Friday, January 21, 2011

Roman Turek Profile In Courage


It's Friday, and that means just one thing: A Flames 'W'.

What the...? Oh yeah, yeah, you guys are indeed correct. It is that time of the week when we present the coveted Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC)!

This weeks winner should be Curtis Glencross, but it isn't. He isn't because he is this weeks first nominee. But he should be because he hit this sucka, Clayton Stoner, from behind, and sent his ass head first into the boards. That shit is tits, and let us explain why: You want that edge on your team, and you want the opposition players on the other team to have to have that extra thought in their heads, have them thinking about where Curtis is at, when they play against the Flames.

Right? Let's be real here. Minnesota didn't do nothing coming off that hit. They don't have nobody on the team who is going to go to war. So take advantage of that shit, and play dirty. That's how the game is played, whether we talk about it out loud or not.

Curtis, in our books, made himself more valuable by doing that. The problems with the Flames are many, but listen yo, a lack of sandpaper is one of them. Glencross showing some is worthy of a yeehaw.

Look, we will be intellectually honest. It was a dirty hit, and he probably should have been suspended, we guess. Here is a website with the Ovy hit on Campbell. We might be idiots, but seriously we can't see the difference between this one and the Cowboys . Glencross doesn't have the big push, but the area on the ice the 'hit' is delivered is the same. We see that. What does that mean? That means, right now, at this moment, the NHL thinks Curtis Glencross is a bigger star than Ovy was when Ovy's hit was delivered. They suspended Ovy for two games!

Nomination number two goes to Kipper. For sucking. But that could go to a lot of Flames, right? 6 - 0 to the Wild means that the forwards aren't doing shit either. And this talk to trade Kipper, being espoused by quite a lot of people, some of whom we respect, is absurd. The problems the Flames have with the salary cap isn't one caused by Jarome, or Kipper. Let's be real here. The owners have money and provide it to the team. There is no financial reason to trade Kipper, at all. So that line of reasoning isn't relevant, if you ask us. You can trade Kipper, sure, if you want, but you can't trade him while he is letting more hard rubber get through his legs than a model at a Dildo convention. He isn't blocking a prospect and the team can afford the contract. A trade should only be made with consideration as to what the team is getting back. If that is shit on a stick, then don't trade him. Hold on to the asset and let it rebuild its value. If it doesn't, who cares? It is only an issue because there is a salary cap. The salary cap is an issue because they have guys named Stajan, Hagman, Kotalik, Sarich, Staios, and name-your-favourite-terrible-contract (Jblow!) on the roster. Like all the same people who want to trade Kipper for peanuts on the dollar keep saying, the team can sign an average goaltender for cheap if Kipper truly sucks for the majority of his contract and go tandem.

Let us spell it out: Players who have actually done something of note for this franchise, like Iggy and Kipper, they aren't on our list of players to trade just because. If you can get a real return for them it's one thing, we can talk about it, but otherwise?

Our third nominee is the American economy. The American economy, in our humble opinion, is about to get a little more jacked up. It's going to get worse, American economy, not better. Why do we think that? Lots of reasons, but one big one is that the guys who are in charge of the fixing this mess are communists. Sorry, but they are. Obama just had a meeting with people he thought were influential, with regards to the economy. They were all left wing kooks (effin' pinko's). Not a single dissenting voice was in the meeting, which isn't very adult. On top of that, Obama brought his economic boys with him to the meeting, Austan Goolsbee and Jared Bernstein. Why does this worry us? Because, like we said, they are communists. Well, one of them is a closet commie and the other is out. Bernstein wrote a book called Benefits Of Full Employment: When Markets Work For People. Anyone who writes a book with the words Benefits Of Full Employment in the title is a commie, sorry, but they are. Goolsbee is just a closet commie. And wouldn't you know, he never had a job in private sector in his life.

These people are in charge of 'fixing' the economy? And you thought Darryl Sutter was a bad GM...

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award is Mike Richards.


So the Flames suckage has finally costs us something tangible. Mike is gone. And we never even asked him for a free plug on the radio!

