Friday, April 16, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means one thing: The J, the I, the M, the M, the Y, the J, the I, the M, the M, the Y. Remember kids, wrap it up. Put holes in it, of course, but wrap it up.

What? Oh yeah, you are right, that too. It is indeed time to hand out this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC!).

Crazy, crazy week. Hey Canada, your P.M. let a bribe taking coke head into cabinet! What fun those committee meetings must be. Mrs. Guergis is the chicks name, and if you think she knows how to party, then you haven't met her drunk driving, coke snorting, bribe taking, husband. Nice suit, asshole. Hard to imagine someone in that suit (click the fucking link) not being a drunk driving coke monkey. Speaking of awkward segue's, Iceland is fucking around with the world again. First, they borrow like 100 trillion dollars and lose it all during the banking crisis, essentially bankrupting their nation and screwing around with global finance. Now, on top of that, they go and let some volcano erupt and spew dirty dirt one million miles into the air, which killed airflights across the globe. Fuck off, Iceland. For reals. Hey, I got a segue that actually works for you Domebeer-aholics: Speaking of spewing, you hear about this cat who got liquored up and literally threw up all over an off duty cops daughter at a baseball game (that was a nice segue, Domebeers)? Well, you have heard about it now. Our faith in humanity is renewed when you read that after the fat drunk threw up on the little girl, the entire section he was sitting in apparently tried to kick his ass. Drunk dude, we know cops can be fuck heads, but leave the children out of it. Nice black eye though. Hard choice for the RTPIC.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Bullshit.

Bullshits parents are Lies and Obfuscation, and who knows how long ago those two hooked up. Whatever, they did, and Bullshit was the result. What makes Bullshit different from Lies and Obfuscation is, of course, that nobody, not even a bullshitter, expects you to buy in. Lies, and liars, work on the principle that they should be convincing, that you should buy in. Obfuscation works on the principle that you know a little, and can be thrown off the scent. Again, Obfuscation requires you to buy in. Bullshit is completely different, and works on a different principle. Bullshit works because you know that you are being lied to. Bullshit requires the audience to stay meek and not challenge it, even though they know they are being fed, well, bullshit.

An example? Well, in this city, we have just seen one of the biggest displays of bullshit outside of an Obama speech. The Flames held a press conference recently, where Bullshit was on display in its full, smelly, glory. Not lies, not obfuscation, but Bullshit. Hey Darryl, does your team suck ass? No, it is the best team in the league, guy. We have 23 20 goal scorers on it. Thanks for asking, asshole. Well, ok then, Darryl. If the team is so good, why didn't we make the playoffs? Idiot, it's because we didn't win enough games. Don't ask me stupid questions. Hey Darryl, did you trade Dion and Jokinen because you are a) Stupid? b) Retarded? c) Drunk? You ignorant motherfucker, I made those deals because of locker room issues, unless you ask me to elaborate, in which case we didn't have any issues, so stop bringing it up.

Darryl isn't a liar when he says that we have the most 20 goal scorers in this league, when he says our problem was we didn't win enough, when he says there were locker room issues. No, he is bullshitting. Nobody could be that fucking stupid. He just expects that nobody will press him and press him and press him. Which, as to be expected from the Calgary print media, they didn't. The press should have stayed on Darryl until Ken King had them removed by security, or Darryl was made well aware of the idiocy that just left his mouth. Laugh at the dumb hick when he says that shit, for christs sake. Arrogance hates humiliation.

Besides showing up at the press conference, Bullshit also showed up during the Flames green garbage bag day. Darryl let it known that they traded a guy they drafted 9th overall (Dion) and a guy they traded a first round draft pick for (Olli) because of 'locker room' issues. Not because they received an offer they couldn't refuse, not because they could improve the team if they made those deals, but because of 'locker room' issues. Something about 'wanting to be here'. Right, ok. So when the players were asked about it during green garbage bag day, what did they have to say? Nothing to see here people, keep moving. Hi, Bullshit! Burke went on the radio in Toronto and pointed the finger at Iggy and Reggie. Iggy and Reggie, got anything to say? Nope, no issues at all. We love Dion and Olli. Made them the kids godfathers. Bullshit!

For providing the administration and the players with something to shovel down the mouths of the press and the fans, Bullshit wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Before we out, we gotta talk about one thing. The FAN960 (thanks for pimping Domebeers, by the way) is running a commercial about some comic book convention. You will understand this if you have heard it, and if you haven't, go fuck yourself. The advertisement has the following line:

Featuring Billy Dee Williams, also known as Lando Calrissian, and Malcolm McDowell.

That is the line that is pissing the shit outta us at Domebeers. You feel the need to explain to people who Billy Dee Williams is, but not who Malcolm McDowell is? Who the fuck is Malcolm McDowell? Everyone in the entire world knows that Billy Dee Williams is the cool ass cat who played space pimp Lando Calrissian. Malcolm McDowell? He is some ded, gloopy, bratchny. The lewdies are suppose to know who this koshka is? Bezoomy, simple bezoomy-ness. The veck who made that advert should get his gulliver out of his ass.

Should we let the people who don't get that joke in on it? You'd have to be pretty oomny to get it right out the box, or know which movie Malcolm McDowell was in. It pains us to do this, but we will let you in on it. Now you should be horror-show.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Who Got Next

There is a lot of talk in this city about the the President of the Flames, Ken King, and his GM, Darryl Sutter. The talk centres around whether or not they should both be fired, should one of the two be fired, or should they both keep their jobs. Since Darryl joined King the team has averaged about 96 points a season (03 - 04 to 09 - 10), and has made the playoffs 5 of those 6 years. Mazel tuv.

