Friday, July 2, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage

It's Friday, and that means one thing: I'm a blunt getting smoked and I can't wake up!

Huh? What? That's right! It's also that time of the week when we hand out the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Lots of crazy shit going down this week, but you will have to excuse us if we focus on some local matters, in light of the craziness that just went down. Let's start with Nystrom. According to the GM, Nystrom was offered the same contract Glencross was offered. Word to the mouth breathers: can we stop with all this stupid bullshit about how Nystrom is the greatest guy ever now? He bolted for $200K. He left the organization that drafted him, a 4th liner, in the first round. He left the organization that spent a tonne of money and time developing him, a 4th liner, for $200K. That's the type of character, loyal guy Nystrom is. At least the weirdo's can stop drooling over him now.

What else happened? Well, as you have no doubt by now heard, the GM made a few moves yesterday at the start of the Free Agency period. He also made a few trades. He traded Jason Jaffray for Logan MacMillan. This move wasn't done to increase the skill or toughness of the team. It wasn't even made so we could replace our bust first round pick Nystrom with the Ducks bust first round pick (in Logan). No, it was made so that our current drunk, J Blow over 0.08, could have somebody to relate too. Locker room harmony is just a bar away. Hockey player DUI's, the gift that keeps on giving.

Oh, those free agents the GM brought in? Retreads. Remember when the GM said we were one good player away from competing for a Stanley Cup? Turns out that one good player he was talking about was a guy who had played his way out of the NHL, in Alex Tanguay. Know how we know he played his way out of the NHL? Because he signed within the first 5 minutes of free agency, taking only one call. No, that doesn't reek of desperation on Tanguay's part. Whatever, at 1.7 million on a one year ticket, we can't get too upset about the move. It will probably turn out to be good for both sides, although we liked Tangs best when he was killing penalties and playing defence against the other teams top players. The other guy the GM brought in? Everybody's favourite lazy hockey player, Olli Jokinen. The GM trying to defend this move is comical. First, the GM tells us the experiment worked the first time (he even added a 'quite honestly'), which Kent Wilson, Domebeer-aholic and editor of Flamesnation, has thoroughly disproved. Then, he says the addition of Tanguay on a line with Joker and Iggy will fix what a sentence ago was not broken. George Orwell himself would be amazed at this exercise in double speak.

Oh yeah, Kotalik is still here. Oh yeah, IT'S STILL LEAKING! Anyways, picking a winner was a tough choice.

This week's winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Tequila!

Yes, tequila. Why? Because where else are you going to turn?

Tequila first made it's appearance on this club in 1991. That year, the only GM this franchise had known, Cliff Fletcher, after spending the preceding few years trading all our good players to Toronto, left to become the GM of...wait for it...Toronto. Doug Risebrough took over. Tequila drinking broke out all over the city. For like 5 years. To illustrate with a story: Risebrough would trade Al MacInnis in '94, which should have seen sales of tequila decline, as the biggest drinker in the city was now gone. Alas, they only increased. Because Risebrough was a shitty GM and the team sucked.

After Risebrough was put out of his misery, the team, in a drunken stupor, turned to Al Coates. Coates would turn Nieuwendyk and his greed into Jarome Iginla, temporarily putting a hurt on tequila sales. Unable to replace Joe's centre play, Coates would get fired and the tequila would flow, because the team was so awful. Again, by way of illustration, the Flames would trade Theo Fleury, the biggest drinker in the city, and tequila sales would not suffer.

After Coates was shown the door, Craig Button would take over as the GM. He would promptly buy stock in every major tequila brewery he could, because he knew he was in way over his head, and it was just a matter of time before the tequila started to flow. And you know what? He was right! As way of illustration, this idiot would spend a first round draft pick on AHL all-star Eric Nystrom.

Tequila would temporarily stop flowing when the team went to the Stanley Cup finals. After that year, one of the best coaches this team has ever had, Darryl Sutter, was promoted to GM. Tequila would start to flow soon after. After not drafting Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, or Ryan Getzlaf, elite, first line centremen this club desperately needed (and still needs), Darryl Sutter would draft red flag Dion Phaneuf. The pick would promptly bust. Tequila salesmen in this city were ecstatic. Darryl is still the GM of this team, and he is still making the fans of this team turn to tequila. The latest example of this was when he reacquired Olli Jokinen.

For making it that much easier to be a Flames fan, Tequila wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Fuck, Darryl is crazy. He said at the press conference today that Langs is still hurt, and may in fact have to retire, and that is one of the reasons Olli was brought in. Which, it seems to us, is bullshit. Langkow is a 2 way centre...Olli is a waste of roster space, who loops into his body checks. We don't see how one can replace the other.

One other thing. At today's press conference, a reporter not named Rob Kerr asked a tough question to the GM of this team. What is the teams identity. To be quite honest, Sutter wasn't prepared for this show of teeth. Sutters answer? He first pretended that he didn't even understand the question. He asked "what do you mean?' and then he obfuscated. It was pathetic. This guy came to the team preaching, fucking preaching, about having an identity. And now when he is asked just what his team's identity is, he can't answer?

What the fuck is going on here? This guy has completely lost his way, and it appears he knows it. Custer's last stand is going to be, we don't know about entertaining, but it will certainly be interesting.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


It's official. Darryl Sutter is bat shit insane.

Mediocre, we believe, is the word one would use to describe the Calgary Flames. The team is competing for a Stanley Cup. This team is not going to win the Stanley Cup. This team is going to compete for the bottom 4 spots in the Western Conference.

