Friday, July 15, 2011

Chillin In The Freeway, Chewing On Our Shotgun

Where to start?

First off, you are welcome. But really, there is no need to thank us, or pay us, or anything like that. After all, this was a team effort guys. We couldn't have done it without the support of the legions of Domebeer-aholics. We can all share in this triumph; we can all claim credit to this scalp.

Peter Loubardias is fucking gone. Fired. Boom, out of here. Fuck yeah. When we get back, party at the Dog & Duck.

Alright, lets knock these bitches out.

Reveling In A Mans Demise

Uhh, fuck yeah we are. Why wouldn't we be?

A man who was ill equipped to do the job he was tasked to do has lost his job. Again we ask, why wouldn't we be happy with that?

Or, let us get real with this: The Flames were not the most exciting team to watch during Loubardias's term with the team. He made watching the team less enjoyable. He isn't there anymore. Why wouldn't we be happy with that development?

We are going to keep on the honesty train. We have never met someone in real life who actually liked the way Peter Loubardias calls a hockey game. No one. Who are these people who like his style? Honestly? But hey, some people think Barack Obama is doing a good job, right? It's a mad, mad world.

Hate to break it to the members of the Flames fandom who think Loubardias wasn't a joke: You are in the minority. The small minority. Your opinion on this matter is wrong. Very wrong. You know how we know? Sportsnet is going through a re-organization. Why? Because they have a shitty product that is getting trounced by TSN. You know who was identified as one of the weaknesses of Sportsnet? Loubardias!

If a monopolistic entity comes to the conclusion that one of their assets is in fact a liability, it's probably very apparent. It's not our fault that you Kool-Aid drinkers couldn't figure out that someone wasn't selling a lot of cellphones (Psst: Rogers sells telephones).

Besides, mouthbreathers, if Loubardias is as good at his job as you people claim (erroneously) that he his, why the worry? He will have no problem at all ruining, err, starring in another teams broadcast. Right?

Or maybe, possibly, you Loubardias supporters are directing this hate towards us because you all know, deep down, that Loubardias was not good at his job?

You know what we would use as an allegory? Peter Loubardias is Robert Neville. Do you guys know who that is? People are not taught history anymore, so you never know.

Robert Neville was a general in World War One. Robert Neville was also a fucking butcher (do we have to explain that too? Fuck. Ok. He got a lot of the men under his command killed during his operations). Much like Peter Loubardias was, when it came to calling hockey games. When the French High Command made Robert Neville the head of the French Army, you know what happened? The French army mutinied. Mutinied! With Germans still in French territory! With Germans still raping French women!

When Sportsnet made Peter Loubardias the Flames play-by-play guy, any Flames fan with taste mutinied. You are shocked! shocked! that when the Butcher is removed, we celebrate? What planet are you people fucking on?

Loss Of Livelihood

Our loyalty is to the fans of the Flames. It isn't to particular men. If yours is, you probably should evaluate what kind of fan that you are. Or where your loyalties lay.

(By the way Mr. Molberg, thanks for crediting us with getting Loubardias fired. Our chests swelled at the thought that we are running Sportsnet.).

People, how fucking soft are you? Nobody, nobody, is entitled to a job. We did a quick perusal of the 10 Commandments, nothing in there about people being guaranteed a job. We checked through the British North America act. Nothing.

The age of hereditary monarchies is long past (Hi Will and Kate!). Even Mark Hurd got fired, for fucks sake. If Peter Loubardias wanted a gauranteed job, he should have applied to the Post Office. If you people are uncomfortable with that, move to North Korea.

We did not put a gun to Loubardias's head and force him into an industry where there are only 30 good jobs, ok? That was Loubardias's decision. It didn't work out, largely because of Loubardias himself. Deal with it.

Look, we have been criticizing this guy since 2009. 2009! And, hate to break it to the mouthbreathers, but we were right. If Loubardias would have listened to us and modified his behavior, he would still have a job. It's not our fault Loubardias has a tin ear. It's not our fault we are better talent evaluators than you Loubardias supporters.

