Friday, June 4, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award


It's Friday, and that means just one thing: We nominated our DJ for president.

Huh? Man, that's right. It is also time to present this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC!).

What a wild week we had, eh? Lot's of saber rattling and crazy goings ons. Is the world lurching towards WW3? Probably, but we doubt it will be soon. We feel a lot of this stuff like we view investing; when there is blood in the streets, you gotta be buying. In other words, we are contrarians. If North Korea is threatening to blow up the world, it probably means that they aren't capable of it just quite yet. Although we could be wrong; the US Navy and the South Korean Navy are going to be holding war games in the Korean waters. Speaking of militarized waterways, a bunch of terrorist wannabe's tried to smuggle illicit contraband into the Iranian sponsored terrorist enclave known as Gaza. Gaza is under a joint blockade by the Israeli and Egyptian governments because of its governments pesky habit of trying to kill Jews. The aforementioned terrorist wannabe's tried to run the blockade, and when they did and were boarded by the IDF, the peace activists on board went all 'LA Riots', and the rest, as they say, is history. Events like this are really good for one thing: exposing rabid Jew haters. And while we are on the subject of haters, we have to touch on the Claudia Schiffer controversy. Some crazy feminist woman who probably can't get a man because she is 'on' all the time got mad because Schiffer is hot, even in black face. Christ lady, as we are writing this, the DOW is at 9931. There other real shit to worry about other than the fact the white ladies afro is better than yours. As always, the nominations made picking a winner a tough choice.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Cadillac’s and Dinosaurs!



Did you see that shit, sucka? That dude was driving around in his cherry convertible while a fucking pterodactyl circles over his head. That dude has some big brass balls. But did you see what he did when he jumps into his car? He put the car into 'L'! Uhh, we don't know what the fuck 'L' is. We know 'R' is for reverse, and 'D' is for drive. Fuck, we had to look it up, and we were shocked to discover that it stands for 'Low', as in the transmission will only use one gear.

Do you know what that means? It means that this guy is not only driving around in a convertible while some hungry ass pterodactyl tries to pluck his eyes out of his goddamned skull, but he is only driving around at like 20 miles an hour. That pterodactyl can shit faster than that.

Anyways, the guy drives off and we are treated to a scene of a vengeful looking velociraptor. You're thinking 'oh shit boyee', right? But bam, this hotty in red (Go Flames) rolls outta the grass holding a fucking shotgun in her hand and bad intentions in her heart. The scene switches before you see the chick go all Rambo on that lizard.

What the fuck, it isn't over? Not by a long shot, apparently. This cat in the Cadillac is on some insane mission to get into this chicks pants. That's the only thing that can explain his insane drive through a field of triceratops. Nothing gets a girls panties wetter than the prospects of death by smashing.

Holy shit. The scene cuts to a night scene with a brontosaurus lifting its head in an obvious metaphor to our Cadillac driver getting some. You wouldn't believe what happens next. Cadillac driver, after a night of giving it to the kitty, goes out and wrestles a fucking tyrannosaurus rex. A fucking tyrannosaurus rex! And he didn't have to, because he had gotten into the gush the night before. Hard fucking core, Cadillac driver.

For being fucking awesome, Cadillac’s and Dinosaurs wins this week Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.
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Uhh...Ilya or Spezza, Darryl? We won't say a word about you again. Thanks!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Talkin' Softball



Ok people, we know. We know everybody is talking about the blown perfect game. We know we look like, and probably are, biting this story just a little bit. That's cool. We have other things to talk about regarding baseball. But we do, obviously, have to touch on Jim Joyce ruining baseball, but we are also going to talk about The Kid, and we would most definitely like to talk about the Jays bullpens nasty habit of deciding the 9th inning is as good a time as any to break out the batting practice pitches.
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ACTIONS NOT WORDS

 Jim Joyce cost some scrub pitcher a perfect game. Scrub pitchers are scrub pitchers because, well, they are not that great, compared to there MLB competition. Scrub pitchers have a hard time getting through 5 innings, let alone 9. Scrub pitchers have a hard time going perfect through one inning, let alone 9. Scrub pitchers are called scrub pitchers because we don't need to know their names.

Well, we know who the hell Armando Galarraga is now. But lets put his perfect game into perspective.

Armando Galarraga has a career ERA+ of 101. That means he is completely average. Do you know what his career hits per 9 innings pitched is? 8.5. He basically allows one hit per inning he pitches. In his entire career, this guy has pitched 352 innings, and has allowed 331 hits.

Listen, if you are pitching in the show, you got talent (Kevin Gregg notwithstanding). But Armando is an average, to below average pitcher in the bigs. Do you know what the odds are that someone with pedestrian stuff pitches a perfect game?