So funny. When we found out we sent off emails to the guys over at the FAN960, asking for the story. Turns out all we needed to do was use the google. We are stuuupid. But not as stupid as Rogers, for letting Mike go.

Honestly, Richards is ratings gold. How the hell did they let him get away? That is a pretty big fuck up, if you ask us, on par with having Loubardias call Flames game.

This move leaves us torn. While we are deeply saddened that we will no longer be able to hear Mike ramble through what should be an easy question to ask, we are happy an opening has, err, opened, at the station for Dome Beers favourite, Doug 'Motherfucking' Kirkwood.

Hey, Kelly Kirch, if you aren't going to hire us, please for the love of whatever God you worship, hire Kirkwood. If you, Kelly, are thinking about replacing Richards with Loubardias, then you are setting yourself up for a lawsuit.

That's right, a lawsuit. For what? Assault and battery, that's what. And emotional trauma, too. Loubardias is so fucking bad at entertaining people that he has been known to cause earbleeds if you listen to him for too long. Causing someones ears to bleed is fucking battery, Kirch. You can't put someone that terrible on the radio for five days a week and not expect us to launch a class-action lawsuit on behalf of the good people of this city. So just avoid the risk and hire Kirkwood, ok? Or us!

Back to Rogers (the company) being stupid. Do you people realize they let Mikes contract expire? That he had been working without a contract? That's fucking insane. Mike is a fucking star, you have to hold on to stars. Look, let us help you out, Rogers, in case this shit comes up in the future. If someone doesn't want to work for you anymore, regardless of the reason, here is the solution: YOU OFFER MORE MONEY. And because Mike brings in money because he is ratings gold, you might want to keep him.

Problem: Mike doesn't want to live here, he wants to live in Toronto.

Solution: OFFER MORE MONEY.

Problem: Mike doesn't like being censored, and not having creative control over his show.

Solution: OFFER MORE MONEY.

Problem: Mike wants more money.

Solution: OFFER MORE MONEY.

It's pretty easy to follow, actually. Why Rogers didn't? Who knows.

The story actually gets better. Turns out Mike has been trying to bolt Calgary for Toronto for at least a year, if not two. He was never able to negotiate a deal with the FAN590 (probably because they didn't OFFER MORE MONEY), which is why he was still in Calgary. But he had been actively trying to find a job in Toronto. To be with his family, which is pretty soft and worthy of a mention on 'Gay Or Not Gay'. Anyways, TSN guys probably know about this, because the idiots over at Rogers allowed Mike to have TSN guys on the show, and Mike being Mike (read: awesome) probably quite quickly became friends with these guys. So he lets them know he wants to be in Toranta (that's how those people say it, isn't it?), and they let their TSN overlords know...

And the next thing you know Mike Richards is the new face of TSN Radio. But Mike leaving Rogers so he can kill Rogers for TSN isn't even the best part. The best part is that Mike let the guys over at Rogers, and the guys over at the FAN960, know he was leaving the company a few hours before he was to do the morning show today!

What an asshole move, right? Which just builds the legend that is Mike Richards. So tits.

Seriously though, we will miss Mike. We are aspiring comics ourselves, and Mike was actually good at his job. We watch those people, like learning from those people, and now the cat is gone. Kinda sad. Who are we going to get free lessons from now? And again, we never got the free plug from Mike. Not that we ever asked, but now we are pissed at ourselves for never asking!

Anyways, good luck to you Mike, not that you will need it.

For...well, for being Mike Richards, Mike Richards wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

(Shit, they traded V Wells. Rogers is just cutting back the budget everywhere, eh?)

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired. And I also think that under no circumstances whatsoever should he be allowed to take over for Mike. Not unless you want us listening to Jimmy Hughes in the morning instead.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Salmagundi

Hello, Dombeer-aholics. We are going to be covering some old stuff as well as some new stuff, so we apologize if we bore you with the redundancy. Nothing new for this site, right?

First, what the hell is wrong with Alderman Druh Farrell? Actually, before that, let's discuss the whole Alderman thang. Alderman, if you didn't know, is derived from the word 'Elder', which in this context refers to the position of the the wise man, or the villages coach. So with that in mind, we do agree with Druh that we shouldn't be calling these...'people' Alderman because these...'people' really don't represent what that word is suppose to mean. Right? Nobody would let Druh Farrell look after their pet rock, so to call her 'the village elder' really demeans the concept.

