Friday, June 11, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award


It's Friday, and that means one thing: sweet, sweet alcohol.

What? Oh yeah, it is also that time of the week when we award the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC!).

So what happened this week? Not too much, actually. The DOW got above 10,000, which was nice. There are a lot of shorts in the market, so we don't expect it to last, but hey, thanks for coming out, DOW. Uhh, it's still leaking! Still. Whatever Obama, it isn't our re-election hopes that are on the line. There is one good thing to come out of this, and that is the death of British Petroleum. That company is pure motherfucking evil, and a big reason we have crazy terrorist petrol states in the world. This company propped up the wahabist 100 years ago and the world has been living with that decision ever since. Couldn't have happened to better people. Oh, Steve Stone verbally murdered Lou Piniella, which was nice. Go Cubs! We were going to talk about puke filled condoms getting thrown at people, but Deadspin beat us to it. As always, choosing the winner was a tough choice.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Buckshot.



Yeah, bitches. Motherfucking Buckshot.

Why? Because he is motherfucking Buckshot, that's why.

Do you have any idea as to exactly how bad ass Buckshot is? We bet you have no fucking clue. Well, you all know how bad ass Clint Eastwood is, right? Who do you think taught that guy how to be a cowboy? Yeah, that's right, Buckshot did. Who do you think taught Chill Wills, Ray Whitley, Glenn Ford, or Billy Anderson how to cowboy up? Again, B-Shot in house. Who do you think taught The Duke?

Well, actually, The Duke was born The Duke. Buckshot can't claim credit for teaching him the cowboy ways. Notwithstanding this fact, Buckshot still has a very successful record of turning around floundering organizations. As the legend goes, back in 1967 the CRTC sent down an edict forcing Canadian based broadcast stations to show more Canadian made shows. As the local CFCN had no such programs, Buckshot, then a mortal camera man, was commanded by destiny to become the star of what would become the longest running Canadian children's show in the history of universe, completely saving CFCN's bacon in the process.

Plus, Buckshot can work with people. As you all are no doubt well aware, Buckshot was not a one man show. Buckshot shared the rock. He had weapons like Bennny the Bear, Clyde the Owl, and whatever that dog was named, at his disposal, and he made use of them. Buckshot was a very unselfish player, but let's not confuse that. When the time called for it, Buckshot would turn into cold blooded killer, and just dominate. He did not lack for confidence.

And as if that wasn't enough, he also had this crazy ability to relate to the youth. His show ran from 1967 - 1997. That is three decades of youth getting Buckshot straight to the dome. His audience share was strong throughout his tenure. He kept the kids captivated. Really, it's hard to think of anybody with the same type of ability to speak through the ages, to each different generation. Homer, maybe.

Wow. Let's go through the checklist. Albertan? Check. Cowboy? Check. Works well with others? Check. Relates to the youth? Double check. History of turning around organizations? Checkmate.

Domebeer-aholics, Darryl Sutter, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we present to you the next assistant GM of the Calgary Flames.

 Buckshot.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Earth To The Two National Fish Wraps

The National Post, and the Globe And Mail. Those are the two 'national' papers in this hockey mad country. We don't know if you guys know this or not, but the Stanley Cup was awarded last night. What do you think would be on the front pages of the sports sections in those two newspapers? The Stanley Cup, right?

WRONG.

Boredom. The front pages of those two newspapers are devoted to the World Cup of Boredom.

Umm, what the fuck are those sports editors thinking?

Check it out yourself. The National Post, The Globe And Mail. You didn't know Canada was so soccer mad, did you? Well, that's because it isn't. Toronto and Vancouver are, and we think that pretty much explains what is wrong with those two cities.

Seriously, soccer sucks. We don't understand the fascination with watching 11 guys play the trap for 90 minutes plus. We get why the Europeans like it: they are soft. We don't get why the sport 'elite' are trying to push soft soccer on the rest of us. Flopping? Don't we see enough of that in the NBA?

Baseball is a beautiful game. It is poetry in motion. Hockey? Artistry on the ice. Soccer? Slow and choppy. Unwatchable.