There have been 20 no hitters in about 100 years. There have been thousands of pitchers in the show throughout that time, and only 20 have been able to go 27 up, 27 down. It is the hardest thing to do in sport, period.

And Jim Joyce is a shitty umpire. Don't let any talking head commentator tell you otherwise. This guy hasn't umped in the playoffs for 3 years. This guy has been working as an umpire in the bigs since 1989, and he has been allowed to work the World Series twice. MLB knows this guy is a shitty umpire.

So some shitty umpire costs Armando a miracle. What does he do? He apologizes. Umm, sorry asshole, not good enough. What happened to honour? What happened to being a man? Jim Joyce needs to quit. MLB needs to fire him, but before they do, Joyce needs to be a man, show some honour, and quit.

Let us put it another way: In any accredited profession, if you screw up as bad as Jim Joyce did, you would lose your accreditation. If you are a lawyer, and you screw up bad, you aren't allowed to practice anymore. If your CA fucks up, he can lose his CA designation. There has to be consequences for this type of shit, or it will keep happening.

And a final fuck you to Joyce, because this idiot is going to get instant replay into the game. Now every game is going to last 16 hours as every call is reviewed. Not cool.
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KEN GRIFFEYS GROTESQUELY SWOLLEN JAW

The Kid retired back in April, he just decided to tell us all about it now.

One of the Domebeer crew members once met Junior. He walked up to Junior and shook his hand. Junior pulled a groin.

Some people are talking about how it's a shame that the blown perfect game overshadowed his retirement. We think it's justice. This guy has been ripping a paycheque from the Mariners for the last 2 months to sleep in the dugout and miss pinch hits. The Baseball Gods got the last laugh.

In all seriousness though, The Kid is about the only great player of the 90's not to have steroid allegations to his name. Hopefully it's true and he was clean, because could you imagine the damage to baseball that would occur if we find out this guy was a juiced up roid freak, too?

If anybody out there has played the game, you know how hard it is. The biggest compliment anyone can give a guy is that he made the game look easy. And The Kid did.
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BLOWN SAVES

AZR is a huge Cubs fan. Kevin Gregg is a piece of shit. Period. Show him any stat you want, AZR saw this guy blow saves in the NL Central for a year, and knows this guy isn't a closer. So we were shocked and surprised that a team that competes in the AL East would sign this walking turd to a contract, and then let him close. Better than Frasor, we guess, but not by much.

If the plan was to lose 100 games, then yeah, good hire. But the Jays, as currently constructed, are not quite bad enough to lose 100 games. They are playing loose because they got Doc out of the locker room, and the players can breath again. They are a very good defensive team. So they got hitting, and they got defence, and wouldn't you know it, they have some good, young arms in the starting rotation. Not a great team, but not a shitty team either.

In fact, the Jays find themselves 3 games behind the Devil Rays in AL East, and 3 games out of the lead for the wildcard. The Jays are in contention, in June.

The Jays will not be in contention if they don't get a closer in the bullpen that can get the hitters in the AL East out. We are not impressed with saves against AL West or Central teams. Those divisions are not the AL East, and don't have the hitters in them that the AL East does.

This is one of the most exciting Jays seasons in quite a long time. We would hope that Rogers doesn't go cheap. Saving some money today by not going out and getting the Jays what they need is going to cost them in ticket sales tomorrow. We know they have attendance problems. Winning into August will stop that shit. Toronto is a front running city, full of fair weather fans. You have to give them a reason to go to the games, and the reason will be winning, because winning will make the team cool again. There is no way that this team will win unless they get a real major league arm in that bullpen to close games. They need a guy who can get A-Rod out, and they don't have that.

Again, it would be a fucking joke if the Jays ownership decides to cheap out and not provide a good team with some help. And they can't wait till the trade deadline, because if they stand pat until then, they will be out of contention. And Kevin Gregg will have killed himself out of frustration. Nobody but AZR wants that.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Salmagundi

Why? Because we can.

We have been asked by H2H Media to put a link on our site. We would normally ask for 1 million dollars in exchange for the privilege to advertise on our site, but we have waived the fee this time. H2H Media is partnering with the NHL to promote the 'Goal Of The Year' campaign, and has asked us to help. Lucky for them, when we clicked on the link a Gio goal came up, so naturally, we had to say yes.

THE LINK! CLICK IT. USE IT. LOVE IT.

Wow. We feel so...used. It's the Gary Bettman factor.

Anyways it is a competition. Vote for Flames.
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We caught some FAN960 today,and wouldn't you know it, Rob Kerr actually came out with an opinion on the team he covers. Rob's a professional, and all that, and we do not think he is a Domebeer-aholic, which is a shame. But we don't think he understands the position he holds in this city. The average fan knows nobody on the team, nobody in the administration, nobody on the coaching staff. The average fan does know Rob Kerr.