Hey, that means we have a new word to come up with to describe the people who use civic apathy to get elected to office with like 10 people voting, who then position themselves in cushy positions on government boards where the only danger one could experience on the job is that someone might want to bribe you...

Anyways, we bring Druh (seriously, that's how she spells it) up because, as you might have heard, she hates poor people and wants to take the fluoride out of the water supply. To save money, or something. Know what else she wants? She wants to spend a ton of money on consultants (hire us!) to give her cover so she can ask for a bigger budget for her office. Why? Who knows, she probably thought she was winning by spending her budget faster than everyone else on council, you can't tell with Druh.

She actually had a quote where she said something to the effect of "It's, like, really really hard to be a member of council, cha, and, like, the job is way beyond my capabilities, and junk. But it's a super cool job, so, like, I don't wanna quit, right? Like, so, umm, if you could, like, giggle, just give me some more money so, like, I could hire more people it would be tots cool."

Elections have consequences people. Whatever, my ward elected Pinko, err, Pincott, so we aignt got room to talk shit.
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What the hell is George Johnson doing? Kill the hope, don't give it life! Johnson isn't a dummy. Why is he peddling, while at the same time not peddling (it's one of those articles where it's like "I think he could do x, but he also could do y!"), the hope? You are telling me Johnson wants to cover a 9th place team? George, and his peers, have a job to do. They have to prepare the part of the fanbase who aren't really fans for the eventual tank job. George's article isn't bad in and of itself, but why even write it? Why write about all the points they have accumulated in a glowing manner when it comes against the softies of the East? This, as Johnson himself points out in the article, is an illusion. So why indulge it?

Instead of writing about will they or won't they, the conversation should be should they or shouldn't they. We are in the 'tank the season, trade off as much of the supporting cast as you can, get a good player in the draft' camp. There is also the 'Let them keep trying, maybe even add a player at the deadline if you can, make a run for the playoffs and see what happens from there' camp. The latter camp is wrong, but people are allowed to hold wrong opinions in this great country of ours. Whichever way you swing on this issue, it's an issue, it's the issue, we should be talking about.

Why did they fire Darryl if they (the owners, management) still wanted to compete for 8th? We took firing Darryl as a sign that the organization knew what was up, and it was letting everyone else know they knew through firing Darryl. Right? Is that a wrong conclusion to make? We don't think so. But here we sit, with Feaster not doing anything either way, and with a Heritage Classic game looming.

Ahh, the Heritage Classic, the gorilla in the room clouding all decisions...
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While on the topic of trades, we want to be clear. We aren't for jeopardizing the negotiating power that Feaster has (if he has any) and forcing a trade just to make a trade. Or at least we wouldn't be, except that the team is winning right now, and if you want to go the draft route, being in the top 5 of bad teams is the safest way to ensure that you do actually end up with a good player and not a bust like name-your-Flames-prospect Saprykin (round 1, #11). Oh, and all those teams you just beat on the road trip? Yeah, those are the ones you are competing against to get into the top 5 bad teams at the end of the year.

And our retort to the people who say the draft is a crapshoot and we might as well win as many games as we can and see where the chips fall because the owners can afford it and you owe it to the fans? The draft is a crapshoot, and the Flames have a history of being terrible at it, so the closer to number one you can get, the better. The team doesn't have the cap space to get better through free agency, and the pieces we have aren't good enough to challenge for a Cup legitimately. Therefore, draft is the avenue we have to go down, so lets not fuck it up by drafting 14th. Also, if they thought they owed the fans anything they would have sent Staios to Abby, and sent Kotalik to Russia.
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Still on trades. Flooschman, Fleshman, oh, Fleischmann for Reggie. The general consensus seems to be that this wouldn't be a good trade for the Flames. People seem to think you can get more for Reggie. The rumour de jour in the summer was that the Flames could have had Savard for Reggie. Is Savard better than Fleischmann? Most of you will say yes, of course he is. But is he? Savard is signed until the 2016-2017 season, and he is 33 right now. Fleischmann is signed until the 2010-2011 season. One and done. Fleischmann might not be the better player, but he is certainly the better (read: more liquid) contract. (Also, Fleischmanns brains haven't been scrambled and he can play a full season.)