Let's get fucking real here, people. We were doing Loubardias a favour by criticising him, letting him know what portions of his game he needed to work on. It is not our fault he was arrogant and did not listen. You people who hid the truth from the man, you people who pretended that Loubardias was a good play by play guy, you guys are the ones who did a disservice to the man. Chew on that, fuckers. Wrap your petty minds around that.

It was the people who supported Loubardias, who pretended he was doing a good job and that his detractors were crazy, that got Loubardias fired. We hope you learn the lesson, and avoid in the future the siren song of the soft bigotry of lowered expectations.

The Real Question

Is, of course, what the hell is Sportsnet doing firing a guy without having a replacement ready to go?

Peter Loubardias sucks, ok? But even though he sucks and is terrible, he still gave Sportsnet several years of loyal service, and he was a good soldier. He deserved more from Sportsnet than the embarrassment they gave him.

Getting fired is embarrassing, there is no way around that. But it can be mitigated. And it can be mitigated, or more accurately, could have been mitigated in this case, if Sportsnet had the Peter Loubardias replacement ready to go. That way the story wouldn't be about Loubardias getting fired, it would have been about the new play by play voice of the Flames.

The other question is, of course, who gets the Flame play by play gig now. Contrary to popular belief, we don't actually run Sportsnet so we have no clue whatsoever.

What we will say is that we hope they don't make it any of the guys they have on the roster. Please, don't make it Rob Kerr. Don't make it the Million dollar man (although he was a lot better than Loubardias). Get someone new, someone fresh.

Or just do the right thing and link up Peter Mahers radio broadcasts with the TV's. It's not like Peter is a Hall of Famer, or anything like that.

A Theory

Still reading? Tits. We have a theory on Loubardias. He took over from Millions because of the 'cocksucker' thang. So he was hired somewhat unexpectedly. Do you know what happened this year? Sportsnets deal with the Flames ran out, and they had to renegotiate it. They renegotiated a ten year deal.

Peter Loubardias was not long for the Flames. He was a stop gap measure to take the team to the end of the deal with Rogers. Now that a new 10 year deal is signed, Rogers wants someone who is actually good to be the teams play by play guy. Just a theory.

End Of An Era

It's no secret that the catchphrase of this site is inspired by Cato the Elder, and his habit of ending very speech he gave with 'Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam', or 'Furthermore, I think Carthage must be destroyed'.

Cato dies before that happens though. So Cato does not provide us with any guidance as to what to say when Carthage has indeed been destroyed.

We are leaning towards Patton. He has a great speech we would encourage you all to read, his Blood and Guts speech.

'Americans love a winner. Americans will not tolerate a loser. Americans despise cowards. Americans play to win all of the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost nor will ever lose a war; for the very idea of losing is hateful to an American.'

It's probably down to 'Furthermore, I think Ken King should be fired (hat tip to Domebeer-aholic Ken) or 'Calgary loves a winner. Calgary will not tolerate a loser. Calgary despises cowards. Calgary plays to win all of the time.'

Time will tell, we suppose.

#HireKirkwood

Indeed.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias got fired.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

We Just Want To Celebrate




It's true!

Two long years in the trenches. We know how Kitchener feels now!

Should we cross into Germany and demand Simmers scalp as well? Only time will tell. Maybe we will pull an entente and be content with Ludendorf only.

We will write a proper post for this later.

Furthermore, I think Carthage was just destroyed.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Furthermore, I Think Peter Loubardias...

Reports are coming in that Peter Loubardias has been fired.

REPORTS!

First off, we are going to sleep on this. We got out of the hot-tub, and we were drying off, watching some Cheaters (oh hells yeah they still show Cheaters in Arizona) when, looking to catch up on the news of the day, we logged onto twitter.

Holy shit. Married With Children is on now. Bundy is in a sex shop. Some lady shows him her tits, and he faints, with a big ol smile on his face. Classic.

Wait, what? Oh yeah, Loubardias. He may have been fired. It's pretty fucking ballin. We may have won. Ahab caught the fucking whale, yo. Ahab caught the fucking whale. (Pssst: We are Ahab)

(Which begs the question, what should we do with Ahabs Pequod? Oh, read the fucking book for fucks sake.)

