlund. It's stupid.

Furthermore I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, February 23, 2015

The Chick Below The Break Line Is Eating A Nectarine

I went to bed with an idea to write something and I woke up and poof it's gone.

So in an effort to refresh the brain I hit up to look at the standings. Oh shit. Bad move.

I'm not too sure if we will make the playoffs. I mean, destiny and fate notwithstanding, it's looking pretty grim. I think all the eight teams ahead of us, well, are better than us.

It's been a fun ride. I'm sure it's going to be good for the season ticket drive. But I think it could be coming to an end, and the end is going to be accompanied by angry keyboard strokes all across twitter.

It's going to be unpleasant. I don't want to write the post again, but people have internalized the success and are going to be mad when the Flames 'fall' out of a playoff spot they are very lucky to occupy in the first place.

So we have to look forward to posts about "Did you know X player really sucks???" the whole summer. What I like to call "Did you know water is wet??" posts, and they will be written with the furious conviction of someone who thinks they have discovered a hidden truth and needs, needs!, to proselytize to us misguided rube.

Looking forward to it.


We opened the season up on a six game road trip, I recall. And that was supposed to be the death of the season. And we went 4-2 (I think. I'm not checking, fuck you). So Fate is still very much in play, if you ask me thank you very much.



" Coun. Evan Woolley argues that the art budget is important to Calgary, because “what kind of high-tech company will want to come to an ugly city?” Um, how about one that wants to live where there hasn’t been a 13.1 per cent property tax increase? "

How about this: They city solicits the rich socialites in this city to pay for the art the rich socialites in the city want?

IE: People 'donate' the art to the city. They get a memorial and the good tummy, we get to not spend tax dollars on something trivial.

And even crazier, how about we don't use the funds saved for other outlandish and wasteful public spending? How about, and don't faint here, we use that money to offset taxes?

Fucking bananapants crazy, I know.


Can I have free money to offset my failing business? My failing business is super special and in no way like any other business out there. What I sell is super important, notwithstanding the fact no one wants to buy it.

The other story like this to happen lately was that FFWeekly was shutting down. I thought the stories about that were laughable. The magazine that everyone loves and has huge readership needs to shut down because they can't find anybody who wants to advertise in it. Right. Makes sense.

If the guy who runs FFWeekly is anything like the businessmen I know, then I have to believe he played with other distribution solutions before shutting it down. Could he not have charged even a dollar an issue? Apparently not. You couldn't give this magazine away for free, and nobody, apparently, wanted to pay for it, either.

My two cents? FFWeekly went way, way to the left, to the point where it was appealing to a demographic that is very, very small. On top of that, the writers they employed were not very good, so they couldn't keep people who weren't into radical culture engaged.

Is there a place for a magazine about local art, music, culture, etc.? I bet there is. But it needs to be well written, and it needs to be more mainstream and not so obsessed with marginal ideologies like queer culture.


I'm not the Wildrose leader yet, but I shit you not they reached out to my brother about him becoming treasurer in of one of the ridings. He's pretty dope so he said he wouldn't take the job until I was named leader.

You're move, Wildrose.



Take all the salary in exchange for not giving them anything good. Duh!

Dude gets like 300 shots a year he will be great with Bennett.

Furthermore I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, February 20, 2015


Holy pisschrist batman.

Did you hear about this hubabaloo over public art spending in the city of Calgary?

Basically, when a capital project is given the go ahead, they take a percentage of the budget and spend it on art. It's stupid. I know.

Anyways, yesterday one of the city councilors, who are all moronic and petty, put in a motion to temporarily halt spending on public art. I thought this was a good thing, because I do not think the city should be spending money on such trivialities (basically because I'm an early Roman Republic guy when it comes to tax spending. In English, this means that I think the state should try to not spend money (guard the public purse) rather than spend money on things that have no utility). Turns out, I was fucking mistaken, dudes.

Not mistaken in my belief that stupid spending is stupid. But mistaken in my belief that this city councilor actually wanted to cut spending. I actually read the motion that Demong tabled (Demong is the city councilor who wanted to suspend spending on public art) and fuck me guess what? Like all maggot civic politicians, he doesn't actually want to cut spending. No, what he wants is to cut spending on public art, and instead use that money on whatever special little pork project he has in mind.

Un-Fucking-Believable. Actually, sadly, all too believable.


Glencross lulz.

I'm assuming this is what happened: They told Glencross at some point in the summer that the team either wasn't going to extend him or they were going to wait until the end of the season (aka we are not going to extend you). They then asked Glencross to waive his no trade clause. He refused to waive it. So, not being silly, they told coach Bob, and coach Bob did what a good trooper does, and limited Glencross' ice time. Took him off the PP, all that. Glencross, being a free agent looking for another contract, was not pleased. The team told him "Fuck you we are not playing you more" and so he came to his senses and waived the no trade, at least a little. Or at least that's what I think happened.