Reggie for Fleischmann is a better trade than Reggie for Savard, because of the flexibility it gives the team. It probably will be argued that it would make the team worse because the worst depth on the team is the shit we have on the defence (Staios, ect.) and we would have to play those players more minutes with Reggie gone. Good, that kills two birds with one stone: We get worse, get a better draft pick, and shed salary at the same time.

Maybe they are holding out for a first rounder, who knows.
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You know that radio commercial they play on the FAN960 that talks about the Flames and how great they are and towards the end of it the singer on the track they are using for background music yells out, in a voice one would use if one was, oh, taking a massive shit, or maybe busting a nut, 'Calgary Flames'? Do you know what we are talking about? What the hell is up with that commercial? Uhh, please stop playing it and come up with something that isn't so disturbing, thank you. Here's a hint: drop the stupid pop punk rock angle you are going for and USE A FUCKING FIDDLE! God, are we the only ones who remember the team plays in Alberta? Glencross is a cowboy in real real life, for crying out loud! Give us some twang.
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There was a funny story we missed. It was in the Sun, and it was titled 'Feaster backs Kipper'.

Uhh, yeah, Feaster better. Kipper is the one with a contract for next year.
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We really don't like the U.S.A. hosting the leader of a criminal regime, one that employs police tactics (the Terror) against it's own population in order to cow it into servitude. We don't like the U.S.A, supposedly the champions of Liberty and the Free Market negotiating with a partner that believes in neither, who in fact has its own border closed to free trade, and who only allow foreign companies in to the country to do business if it can also steal that companies technology. We really don't like the idea of a Democratic President, a guy who is supposedly for 'the little people', meeting, and thereby legitimizing, a leader of a country who employs a massive amount of slave labour.

It's disgusting.
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Iggy can do what he wants. Not upset in the slightest.
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Did Boomer reference us when he was talking to the coach of the team or are we crazy? Either way, crazy!
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Boo Nystrom! Boo him every time he touches the puck. It's your duty as a Flame fan to demand the media fire up the hype machine anytime a player who left the organization comes back!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Guess We Should Say Something

Very quickly...

The Flames are down by four goals to the Habs, and the Montreal crowd breaks out the Ole Ole. With ten minutes left in the period. The second period.

That was awesome. You wanna know why that was awesome? Two reasons. One, crowds that do that shit in the second period of a hockey game are drunk, which is tits. Two, having their, je ne sais quoi, machismo questioned like that was the very reason the Flames came back. Montreal stops trying, the Flames start trying, ect.

So bon travail, Montreal crowd. Merci.

Also: Brent left Kipper in for too long if you want the Flames to win and make the playoffs. The first soft goal after the first soft goal he let in he should have been pulled. We can quibble on what constitutes a soft goal or not (Karlsson's in OT) but we think all of them were soft. We can quibble about Cammo's, but we think he should have been yanked after two, but definitely after three. If you are trying to win...

Also: Anyone see Flames TV last night? First off, the host of that show, he couldn't replace Loubardias? Second, they had Lanny McDonald on, and holy fucking shit that guy should be our GM. We tried to google it and found nothing, and the same with the youtube. Take our words for it. Host asks Lanny what he would do, and we shit you not #9 says if he is missing the playoffs, it isn't with an old team. He wants to tank it, too! Lanny and his moustache would also go on to talk about how they envision a team: Fast, deadly and can score (the Steinke special). Moustache in complete agreement, Lanny then talked about how he would use his vast network of contacts to improve the scouting. For reals.

Manna from Heaven. This guy lives in the city, the season ticket holders love him, and he has managed various levels of hockey teams before. You can bet Lanny wouldn't have fucked up the Heritage Classic ticket sales and then the subsequent placing of said tickets. It is a joke Lanny McDonald isn't at least being considered for an interview.

We said we would be quick, it was quick.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, January 17, 2011

It's Not Cute

If the Flames had played real teams over the weekend, with the effort they gave, they would have lost. They would have lost.