Look, Europeans are hooked on the welfare state. They don't work. They have all day to sit and drink and watch soccer players fake injuries. North Americans have to work to support the rest of the world. We don't have time to spend a week preparing for a riot so we can tare the stadium that was built with tax dollars down.

You want to know who is going to win? Organized mafia. Soccer is the most dirty sport in the world. It is more corrupt than basketball. Really, when the mob is setting the scores for the games, can you really call it a sport? It's a sideshow, just like the NBA.

But, hey, we will play a long. We will give you all the scores for every game that will be played at the World Cup. Get ready, here they are:

Team A: 0 Team B: 0. Boredom, drug use, and prostitution win.

One other thing. South Africa can't afford this shit. They spent money they didn't have on stadiums they will have no use for after this tournament is down. South Africa is riddled with problems. Domebeer-aholics, you know us, we aren't the bleeding heart liberal types. We are not talking about issues like fairness and that. We are talking issues like how getting killed for your car is a common occurrence in South Africa. We are talking about how it is a terrible place to start a business because of all the corruption. We are talking about a place where the British completely destroyed the fabric of society. But hey, soccer will fix that. Whatever.
...

Can we talk about a few things? Cool. So after sitting through 6 games of Jim Hughson and Mike Emrick, we wanted to kill ourselves. Take Doc off the list for Loubardias replacements. Hey, CBC, never put Hughson on again. Thanks!

Actually, Hughson's colour guy was just as fucking awful as Hughson. Anybody with a deep voice can do these jobs. Why don't they get anybody with a deep voice?
...

Listening to the radio right now, and the Pope just took a shot at Sutter. He said that in a certain Stanley Cup final we all remember we were screwed out of, a certain coach who would later become the GM should have called a timeout after the Eliminator's phantom goal. Funny.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Interview Breakdown

So how many hearts did Alex Ruiz break today?

Not as many as one Darryl Sutter.

If you want some sort of transcript-ish read out from the interview the FAN960 guys did with Darryl Sutter, Hayley at M&G (in the comments) does as good a job as any. The audio is up on the FAN's website, we imagine, so you can also check that out.

Let us tell you guys what we noticed about the interview. In no particular order, these are some of the things we think are discussion worthy:

LOCKER ROOM ISSUES:
Uhh, so the 3000 pound elephant in the room this season were the supposed locker room issues that the Flames had. Not one question by Kerr or Boomer about that. Way to earn that paycheque, journalists.

Actually, that isn't 100% true. Boomer tried to ask Sutter about it by asking him about the trades, and whether he would still do them today. Sutter responded by saying if he had his time machine, he would have traded them earlier. We don't know if earlier means earlier in the year, like in the summer, or earlier in the year after the season had started. But he did say he would have got them (Dion and Joker) out of the locker room earlier. So much for the 'there is no cancer' argument. There was clearly a cancer, in fact, there was two tumors.

ALES KOTALIK:
According to Darryl, if you think Kotalik isn't a good player, then you are a complete idiot. Kotalik lead the team in hits during his time here. We have no idea if that is true or not, but we will say this: When you play on a line with Langkow and Higgins, one that is expected to be fed to the dogs, that is, check another teams scoring line, then yeah, you bloody well better throw your 220 pound frame around and hit people. You fucking better lead the team in hitting. Do you get dap for doing your job? On the Country Club Flames, the answer is yes, yes you do.

Again, Boomer tried to challenge him a little on the Kotalik move by saying that softer Europeans don't fit Darryl's mold (which is true, Sutter prefers softer Canadian players, like Tangs and Cammo). Darryl responded that Kotalik does fit his mold. We were shocked that Kerr and Boomer didn't gag to death from the amount of bullshit contained in that statement.

CHRIS HIGGINS:
The greatest player to ever put on a Flames jersey that isn't named Nystrom still has not been given medical clearance to play. Kinda implies he is a slow healer, no? That is exactly the kind of player we want to see play next to an increasingly fragile Langkow.

If it's him or Nystrom, we would take Higgins (Robert Cleave just had a heart attack). Hopefully those aren't the only choices.