But...Look at the minutes. Up until December 6, 2014, Glencross is playing 15-20 minutes a night. After December 6, Glencross essentially becomes a 15 minute or less player.

So I do not know if my above theory is correct in that the minute switch seems to happen early December. I have smoked and drank my brain away, I admit, so I can't remember the details about what happened during that time. I know we lost a bunch of games, or at least I think we lost a bunch of games around that time.

But, I mean, you can see that something happened.


I don't mind a guy in Glencross' position asking out, I guess. I do a little, though, and I will tell you why. According to Odland, he said "I'm at the point in my career where I want to win a cup"

If I was his teammate, I would not appreciate that. The team he currently plays on is in the playoffs.


I see TSN did something super responsible and link, without knowledge, Montador's death with concussions. And then today we learn about the demons in Montador's past, which were with Montador for a long time, seemingly since he came into the league.

Trying to push an agenda, much?

I do not like it when people with a particular agenda they want to promote use the deaths of people to promote that agenda. Especially when they don't even wait until the body is cold to start doing it,

It's repugnant.


Playoff push. Real tight. But I aignt worried. I'm sitting on top o' the world.

Furthermore I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Lahkesis, Atropos, and Clotho Own Female Cut Flames Jerseys

So, like, in the last 500 centuries of man, the Boston Bruins had lost a game that they were leading by more than three goals a grand total of two times. One of those losses occured so long ago that no one even knows who did it. It was probably Jesus. And the second took place Monday night.

The Calgary Flames are a team of destiny.

The Calgary Flames are in the business of manufacturing miracles.

The Calgary Flames sext with the Moerae sisters.

What other explanation can there be? A team that consistently pulls out come from behind wins facing improbable odds can be labelled as lucky, as a fluke, as a mirage. But these are really other words for fate.

One impossible victory? Fluke. Two? You're catching luck. But ten? Ten Maccabees-over-the-Greeks triumphs in one season? 

It's fate. It's destiny. It's the only explanation. 

As for the victory over the goliath Bruins, Steve Montador's spirit was in the building, clearly. 


Will it continue? We look for clues.

"Fate always tests those whom she would exalt; she tries them in the wilderness. The years of exile will flit by and you will come home in glory."- The Mahabharata

The nine (was it nine or ninety?) game losing streak. The team didn't 'break'.

"A man's character is his fate." - Heraclitus

Or for that matter, a teams. And the teams character is Gio, in a word.

"If anyone does not help himself, fate never can help him." - Huanzhang Chen

Add at the deadline.

"Fate often enough will spare a man if his courage holds." - Grendel

It's going to get tight in this playoff race, ladies and gentlemen. Stay fast.

"Notions of chance and fate are the preoccupations of men engaged in rash undertakings." - Cormac Mccarthy

And is their any undertaking more rash than trying to be crowned champion over other men? This team has cup dreams. This team should have been in the McDavid sweepstakes. The utter contempt it shows for the hockey sophists is wonderful to behold.

I do not know if it will continue. I suspect it will, against the odds, because the playoffs are fated. And then? Who knows.

Furthermore I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.


Friday, February 13, 2015

Calm Down

This is a little inside.

After the Flames lost to the Kings last night, if you were anywhere near twittah you would have seen what amounted to a complete emotional meltdown by many Flame fans.

Many people, it turns out, have internalized the successful season the Flames are having. They view the Flames `as they are now`, as opposed to viewing them, as I think they should, from `where they started from`. And so the loss last night upset them.

This team, they harrumphed, is not very good. The team doesn't have real defence corp outside the Gio and Brodie, their key strokes thundered. The coach, who is a complete and utter moron apparently, is a complete and utter moron. The players are being used incorrectly, they trumpeted, as they offered their line combinations that would instantly fix everything if only people listened.

It was, in short, an epic clusterfuck of self-beclowning.

I have not come to point and laugh, I have come to offer advice and wisdom.


The Flames are having a great season. The players are all playing over their heads. This is a team that was constructed to be ok, and most assuredly in the minds of management, even have a chance to tank. 

It didn't happen. I don`t know why it didn't happen, but it didn't. The team has won games. I was going to write that the team has played well, but there is a mountain of evidence that shows that the team manages to win despite being outplayed. But the team is winning, and even despite a horrific - what was it, nine games? - losing steak, it still finds itself in a playoff position in February.

There is nothing to be angry about, sweat peas.

This season is a fluke. I've enjoyed it immensely. If the team doesn't win another game the rest of the year and finds itself outside of the playoffs, I won't be upset. That's probably, by rights, where they should end up. If they make the playoffs it will be a blessing.

And yet. And yet.

