Friday, May 13, 2011

Give Us Back Our Freakin' Posts!

Oh blogger. You are a piece of shit.

Blogger nuked our two last posts. And the RTPIC. Which is a shame, because we honestly do not want to rewrite it.


Post Uno: GO HERE! Register! Log in! Vote for Dome Beers as the best local blog!

If we get 40 votes, we get on the ballot. Submissions to get on the ballot close on the 16th. Hustle up, Domebeer-aholics.

If we get on the ballot, we are holding a kegger to celebrate. Yes, that's a bribe.

Post Dos: Scott Macfarlane (sic?) got the FJM treatment for his 'Sharks are losers because they yet to win a Stanley Cup' take. To be fair, it's a general take, one that many, many people were advocating. Scott was picked on because he is the local guy. We were insinuating in the piece that the Sharks would win, and look at that, they did. 'Winners win' and 'losers lose' is pretty weak analysis, because winners win until they lose, and we were calling out that line of reasoning.

(Here is the dead link, blogger is a bitch.)

If blogger decides to show mercy and give us back our posts, we will re-run them. All the comments were lost as well, so if you had something to say about it, we, unfortunately, did not get to read them.

So, yeah. Go to FFWD and vote for us. RTPIC for reals is back next week. And we will change the girls. And we gotta finish this Stajan rap!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, May 12, 2011


Another Lame...

Ok. Scott Macfarlane, come on down.

The post. Now in linked form!

A lot of people are comparing the Detroit Red Wings/San Jose Sharks second-round series to the Vancouver Canucks/Chicago Blackhawks set from the first round.

You know, because a series between a two and a three seed and a series between a one and an eight seed are so comparable. It's just absolutely bat shit insane that Detroit would be able to come back on the Sharks. Afterall, they were separated by the huge chasm of one point during the regular season (Sharks 105, Wings 104).

The difference is simple — the Detroit Red Wings will actually complete the comeback.

Oh shit. Detroit WILL win the series. That's a pretty definite opinion. It's probably based on some number crunching analysis, right? You wouldn't just base that claim gut instinct, right? Especially if in two paragraphs you were about to tell people to bet the house on Detroit, right?

While it was great to see the Blackhawks take the Canucks to Game 7 in the opening round after the defending Stanley Cup champions fell behind three games to none and looked doomed, they couldn’t quite pull off the epic finish when they fell to the Canucks in overtime on Alex Burrows’ slapper.

Oh, so THAT'S what happened in that series!

Bettors might want to hop on the Red Wings to do what the Hawks could not. They face a Sharks team that looks ready to add to its impressive playoff-chokers legacy with the biggest display of self-destruction to date.

Ok then. Bet the house that the Wings will win this series because...the 2009, 2008, 2007 version of the San Jose Sharks didn't manage to win the Stanley Cup. Gotcha.

Thursday’s Game 7 showdown comes on home ice for the Sharks, but they coughed up their last opportunity to clinch at the Shark Tank, giving up four straight goals to the visiting Wings in a 4-3 loss in Game 5.

Oh, so THAT'S what happened in that game!

If they were fragile then, they’re made of Hollywood glass now. As for the Red Wings, it’s down to a one-game, winner-take-all scenario, and they couldn’t be any more confident after storming back in the series.

Did you guys know Joe Thornton is actually physically afraid of Pavel Datsyuk and his hurt wrist? Did you guys know that the Sharks are such pussies that when they see the Winged Wheel they immediately begin to urinate into their jock straps?

Or maybe Babcock did the job he is paid to do, and made some adjustments that McLellan has yet to respond too.

No, Scott is right. Marleau is gutless (Just ask Corey Sarich and the Flames playoff exit). Sharks have no chance.

Blood is in the water, but it’s not the Sharks going for the kill anymore. Although just three NHL teams in the history of seven-game series have completed the comeback and won the deciding contest, this is the third time in two playoff seasons teams have erased 3-0 deficits just to force a single-game showdown.

Allow us to rewrite this paragraph:  'Just three NHL teams in the history of seven-game series have completed the comeback and won the deciding contest'.

Scott is paid by the word? Oh, nevermind.

And the Red Wings are set to beat the odds. They’ve got a veteran-laden roster filled with guys who have plenty of experience in Game 7 situations and in big playoff games.

