Thursday, April 26, 2012

Short Summer

I dunno, I haven't really sat down to write all week. Sorry brah.


What kinda had me irked is the call of the Bruins V Caps game yesterday. I thought it was just myth making at it's most hackish. And I know a little something about hackish.

So it is OT, and the Bruin with the puck turns the puck over to the Caps fourth line. The Caps fourth line then skates the puck up to the doorstep of the Bruins goal, quick shovel of the puck produces a rebound, bang, game over.

To recap: turnover, rebound, game over. In overtime. In game seven.

To me, that suggests a tight game, at the very least. A game that you could probably say either team could have won. A coin flip type game. And in fact, when you look, you discover that the Bruins Caps series was one of the tightest ever played, looking at the goal differentials.

In fact, you could probably say that this incredibly tight series could have gone either way, for the Caps or for the Bruins. And for whatever reason, the Hockey Gods happened to be smiling on the District of Corruptia that day.

The broadcast crew doing the game (CBC) saw things a little differently, I guess. They saw a turnover that lead to a rebound that led to a goal as, and I am paraphrase quoting now, as a result of the Bruins 'Short Summer'.

They also said something or other about the Bruins 'short summer' left them short of 'conviction', or some nonsense like that. I think it was 'conviction', but it could have been 'commitment' or some other word that began with 'c' that implied some sort of character trait weakness. Character weakness brought about, of course, because the Bruins 'short summer' had 'drained their tank'.

I said it on twitter and I will repeat it here: These people are being paid to broadcast the game because the higher ups think the audience wants someone to take the pictures they are watching and provide them some context. They are there to help the audience understand better what is occurring. They are there to provide, I dunno, insight and analysis.

Too often though, they provide a narrative. And cool, I get that people like stories, that they like to put complex systems into neat little packages. But what the hell. It was a turnover that lead to a rebound that led to a goal. There is nothing...complex about that. It is hockey. It happens.

The Bruin guy could have turned the puck over for a few reasons. Those reasons DO NOT include that he spent the summer in a glow because he won the Stanley Cup last year. To even suggest that it was...

Look, I know it's like a thing, it's hockey faith: It's hard to repeat as Cup champions. But it's true not because a team that wins the Cup has a 'short summer'. It's true because of variance. It's true because of luck and bounces; inches hit or inches missed. It's true because The Hockey Gods Are Capricious.

If the Bruins guy doesn't turn the puck over, if he makes a good pass, then he springs a couple Bruins players into the Caps zone, and it's a two on two with the Caps defenders even to the Bruins forwards, and it's a scoring chance for the Bruins. If the Bruins make good on it, then the team that 'lacks conviction' due to a 'short summer' would suddenly be praised for 'it's gutsy character to overcome' and the Caps team today that is being praised for 'buying into the coaches system' would be being slagged for it's lack of some ethereal character trait.


This shit is insane and the older I get the more it rubs me raw. Like, just a few years ago we had back to back Pittsburgh Detroit Stanley Cup finals. Where was the 'short summer' effect? What mitigated it with those two teams? Why are other teams unable to mitigate it?

I think it's because it doesn't exist in reality. I think that it exists in the minds of broadcasters who have been trained to weave stories together out of whatever threads they have available. And I think it is silly. People see that.

There is a quote I like. Greek guy. An Athenian even. Homie goes: "To an imperial city nothing is inconsistent which is expedient." He isn't praising the imperial cities when he says it.

Thinking of changing my tag line again. Domebeer-aholics, we have done great things. Peter Loubardias is no longer ruining Flames games. Ken King is now openly admitting to running the team's hockey ops. All good, tangible accomplishments. Stick taps all around.

But the scourge that is the nincompoop management...that is something that we seem to be stuck with. I think we should keep fighting for these small victories. Let's take back what we can take back, right? This is street by street shit.

I think the next street we try to take should be Rob Kerr. I hear good things about Kerr on a personal level. He is a really good guy, apparently. Cool. He should run Flames Charity then. Because he is a terrible broadcaster. He makes mistakes with players names CONSISTENTLY. He butchers calls CONSISTENTLY (Oh player X shoots he scores oh wait no he doesn't). His biggest sin, though, is that he is boring. Him and Simmer are boring. Which makes watching the team boring.

I really don't get it. You know for Dodger games the radio and the TV gets Vin Scully, right? I don't know for the life of me why the Flames wouldn't use HALL OF FAME BROADCASTER Peter Maher for both TV and radio games. Add another point to the 'Ken King is stupid' column.

But I bring Pope Maher up for a different reason. Ever listen to him call a game? You know what he is not? Boring. He lies about the game he is covering. I don't mean lie, like John Weisbrod claiming the 2011-2012 season was about youth type lie. I mean lie like, Oh this game is boring to watch but I am going to call it like I am super excited and then that feeling will rub off on the audience.

And Rob Kerr doesn't do that. Which is a big sin in my eyes. We need to get this guy out of the booth.

So I may change my tagline to Furthermore...Rob Kerr should be fired.

