Saturday, November 13, 2010

Update On The $2,688 Man

For the Domebeer-aholics who haven't seen it, here is the police report for one Brett Sutter: Tada!

Hilarious. You know the thing about being a marginal player in the league? When you cause scenes like this, you usually get cut. You know, it's not like hockey players like Mr. Sutter are a dime-a-dozen, or anything.

Kudos to TSN, for some actual reporting! Keep it coming, for all NHL teams.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award


It's Friday, and that means one thing: beer and boobs!

Huh? What? Oh, yeah, you are right. It is also that time of the week when we present the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC)!

So, what happened this week? Brett Sutter got arrested. Oh, you heard about that? Ok, hmm. Well, we won't make him a nominee this week, but we still have a bountiful of choices to pick from.

Our first nominee is the adults at the G20 who told President Obama to cut the fucking spending and to stop printing dollars. After getting beat down at home by the Grand Old Party, and ruining the optics of his South-Asian vacation by pontificating on the vagaries of jihad, Obama was probably looking forward to the safe shelters of the world government types at the G20. Turns out a funny thing happened on the way to global central planning. Seems China, Britain, Germany, you know, actors who are otherwise known as America's bondholders, don't appreciate the idea of 'quantitattive easing', otherwise known as 'the making-the-currency-so-worthless-that-all-the-debts-(bonds)-held-in-that-currency-are-easily-paid-and-bread-cost-$10,000-a-loaf plan'. Why? What's the problem? Anyone not down America inflating it's way out this mess probably has a savings account. Nerd!

Our second nominee this week is Frank Gore's babies mom. Why? Because when she found out Frank Gore was cheating on her with her brothers babies mom (it's complicated), she decided to handle her business. Apparently, we now call jumping someone 'finding ways to arrange a street fight'. Anyways, Frank Gores spurned woman beat the hell out of Franks other woman, and we just think that's plumb awesome.

Our third nominee this week is Scott Boras and his attempt to sell Manny Ramirez to the Blue Jays as a 'mentor' to the young players. A mentor? What's Manny going to teach Escobar? How to do steroids and beat up 70 year old club house managers? How to quit on your team in the middle of a pennant race? How to sell BBQ's? While Manny has always brought the big thump at Skydome, he also quits on his teams in the middle of seasons, and costs 20 million dollars. Sounds like Manny would fit in a lot better on the Mets.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award is: Goldust.

Why? Because he got married.



Oh, you kids!

Goldust is actually one of the oldest players of the WWF roster, so we are very happy that he has finally settled down. Congratulations.

Too bad about the divorce, though.

(We are going to bring back classic, story based RTPIC's next week. It's about time.)

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

They Serve Milskey In Arizona

We would like to offer some dap to Sun writer Steve Macfarlane. 

When you start columns with an opening like 'Just what the Flames needed — another Sutter giving the organization a black eye.', you are going to get some dap. Earlier this year, Darryl gave an interview and someone asked him about the media, and he said he had worked in tougher media environments than Calgary. In hindsight, we don't think stirring that hornets nest was one of Darryls smarter moves. Because the ink stained see it as a challenge, and they start dropping that your kid is earning $2688 dollars a day to sit in the press box!

And some dap to the Calgary Herald, who provide us with this gem:


Now, if they could combine Macfarlanes smack talk with the Heralds use of the mugshot...

Here's what we know. From that mugshot, we can safely say that Brett Sutter is drunk. And he won the fight. Alberta represent!

My oh my, the optics of this are not good. Darryl Sutter is widely seen as having a little too much freedom within the organization, doing what he wants, going unchecked. Now his kid gets arrested after getting into a fight at a bar.

In Scottsdale, the softest location in Arizona.

What, did the guy smudge Bretts' Salvatore Ferragamo's?

Seriously people, we will be up front. It's one thing for a guy to get into a fight at a bar. Shit happens, people get their faces broke. It's quite another for a hockey player, supposedly the toughest hombres out there and not glorified lacrosse frat boys, who is scion to a notoriously 'hard-nosed' Sutter family, to get into a fight at a chauchy bar in a plastic city. He had to be fighting either a retired stock broker or a college kid. It's Scottsdale! Here, look for yourself.

Pretty soft, Brett. We really don't think Brett is out drinking alone, and the papers have done a nice job of keeping the names of the people Brett was with out of the news. But we are afraid all this amounts to is yet more evidence that the Flames are a group of Country Club softies. They are out drinking at a bar that serves strawberry and walnut salad!

God, it's disgusting. Gelinas would never be caught dead in a place like that.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

God Bless


In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.


We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie,

In Flanders fields.


Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.
...