Anyways, we are going to sleep, and when we wake up we will see if this news was real, or just a wonderful dream. And if it is real, we will have a real post.

Bloody Christ, do you know how hard it is going to be to write a post when it is 40 C out here, and all the girls walk around in short shorts?

Furthermore, I think I may have to get a new tag line.

You Are Going To Get Comments Taken Away

#HireKirkwood.

And speaking of which, some readers may have noticed that on our last post, #Walkertoweekends, there was a comment purportedly left by the man himself, Doug Kirkwood. It said:

'Hey guys,
Really appreciate the support, if you want me back and KK can be persuaded to at least talk to me then I'm in! Lets do this, you can make it happen dome-aholics, it was no secret that I didn't want to leave in the first place.
Thanks again for the encouragement,
DK'

We thought that it was pretty cool, Mr. Kirkwood coming into this corner of the internet to drop us a line.

One thing though. The comment was not left by Mr. Kirkwood. We know because we have been exchanging emails about a possible interview, and Mr. Kirkwood told us he didn't leave that comment, and could we please take it down.

Fuck guys, you are going to cost us the goodwill we have with Mr. Kirkwood. The comment system on this site has always been open (ie: anybody can leave one (when blogger is working)), and we rely heavily on the honour system. If you guys, dear Readers, want that to change, we can change it.

Anyways, that is it. Just some light scolding. Whoever it was, stop pretending to be Doug Kirkwood. It isn't cute. It's, well, it is weird.

And having to deal with this shit is keeping us from our pool.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

P.S. Harrison is blowing up the one team I (AZR) follow that is actually good. Awesome!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Siesta



Posting will be spotty. For about two weeks. Trying to bang some Southern chicks.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, July 11, 2011

#Walkertoweekends

Title in solidarity to the Domebeer-aholics. We support you in your efforts.

That's it, that's all. Moral sustenance should be like cheap soup. Thin.

Well, fuck it, let's offer our two cents. It's a sports radio monopoly in Calgary. We get who we get, in other words. There is no outside force that is going to compel Rogers to make changes with its personnel. If you like to listen to sports radio, your choices are satellite radio, over-the-internet radio (TSN, for example), or the local show. And if you like sports radio and you like the Flames, then the other two choices don't really serve. The consumer is stuck.

So we don't begrudge Kelly Kirch for not making changes to his lineup. Quite simply, he doesn't have to.

Honestly, that is what it boils down to. Until there is another sports radio station in this city, the current one will have no impetus to change.

But again, we want to add our two cents. We have no idea if the new morning show is a hit or not, we don't listen to it for more than 10 minutes most days. Our alarm clocks are still set to it, a holdover from the Mike Richards era. What we do know is that the morning show is now running ads for sex shops and cougarlife.com. While we think that may be a sign they are getting desperate for advertisers, we have not seen the ratings (although a good Domebeer-aholic should email them to us), so we can't say for sure.

Allow us to humbly suggest that maybe it is time to change the personality mix? Unless dildo shop commercials are indeed the advertising clientele that Rogers is seeking to cultivate.

We think it is obviously time that Doug Kirkwood be re-hired. The morning show needs a severe injection of 'zanyness', of fun, and Doug Kirkwood is an already known supplier of these. No need to develop or anything. We would pair Kirkwood with Pat Steinberg. Notwithstanding the wholesome act, Steinberg is Mike Richards. He likes to drink and he likes women (not sure on the gambling). Kirkwood and Steinberg would get the morning show back in the 'zoo' direction. And then dildo advertisements wouldn't seem so out of place.

The afternoon show, if we aren't hiring anybody new (except our Kirkwood exception. HIRE KIRKWOOD!) we would then reunite Boomer and Kerr in the afternoons. Pretty obvious, that one.

Which leaves Walker without a spot. Walker does have one attribute nobody at the station has, and that is he has the best radio voice at the station. Let him use it. Put Walker on updates (and put him on during the weekends, where the current voice guys can't get through a read without making 20 pronunciation mistakes). His voice is best served there. Walker and Rick Lafitte can also go on in the 1 o clock hour. And finally, we would make Walker the host of 'Overtime'. Kerr and Boomer are too veteran to do it, and if we are moving P-Sizzle to mornings, he can't do Overtime anymore. So give it to Walker.

