Friday, June 18, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means just one thing: some hard pooping Saturday.

What the...? Yeah, yeah, you guys are right. It is also that time of the week when we award the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (RTPIC!).

Lots of nominees for the award this week. Where to start, where to start? How about we start from sportish and move to non sportish? Cool. Obviously then, we are going to start with Domebeer favourite Theo Fleury getting the ATP to write a play about him. We guess Carlin was right, rape can be funny. More amusing anecdotes about hockey players and misfortune? You got it. Sergie Fedorov had two of his homes in America forclosed on. Sergie Fedorov, not Joe Sixpack. We wish with all our hearts that Fedorov goes up to the banker, and politely explains to him that 'in Russia, mortgage pays you'! Pay your bills, communist. We are not done with hockey players yet. It turns out that Danny Briere hates truck drivers. Look Danny, we know traveling with young children can be annoying, but there are better ways to get them to shut the hell up then by trying to send them flying through your windshield. Now onto the nonsportish: Domebeer-aholics, did you ever pick on a Star Wars nerd? Apologize, as soon as you can. Why? Because they can now cut your head right the fuck off. Luke, don't kill your father. Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State, went down to South America and started making policy decisions for Barry Obama, President. The inmates run the asylum with this guy, it seems. Oh yeah, IT'S STILL LEAKING!!! As always, picking a winner proved to be a tough choice.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Dad.

Ghost Dad's too...

Domebeer-aholics, you all got your Dad stories. The day your Dad taught you how to ride a bike, the day your Dad taught you how to how to fly a kite, the day your Dad taught you how to approach a prostitute...all great stories to be shared and cherished, for sure.

Remember the time Dad took you fishing? Boating? Biking? Yeah, those times were great. Dad and you really got to bond. What's that? Sorry, Danny Ryder, ignore this section.

But for the rest of us, Dad was there, and you should let him know how much you appreciate that. Why? Because you didn't end up a drunk slut, that's why.

Anyways...Dad's awesome. You know it, we know it, and although he is too humble to ever admit it, he knows it, too. Let him know how much you appreciate the cat. Give him a hug, give him a call, or if he is from Edmonton, give him your condolences. Just give him some acknowledgement. And some Milskey.

Oh yeah, you could also go ahead and give Loubardias his pink slips. Admit it, your Dad would be very happy if that happened. Kirkwood's available...

From all of us here at Domebeers to the legions of Domebeer-aholics throughout the world: Happy Fathers Day. On June 20th. JUNE TWENTIETH, Domebeer-aholics. That would be this Sunday.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Did You Catch This Too

Just a shorty today. Swamped.

We know this is a bit late to be talking about Dion Phaneuf, but we have been a little busy. So please, Domebeer-aholics, excuse us. But something happened in the press conference, or in the scrum right after it, that we have to talk about.

When asked about who he 'learned' 'leadership' from, who his 'captain' 'mentors' were, the special needs kid who could responded with: Bryan Marchment, and Tony Amonte.

Umm, what the fuck?

Look, we are dealing with hockey players here, so this next statement is pretty redundant, but we will make it anyways: Marchment and Amonte were drunks (and water is wet).

There it is, right there. A guy who got exiled from this City because of (insert rumour here) holds up as his examples in leadership a rat player like Marchment and a drunk in Amonte. Dion, a guy with a reputation as a party first team second guy holds up as his mentors a couple of drunks?

Honestly, it is stunning. Were did these names come from? Are they the only players on the team that hung out with him in his tenure here? Is babysitting a spoiled brat around Cow Town leadership?

Well, in Dion's world, leadership is a 2 minute keg-stand, so the answer is a resounding "Fuck yes!"

Honestly, Dion is known for saying and doing stupid shit, so we shouldn't be surprised. And his own teammate, Conroy, made it pretty clear that Dion is a little girl when he said that Dion reads everything written about him in the media and then pouts about it. So yeah, we shouldn't be shocked that this immature child would hold up a couple of drinking buddies as 'role models', and at the same time take a run at the veterans in the Flames dressing room.