ASSISTANT GM:
This was one of the better parts of interview, actually, if you were paying attention. At the start of his interview, Darryl makes the claim that he has been in hockey for 31 years and knows what he is doing. When asked about the assistant GM he 'wants' (is being forced) too hire, Sutter then goes on to list the requirements: NHL experience. Cool, that fits the narrative. But the very next sentence out of Sutter's mouth is about how the assistant GM can't have NHL experience from decades ago (you know, like one Darryl Sutter) because they need to be able to relate to today's young players.

We will let that statement just rattle around your head for a little bit.

Anyways, it sounds very much like Darryl is interested in hiring someone Darryl can control. The checks and balances remain broken. Nero is in the house.

Oh yeah, he also threw the current assistant GM, Michael Holditch, under the bus, continuing the now familiar pattern of it being everyone else's fault but Darryl's.

As you all know, the buck stops with...well, anybody but Darryl. What a tough guy.

IT'S GOOD TO NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS:
Sutter actually said this out loud. There you go, fans. The guy who runs the team thinks not making the playoffs is a good thing, because it will provide an opportunity for both the players (which Sutter, to his credit, called out for being unprofessional and too country club) and the coaching staff to grow, and learn, and become better people, and adopt puppies.

I wonder if the owners of this team are thrilled Darryl flushed $55 million dollars down the toilet so that his brother and his staff could gain some NHL experience. Hey, the idiot owners deserve it, they are the guys who keep Darryl on the payroll.

DRAFT:
Darryl made the laughable claim that he had 4 picks in the top 100, and that was a good amount. Of course, neither Kerr or Boomer challenged him on it, but that statement is fucking stupid. We do not pick in the first two rounds. We can't pick for the first 60 of those 100 picks. We have 4 picks in the bottom 40 of the top 100.

Wait a second here, gang. That seems to us to be a lie. According to this, the Flames have only 2 picks in the top 100. They have the 64th pick and the 73rd pick, both in the 3rd round. There next pick is the 103rd. That's 2 picks in the top 100, not 4. Our GM either lied to the radio guys, who didn't pick it up, or he doesn't know where we draft. That inspires confidence.

In case you were wondering, we have picks 64, 73, 103, 108, 133, 163, 193. We think one of those 3rd rounders could be going to Edmonton thanks to the Staios deal, which would leave us with 1 pick in the top 100. Which, notwithstanding Darryl Sutter thinking you are stupid, is not very good.

GLUT OF D-MEN:
Darryl made some stupid claim about how it was impossible to have 4 highly paid defencemen on the team, but that you could have 3. Not to get too philosophical, but that just isn't true. You could have 6 highly paid defencemen on the team if you were getting production out of cheap forwards. It's called cap management, and it can be done in any number of ways. Whatever. Getting back to Darryl's point: If we can't have 4 highly paid defencemen on the team, why do we?

Staios, Regehr, Bouwmeester, and Sarich, together, all cost 17 million dollars in cap. We know Darryl can't add, so we will do it for him. 1, 2, 3, and yup, that is 4 highly paid defencemen on the team. Which is a sure sign of failure, according to Darryl, the guy who signed all those guys.

Why are people defending this guy?

CLEARING CAP SPACE:
First off, even though it was leaked a few weeks ago that the cap would be going up roughly 2 million dollars, Darryl claims to not know what the cap is going to be at next year. Again, Kerr and Boomer are tougher than we are, because we would have died because we can't breath in a cloud of bullshit.

Anyways...Kerr asked him about the need to make cap room for next year. Did you know the 10th place Calgary Flames, who lost 9 games in a row, are in fact the worlds greatest hockey team ever and no tweaking needs to be done?

Well, ok, we will be fair. Darryl only half said that. He claimed the team was a good one, on paper (fuck, where have we heard that before). He also said that the attitude of the players during the 9 game losing streak wasn't good, and that if he could improve the team, he would.

Which would have been a perfect time for Kerr and Boomer to ask him about trading for Spezza. Which they didn't, of course.