μόνο οι νεκροί έχουν δει το τέλος του πολέμου

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

For $65 Million, We Expect Lobster

The Calgary Flames are spending $65,013,750 million dollars on this team.

According to Puck Daddy, the average ticket price for a Flames game is $66.68

According to Wikipedia, the Saddledome's capacity is 19,289. We actually think the number is higher than this, somewhere slightly above 20,000.

Anyways, let's use the official number.

$66.68 * 19,289 = $1,286,190.52

$1,286,190.52 * 41 =  $52,733,811.32

$65,013,750.00 - $52,733,811.32 = a $12,279,938.68 shortfall.

And you wonder why they are gouging you at the box office for Heritage Classic tickets.

Look, we understand the term 'average ticket price' doesn't really mean anything. But these are the numbers we have, so these are the numbers we are going to use. Yes, we understand using a number from Puck Daddy is stupid, because Puck Daddy does shoddy research (seriously, you don't gain credibility by forgetting the Flames light off giant flame throwers when they score a goal).

But going with what we have, we have the Flames losing money to ice this current roster. Of course, this doesn't include concessions and everything, and we suspect that, despite Ken Kings protestations, the Flames are not losing money. But they might be, you never now. They kept Darryl Sutter on the payroll, so we don't really trust the business acumen of the front office.

This season could be a disaster for the club, financially, if they don't make the playoffs. Which Murray Edwards would deserve, as he kept the people in place that decided spending $3 million dollars on Ales Kotalik was a good idea.

The team already has $55,861,666 committed for next years team, as well.

Prediction: Unless this team shows something, a payroll cut is coming. Good. Maybe taking away the unlimited payroll will force whoever is the GM to make smart and efficient choices with the cash available.
...

Hey, that post was too dry. While we are talking about money and what you can buy with it, here is a dirty joke!

One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker.

Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse.

The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!"

The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Post Game Fluff

We win! We're the best team ever!

Things we liked

- We like Jarome, but the cat needs to score. Of course, if he isn't scoring, he might as well be breaking wrists, eh TJ Galiardi?

- David Moss, in front of the net? Good idea.

- There was a point in the game where 11 got into it a little behind the Colorado net, and Jarome went after the guy who was going after the rookie. Good stuff, because he didn't have to do it (why is Backlund hanging out by the crease after play has stopped anyways if he is going to skate away at any contact?), but he did.

- Stajan got run over, but to his credit, when he got up he went towards the play and not towards the bench. On the play, when Stajan was skating towards the bench, Peter Loubardias demonstrated just why people get so infuriated with him. Stajan is skating off, and Loubardias says something to the effect of 'And Stajan is skating off...' which is good. More than good, this was a solid line. Except Loubardias couldn't let the thought linger, he couldn't let the audience just watch Stajan just skate back to the bench. Peter waits a half moment, and then immediately starts talking again. '...and look at him skate off. He needs to get off. He's hurt. He's yada yada, He's...'. When 'Silence' would have been entirely appropriate, Loubardias chooses 'Noise'.

- Coach changed some lines up.

- Long walks on the beach.


Things we didn't like

- Jay Bouwmeester should have gone after Duchene (after getting the tag from Sarich) instead of acting like a linesman.

- Jarome needs to score. Taylor Hall has more goals.

- Olli missed on an empty net! Irony is dead, buried, dug out, beat up some more, lit on fire, and buried again.

- Jeter didn't win the Gold Glove, did he? That award may have killed off it's prestige a while ago, but that really made me notice it.

- Pop 40 music.

Bottom Line

 This team is showing signs of not completely sucking. We think, and this has no backing in the stats because we think they show the opposite, really, that this team comes out too tepid sometimes. Tonight would be an example. This team needs to get some swagger, from somewhere. Does swagger increase one's talent? Not physically, but if one plants in ones head the idea of swagger, of being better than the opponent, then the good thoughts you are after will follow. 'I'm better than this guy, I'm going to let him know it.' is a powerful thing, and hopefully the Flames are starting to get it back.

Pre Game Fluff

Do ya'll twitter? We do (follow us). So does Bob McKenzie, Canada's hockey insider.

Well today, boys and girls, we sent the Hockey Dad a tweet. And because we are super smart and extraordinarily cool, we expected to get a response. And we did! (And you should never start two sentences, back to back, with the same word!)

Bobby was tweeting up a storm today. He sent out about 10 tweets in a minute. For those of you who don't know, this isn't great tweeting etiquette. Get up from your desk and mix in a donut (or in Bobby's case, twelve of them), you now? And yet Bobby does this all the time.

So we sent Bobby a tweet. It read something like 'Step away from the keyboard. 10 tweets in a minute is quite enough'. Now we wont lie. We didn't even think Bobby would notice. But Bobby did notice, probably, again, because we are super smart and extraordinarily cool. But his response held none of the levity and care-free fun that our tweet at him contained. No, in a huffy huff huff, cranky ol' Bobby Mac responded with something like 'If you don't like it, unfollow me'.

