Wednesday, June 1, 2011

So, Uh, Erixon didn't sign...

And Ken King still has a job. Interesting that.

You can talk to me all you want about the draft picks we got for him. Sweet, now all we need to do is get some scouts who know how to draft.

It's fucking telling that Erixon's agent thought the organization was such a joke he wouldn't let his client sign here. How is it that the agent can see what so many in this city can't?

Didn't hear the local sport propaganda station today. We can only imagine how they tried to rationalize this.

Go Bruins.

**Updated** (Now in updated form!)

Links for Mr. Horak.

HockeyDB

NHL Central Scouting

Chilliwack Bruins (Go Bruins!)

Blueshirt Banter (And at the risk of starting a blog war, we are a little wary of that one. Everything we have seen up till now is all about how Horak is not defensively responsible and how he weighs like 160. Maybe they see something, or maybe take it with grains of salt.)

ESPN

Hockey News

Elite Prospects

Wiki

Hockey Futures

Who knows. You have to be crazy good to make it to the NHL if you are that size. Maybe Hesketh can do something. Erixon looked like an NHLer, though.

Pulling for the kid. If this kid has NHL hands, the Flames could certainly use them. But we aren't expecting anything. It looks like we traded a first for two seconds, which seems like a cheap price for a first.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

This Is How We Imagine The Negotiations Are Going

In a cold, lonely office high above the Saddledome ice, Ken King sits at his desk, swearing loudly. Walking by the office, Jay Feaster hears his boss, and checks in on him.

Ken King: Fuck! Fuck me!

Jay Feaster: Sir! What seems to be the problem?

Ken King: The fucking idiots! Why am I getting push back for my brilliant idea to change 'Flames Central' to 'Canucks Central'? Fuck these people. It would be so much easier if we could just garnish their wages and take their money directly.

Jay Feaster: I don't think that would be legal, sir.

Ken King: I don't give a fuck what you think. You a lawyer or something?

Jay Feaster: Well, technically, sir. But if you don't like it...

Jay Feaster tosses his degrees into the trash bin

Ken King: No, it's fine Jay. You didn't take the bar here, it's cool.

Jay Feaster begins taking his degrees out of the trash bin

Ken King: It's not your fault anyways. It's those fucking Brits and their property laws. Fuck em. Where's my secretary? Conroy! Get the fuck in here!

Ken Kings secretary, Craig Conroy, walks into the room, smiling.

Craig Conroy: Yes sir?

Ken King: Get Nenshi on the phone. Tell him we are going to start taxing the fucking hoi polloi if they don't hand over their cash willingly.

Craig Conroy: Yes sir!

Ken Kings secretary, Craig Conroy, leaves the room. Still smiling, for some unknown reason. Why is that guy always so damned happy?

Jay Feaster: Uhh, ok. I feel that I should tell you, Ken, that, and I may be wrong, but I don't think you actually have the ability to just make taxes up to charge people.

Ken King: Feaster, shut the fuck up. Did you not see what Katz just did in Edmonton? Anyways, why the fuck did you come in here?

Jay Feaster: Well sir, as you no doubt know, we have until June 1st to get Swedish standout defenceman Tim Erixon signed to a contract.

Ken King: Ex-fuckin-scuse me? Why are you bothering me with this shit?

Jay Feaster: It's May 31st, sir.

Ken King: Fuck me. Ok Kenny, scramble time...think bastard, think...ok, I got it. You call up his fucking agent, and you tell the prick to get Tim down to my ranch fucking ASAP. CRAIG!!

Ken Kings secretary, Craig Conroy, walks back into the office. Smiling, of course.

Ken King: Craig, you get on the phone now, and you call my ranch, and you tell the fucking ranch hands to get my gorgeous horses ready. We got us a player to sign. Now Craig!

Ken Kings secretary, Craig Conroy, walks out of the office. Yes, he is smiling.

Jay Feaster: Uhh, sir, I thought of that. There is a problem.