Veterans on the Sharks: Clowe, Heatley, Marleau, Mayers, Nichol, Thornton, Wellwood.

Who would you rather have in the crunch? Wings Pavel Datsyuk, Nicklas Lidstrom, Brian Rafalski, Tomas Holmstrom and Henrik Zetterberg supported by veterans Kris Draper and Mike Modano. Or Sharks Dany Heatley, Patrick Marleau, Joe Thornton, Dan Boyle and Ian White?

Average age of those Wings players: 36.7. Average age of those aforementioned Shark players: 30.4.

Only two players that Scott mentions for the Red Wings are under 35 (!), Datsyuk and Zetterberg, while every player that Scott mentions for the Sharks is.

Are legs important in hockey? No? Ok then, nevermind.

Give me the team with the most proven winners on it every time. In this case, it’s the Wings, hands down.

Scott took the Lakers over the Mavs because Dirk is a loser.

This is the worst analysis around: Winners win and losers lose. It makes sense up until the point where the 'Winners' lose, and 'Winners' invariably lose to 'Losers'. In other words, winners win until they lose, and losers lose until they win.

Some actual analysis on the two teams would have been nice. Of course, that column would have taken more than an hour to write, and Scott is a busy guy.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Shameless Self Promotion

As opposed to...shamed self promotion?

Anyways people, FFWD Magazine. Yeah, the one with the Dan Savage column at the back and a poorly written article about politics at the front? Yeah, that's the one. Well, FFWD Magazine is trying to decide who gets on the ballot for their 'Best Of Calgary' promotional thang that they do. To win the title of 'Calgary's Best Widget', you have to be on the ballott.

Which means, Domebeer-aholics, you got some work to do. Because currently, we are not on the ballet. Which is a fucking disgrace. How do we fix this insult? Easy. FFWD is currently, as we speak, is holding what amounts to open auditions. If you go here (CLICK THE LINK) you will see that they have a process set up whereby if 40 people vote for your widget in whatever particular category you wish your widget to compete in, your widget will get on the official ballot.

Now our particular widget, Dome Beers, is particularly interested in getting on the ballot for the vote of 'Best Local Blog'. And it isn't just us. Domebeer-aholic and general bad ass senorita WI, who operates the HTP, has gone ahead and cast the first stone, if you will, for Dome Beers. That means we are 39 votes away from local hackdom heaven.

Let's channel our inner Rob Kerr and come up with a plan to get those 39 more votes. Although our plan won't be made out of generalities, vagueness (young players with speed and skill should make up the core!) and unicorn poop.

So. Step one, obviously, is to go here. Then, register up with FFWD. Normally we hate doing that shit, but this actually only took about 30 seconds. You give them an email address, they send you a link to make a password, and it's over quicker than Electra and Rodman.


Once that is done (DO IT!), you can start getting back to business. Once you are registered, you are taken back to the FFWD homepage. It's much better than the Calgary Suns homepage, so you wont get lost. There is a link bar on the left side of the screen. Gaze at it lovingly until you see the 'Best of Calgary' link. Click it, big man. It wants to be clicked. Make it feel like a real link.

Ok, so now you have clicked the link, and had your post-coitus cigarette. Now you are ready to start blog nominating.

You will see that FFWD has provided six categories of stuff n junk (The City, Urban Life, Shopping, etc). Domebeer-aholics, you are concerned about only one of these categories. You want to click 'Urban Life', and holy hell is there a lot of shit here to vote on. Ignore it, ignore it all (less you want to vote, then go ahead, keener).

Actually, vote for AM1060 as best radio station, because, well, it is. Once that is done, then get ready to do some hardcore scrolling. Scroll down. Scroll way down. Stop when you see titles hovering over empty boxes. We said stop! Ok, good. We have arrived.

You are looking for 'Best Local Blog'. Once found, go ahead and just write ''. It's liberating, you will like it. While you are there, you can also go ahead and vote for Matt Stajan as the sexiest woman in Calgary (which is a joke we stole from WI).

And then, from there, you simply hit submit. HIT SUBMIT! DO IT NOW!

Now, Dome Beers, why would we, the Domebeer-aholics, do this for you? Because we are offering bribes.

You guys get us on the ballot, we have a kegger for the Domebeer-aholics. It's really that simply.