In the words of Wayne: Cha?

We have tweeted one time to Bobby Mac, and he lost his cool and responded. Dome Beers: 1. Paid NHL PR guy who masquerades as a journalist: 0.

What could possibly cause Bobby to lash out like this? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we have some possible explanations.

1) Bobby Mac is jealous we tweet to Darren Dreger over him. But really, we can't be faulted over that. Not only is Darren Dreger the more connected insider, consistently breaking hockey stories before Bobby, but he also has more followers than Bobby. Ouch! We would be mad too if we were about to lose our position as 'Canada's hockey insider' to Dreger, too! Seriously, unfollow you, Bobby? At this point, you need all the followers you can get!

2) Bobby is old. Like really, really old. He is older, by a year, than 53 year old dirt. That's old, dude. And seeing as we sent our tweet at him in the morning, he was no doubt tired. That's what old does to dudes, it makes them tired. Bobby Mac had probably been up for a good three hours by the time we sent our tweet. That's way past nap time for an old, increasingly marginalized (Dreger is just sooooo much more connected now, and one of the reasons is he can stay up past twelve noon) dude like Bobby. We can't possibly fault him for being cranky. We are actually kind of impressed he can turn one of those new fangled computers on, to be honest with you.

3) Bobby needs to get laid? Just putting it out there...

Listen, this is all in good fun. We love Bobby, and are just happy he noticed our existence. Of course his response sucked. His response to our tweet should have been along the lines of 'Hey Domebeers, while I'm on the topic of self promotion you should buy my book'. But hey, nobody pays the man to think any thoughts not pre-approved by the NHL.

And as always, go Flames go.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Salmagundi

GREAT MEN

Doc Seaman is going to be inducted into the Hockey Hall Of Fame today. We didn't realize it, but there is apparently a lot of consternation about this inductment. Some feel Doc isn't a worthy member of the Hall.

If you are of this opinion, we think you should shoot yourself in the head. It's not like you're using it, anyways.

We've read several articles about the event, from Slam Sports (?), ESPN, Legends of Hockey, and even NHL.com. All are good articles, and well worth the read. They all make the case that Doc is an ideal candidate to go into the Hall of Fame.

We can't get that heated up about the debate, because we can only see the one side of it. People who bring NHL franchises to cities, make money with them, enrich the community with them, and can even get the franchise to win a Stanley Cup are Hall worthy. Certainly as Hall worthy as Harley Hotchkiss.

Was Doc's case helped by what he did outside of hockey? Yeah. We have no problem with that. Doc Seaman was a Nazi sub-hunter. He flew 82 missions over North Africa, trying to kill the Nazi's who were torpedoing anything that floated in the Mediterranean. He was shot down in the air once, his crewmate killed, and Doc literally had to tie his wounded leg to the rudder of his plane just so he would be able to land it. You may think something like this, you know, being a war hero, shouldn't matter when it comes to considering his worthiness for the Hall, but you would be embarrassingly wrong. People tend to smile on people who kill Nazi's.

When Doc got back to the good side of the Atlantic, he was a pioneer in the oil & gas industry, which means he had big brass balls. To make money in that business requires a lot of risk, and we don't wish poverty on people who take big swings. We like rich people, we want to be counted among them someday. It's become fashionable in these times to heap scorn on people who make money in industry, which may be behind some of the comments that Doc 'bought his way in' to the Hall. People who make these comments are intellectually small people. If the evidence of Doc 'buying his way into the Hall' is that he spent a lot of money on charitable endeavors, off the top of our head, The Calgary Flames*, then yeah, guilty as charged we guess. There are a lot of sick kids out there who wish Doc wasn't the only one who tried to buy his way in.

One of the reason Doc was involved in bringing the Flames to Calgary was that Doc thought that Canadian hockey was falling behind Soviet hockey. Doc thought the answer to this was to strengthen the grassroots, and one of the ways to do that was to bring professional hockey to Canadian cities like Calgary. We are trying to keep this short, so let's just highlight that fact: Doc Seaman, war hero, Nazi hunter, hated the Soviets so much that he bought a hockey team, out of spite, so he could strengthen Canadian hockey to the point where it would no longer have to live in fear of Soviet ballet hockey. If that isn't Hall worthy, what is?

HERITAGE CLASSIC

Eric Francis is back at it again.

For someone who likes to walk around with the reputation of being an edgy guy, he sure does seem to do a lot of articles providing cover for the Calgary Flames upper-management.