Ken King: Oh fuck, what now?

Jay Feaster: Tim Erixon is Swedish, sir. Also, he is in Sweden, sir.

Ken King: Fucking frog shit. Who's bright idea was it to draft a fucking foreigner?

Jay Feaster: Actually, I believe it was Darryl Sutter's idea...

Ken King: Are you fucking stupid? You expect me to believe that Darryl Sutter drafted this Swede? Our Darryl Sutter? This has Buttons fingerprints all over it. Button! Get in here!

Tod enters the office. Or was he there the whole time?

Tod Button: Yes sir?

Ken King: You're fired!

Tod Button: Ha! Good one, sir.

Tod leaves the office. We think. You can't really tell until you turn the lights off, wait a second, and then turn the lights back on.

Ken King: Ok, scramble time here, Kenny. Think! Ok, I got it. Let's pretend he doesn't even exist.

Jay Feaster: Thought of that too, sir. But it turns out the people know who he is and are kind of concerned.

Ken King: People know who he is? Really? Hmm...perhaps we can work with this. We can say he is the next Lidstrom. That would sell us some tickets, don't you think?

Jay Feaster: Do you think our customers would believe that?

Ken King: Our customers? Before 2004, half of these people thought the Saddledome was a nasty disease you got from spending too much time with horses.

Jay Feaster: I guess, sure. You are probably right.

Ken King: Of course I'm fucking right. I'm Ken fucking King. They didn't revolt after we gave Stajan that extension, did they? These people will swallow anything.

Jay Feaster: So what do we do, sir?

Ken King: 'We'? 'We' don't do anything. I will negotiate with Tim's agent and get this kid signed.

Jay Feaster: Ok, so what do I do, sir?

Ken King: You take the heat when the media finds out we had to offer a rookie a No Trade Clause just to get him to sign here. In other words, you do what I brought you here to do: provide cover.

Ken King picks up the phone on his desk, and dials up Tim Erixon's agent. He turns to Jay Feaster, who is still standing in Kings office.

Ken King: Big boys are talking, Jay. Go make yourself useful and fellate some local sports personalities. And tell em we are going to get this kid signed.

Jay Feaster: Yes sir!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Other Fan Friendly Calendar Events

With the Stanley Cup Finals days away, the excitement across the hockey community is palpable. In our own beautiful city, Calgary, the fans of the great frozen game are already getting into the mood. Whether it be viewing parties or road trips, the Calgary hockey fan is getting prepared for what will no doubt be a thrilling series between the Vancouver Canucks and the Boston Bruins.

Even the cities own hockey team, the Flames, are catching the vapours and getting involved. The team owns a bar downtown, called Flames Central, that is known for being the stage of Iginla's sister's boxing matches, and overpriced and underwhelming food and drinks. Well, in celebration of the lone Canadian team still alive and eligible to win the Stanley Cup, the team is choosing to throw it's full weight behind it's rivals, and are re-branding the bar 'Canucks Central'.

While this move has caused considerable consternation on behalf of the real fans of the Calgary Flames, we here at Dome Beers don't think it is that big of a deal. Relax, it is all in good fun, right? What's the big deal in celebrating the success of an immediate conference competitor, right?

It actually got us here at Dome Beers to do some thinking. What other events, in the name of fan friendly fun, do the Calgary Flames have on their schedule this year? Well, we did a little investigating, and through our sources at the 'Dome, actually managed to get our hands on the upcoming promotional schedule for the 2011-12 season.

Some of the highlights are:

October 16th, 2011: Wayne Gretzky Appreciation Night: (From the promotional guide)

- Wayne Gretzky was a phenomenal talent, and quite possibly the best hockey player the world will ever see. Come on down to the Saddledome and relive the memories of old #99 doing what he does best, killing the Flames in a playoff series. The first 15,000 people in the Saddledome will receive a commemorative #99 embroidered handkerchief, to wipe away the tears of joy you will no doubt experience taking this magical trip down memory lane. Also, we will be showing highlights of the magical Game 4 of the 1990 playoff series between the Kings and the Flames, where Wayne tallied 5 points and his Kings downed the Flames 12-4.