So do you like Dome Beers? Do you like alcohol? Yeah, you do? Then go out and do your duty, and vote for Dome Beers, and get us on the ballot for 'Best Local Blog'.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Still Nothing

What are we going to write about, with the Flames being dead and the media refusing to ask uncomfortable questions?
Diss Andrew Walker?

Who? Don't worry, if you don't know that name you are in the same company as Peter Maher. His coworker.

(And our last shot - Boomer & Warrener this morning, sans Walker, was much better than normal. We know some of the Domebeer-aholics have questioned the use of Warrener, or more specifically the overuse of Warrener, but we don't know, with just Boomer and Warrener there, they sound more natural, like it's a more natural flow. That's the format we would go with. Save the 24 grand you pay Walker (is that too high an estimate?) and get Ric Lafitte an expensive whore.)

Anyways...the Flames. No news, huh? It's getting so bad we even went to Calgarypuck to look for news. And even they got nothing. It's a drought.

Actually, we did hear about the Flames when we were listening to the AM1060's child cancer charity drive thang they were doing the other day. Turns out the Flames, predictably, are involved in a lot of the stories of the sick kids; Giving out tickets, the players lending their time, etc.

You know who is behind that shit? We guarantee you that it is Ken King. Damn you and your charitable inclinations, Ken King. Humanizing yourself in our eyes, and shit. Hate that.

What was Classic Country doing, anyways? Trying to make grown men cry?

Watching those playoffs; Wow, are the Flames far away.

Here is your depressing stat for the day:

List is from Ales Pig Ugly Kotalicksballs isn't on the list, for whatever reason. Anyways...holy shit this is a mess of our own making. And by 'our' and 'own' we mean Murray Edwards, and his enabling of Ken King, and then Kings enabling of Darryl Sutter. The two '*' belong to shitface Hagman and Tommy K, who we love here at Dome Beers.

But just look at this list. The Flames ownership group, Mr. Murray Edwards, are (is?) on the hook to pay the bums on the roster One Hundred Twenty Five Million Dollars. How Murray Edwards can look at that is beyond us. Is there enough Pepto Bismol in the world?

Oh right, he doesn't actually know all that much about hockey, so Ken King is still able to con him on the potential of 27 year old Matt Stajan.

And six years to Bourque...what the fuck were people smoking?

Look, it's obvious as hell, so why don't they come out and say it? The Flames fucked up. They operate under a system that has a cap on the amount of money they have to spend on salaries (which may or may not be good), but at the same time guarantees contracts (which is fucking retarded). Which means the organization can't simply cut the dead weight on the team and spend it's way to prosperity.

Which in turn means that next year is a write off year (Ken King not being fired for this travesty is stupid). That's fine, but have the 'intelectual honesty' as an organization to tell the fans. We know it's shitty marketing, but it will cause less damage in the long run. You have people running around this city with the crazy notion that the organization will actively try to make itself better for next year, and that is just not the case, and when those people see that they will get cynical. And cynicism will corrode a fanbase.

For instance, take the Cubs. Everyone who vaguely follows the Cubs knows that the team isn't trying to win this year (insert Cubs-Lose-All-The-Time joke here). Because the fanbase knows the score, and the score being that they need to let some ill thought out contracts expire and get off the books before they can legitimately contend (which is in no way analogous to the Flames current situation at all, no sir), the fanbase isn't going crazy over the fact that Carlos Pena currently has 3 more RBI than John McDonald.

We will take it further: One of the reasons the fanbase isn't going crazy (over Pena and other shit) is because ownership was upfront and honest with the fanbase when it pertained to the future direction of the club. In the Cubs case, us Cub fans can sit secure in the knowledge that we will be watching either Albert Pujols or Prince Fielder man first base for us next year.

To conclude this mini-rant: It's unsettling to know that the Cubs have a plan for the road ahead, and the Flames, by all indications, do not.

Can we fire Ken King yet?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

Hug em if you get em.

The 'Legendery Dome Beers Crew' actually rocks quite a few epic Mothers. It's really quite enjoyable.

Ever hear of a distribution curve? Well, the concept basically means, mathematically and scientifically, we, the DB Crew, have Mothers far superior to your mothers.

We are not saying, we are just saying.

Furthermore, I think the weatherman is a douchebag for making it rain on Mother's Day.