Rob Kerr is seen by many as the link between the team and the fans. This puts Rob in a difficult situation, as Rob works for the FAN, which pays money for the right to broadcast the games. In effect, because of this relationship, Rob is muzzled in what he can say.

You all remember that 9 game losing streak? We remember it. We also remember Rob wanted to talk about the Columbus Blue Jackets. Anything but the Flames. That is a cop out.

Which he is allowed to do. If he has been told by his corporate masters that the Flames tummies get hurt when they hear criticism, and that he should never offer any, that's cool. Craig Conroy told us that Dion paid attention to any story the media ejaculated out about him. He wasn't the only one. Iggy talks about the crazy headlines the Sun runs.

So the team has a thin skin, and Rob, to make life easier for the FAN, plays ball. We don't think it hurts him too much, hell, we listen to the station (although, the FAN has no competition in the market, which may have something to do with it). Do we think Rob has an 'in' with Darryl Sutter? No. We would suspect that he may have culminated some sources within the team, and to keep those sources, he is no doubt careful with what he reveals.

But to a large section of this fanbase, which loves the team and just wants to know, on the most basic level, 'why?', Rob is their source. Does Rob realize this? Who knows. But when he does offer his opinion, it is refreshing.

Rob took a shot at Brent Sutter, and basically all the coaches who have preceded him, as it pertains to the backup goaltender, and the playing time that position has been afforded. Even though it was one sentence, we loved it.

Rob often says on the radio that the listener should 'form their own opinions'. That is complete horseshit. Why? Because everybody in this city DOES have an opinion. We know, we get your emails. The listeners are just curious as to what Rob's opinion is.
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Some stuff we noticed:

Al Gore got divorced.

Blagojevich might try to take Obama down.

It's still leaking.

Your Apple IPhone is made by slaves.

There is hope for us all.
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The DOW was up 225 points today, to end at 10249. That's hilarious. Anybody else remember when the S&P was damn near 1600?
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Fuck any team that includes Pat '20 Cent' Kane on it's roster.

Go Flyers. Also, the Celtics will win. (DOMEBEERS CURSE FUCK OFF)
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We know we haven't had much to say this week. We will try to have something funny up tomorrow. Busy time for us, we apologize.


Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Fire Darryl Sutter

Yeah, we know, it's getting redundant.

Domebeer-aholics, we have been keeping a secret from you.

A few weeks ago, we were asked by noted Domebeer-aholic Kent Wilson if we would be interested in providing some content for FlamesNation. No, not that FlamesNation, the other one. Anyways, we accepted the invite.

Somewhere, out in the wild, we hear R O and Robert Cleave screaming.

Don't worry, Domebeers is not going anywhere. We wouldn't be able to call Darryl Sutter a fucking retard on FlamesNation. But we think out of fairness and good sportsmanship, we won't be reproducing content that we give to FlamesNation over here. You will have to go over there to read it.

Why are we letting the beans spill today? Well, because we have a post on Vicki Halls May 31st article that should be appearing on FlamesNation today (or tomorrow, who knows but the gods), and maybe, just maybe, you would be interested in it. It is an FJM, we know how you guys like that ish.

So yeah, probably no post today, except this one.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired. 

Monday, May 31, 2010

Let Us Into Your Skin

Domebeer-aholics, we have excellent news.

What is it, Domebeers? Have you finally written a post with content? It has only been, what, like a week?

Fuck off, asshole. No, no, we have even better news than that. Ladies and gentlemen, we are winning.

Winning, Domebeers? What exactly are you winning?

Life, motherfucker. But let's drill down into the data a little bit, and get to goose. Today, on the Fan960, Domebeer favourite and all around awful announcer, Peter Loubardias, took to the airwaves in an attempt to coax a mass suicide movement from the listeners. We took the brave and unheralded move to keep listening, and what we heard was profound, earth-shaking, and profoundly earth-shaking.

Guess who sits around all day putting his name into the google box? That's right, one Peter Loubardias. Guess what comes up when you put Peter Loubardias into the google box? That's right, Domebeers.com.

Peter Loubardias has seen Domebeers.com. And guess what? He doesn't like it.

Peter Loubardias was talking about the pressures that Canadian players have when they play in a Canadian market. From this, he took the tangent and started talking about the pressures of one Peter Loubardias has broadcasting in a Canadian market. The pressure would be us, Domebeers.com, and the legion of like minded Domebeer-aholics, who don't want a hokey play by play guy ruining their enjoyment of a Flames TV broadcast (the Flames do a fine job of that themselves, and don't need your help, Loubardias, thank you very much).

He has read us. And we are getting under his skin. So much so that he brought it up on the radio.

We are winning. Keep up the fight. We can get major league level talent into our broadcast booth.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

The Week Ahead

Next week, on Domebeers.com

- Washing machines

- Dryers

- Microwaves

- Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award
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Something funny?



Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.