Look, we know Dion doesn't like Jarome and Reggie. We get that. From his playing style, we can also assume he hates Kipper. But if you were on a team that had Iggy and Robyn in the dressing room, and somebody asks you about some of the leaders you have had around you in your hockey career, and you site 2 months or less of Marchment and 2 years of a broken Amonte, it comes off as 'angry ex-girlfriend-ish'.

Anyways, we just had to say that. Good job Leafs, your new captain is a vindictive 12 year old, with a broken heart. Wonderful choice. Enjoy!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired. 

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Ilya Is Worth...

Domebeer-aholics, we love us some Ilya Kovalchuk. Dude is 6"2, 230 pounds of Soviet skill. The guy is a bad man on the ice, with two seasons of 50 goals or more since the lockout. Fifty. Goals.

But Ilya isn't without his detractors. Some people say he is soft. Some people say he is good, but he doesn't really improve his team. Those people are wrong, but in Canada, you are still allowed your opinions, Orwellian 'human right courts' notwithstanding.

Why all this Ilya talk? Because, as you are no doubt aware, Ilya is a free agent. This means that some team is about to drop a dump truck full of money on the cat. Dropping dump trunks full of the owners money on cats makes some people uncomfortable. These people need to be talked into it. Let's help them.

Where to begin? The beginning, of course. Ilya was an Atlanta Thrasher. He was offered $100 million dollars ($10 million a season over 10 years) to stay an Atlanta Thrasher. Ilya turned down the contract, and was traded. Think about that for a moment. This guy was offered $100 million dollars to stay with the team that had drafted and developed him, and he turned it down. Atlanta sucks so much, $100 million dollars couldn't keep Ilya on that roster. And you thought Sutter was doing a bad job of team building.

Ilya was traded to a stacked New Jersey Devil team, and because of ego's and emotions, that team would go on to tank in the playoffs. Now, some people point to the performance of the Devils in the playoffs and say 'see, this guy isn't worth it'. We don't really see how Langenbrunner's locker room destroying pout-fest reflects on Ilya. that the season is over, Ilya is UFA. How much is Ilya going to get paid? Ilya was on a contract that saw him make $31,946,500 over 5 years. He is going to make more than that the second time around, but that works to give us a base onto which we can build our projections.

Notable contracts given to wingers? Gaborik just got paid, to the tune of $37.5 million dollars over 5 years. Heatley was awarded a 6 year, $45 million dollar contract a few years ago, and we also have Vaneks 7 year, $50 million dollar contract to use as a gauge as well. Of course, everybody knows about Jaromes 5 year, $35 million dollar contract.

Hey, you know what would be fun? If somebody compared those players! In chart form! Hurray!


Counting Stats:

Even Strength Scoring, Qualcom:

Yee boyee. We charted the shit outta that motherfucker. But what do any of these numbers mean?

Contract wise, we think it would be safe to assume that the guy is going to want more than Jarome's $35 million, so we could probably set that as the bare minimum floor number. We look at Gaborik's contract, and we assume that Ilya is going to want more than that. The top paid forward in the league, Ovie, is a cap hit of $9.538 million dollars. Will Ilya be able to command more than the Great Chocking 8? We doubt it. The next highest paid wingers in the league are Heatley and Gaborik, at cap hits of $7.5 million dollars.

Is Ilya going to ask for more than his fellow countryman Malkin? Malkin and Crosby both are cap hits of 8.7 million, but they are also much younger than Ilya, who himself is only 27 years old. They are also both centres, which teams will pay a premium for. Just ask the Coyotes.

Of course, these are cap hit numbers. Would it be that crazy for Ilya to demand 50 million over 5 years? It would be a cheaper contract than Ovie's or Malkin's, but it would be a higher cap number, so Ilya's agent could feel good. We wonder...