If Darryl couldn't improve the team significantly, he should have blown it up. If he missed his 'window', if his plan failed, then he should have been fired. New blood, new vision.

This...grasping, it's unbecoming. Desperate moves from a discredited man. It's disgusting.

It's not necessarily a talent issue. It's a want issue. On too many nights, this team seemed listless and disinterested. The solution? Bring back players who contributed to that.

As it stands, there is no cap space left to sign Ian White. We understand that Kotalik's money will be coming off the cap, if he gets sent down to the minors, at the start of this upcoming season. This means a trade is coming.

Players without a Sutter patented NTC or NMC (not names Jokinen): Hagman, Moss, Glencross, Staios, Gio, and Pardy. Good fucking luck finding some cap space.

Again, this is a fucking joke. You can still defend Sutter and his moves if you want, but we think it makes you look more and more like a sycophantic moron as the days go by.

What's the direction?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

On At Flamesnation

We have a post up on Flamesnation. Please, do check it out.

Also, the Murray Edwards interview is coming. We didn't forget.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Kotalik; No Swearing

We don't even know were to begin.

Ales Kotalik, the Flames toughest, most physical forward, was put on waivers. Shockingly, the living, breathing epitome of softness (wasn't that Stajan?) was not claimed by anybody. Not even by Tampa Bay, who are awful.

Listen, nothing we have to say is earth shattering or new. Ales Kotalik is a garbage player. Everybody in the league knew this at the trade deadline...well, almost everybody. At least all the non Milskey drinking GM's knew.

And now, it appears that every GM knows. And all it cost Darryl to learn this little lesson was the respect of the fanbase. Not that he cares. It also cost the owners a little bit of change, but with some of the multi-year contracts that Darryl has handed out over the years (Eriksson? Nilson? Sarich?) we doubt he has much respect for them, anyways.

Oh yeah, it also cost the Flames cap space. The only reason Kotalik plays on this team is because Olli Jokinen doesn't. Olli Jokinen had an expiring contract, worth about 5.25 million dollars in cap space, which was traded to the Rangers. In return, the Flames received the negotiation rights to Chris Higgins and the privilege to watch Kotalik stink up the 'Dome. For the next 2 years, at a cap hit of 3 million dollars.

Now we find out that Darryl is scrambling to find cap space. How is he going about doing it? He is trying to get rid of one Ales Kotalik. The Ales Kotalik he traded cap relief to get. In the real world, we would call this a 'fireable offense'. As it concerns the current Flames administration, it is called 'business as usual'.

Before we go further, let us get the following out of the way: We, on a certain level, commend Darryl. Darryl is a proud man, and it is hard for proud men to admit mistakes. Trading for Kotalik was a mistake that is quickly turning into an unmitigated disaster. But at least he can acknowledge it. Some GM's can't do that. Case in point: Jeff Finger still has a roster spot.

But while we are happy Darryl will revisit his decisions and try to fix mistakes, we are getting a little tired of the mistakes being made in the first place.

Back to the story: Ales Kotalik was put on waivers. Except he was put on the wrong waivers! The Flames still can't buy this wet dog out, even if they wanted too! For the sake of our sanity, we are going to assume that Sutter meant to do this, and wasn't confused by the whole waiver wire process.

As it stands, the Flames are doing to Kotalik what the Rangers negotiation team should have: playing hardball. Nobody claimed Kotalik, which means he can be sent down to the minors. To avoid getting sent to the minors on the first day of the 10-11 season, Kotalik could probably be persuaded that the weather in Siberia is perfect for his disposition.

If Darryl can convince some pound in Russia to take this dog, muzel tuv. But that doesn't change the fact that this whole scenario was completely avoidable in the first place. We know Higgins is a popular player with some portions of the fanbase, but let's get real: his negotiation rights aren't worth anything, let alone taking on the Kotalik contract, because he has almost played his way out of the NHL. And we don't care how bad a man Olli was. We don't care if he had sex with Conroy's wife, daughter, son, dog, or gardener. His cap hit was going away.

And unless Darryl can convince Kotalik to go away, his cap hit is going to handcuff us come July 1st. The Flames can't send Kotalik down to the minors until the season starts. Which means we have this guys cap hit on the books throughout the free agent period. Which means this team, which wasn't good enough to compete last year, is going to have a hard time getting better.

Honestly, do you know how good the Chicago Blackhawks had to be to win a Stanley Cup? How the hell are we getting that good anytime soon?

It begs the question: If Darryl knew there was no place on the roster for Kotalik, why did he keep Kotalik on the roster? Kotalik could have been, and should have been, sent to the minors with Backlund and the young Sutter at the end of the season. That would have given Darryl his cap space, the fans a bone, and the owners a bill. Folks, two outta three aignt bad.

It begs another question: Why stop with Kotalik? There are plenty of players on this roster that Darryl has awarded with terrible contracts, or traded for. Why not put Sarich and Staios on waivers? They don't have protection. Is it because they aren't from Europe? We can only hope a trade is coming.

This had better be one hell of an offseason for the Flames. Mediocrity is staring this franchise right in the face, and it is largely because of the moves (or non moves) of one Darryl Sutter. We hope that changes.

Actually, it begs yet another question: Why is Darryl still employed?

We will be asking Murray Edwards this, and more, in our 'exclusive' Domebeers interview with him.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.