Do you guys know the team has shitty players on it? I do.

Do you guys know the coach doesn't always coach by the book? I do.

Do you know the team has played well above the level we all expected them to? I do.

Do you guys know your moronic braying about bric n brac is stupid as shit, given the circumstances? I do.

So please, take my advice. Remember the expectations that we all had for this team at the beginning of the season, which was none at all, and judge them to that. You will be much happier.

(Honestly, the same people a month ago who were expressing concern that the team might sell the future to compete this year were the same people last night demanding the team trade the future so that they could compete this year. It's madness. I understand the madness. They've caught the vapours and have fallen for this team. I get it. I've also fallen for this team. It's an easy group to cheer for. But a little perspective, please.)

Furthermore I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Some Nazi Locked Me Out Of Twitter And So I Have This Blog Might As Well Use It

First off, lets get to what is important: I scored in rec league this week.

I may have been a minus 5 and my team may have lost but what the fuck do I care I scored!

Ok, now that the important shit is handled, let's get to the shitty tweets I can't tweet out because some nazi locked my account out.

well, nazi or feminist looking for pipe or a faggot. I insult a lot of people.


98.5 FM in Calgary... I like how they play four songs all day long, on a loop. It's great. You can turn it on at an old folks home where it never gets old.

That's a clumsy Alzheimer joke.


The Comments!

Look... I can't even believe this needs to be said... Mr. Yost does not hate your team. His excel spreadsheet does not hate your team. Who hurt you? Do you need a hug??


That doesn't make it any less fun. In fact, it makes it more fun. We have the favour of the hockey gods at the moment. It's tits!

But that doesn't change the fact that it is flukey. Who cares? Enjoy it. But some of these people are acting like ISIS at an art show featuring exhibits of Mo. Get a fucking grip.

What you people should be geeking out over is this chart. WARNING NSFW:

Look how MEGASTAR Gio and Brodie are. These guys are chocolate syrup covered clit good. It's a great foundation for...say it with me...STANLEY CUP CALIBRE TEAM.

You read that right.

Now I'm not saying this year. But in two years? Why not.

DB Theory of Hockey states you need four legit good forwards, and two legit good defenceman. Well, we got the defenceman part already. Gio might even re-sign with us! And so, we just need four forwards...

Monahan...John Hockey...Bennett...Backlund? Hey I'm not saying I'm just saying.

And we already have excellent depth options on the forward ranks. Cheap guys who can play a role.

It's going to get really sexy in the next couple of years. Hey just in time for them to beg for public financing for a new stadium!


Furthermore I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Shitty Attempt At Cap Projection

Playoffs got me catching the vapours.


This is shitty and poorly done. I should have projected like five years down the road. I only did it for next year. I probably did it wrong, too. Fucking math, how do them work? and all that.

tl/dr: we got 24.3 in cap space, we'd have 10 roster spots to fill, most of those spots are in the forward ranks. We have a ton of cheap RFA guys / minor league guys who could fill them. Only real raise not booked in (ie Brodie is booked in) is Backlund. He gets what? 3 - 4 million? So assume 20 million to fill 9 spots, and we have the internal depth to fill them without having to go to market.

In short: We can add a big ticket guy, I think, and still be able to pay Gio the equity share in the team he is going to ask for.

I'm going to assume when Hudler and Jones come off the books, 23 and 13 will be taking those cap numbers.  With that assumption in place (and the further assumption that we would then replace Hudler and Jones roster spot with cheap kids) I think we can add at least one more big ticket guy to this group.


Fuck. I really should have projected 5 years out. Fuck me. 

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Shoutout To The Cute Chick Usher In 217 Who Helped Me Steal Seats Last Night

We beat San Jose and are in fifth place.

Pretty good.

Two chicks kissed on the jumbotron kiss cam.

Very great.

 Aaaand that's about it. Don't really have anything else right now. I drank three beers in the third period because people bought me a couple so I was kinda on the spot, and my poor brain is paying the price for that this morning.

Oh, yeah. Playoffs.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired. 

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

San Jose Game Biggest Game Of The Year For Given Values Of Big

I'm becoming the fan I hate.

I got season tickets this year. Wonderful. Exciting. Thrilling. Cool. I was, as the kids 20 years ago would say, stoked. And for the first, I don't know, eight games, I was really digging it, groovy. But now, like in game 80000 or whatever we are at (I think it's like 26 or something) I'm getting grinded down.

They play like, every other day, man. And, like, how can people make these start times? And, like, stay for a whole game? The whole thing? And the three stars afterwords? Where's my fainting couch?

So yeah, I'm becoming that guy. Not proud of it, but it remains true nonetheless.

And the team is winning! I don't even know what I'd be like if we were losing. For christ's sakes, never get old, kids. It's corrosive for your soul.