Anyways, at least he is talking about this story, of price gouges and bad seats, when every other local paper, and even the radio (although we didn't really listen last week so we don't know) seem to not be talking about. (actually Ken King went on the radio to talk about it -Ed.)

We're not season ticket holders, so we learned about this from people who are, and the grumblings across the internet. People are pissed.

Why? Because the prices on the tickets to the Classic are many multiples higher than one would pay at a Flames game in the Saddledome, and for the money you pay, you don't exactly get great seats. For instance, many second level season ticket holders will end up with seats with no back at McMahon. These are things one can get pissed about. Not much one can do about it, but one can certainly scream against the fates the gods have delivered you.

It's the NHL's game, they allocate the tickets to the Flames. If they gave the Flames shitty tickets, the Flames are stuck with shitty tickets. Which means you have to make the choice of paying their prices to see the game from shitty seats (I, AZR, am in a computer lab right now, and there are plenty of open seats around me, and some guy walked in and just sat next to me. If you do this, you probably also skip using open urinals so you can take a piss next to a dude as well).

This bullshit about the Flames just breaking even is just that, bullshit. If it was true, they would A) fire Ken King, and B) show us the income statement. But they recognize that the optics on this are terrible, that they are charging what they are charging for what they are charging. They just didn't care, which is why they are going with the 'take it or leave it' attitude. The email they (the Flames) sent out apparently had the words 'no good deed goes unpunished' in it. Get that, people who pay Ken Kings salary? You need to shut the hell up and stop bitching.

Look, the Flames can charge what they want for the tickets. Power to them. But for them to act like they are doing the people a big favour is not great marketing. It appears, by the way the tickets were rolled out, that they knew in advance they would be pissing a lot of people off with their plans, and instead of changing them to make them more customer friendly, or even informing the customers, they simply waited, expecting to bully people into buying them buy giving them this arbitrary Nov 15 deadline.

The bloom is certainly coming off the rose, we guess, but that is also kind of unfair. An outdoor game like this is in a Canadian city is about one thing: clocking dollars. For season ticket holders to act shocked! shocked! that they are being charged premium dollars for a premium event is a little stupid. Did you think they would be the same price as a regular game? We understand the anger over seat location, that is an actual legitimate beef. Seats at McMahon without a back suck, period, and a lot of people who have good seats at the Dome are going to be sitting in these shitty, expensive seats. But again, let's be real: nobody is going to this game for the actual hockey. People are going to this event so they can say they went to this event. So does it matter where you sit?

(By the way, Ken King trying to calm people down by saying that all the seats in the stadium are terrible...where do they teach you that in marketing school?)

THE FLAMES

For some reason, the Flames remind me of the Vikings. Both teams had expectations on their shoulders, fair or not, and both teams brought back largely the same crews who failed to get the job done a year before. The star players on both team have some disconnect with the head coach, and the head coach seems to have some disconnect with the star player.

Brett Favre, the aging superstar, is Brad Childress is trying to curtail his playing style. Brett Favre is fighting back and refusing to play the system. Yesterday, the gun slinger won a game for the Vikes with a deep ball in overtime. To us, at least, it's clear that the Vikes are going to have to let Brett gamble if they are to try to make it back to the playoffs.

Which brings us to Brent and Jarome. Four game losing streaks spell DOOM. After 3 of those games saw Jarome getting less and less icetime, the fourth loss saw Jarome get damn near twenty minutes of ice and some say his best game as a Flame this year. We think the quicker Brent let's go of his dream of Jarome being a Selke winner and let's the guy do what he is paid for (which isn't backcheck) then things will go smoother.

In Brents defence, however, Jarome needs to be better at getting the puck into the opposition zone. Would it kill the guy to dump and chase? Would it kill the team do that? Because someone needs to tell these cats that the 'gain the zone and do an immediate curl into the corner' doesn't even work on video game hockey anymore, let alone in the NHL.

If we were Brent, we would kill his system. It isn't working because the players aren't buying in. Don't tell me that it could work. It isn't working. So how about we actually go back to a system that has worked in hockey for ever. Dump the buck in, send more men in than they send back to get the puck, win the puck battle, get it back to point, establish possession, and let's go from there.

Earth to Brent: Your puck moving defencemen can pass the puck up through the neutral zone all they want, the forwards can't accept a pass without it bouncing off their sticks. If they can't take the pass, then they can't generate the speed you want them to have when they go enter the oppositions zone. Because they are entering the zone disjointed, they curl, which means they stop skating, which means they are at a higher risk to lose the puck. And if they somehow manage to hold onto the puck after the curl and get it deep, then the team starts to cycle, cycle, cycle forever. The point of cycling isn't to control the puck, it's to create room for you to get a shot off!

So that system should be scrapped, in our opinion, for dump and chase.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.