Friday, June 25, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means one thing: vandalism!

Huh? What? Man, that's right. It is also that time of the week when we hand out the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Who won this week? Well, let us tell you, it was a hard decision. Why? Because shit was happening, that's why. Domebeer favourite Rod Blagojevich fingered the President. Hot. We pull for Blago here at Domebeers, so we hope he can create enough discomfort for the Administration that the trial just sort of...stops. You know who else makes the President uncomfortable? Gen. McChrystal, overseer of the U.S. military operations in Afghanistan. Something about weakness breeding contempt comes to mind. Sticking with the politicians, we had the oddly discomforting revelations that Al Gore liked to get his dry hump on. Gross, dude, fucking gross. The DOW has had it's head above 10,000, but we think that ends, again, today. Nothing drastic, the thing will probably remain sideways. You know, because it's still leaking. A guy went on the Kudlow Report a few weeks back, and he said the Russians had this happen to them back in the Soviet days, and they set a nuke off in the leak, and it vaporized all the resource, stopping the leak. Why won't America do anything like that? Greed makes this President look pretty ugly. Oh yeah, soccer continued to bore us. Anyways, those are your nominations, people. As always, picking a winner was a tough choice.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Jose Antonio Bautista.

She knows he rocks a big bat.

Listen here people, at this list of teams Jose Bautista wasn't good enough to play for: the Pittsburgh Pirates, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, the Baltimore Orioles, and the Kansas City Royals. None of those teams, save the Devil Rays, have been to the playoffs in the last 10 years. Hmmm...

Jose Bautista is a beast. This year his OPS+ is 147. Do you know what A-Fraud's is? 125. For the non-sabermetric reading readers out there, that means that Alex Roidriguez is Robyn to Jose's Batman. No homo.

You know how many HR's this guy has? 20. Know how many PA's he has? 299. That's basically a home run every 14 PA's, which is in fucking Babe Ruth territory. Aaron Hill, are you listening?

And that is another thing. Aaron Hill, blue chip prospect, chocker. Jose Bautista is picking up the slack left by Lind and Hill, the blue chips (not to even mention that bust Snider), and he isn't even complaining about it. Why would he? He loves playing the hero, and if those two 'Blue Jay' cornerstones have too small testicles to do that, Jose will.

What other shit about Jose can we dap? Uhh, have you seen the cat swing? Now that The Kid has retired, the two prettiest swings in baseball belong to Carlos Pena and Jose Bautista. Eat it, Ichiro.

Oh yeah, he also only has hit into 4 double plays. For a guy who hits in an RBI position, that's fucking outstanding. What's even more outstanding is he has been hit by pitches (bitches) 5 times. He has been hit with more pitches than he has grounded into double plays. Awesome.

He also only makes 2.5 million dollars, Vernon Wells.

For throwing it the fuck down, taking no prisoners at the plate, giving balls nightmares and pitchers therapy sessions, Jose Bautista wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.


Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

On At Flames Nation

Domebeer-aholics, we kindly direct your attention here.

The RTPIC will be up later. Back to the lawn.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


We have not posted much this week because we are currently in the middle of ripping up our yards.

Look for something tonight, maybe.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Flames Don't Make Deal


CALGARY (Domebeers) - In a stunning development today, the Calgary Flames opted not to make a franchise shaking deal. Florida Panthers RW Nathan Horton, 25, will not be coming to Calgary. No word yet on the considerations not coming back to Florida.

"A non-deal like this, you know, to be perfectly honest, it's a game changer," said Calgary GM Darryl Sutter. "We like the player not coming back. Good size, good hands. Along with Jarome and Bourquey, we probably would have had the best wingers in the conference."

Calgary's non-aquisition of Horton, who has five consecutive 20 goal seasons under his belt, comes on the heels of a disastrous season that saw a club with Stanley Cup aspirations finish a disappointing 10th place in the Western Conference.

"Obviously, from where we finished last season, we had to get better. Not making this deal does that," said embattled GM Darryl Sutter.

Darryl Sutter certainly has a lot of work in front of him, as he continues to tinker with a team that saw seven new players added to it before the end of the 09-10 season. By not making this trade now, as opposed to not making it in the middle of the season, the GM is hoping to have his team gel by the time the season opener gets under way.

"Look, these guys have families. It's hard for them to travel across the continent and just continue to play. Not doing this deal know gives him plenty of time to adjust."

 Under the current CBA, hockey teams must now operate under a salary cap. Calgary is up against it, with $5.8 million dollars in cap space (assuming a $58.8 million dollar salary cap) and just 17 players on the roster. Horton's cap hit would have been $4 million dollars.