WHAT WE LEARNED:
Kerr and Boomer are scared of Darryl Sutter. Throughout the interview, Darryl's cellphone was creating interference with the audio equipment. Normally, an interviewer will ask the interviewee to kindly turn their cellphone off for the duration of the interview. This request was not made. Why wasn't it made? Honestly, we are asking, because the only reason we can think of was that those two are very intimidated by Sutter. Keep speaking 'truth to power', boys.

Also, Darryl is never responsible for anything bad that happens to the Flames, but he is directly responsible for anything good that happens with the Flames. We are pretty sure this is impossible, as one cannot have ones cake and eat it too. But hey, nevermind. Sutter is a hockey god, dontcha know?

Really, there is more shit to pick at in the interview, like the fact Darryl somehow looked at the numbers and came away with us being in the top 10 teams in the league when it comes to goal scoring. Listen to the interview if you don't believe us. The man is officially insane.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Peter Loubardias Continues To Suck

Ladies and gentlemen, Domebeer-aholics, we have somber news.

The cities only 24 hour sports radio station, the FAN960, hates you.

Hates you. Hates your face, hates your hair, hates your smell. Hates your guts. Just plain hates you.

How else do you explain the tag team of Peter Loubardias and Squeaky Brad on the morning show? The morning show that runs from 6 AM to 10 AM. Do they really expect people to be able to take that stuff at 6 in the morning? We are surprised that every car driver on the Deerfoot didn't drive into the Bow in an attempt drown themselves, just to make it stop.

Honestly, when AZR woke up this morning to the harpies call that is Peter Loubardias's voice, he thought he had died in his sleep from a heart attack, and had awoken to his own personal hell. When he looked out his window to see what hell looked like, and saw that it looked normal, and that the streets were not filled with zombie Wayne Gretzky's, the idea that a radio station would willingly put Loubardias on the radio that early in the morning hit him like a Sarich punch to the face. He literally threw up all over himself.

And you know what? He should have. Loubardias is awful, and on top of that, he is a complete tool. We do not know if you caught it or not, but Mike Richards, a person we actually admire a fair bit, because, well, we admire anybody who can pay the bills by making people laugh, asked Peter if he would read the phonebook for him, on the air. When a play by play guy is asked to read the phonebook, it is understood to be a complement. It means that you are so good at your job that you could read the phonebook and still be interesting. This made the request seem odd to us, as Mike knows Peter is terrible and boring. We know Mike knows because he made fun of him in his famous 'Peter Loubardias Reads The Phonebook' skit. Anyways, Mike asked Peter to read the phonebook live on the air, and do you know what that asshat Loubardias did? He read the phonebook alright, but like any one of us would read the phonebook. No inflection, no nuance in his voice, none of the play by play tricks actual, legitimate play by play guys use. He just read it. Mike actually had to stop him and tell him to read it like he was calling play by play, that's how big a tool Loubardias is.

It was fucking embarrassing to listen too. Is Peter Loubardias a robot? Where the hell is this guys pulse?

Seriously, what the fuck? Last week they made us sit through Boomer and his unfunny shit (is there anything more dangerous for radio ratings than Boomer assuming he is funny?), and now when Mike gets back, they put him on with Loubardias. Fuck, bad FAN960, very bad FAN. You didn't pay Peter for that, did you?

Look, we even kinda get it, on a comedy level. Mike is the funny guy, Loubardias is the straight man. But in order for that to work, the straight man has to be able to understand the joke and run with it. Loubardias takes his shit way to seriously for it to work. Mike cracks a one liner and Peter responds with five minutes of verbal diarrhea. It makes for shitty radio.

Listen, Mike already can't ask a question in a coherent fashion. It takes him 5 minutes of babbling if he wants to ask what the weather is like. And you pair that guy with a blowhard who bloviates in an awful voice? Every question takes 10 minutes now? Fuck, I'm surprised their guests don't hang up on them.

Honestly, we would have preferred Squeaky Brad over Loubardias. Squeaky Brad tries to nail the Drill Crew Girls. That's a big fucking plus in our books. He may have a voice worse than Loubardias's (by the way Brad, not to be hating, but how good of an engineer do you have to be to be allowed on the radio sounding like that?), but at least he doesn't speak for 30 minutes at a time.