Power Rankings

Two teams in the West that are currently in the playoffs that have a corsi% of some particular flavour under 50%. The Flames and the Canucks. Of the teams nipping at the Flames heels (COL, MIN, DAL, LA) only Colorado has a corsi% of some particular flavour under 50%.

I don't know what that means but it appears to be a thing. The Flames are scoring goals on the shots they take. As we saw during the horrible desert of a losing streak, that 'trick' can go away.

It will be interesting to watch.


Dion is becoming a thing.

I've been championing it all season, so I'm like a pioneer and shit. But I didn't know his contract was 7 million x 7 years. Holy fuck.

I think the guy would be a good fit slotted behind Gio and Brodie. But that's a lot of money and term.

Still... Dion and Wideman. On the same blueline. Imagine it kids. Could it get any more car-crash-terrific?


San Jose game is tonight and I'm going. I'll let ya'll know which celebrity I run into this time.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired. 

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

DB Makes The Morning Show

So I was at the Flames game last night. We were playing the Jets. It was a big game. And we won. Huge.

Anyways, I'm sitting chilling in the Nosebleeds when I go "fuck that noise" to my bro, and we move down into the lower bowl.

I guess we ended up in seats in the Flames family section or something like that. There was a row of people with Hudler jerseys. Someone got a call about John Hockey's injury in the intermission, a puck hit his wrist, no big deal (which is insane because that has happened to me and it hurts for a week). It was pretty actually pretty neat.

As I am sitting in my empty row, enjoying my beer and popcorn, this dude in a suit plops right down next to me. I look over and "Oh, that's Rhett!" I say to my brother, who knows who Warrener is. Rhett says something to a kid sitting in the row in front of ours. Now, I'm a pretty astute dude, so I get the brain a'crackin' on putting two and two together, and I drop this beauty line on him:

DB: Is that your kid?

RW: It is! (He says it like a proud dad, which I liked because I'm a softie for that shit)

DB: I bet he's skating better than you already!

RW: Wouldn't take much!

Boom. What a line. DB, you sure do got a quick wit. Oh, I know, but thank you, thank you.

Later some guy came down to get Rhett's autograph and I told him he needs to start charging $5. He thought that was funny too, but I mean it was a line from me so that was a given.

And then the most scandalous part: I asked Rhett whether it was in, and he didn't say it was. He said he wished it was, shrug. Faith breaking.

Anyways, I wake up to twitter chirps about how my amazing line made the morning show. Cool!

But I have to point this out. As it was relayed to me, Rhett said I sat down next to him. Oh no. He sat next to me. It may seem like a little thing but when you are a big star like me you gotta make sure these things are clear.

And Walker said he outed me to Rhett. So thank you Rhett, for not punching me.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Holy Shit The Flames Have A Chance At The Playoffs!

I don't know what to do with this thing.

Google just charged me for another year. I guess I still have it.

But, I don't know what to do with it. The Flames are not crushing me with disappointment. So I have no idea what to write about.

Strange thing, this 'being happy with the team'.

It's February 2. Flames are in the playoffs, three points up on Darryl Sutter's Kings. It's incredible. The best part? No fucking hype out of the team's marketing department to start the year. It's a pleasant little gift.

I may write about it more. I don't know. I like how I've killed the site off, so I can write without many people reading. So I might start.

I think I'm going to get rid of the girls on the sidebar. I like girls. But having to update that shit exposed me as the lazy twat I am. So I could choose to be less lazy, which, fuck that shit, or just get rid of it and post girls in the post. I can hide the girls after a line break so people don't have to see it if they don't want. I think that's the way to go.

Superbowl was yesterday. I watched the whole thing. People are telling me it was shitty but I think that's because I am surrounded by shithawk fans. I thought it was an entertaining game, for the Superbowl. It was no Steelers v Cardinals, obviously.

I actually wrote all that shit above so I could get to this, the whole reason I logged into the blog. I was going to tweet it, but I tweet too much as it is.

As someone who is sort of out of the pop culture loop, I didn't really know who Katy Perry was. I only knew she (supposedly) had this sweet rack. I was thoroughly disappointed in the level of breasteses Ms. Perry was packing.

Honestly, all the noise you hear about them, I thought they would be a big fucking deal. Like everything else that is hyped today, aignt worth the lung gas.

Missy Elliot? I shit. I'm getting old. That noise was 'current' to me when it came out, aka I was a teenager when Get Your Freak On was cracking pavement. I didn't even like it that much. But when she came on the other day, it was like a cultural touchstone. I Remember!, my old ass thought, that was Cool!

If I was a good writer I'd use that as a lead in for something. But...but...

Winnipeg Jets are in tonight. Big game. I'm going. Maybe I'll write about it after. Who knows?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.