Ilya's counting stats are eye-popping. The guy produces, albeit in the worst division in hockey. His numbers put him into the elite goal scorer category, alongside fellow Atlanta refugee Heatley, and also up there with Gaborik. He is also a durable player. Post lockout, he has played in 100 more games than Gaborik, and seems much less likely to get hurt and miss significant time. Really, all of these players, save Gaborik, are pretty durable.

But counting stats, like teenage girls, can be misleading (pedophile joke!). The second assist really gets our gears going, making the whole stat, to us, almost useless. Goals don't tell you when they happened, on the PP, at ES, or shorthanded. They tell you some things, for sure. Bums aren't PPG players over one season, let alone five. But they don't tell you everything.

So we took a look at Ilya's even strength numbers. Production 5 on 5 is priceless. If you have a team that only seems to be able to score on the PP, that means you have a team with a very limited window to generate offence. If your team can score 5 on 5, that means you have a 60 minute window with which you can generate offence.

And Ilya's ES numbers, even though this is only one season of them, are fucking outstanding. 29 goals on the ES is nothing to sneeze at. It is in the top 5 in the league (he is 4th, Gaborik is 5th). Of the 5 guys we are looking at, he missed the least with his shot, although he did generate the second least. The guy is a sniper.

Now, some of you will immediately point to the Qualcom (Quality of Competition). Let us just say this: the Qualcom is not, we believe, based solely on ES play. We put it up with our ES chart because we were lazy. But we still think it can show things. Like, namely, Gaborik is a beast. Qualcom works by taking the PPG numbers of the people your player is on the ice against. A higher number means that the player is playing against guys who have higher PPG, which should translate into meaning the player is playing against tougher players. Still with us? Good. Gaboriks 0.143 is actually really, really high. Ilya's 0.033 isn't terrible, but it isn't in 'elite' territory, either.

Now, there are problems with Qualcomp. The main problem being is that if you play in a weak division, with weak players on the teams in those divisions, then your Qualcomp number will be lower. We suspect Ilya's low number probably reflects his time spent with the Thrashers. It may not, but it is something we think you should think about when reading the chart. Of course, with that said, when your Qualcomp number is lower than Jarome's...

What is Ilya worth? He is worth whatever some owner pays him. What could he be asking for? In a sane world, we think $50 million dollars wouldn't be out of the question. He is more durable than Gaborik, and scores just about as much as Heatley. Heatley was awarded $45 million in 08-09. Adjust for inflation, and you are looking at $47 million. Ilya is going to want to make a splash, so bump it up to $50 million, just for a nice number on the press release. And amortized over 5 years, you also get to call yourself the 'highest paid player in the league', at least when it comes to the cap.

Of course, that doesn't bold well for our dream of seeing the cat play in Calgary. Maybe he is big into the Rodeo.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Best Of Domebeers

We are up on Flamesnation. When we go up there, we are going to repost some of our other, older work. This week, we take a look back on our post about the music played at the Dome. The executive summary: Not enough country. Enjoy!

Oh yeah, also check out our post on flamesnation.

What does Zoloft and the music they play at the 'Dome have in common? They both make you want to kill yourself!

So, youve bought your 'Domebeers, you've got some delicious food (go overpriced popcorn!) and your at your seat, ready to enjoy a night of narcolepsy inducing play from the Flames. All of a sudden, BLAM, you get hit in the face with a metaphorical sledgehammer of fucking terrible music. Are they playing emo? Are they playing pop? These thoughts race through your head like a car through a crowd. All you know for sure is you want to cut your ears off.

We here at Domebeers feel your pain. Although everyone has their own preference in music (I was going to write taste, but what do taste and this whore have in common?), we think there are a few issues everyone who follows this team can agree on. More country music, less gay music, no emo music (Linkin Park? Can someone explain to me how the fuck these no talent walking arguments for forced abortions get on the playlist?), these are some touchstones we can all agree upon.