"We have a lot to do, and not making this trade right now really puts us into a good position. Teams know we are open for business, and we have players to move. We would have made space for Nathan; it's a good non-trade. Now we can maybe look at shoring the backup position, and we should have a strong team," said Darryl Sutter.

The players not going back to Florida are believed to include centre Matt Stajan, and wingers Niklas Hagman and Ales Kotalik.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Kotalik V Stalin

Our first attempt at this went alright, and because we have nothing to talk about right now...

Ales Kotalik was born in 1978. He was born in what was then Czechoslovak Socialist Republic. Do you know what that makes him? It makes him a born and bred Soviet.

Do you know who else was a Soviet? Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili, AKA Joseph V. Stalin.

Ahh, the Soviets. Everybody makes mistakes, and they were God's. Give the big man upstairs a mulligan. Darryl Sutter, not divine in any way, makes plenty of mistakes too, but boy, this Kotalik one was a whopper.

Which got us here at DB thinking...Just which Soviet was a bigger mistake?

Now, this hard hitting analysis is the stuff doctorates are made of, and, well, if we were to do the exhaustive study, you would be here reading all week. Nobody wants that, so in the interest of read-ability (patent pending on that new bit of English) we have shortened our list of comparisons down to around seven.

As always, we start at the beginning. During the 09-10 season, the Calgary Flames endured a nine game losing streak. This lack of success poisoned fatally an already fragile locker room, and any hopes the Flames had at a playoff birth for that year. In the midst of the turmoil, a reeling and desperate Flames organization would send the contracts of Brandon Prust and some Finish guy with a moustache to the New York Rangers in exchange for Ales 'Man Of Steel' Kotalik and some UFA.

Needless to say, the fans were thrilled.

Joseph Stalin came to power when Lenin died. Lenin had been a hero to the people, or at least the union bosses, and most thought that Trotsky would replace him as the leader of the Communist Party. Joseph Stalin had some guy put an ice pick through Trotsky's skull, so that kinda ended that idea. With Lenin and Trotsky dead, a bureaucrat with a taste for blood, Stalin, would assume control of the Communist Party.

Needless to say, Russians were thrilled.

Anyways, now that the back stories are filled in, let's get down to it:

1) Joseph Stalin administered the Great Soviet Empire. At it's height, it stretched from the middle of Berlin in the west, to the Pacific Ocean in the east. That's almost 6 bajillion miles of territory that were administered from the central power base in Moscow. And by central power base, we mean Joseph Stalin.

Ales Kotalik has been here for, what, three months, and he still can't get the system down.

2) Joseph Stalin oversaw the construction of a system of forced collectivization. As a result of this policy, farmers abandoned their fields, and the Soviet Union experienced a famine on a biblical scale, that would last years.

Speaking of famines, Ales Kotalik has scored exactly 3 goals as a Flame.

3) Joseph Stalin, through his policy decisions, was responsible for the deaths of 30 million people. Policies like forced collectivization led to the deaths of 10's of millions of people. Jospeh Stalin's purges of the Soviet administration would result in the liquidation of the best and brightest of the Russian people. Joseph Stalin's disastrous handling of Hitler's initial invasion of the Soviet Union resulted, again, in the deaths of millions of people.

At $3 million dollars a year for the next 2 years, Ales Kotalik is killing the Calgary Flames cap.

4) Joseph Stalin had a bad ass moustache. Seriously. With a 'stache like that, Sutter would have had this cat playing top line centre minutes, easy.

Ales Kotalik? Conspicuously clean shaven.

5) Joseph Stalin signed a Non-Aggression Pact with the Nazi's.

Ales Kotalik played for the Edmonton Oilers.

6) In Russian, 'Stalin' means 'man of steel' and this appellation was attached to Joseph because of his cold, ruthless management style. Also, he killed a lot of people without breaking a sweat.

In Czech, 'Kotalik' means 'most physical player on the ice, but you don't know that because you are an idiot casual fan who has never played any minutes in the NHL'. For reals. Just ask Darryl.

7) Joseph Stalin died.

Ales know what, we don't want to get sued, or have anybody take this the wrong way. Which makes this a perfect time to pimp our twitter. Yeah, Domebeers twitters, fool. You can follow us by searching for 'Domebeers'. Loubardias follows us, you should too.

And that actually is probably a good time to end it. So who is the bigger mistake? That's for you to decide, Domebeer-aholics.

Umm, when the hell is Spezza getting here?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.