Thursday, April 11, 2013

I Promise Tonight I Will Change The Girls

I had a rant or something but as I sit here to write it I am totally blanking.

I mean it is what it is. The death march doesn't get my panties wet.

I've been watching more of the games then I thought I would be. I find myself cheering for the team to lose, obviously. Tanguay has been great on that front; if we somehow find a way to catch Colorado the team should pay him Cervenka's bonuses.

Glencross keeps trying to monkey wrench the shit. Someone needs to sit that boy down and have give him a little bit of a talkin' to.

Don't look now but Carolina is making a late charge for the top spot of the loser division as well. And they have Russians.

Gonna be a close thang.

But then what? What comes next? Draft and junk followed by free agency overpay day?

Are any of these events going to be bringing us closer to the promised land?

I've written before how I suspect the front office was putting off rebuilding because they were scared. And I think this year was an example of that. I mean, they spent money going into this year! This team was sold as being better than last years version. Only a couple of points away, they said. Add a few players, they said. And now we are battling for last place.

Someone in the front office made a bad forecast. Thank the fates that they miscalculated so bad we were out of contention before the trade deadline. Now I have been quite vocal about not being a fan of either the Iggy or JBlow trades, however, I do wonder if the team would have made them if we were within one or two points of a playoff position when the trade deadline came around.

That is, I have a bad feeling about the start of the rebuild. I have a bad feeling because I think it was kinda forced upon the front office. I don't think they had the intention of going for the first overall pick of the draft when the season started. And I don't give the guys running the show the benefit of the doubt when it comes to strategic planning, because the last decade happened.

I hope they aren't plotting their course as they walk it, but I operate under the assumption that they are. So far the only defining characteristic we have seen in the admittedly young rebuild is that we are mining the college ranks.

And while scouting talent is awesome and good for them for doing it, I just don't think college players are a giant untapped pool of unexploited talent. Like, they were in the 80's when Fletcher started mining the college systems, but my calender says it is 2013.

What I am trying to say is that I don't see a shortcut. And I don't trust the front office to be able to rebuild without the aid of a shortcut.

So I am terrified. I am terrified that they will approach the draft and free agency in some completely irresponsible and ultimately incomprehensible way. I am terrified they will somehow find a way to fuck it up.

And really, that's probably just from years of condition acquired from being a fan of this team. We probably, most likely, hockey gods willing, will have a top three pick in the draft this year. Those can be fucked up, however, and I wouldn't put it past the Flames. I shudder to think about which one of this years mercenaries they decide to back the dump truck up to, but my real concern is that they trade some of the surplus picks that they have for a bad hockey player on a bad contract.

I'd like to see the club not do that, not because I value late round first rounders all that high, but because my personal preference would be to see the team lose out next year as well.

I'm working on The Dome Beers Unified Theory Of Hockey, and one of my hypothesis is that it takes at least four forwards and two defencemen (and by that I mean of the top 20 guys at the positions in the league) plus a solid to above solid aka elite level goaltender to have a legitimate shot at making a run for the Cup.

I don't think we have any players like that in our system at any level. The easiest way to get those players is to draft them, and the only way to draft them is to draft, usually, at the number one spot. Hence, I'd like to lose next year, and that way we should, Whalen willing, have at least some building blocks in place.

Vive La Mort

Furthermore I Think Ken King Should Be Fired. 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

My Introduction For A History Paper


History, dear Reader, is a peculiar art and a strange science. A school of study of past and very often ancient events conducted by animals who have it in their nature to disagree about how an event freshly born in front of their eyes, in the contemporary moment, unfolded. 

Such a hindrance to our understanding of the universal truth of any event is not to be derided, as it is imprinted on our very being. Since Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, our species has lost the gift of na├»ve ignorance, and instead been cursed with the affliction of curiosity. And any hope of uniformity of opinion for the species was dashed and torn asunder when the Deity, jealously protective of his home in the High Heavens, cursed us with diversity of dialect (and hence culture), at the foot of the Tower of Babel. 

We must accept, therefore, a certain inbred inability to arrive at consensus. Indeed, the events of the Titanomachy show us that even the gods bicker; therefore, what hope does the mortal have at achieving uniformity of thought?

This affliction affects the historian in a cruel way, as it is he who is tasked with sifting through the ancient dust of a not always fossilized past, to find a strand of truth in the archaic abyss, and introduce it to the skeptical light of the modern (contemporary) day. Add this to the species pestiferous preference for the Now over the Then, and we can see another obstacle that impedes the historians ability to glean from the archives true truth: the omnipresent pressure to fit one’s findings into whatever zeitgeistian mold is currently in vogue.

Spirits, being constituted out of the material of the ether, are (probably, but not exclusively, to the benefit of mankind) temporary. The spirits that provide a subliminal skeletal structure to Man’s mental regime change form (and hence the flow of our thoughts) over time and events. Cerebral Standards rise and fall on the battlefields of thought, depending on temporal and temporary circumstance. 

In our current age the secular Standard is raised. Secular issues are thus elevated in their importance, while ecclesiastical episodes wane in theirs, relative our use of them to define the ‘truth’ of an event or set of circumstances. 

It is because of this peculiar phenomenon that, in contemporary times, things that may appear obvious to the people at the time of an event appear to a historian observing the events through musty books and contemporary filters as utterly ridiculous. Because the contemporary viewer is not haunted with the spirit of a particular time, they find it impossible to believe that the people of the particular time were haunted by it either. Secret motives are sought, undercurrents are mapped, and the minutia surrounding an event can be elevated to the central stage of ‘Cause’ in the equation of ‘Cause and Effect’. 

This phenomenon, I submit, dear Reader, is perhaps what is responsible for the stripping away of the importance religion had on the people of France during the Wars of Religion by the modern scholar.