Speaking of can go here and tell SNET to move Kerr out of the booth. Thanks and kisses.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Not Pleased With The Election Results? Here Is A Picture Of Krista Allen Eating Cotton Candy.

It occurs to me that this would be a nice time to try out that pesky 'page break' feature...

Who wants to see a fire hazard eating cotton candy?

Monday, April 23, 2012

They Ruined Blogger...

I hadn't logged on, so I have no idea when the google decided to ruin blogger. But they did.

They changed the format on the thang to something I am sure some people are into. It's...less oldsy, I guess. I really don't know how to describe's very sterile, this new look. And I hate hate hate it. Like, the level of hate Matt Stajan feels towards his exercise bike.

Shit, it's really throwing me off. I didn't really have anything to talk about anyways, and now, with this monkey wrench thrown in my gears...forget it.

I hear there is an election today. You may want to check that out... Uh, I got contacts on the weekend, haven't had those in a few years. Those are pretty ok. Probably should man up and go get the eyes cut on, but that would involve having to trust a robot with a the ability to shoot skin burning lasers, and we all know how that turned out for the people of LA.

Hey guys, actually, that reminds me! You know what we can talk about?

I also would have accepted: 'C' stands for 'Choke'. BECAUSE IT DOES!

There is something, I dunno, petty and small and vicious about dancing in the flickering shadows of a corpse tossed upon the funeral pyre...which is sweet, because I am petty and small and viscous. Which makes this celebration of the demise of the divers something I can really dig my teeth into.

Seriously, I'm a little perplexed as to why PM Harper didn't declare this day a national holiday and give us all the day off so the rest of Canada could riot in celebratory glee.

The fact that Stoll finished that team off in total Rec League Hero fashion...that's just perfect, isn't it?

So good. I'll be watching that all freakin' day.

On the Flames front... I know it's old now, but I am still buzzing over the fact that 'Jay Feaster takes his marching orders from King' has not only gone mainstream, but is now accepted, conventional thinking. Take for instance, this line from a week old Jim Matheson article on Brent Sutter:  "But Feaster gets his marching orders from higher-ups. Do they want to tear it down like the Oilers? Doesn’t appear to be that way."

I mean, how good is that? It's awesomely good. I don't want to rehash how the team should probably go out and hire somebody with enough character, talent, and gravitas that they would find a situation like the one Feaster currently...endures to be untenable and would quit if they had to work under those conditions, but the Flames should probably go out and hire someone who has enough character, talent, and gravitas to aspire to be the GM of the team and not the mouthpiece of it. 

But hey, what do I know? 

Other than that, yeah, Feaster still is employed. Bummer, dude. It looks like the only head on a pike we are gonna get was the one we already got, Brent Sutter's. And while we did enjoy that little appetizer, I know all that did for my appetite was wet it for more. I don't know about you guys, but watching these have your windows, right? And when they close, they close. Flames have been going with the Jarome & Kipper show since 05-06, right? 

I'm kinda in the do something new camp. The thing is, I am terrified of the teams management. It's not that I don't have faith in Edwards, King, and Feaster. I do. I have infinite faith in their abilities to make stupid moves that hurt the franchise. Or to do something short sighted for the benefit of some cheap pop from the locals (remember when they gave Stajan an extension so they wouldn't have to listen to pundits in Toronto say they traded Dion for this player and that player and at the end of the year lost them all? That was incredible.).
But look. I think we can all agree that the Canucks were a superior team to the Flames, and the Canucks couldn't get out of the first round. The team is so far away from being a cup contender it, to think that Jarome and Kipper and some new shiny FA are gonna do the trick seems absurd.
The team needs two centres who can play top six minutes against other top six players effectively. It needs, to my eyes, two more defensemen who can play a regular shift. There are ways the team could fake some depth. They could resign Jokinen, play Cammo at centre, use SVEN on the wing, giving the team some combination, say:


(They could reacquire Langkow and Juice to play with Backlund on the third. How awesomely retread would that be?)

But I don't know if that cranks anyone's engine. To me, this team has gone about as far as it is gonna go as currently constructed. If there isn't the ability to go out and get the pieces this team needs to go from 'ok' to 'actually good', then what is the point of spending money on players and wasting time on  another lost season? If the team can't get the players it needs, because of scarcity in the market or whatever the reason, to me, they should then blow it up and try to lose a lot of games. I don't see why not. If they can't compete for reals next season, then management should probably figure out when they might have a realistic shot at competing, and plan accordingly. (Spoiler Alert: IT SHOULD COINCIDE WITH THE OPENING OF THE NEW BUILDING)
If the plan at this point in time is still 'Open bottle, wait for lightning'... Well, the thing with catching lightning is that you can use any bottle you have handy. A young, inexperienced team has just as much chance as fluking out as a veteran one.
But Whalen, those Canucks losing is great. It's so good, in fact, I am not even going to talk about how the Flames gave LA their coach for free, and LA then went out and got the eighth seed. You know, the seed the Flames were gunning for (face palm).
Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.