This needs to be stopped now. Look, as the team is right now, there isn't any cap space to bring in a free agent, so the Flames can't apologize to the fans by doing that. Sutter hasn't given us a sop by trading or buying out Kotalik, Sarich, and Staios. The coach who employs a defensive shell whenever the team is up by a goal is still here, so the hockey isn't going to get any less boring to watch. Yeah, there is going to be an outdoor game. What a gift, the right to pay 200 times the cost of a regular season ticket to sit outside in the cold and watch Cammo score on us.

Listen Flames, you can make this right. Get Loubardias off the broadcast, tell Simmer he has to shape up or ship out, and get some people in there that can actually make watching boring, slow hockey slightly more enjoyable.

Look, have any of you watched a Blue Jay game on Rodgers this year? They went from the worst booth in the league, one that featured the shittacular Jamie Campbell as the play by play guy, to one of the best booths in the league with the acquisition of Buck Martinez. And you know what? A better booth makes watching the games better, more enjoyable. The booth can be turned around that quickly. We don't need to be saddled with Loubardias's suck.

Sportsnet, buck up and hit the free agent market. We hear that good ol' J.R. is available. Sign his fucking ass, and do it yesterday. Jim Ross even rocks a cowboy hat. 'Nuff said.

Domebeer-aholics, again, we need your help. TELL SPORTSNET TO FIRE LOUBARDIAS. DO IT! DO IT NOW!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Charity

Domebeer-aholics, we try not to pick favourites. We are like your parents in that way.

But we do very much appreciate the 5 Domebeer-aholics down in Miami who, according to the google analytics, read us everyday. Kudos to you gentlemen.

Unfortunately, this post will not concern you guys in the least. You can get pack to chasing tourist skirt.

Domebeers was asked to participate in the FiveholeForFood charity event (JULY 5TH, Eau Claire Market). It purports to support the Calgary Interfaith Foodbank. If you want to participate, the information is on the website. It is a street hockey tourney, but we do not know if people are allowed to form teams and play. We will email the guy and ask. If not, and only certian people are allowed to participate, and Domebeers gets a spot, if we do not use it, we will give it up to a team of Domebeer-aholics. How's that?

*UPDATE*
Talked to the guy who is running the thing, and he told us that everybody is welcome to come down and play. You need to bring a hockey stick and donate some food to get into the game. The theme of the game is Canucks vs Flames, so if you are going to participate on the Flames side, make sure you get your tetanus shot.
*UPDATE OVER*

You could also just go to the Foodbank and drop off food there, you know, just because. Not that the male readership of this site needs to be reminded, but the ladies respond to a man that has a heart.

Altruism? Whatever. That's a good reason to do it too, we guess. We like the acquisition of ladies phone numbers as a reason a little bit better, but to each his own.

Now we are assuming these are good charities that don't eat up 80% of the donations in 'administration fees'. Unlike, you know, some others (and yes, that was a shot at the Oilers).

You know what? We do not mind breaking the 'no-ads' rule for charities. If you run a charity and you want some dap on Domebeers, just send us an email.

With that said, we took a look at other events in June. There is one. We will begin pimping in 3,2,1:

Safeway Fathers Day Walk

It's raising funds for the fight against prostate cancer. It is on SUNDAY JUNE 20TH at Eau Claire Market. Another good cause that the chicks dig.

That is it for charities. We will throw in a free Big Brothers And Big Sisters pimp job. Again, when you are on a first date, this stuff looks great on your resume.

To conclude:

SAFEWAY FATHERS DAY WALK: JUNE 20TH at Eau Claire Market

FIVEHOLE FOR FOOD: JULY 5TH Eau Claire Market
...

Domebeers, you twitter? Yeah, under Domebeers, actually. You should follow.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Boomers Rumours

So we got some emails over the weekend. "What do you guys think of Boomer?"

What do we think of Boomer? Why? Did he plug us on the radio?

Well, no, no he didn't. It turns out that Boomer 'tweeted' about a 'trade rumor (SIC)' that was 'not confirmed', but, although it being 'not confirmed' was still 'a done deal'. We were also told that the move was 'not the blockbuster variety'.