The Senators were a joke who decided to give it a go with 10 minutes left in the third, and the Flames had a three goal lead, so the pedal was not on the metal, and they gave up two fake goals. But we were not impressed with the effort, it wasn't an entertaining game to watch, and the Flames were lucky they were playing a team that had quit on their coach. Colour us underwhelmed.

The Toronta' game was even worse. Fuck waffles, if we were Leaf fans we would have encouraged everyone to buy a beer, chug it down, go to the bathroom, and fill their beer cups with beer-piss and beer-shit. We would then have encouraged everyone to then chuck the piss and shit filled cups into the Maple Leafs bench.What the hell was that? How do you have no fight, and this is both the Flames and the Leafs, for a Saturday night hockey game? Oh, right, dinner reservations.

Sure, we won the game, hurray, but you wanna know why we are down on the team? It's because they sleepwalk through games, even though they are a 14th place hockey team. It's because when they get on the national stage, Saturday night in the centre of the universe, instead of beating down a team they are more talented than, instead of beating down a Leaf team who had no interest in playing, they take the night off themselves instead of sending a message. You wanna know why we get down on the media? Because after those two shitty games, instead of calling the team out and saying the truth, which is they only won because the teams they played had no desire themselves to win, and if they had played real teams they would be on a two game losing streak right now with the effort they gave, they are feeding the fanbase with tales of hope and 'we can get right back in this thing gang'. Fuck off, no we can't, not if we play like we did on the weekend, and you, media guys, know it.

But that's not what's pissing us off. The media, based on who they draw their paycheque's from, have to sell the team. It's part of their professional obligation. They can be forgiven for it (except Loubardias). What the hell is the coach doing trying to keep hope alive?

In the Leafs game, Kotalik fucked up big and cost the team the lead late in the third. Instead of banishing Kotalik to the bench and crushing whatever spark is left in the soft Czech, Brent did the right thing (long term) and went back to Kotalik in the shoot out. Fuck off Brent, and stop coaching! And to make matters worse, Kotalik actually scored. Thanks Brent, now Kotalik might get confident and actually try to play good hockey now.

It's so irritating! We need to lose and Brent keeps trying to keep the team from quitting. We need players to fold in the tent, and Brent won't let them. Do you realize Badsucks improving under Brent? That implies to me that Brent is trying to get the most out of these guys! And if he is allowed to continue this act all season, who knows where we end up. Mark our words, if this 'coaching' is allowed to continue, we aren't going to come away from this year with a lottery pick. And 9th place helps nobody.

So the ball is in Feasters court. Feaster needs to gut this team,and gut it fast. You know what we want to see for the rest of the season? Iggy, Kipper, Gio, and JBlow. And the rookie, we guess. That's it. Everyone else on the team needs to go. Honestly, Tanguay, Hagman, Jokinen, Stajan, Bourque, and Pardy represent a lot of second round draft picks. And if we get rid of the support, we are almost guaranteed a lottery pick.

The Flames goal differential is -10. One team has made the playoffs (in the Western Conference) post lockout with a negative goal differential. We will not be the second team. Bury this body, Feaster. Reggie not playing on the weekend had us hoping Feaster was working on something other than finishing the game day dinner.
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All you people who thought the Steelers couldn't win the game by more than three points got what you deserved. What a joke. Flacco is no better than Bowler, and should have been shut out. Harrison is a beast. Steelers going to the Superbowl, which means A Z R, your humble correspondent, won't have a complete wash of a year, sportswise.
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You know what's wrong with Loubardias? We mean, besides everything? When everything is the greatest thing ever to happen in a hockey game, then nothing is. And he has kept this act up for two years plus now, and he still hasn't figured that out.
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You know, this here website has been around for about a year. We think we can officially call ourselves 'underground' now. Now the question is: if we were to publish a small little bathroom book, would anybody buy it?

Tentative title: Dome Beers Guide To The 'Dome, or maybe make it an annual thing, Dome Beers Guide To The 2010-2011 Season. Who knows. And yes, that is a blatant attempt to have a publisher give us an advance.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.