Anyways, those are our thoughts, not yours.
...

OK, on to what we wanted to talk about.

We like Arizona. We like the people of Arizona. That is our bias.

Jeff Blair is a Toronto coffee house liberal. That is his bias.

This column by Jeff Blair is just stupid. Also, it's prejudiced.

Blair wants to talk about Latinos and immigration. Probably because he is trying to fuck some brainless undergrad.

He writes: "(Arizona's) state’s law that requires all immigrants to obtain or carry immigration registration papers, a handy tool for any police officer interested in doing a little racial profiling."

Which is pretty inaccurate. But that is ok. All people born below the Mason Dixie line are racists, eh Jeff Blair? The Arizona law simply allows for a police officer, when arresting someone, to ask to see the suspects identification. Illegal immigrants who commit crimes are to be deported anyways, and this law allows the officer to identify people as such. It does not, as has been characterized, allow for the state of Arizona to deport an illegal immigrant if he gets pulled over for, say, speeding.

But whatever. Jeff is a liberal lion. He fights back against oppression, be it imagined or otherwise.

Anyways, after showing he can't read a law and calling everyone in Arizona a racist (which, by the way, is really stupid. Who knows if Jeff has ever been to Arizona, or if he has, if he has ever left the comfy confines of Scottsdale, but we actually got a place down in south Arizona. Everyone, or at least a good chunk of the people, in south Arizona are of Mexican heritage. These evil Mexican hating Mexicans and their anti-immigrant laws.), he then goes on to bring up the Gabrielle Gifford's shooting, and tries to link it, somehow, someway, to the immigration issue.

Jeff had a retard sandwich for breakfast, didn't he? Gabrielle Gifford's shooter was a loser left winger. A left winger, Jeff. He didn't shoot Gabrielle Giffords over immigration, he shot her because he was  a failure at life, and Marx told him too. Crazy people do crazy things, in other words.

Anyways, why is Jeff Blair mischaracterizing the Arizona immigration law, and trying to tie up the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords, which had nothing to do with immigration, with it? Because Jeff wants to imply that Latino players are under threat when they go to Arizona! Watch out for Whitey!

He writes: 'Never mind hoping one of the players has the stones to channel their inner Jackie Robinson or Curt Flood – let’s just hope every Latino player has his handy.'

Has 'his' handy, Jeff Blair? In case someone tries to shoot them for being Latino (in Arizona of all places), or something?

Just stupid. And the Globe and Mail publishes this trash. Hey, it's their reputation.
...

Jay Feaster spoke.

Some tidbits.

A quote: "We've seen some good things from some of our kids already at development camp this week. T.J. Brodie is a guy who was knocking on the door last year in camp."

Flames fans, your (figurehead) GM thinks you are stupid.

T.J. Brodie was terrible last year. That's why he lasted about a week in the NHL. He was noticeably playing scared. People play scared when they think they are over their heads. So T.J. Brodie himself thought he wasn't ready, indicated by his play. If we were to be intellectually honest, we would say that isn't quite 'knocking on the door', now is it?

Anyways, don't worry about the fact that this team does not have a 3 or 4 on the blue line. T.J. Brodie is 'knocking on the door' and prepared to play 18 minutes a night. Oh, Butler is here too. He is so good that Buffalo, a team intent on making a Cup run, got rid of him. He can be penciled in for 18 minutes a night, too.

But the money quote is, obviously, "We'll make the playoffs this year."

Fuck, these people just don't get it. The goal isn't to make the playoffs. This year, fine, ok. But the goal of the organization should be to win a championship. Not to simply make the playoffs. Making the playoffs was a laudable goal in the '90's when everyone knew the Flames didn't have the budget to compete for Cups. But now? Now the team is a top spender. The goal, now that the Flames have about as even a playing field as they have ever had, thanks to the CBA, should be to win a Stanley Cup, period.

So no, we aren't going pom-poms over 'We will make the playoffs this year'. They should. They should have made it last year and the year before that, too. Big whoop. If Feaster wants to impress, how about guaranteeing a Cup within, say, the next five years?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.