But wait, there is more.

About two hours later, Boomer informs the world, again via the twitter, that he has talked to the player involved in the rumoured trade, and that said player is unawares about any such moves, so it is probably a 'false alarm'.

And just like that, Boomer runs with a rumour his cat told him, only to be burned on it two hours later. For a guy who likes to act like bloggers like us are scum because we do not have the checks and balances Boomer and his cat, err, source, have when it comes to releasing information and rumours, this must have been a very humbling experience.

How many stories has Boomer broken over the years? Any? Because it looks to us that he got wind of a story, popped a boner (I can break this!), and went all in with it. He is just lucky this didn't happen on the radio, and he can go on and pretend it didn't happen.

What, you think Rob Kerr is going to ask Boomer about this on the radio show? Why would he do that? Why would the fans need to be informed?

Boomer commits a party foul by running with a trade rumour. Bad Boomer. But that is largely surface stuff. Honestly, we aren't even that annoyed by it. We think it is funny that the guy who gets on bloggers on the radio got caught acting like a neophyte blogger with his first story. But besides that little bit of schadenfreude, we can't get that worked up about it. At least he was trying to break Flames news.

But...there are layers here, besides Boomers premature rumour ejaculation. Let's start peeling.

Number One: Sutter is making deals, and no assistant GM has been hired. Hell, the fact that it has been a week or two since the announcement was made that Sutter would be getting a babysitter and no babysitter has arrived probably speaks volumes as to what type of power the new hire would wield. Sutter as Diocletian is probably dead. We are back to Sutter as Nero.

Number Two: We think, based on the timeline, that the player traded did not have a NTC or a NMC in his contract. This is just speculation, and we could very well be wrong, but we think the player did not have a NTC or a NMC because of the wording of Boomers tweets. 'Not a blockbuster deal' is what we are using as evidence in our argument. Although, yes, we know: What the hell does 'blockbuster; mean?

Moving a NTC/NMC guy would qualify as a blockbuster trade, we think. The people on this team with NTC/NMC are: Iginla, Langkow, Stajan, Bourque, Kotalik, Bouwmeester, Regehr, and Kiprusoff. All of this information is from capgeek.com. Moving any of those contracts would be a blockbuster, so we think we can safely assume the rumour did not involve those players.

So who is left? Hagman, Moss, Glencross, Dawes, Sarich, Staios, Giordano, Pardy, and Backlund (White is RFA, so it wasn't him, so why put him on the list?). Do any of these guys fit into the 'blockbuster' category? This is where peoples definitions of 'blockbuster' get in the way. Gio and Backlund getting moved would be 'blockbusters'. But to us, trading Sarich, Staios, or Hagman would also qualify as 'blockbuster', at least for the Flames. Moving Glencross would not qualify as 'blockbuster' to the outside world, but would be a pretty big shakeup in Flames land, as he is an NHL forward we pay 1.2 million dollars for. Hell, when you think about it, it probably was Glencross. Sutter saw a contract on the books that provides value and started throwing up all over himself.

Anyways...we think that would leave Moss, Dawes, and Pardy. We like Dawes and Pardy, mainly because they are dirt cheap, and we hate Moss, mainly because he stole money last year, and refuses to play as a big man consistently. But, looking at this thing rationally, we don't think the Flames are in a position to be jettisoning forwards that cost a million dollars, especially when we don't really have anybody from the farm that could fill that roster spot. We do think there are a lot of D-men down on the farm.

Adam Pardy for a 3rd rounder or later? That would be our best guess. We have also heard that most of the Flames are not in the city, and that the one that is in the city happens to be Domebeers favourite Corey Sarich.

For Boomers sake, we hope it wasn't Sarich. Could you imagine Boomer calling Sarich up and going 'Hey dude, you have been traded, what do you think?'

Because we know what Sarich would say:



Give up the name, Boomer.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Week Ahead

Next week, on Domebeers.com

- Stuff

- Things

- Sizzle

- Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award
...

Something funny?



Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.