Looking over the 'Domes playlist is pretty depressing. You look at it and your like, 'Does this organization employ anybody in the 'Entertainment' department that isnt a fucking retard greaseball?'. Hey idiots at the 'Dome: YOU'RE IN ALBERTA! You would think they would play a country song once in a while. Whatever. Thats a whole other post. Today we are going to talk about the songs under 'Warm-Ups':

Music at Work - Tragically Hip
Starseed - Our Lady Peace
Sounds of Madness - Shinedown
Animal - Pearl Jam
Indestructible - Disturbed
The Pretender - Foo Fighters
Runnin' Wild - Airbourne
Inside the Fire - Disturbed
Light It Up - Rev Theory
Hammerhead - Offspring

Where the fuck to start with this magnificent pile of shit? The Hip? OLP? Foo Fighters? The brain dead sheep who listen to Vibe FM have a better taste in music then whoever thought this list up. Pathetic. However, we arent here to hate, we are here to help.

What Would Domebeers Keep:
Alright, we will try to be open minded. We will keep something. Actually, looking through this list, and checking out the youtubes, I found two that I didnt immediately develop a visceral hate for. Runnin' Wild and Light It Up, as far as warmup songs go (which Im taking to mean should jack the crowd up pregame) they do there jobs. They arent sung by some wuss sounding fairy, and Light It Up actually has a pretty awesome video (if a bunch of hot girls in their bras and panties appeals to you). So we have 2 of 10 that are worth keeping.

What Domebeers Thinks is Kaka:
Every song on that list, save the two aforementioned.

Thats 8 songs that need to be changed. stat. Domebeers, grab your scalpel.

Whipping Post - Allman Brothers
Taking Care of Business - BTO
Tombstone Shadow - CCR
Shut Em Down - Public Enemy (Pete Rock Remix)
Feel Like Im Fixin To Die - Country Joe
Convoy - C.W. McCall
25 Minutes To Go - Johnny Cash
Living For The City - Stevie Wonder

These are my humble suggestions. Kept the list family friendly, and yet we think we managed to get a huge infusion of cowboy soul into that list. If you have your own suggestions, or just want to tell Kenneth King about how awesome Domebeers music list (and website) is, feel free:!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Week Ahead

Next week, on

- Melodrama

- Ferment

- Hubbub

- Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

Domebeer-aholics, before we got to 'Something Funny?' we would like to say one more thing about that terrible interview Sutter gave.

In that interview, when asked about something pertaining to Free Agency, Sutter said that on July 1st teams tend to overpay for players, and that is unsustainable. He said that the Free Agent market was one that the Flames would probably not be getting into too heavily. Sutter then went on to say that is why he prefers to acquire players through trades.

Well, Sutter, here's the fucking record scratch. This little statement of yours, while technically sound, is complete bullshit. Why? Because Sutter is going out and trading for people one year removed from their signing of a free agent contract.

Let's just take this year as an example. He traded for 4 UFA's, 1 RFA, and 2 guys with contracts. The 2 guys who had contracts were Hagman and Kotalik. Hagman was signed as an overpaid free agent in 08-09, and Kotalik in 09-10.

Of the 4 UFA's, one is staying for sure, because Sutter signed Stajan long term. Who knows if that deal was done at market value, or we overpaid/underpaid. We personally think Stajan is going to have trouble in the Western Conference. And who knows what is going to happen with Ian White.

Anyways, we know it's little. But it's the little things, like being able to keep your excuses for failure straight year to year, not contradicting those excuses year to year, remembering where you draft and how many picks you have in the top 100 (2 Sutter, not fucking 4, and it could very well be 1), and trading for overpaid free agents and then turning around and saying you don't want to sign free agents (J BLOW DOESN'T COUNT?) because free agents are expensive...these are the little things that paint the picture.

 Something Funny?

Dave Chappelle had to have written this. Come back from Africa, Dave!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.