Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Whalen, That Was A Boring Game

Went out to watch it. Barely noticed any of it over the delicious European style pizza. (As an aside, the Belgians make 8% beer but they like to serve it in fruity glasses. This has been 'The More You Know' with DB).

Checked the box score. 25 shots on net? 25?

DB said this was a must win game. The players have tuned DB out. Fire DB!

But seriously, what a dud. And before the All-Star Game too. So we get like a week to let that image of meekness stew in our heads. Good job there, Flames.

Highlights from the game were like a minute long. We are totally taking that as an indication as to the excitement level of the game. The image the Score highlight package ended with (at least the one we saw) was of Jarome on the ice when the Sharks scored, looking pissed. Did he cause that? Couldn't really tell.

We were too busy counting the number of Sharks behind Kipper to get a good look.. (It was three).

Which is, you know, 'What Up Wit Dat?' kinda stuff.

Guys, what is up with Roman Horak's minutes? 5 minutes of play, and he is supposed to be an offensive player, and he is 20 years old.

Shouldn't he be playing minutes in Abbotsford instead of playing 5 minutes on the Flames? Because you can go get a plug like Stajan to play 5 minutes.

Speaking of Stajan, is that slug faking hurt again? Again? Completely-fucking-believable. We are shocked! shocked! that Matt Stajan would be a selfish turd in front of his own team mates. It's kinda an 'all hands on deck' thang going on with the Flames right now, so it's great to see Stajan buying in.

$3.5 million dollars for this cat? Honestly, you could get a Jewish girl from New York to suck your dick for less money. (She would sell more jerseys, too.) Just fucking send him down to the Heat already, Murray Edwards.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

We Have Not Been Great Lately

For that we apologize.

Tone may change around here. Was thinking bout things...this whole DB thang shouldn't be a burden, right? It shouldn't be heavy. It should be like good muff; light and fluffy (in a lightning bolt shape).

And if it is heavy, the weight should come from numbers. Yesterday we wrote that the club shouldn't pay Olli 5 million a year. Well, ok, but what is Olli worth, and how does one come to that? That should have been the post, right? Not whatever half asses 'analysis' we provided (and largely provided between the lines: Players get paid for potential in this league, and you don't have to, or at least you shouldn't, pay for that with older players.)

Not to get to morbid and dark, but we were thinking the other day that if everyone disappeared, or if we did, would we be happy with what was on Dome Beers? Not that anybody would see it, but would we, the author, be happy with what was on the screen?

This is a big test tube: we experiment here. With our style, tone, voice, all that. But you all have to read it. So if we are going to borrow your time, shouldn't we at least be happy with what we write? We feel that we have been churning out copy for copy's sake. And who the fuck wants to do that?

Again, this should be fun. And at the very least, at the most selfish, fun for us. Do you know what we have fun doing? Misanthropy. Being assholes to the people on the FAN, being highly over-critical of the poor ink stained scribes, pointing out how shitty SNET is run. Making fun of Ken King and his lack of Kompetence. Making light of the Kenspiracy. Laughing about the Flames shitty prospects. Laughing about the Flames shitty marketing. Searching for Bouwmeesters mug shot.

Or in a word: Matt Stajan. Matt Stajan is fun. Every time we think of that man, the sayings of two Popes float through our heads: Innocents "You would be shocked to learn with what ignorance the world is run" and Alexanders "What 'is' is 'good'".

That makes us chuckle.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Salmagundi

It's huge in India.

(Also, we should mention the Flames upcoming homestand. Makes or breaks the season. Those are wins the teams they are competing against may not get. Gotta get those points.) 

Olli Wants Crazy Jack

It was amusing to see all the Olli stories in the paper. Perhaps he is the only one in the locker room that will still speak to Francis. Hmm? Anyways, some classic Francis shilling coming up:

"While it’s clear a player with Jokinen’s numbers could command upwards of $5 million on the open market, Pulver refused to throw out comparables."

Pulver, the agent, didn't want to talk comparables? Probably because 33 year old centres generally don't command 5 million dollars per year, especially when they haven't broken the 70 point barrier since 2007.

Kesler is a 5 million dollar centre. He signed the contract when he was 26 years old. Plekanec is a 5 million dollar centre, signed the contract when he was 28. Bergeron is a 5 million dollar centre, signed the contract when he was 26.

In other words, 5 million dollar centres are usually young, and capable of putting up 70 points.

Older players have been given 5 million dollar contracts to play centre, take Tim Connolly as a pretty recent example, but that contract was mostly due to leverage: Brian Burke is not a great GM, and had left himself with such a hole in his roster he basically had no choice but to give into Connolly and his agent's demands.

The Flames don't need to go that route. If you can plug your nose and read the Francis article, you discover things like Olli Jokinen's family loves the city, that he loves the atmosphere, his team-mates, etc. Now, normally this is probably just clap-trap, but we know from Ritch Winters that people sign with the Flames because its a comfortable place to live. If Olli is like Tanguay or Gio, then the team should have some leverage here.

The scare line in the article is that if the club doesn't resign Jokinen, we won't have any centres. What happened to all that centre depth you declared the team had in spades, Mr Francis?

We don't see the value in Olli Jokinen if he comes with a 5 million dollar price tag. Let another team overpay for what will be a 34 year old. The 'cap space utility' on this team is being eaten up by the overpayment of the clubs top guys (ie: Paying Bouwmeester 7 when he should be making 5, paying Stajan 3.5 and Babchuck 2 when the should be in the ECHL, ect.), anyways.

Reading Between The Lines

Who the fuck misses Bourque? Like, nobody, right?

From the Herald

"The great thing about Cammy? He lives and dies this game,” Sutter says. “He’s always talking hockey. It’s kind of neat to be around a guy like that. He’s very observant. It’s like having a guy who knows the game on the bench. He’s got a good feel for it. He sees things. He brings up some very good points about stuff that I like, because it’s not about him. It’s always good to have a player like that on the hockey team who is a hockey geek.”

Obviously we are reading this as an assualt on Bourque. Because the rap on Bourque was that he was the opposite of Cammo: Bourque didn't live and die by the game, the most oft repeated complaint about him was he was too casual (and stupid. Don't forget how unbelievably stupid Bourque is.).

The rest of the quote works too. Bourque was a dirty player who took stupid penalties at bad times. Or the opposite of a player who is 'very observant' and has a 'good feel' for the game. And is there a move that is more 'about me' then, say, elbowing a player in the head for no reason whatsoever?

Rene Bourque was a piece of shit. That's not our opinion on DB, that's the opinion of the coach!

The Most Important News In The World

Seal and Klum are getting divorced.

The Mose Obvious News In The World

Allison Redford is not a good politician.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.