November 22nd, 2011: Patrick Roy Rookie Card Night: (From the promotional guide)

- 1986 was a great year in hockey. It was capped off with a rookie goaltender backstopping the storied Montreal Canadians to the hockey promised land, the Stanley Cup. What a magical, storybook ending to a season. The first 5,000 children in attendance will be given a Patrick Roy rookie card, so as to be able to relive the majesty of that moment, the beginning of the Roy Legend.

December 24th, 2011: Doug Risebrough Bobblehead Night: (From the promotional guide)

- Christmas is a time of giving, and a time where giving is celebrated. Which is why this Christmas eve, the first 20,000 fans in attendance will be given an exclusive Doug Risebrough bobblehead. Nothing in Calgary Flames history quite embodies the spirit of Christmas, the giving of charity to those who are less fortunate, than the 10 player, January 2nd, 1992 trade that saw Risebrough graciously give away Gilmour to the Toronto Maple Leafs. In fact, that act was so inspiring, years later Darryl Sutter would try to re-enact the act of charity by giving away Phaneuf to the Maple Leafs. Get inspired as well, and get your tickets to the Doug Risebrough Bobblehead Night today!

January 14th, 2012: Jose Theodore Hart Trophy Commemoration Night: (From the promotional guide)

- The 2001-02 hockey season left the hockey fan with a lot of cherished memories. Besides being the debut season of Ales Kotalik, that season also saw the excellent and world class goal tending displayed by perennial All-Star and shoe in for the Hall of Fame, Jose Theodore. In fact, because Theodore's efforts in net were so spectacular, and the competition for the league MVP was so mediocre, the 2001-02 season would see the Hart Trophy awarded to a goalie, with no controversy whatsoever involved. The Calgary Flames, to celebrate the accomplishment, will offer the first 10,000 fans into the building a free bottle of Rogaine.

February 5th, 2012: Ruslan Fedotenko Puck Night: (From the promotional guide)

- The 2003-2004 Stanley Cup playoff run by the Calgary Flames created a mountain of memories that are shared by all the fans, and which won't soon be forgotten. From the crazy hair of Mike Commodore to the cockamamie antics of Ville Nieminen, there was something for everyone to get on board and cheer for. But perhaps the most iconic moment of the run was when the plucky winger Ruslan Fedotenko cruised down the wing and scored the championship winning goal for the Tampa Bay Lightning. Now you too can relive those awesome memories. The first 15,000 fans into the building will be given a commemorative puck, featuring the handsome likeness of Ruslan Fedotenko scoring on Miikka Kirprusoff in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals.

March 11th, 2012: Rico Fata Memorial Night (From the promotional guide)

- The Calgary Flames have a proud tradition of drafting their own talent. Perhaps nobody who has ever worn the Flaming 'C' has embodied this phenomenon then the great Rico Fata. Drafted 6th overall, Fata would eventually play a whopping 27 games for the club, notching an impressive point along the way. Unfortunately, market forces would soon mean that the Flames would have to part with the fan favourite. And even though Fata would go on to play for four other franchises, he will always be a Flame at heart. The fans attending this game can expect a video tribute highlighting Rico Fata's single highlight reel moment as a Calgary Flame.

April 1st, 2012: Kerry Fraser Whistle Give Away Night: (From the promotional guide)

- For whatever reason, there has been this myth that Martin Gelinas actually scored the Stanley Cup winning goal in Game 6 of the 2003-2004 Stanley Cup Finals. Even though video evidence thoroughly disproves this, a good, honest referee had his reputation tarnished. Kerry Fraser never in his entire career made a bad call against the Calgary Flames, and he certainly didn't miss a series changing one. Which is why all fans in attendance to this game will be given a whistle, to use only when the time calls for it. Or not use, depending.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.