During those 6 years, the Flames have won their division one time, 05 - 06, and have finished outside of the top 4 spots in the conference 5 times. To the best of our knowledge, teams that have the ability to win the Stanley Cup don't usually end up in the 5th, 6th, 7th, or 8th spots heading into the playoffs, Darryl's bullshit about how 'anybody has a chance in the playoffs' notwithstanding (everybody has a chance to get cancer, kids, so go ahead and smoke 8 packs a day. You want to be cool, right?).

If the current regime is turfed, certain voices say, who is going to steer the Good Ship Flames through the turbulent waters that lay ahead? Domebeers has your answer, you unimaginative media goofballs. Former Flame great, Hall of Famer, and ardent capitalist, Lanny McDonald.

Now Lanny is a busy man. He tours the world and makes mad bank through speaking engagements. He has his hands in real estate development out in Bear Mountain, Montana. He owns and manages world class restaurants. He pimps for the car dealership in this city, and he does a shitload of charity. You won't find a bigger supporter of the special people then one Lanny McDonald, and if you have peeped that little CNBC ad we have in the corner, you will know that at Domebeers, character counts.

Lanny is also a hockey guy. Hall of Famer, dontcha know? And he wasn't a checker, Darryl. Lanny was a goal scorer, and we would like to think that Lanny would appreciate skilled hockey players a little more than one Darryl Sutter does. Right, Tangs, Juice, and Cammo?

Being the busy, dynamic man that he is, what carrot would have to be offered to Lanny to get him to come to this organization? If the guy is going to have to drop all his duties and focus on the Flames on a full time basis, the GM post will not do it. Lanny is not going to come into town and have someone over him in the power structure. Lanny is not coming to town to get thrown under the bus by a President trying to save his job, if things don't go well next year.

So the GM position won't do it. The highest power position the Flames have is currently occupied by Ken King, the President position. If we are to get Lanny to come here, we will probably have to offer him the Presidency.

Now, we don't think Ken King is stupid. We think he is a good marketer. We are not saying to fire Ken King. What we are saying is that you should install Lanny in as the President, create a Vice President position for the guy who is going to be selling tickets and jerseys (Ken King or whoever Lanny prefers), and then you would have the GM position for your hockey guy (Darryl, or whoever Lanny replaces him with). Lanny would act in a 'Bill Parcels with the Miami Dolphins' like fashion, acting as the final say to the GM and the Coaches.

Besides creating a new layer of accountability, and a semblance of a check and balance system in the hockey operations department, hiring Lanny would also allow the Flames to make a number of sweeping changes that the fan base would otherwise not accept. This is all for fun at this point, because Domebeers does not advocate a traditional rebuild that would see Iggy and Kipper traded. But if the organization was going to go in that direction, Lanny would be able to do those moves without the fan base showing up at the Saddledome pitchforks in hand.

If you take a step back, what you see is the Flames organization is suffering very much from a crisis of confidence. The people who pay the bills, the fans, are spooked. There isn't a coherent narrative about the team emerging from them, which means that there is noise and uncertainty clouding their view of the situation, and hence, their judgement. In English, people just don't know. Darryl and King appeared to be competent managers, until this year, where they came off looking as the height of incompetence. This event has shattered the worldview of the fan base, and they don't know where to turn (turn to Domebeers, duh). Lanny McDonald would give the organization its credibility back, almost instantly.

Plus, the cats got one bad ass motherfucking mustache. Word.

Any thoughts on this brilliant plan, Lanny McDonalds Mustache?

Lanny McDonalds Mustache: Yeah. Darryl, when you get to the unemployment office, tell em Lanny sent ya!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired. 

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Worst Losses Of The Season

We here at Domebeers find the current discussion about whether or not to fire Darryl a little funny. Why? Well, how many goals did Darryl score this year? Right.

We kinda think the players are responsible for the play on the ice. Brent is a little responsible, we guess, but at the end of the day, if your team is full of no heart, having Scotty fucking Bowman on the bench wouldn't help.

No, this shit season is on the shoulders of the players. If you think the GM is responsible for David Moss scoring 8 goals, we don't know what to tell you. Is the GM also responsible for Bourques career year? We think Bourque is, just as David Moss is responsible for his no show. You can quibble about trades and acquisitions, but at the end of the day, the players are responsible for what happens on the ice.

And what happened on the ice? Not a whole lot. This team stole money most nights, especially at home. The GM put the players on the roster, and the Coach didn't get anything out of them once they got here, but again, the no shows are on the players. Here is a look at the worst losses of the season:

It is what it is. How this team losses to the Wild is beyond us. Actually, it isn't. We think it is pretty clear that this team mailed it in most nights. Can any of you remember a 60 minute effort? The players are skating, and they should be the ones with a rope around their neck. It's nice to see the print guys get brave and ask Darryl a tough question after 4 years, but I would respect them a lot more if they had the balls to go ask a player a tough question. We know, then they won't talk to them.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Best Heat Team Ever

Flames fans, you are an excitable bunch. So the GM goes out and commits a Mangino amount of cap space to a bunch of underachieving, no heart, soft dogs. Why all the panic? Why the freak out? Calm the fuck down.

Domebeers, your telling us to calm the fuck down? Have you seen this?

I mean, Domebeers, that is completely insane! There are 17 players on that little spreadsheet, 10 forwards, 6 d-men, 1 goalie, at 53.379 million, and we need to, at a minimum, sign 3 forwards, one more defenceman, and a backup goalie. This years cap, according to, was 56.8, so going with that, that leaves us with 3.421 million dollars in cap space wiggle room, assuming the cap stays the same. If the cap rises that helps, but if it falls, even by a couple of hundred thousand dollars, then we are even more hooped.

And Domebeers, have you seen the absolute crap that is on this team? You can show me all the numbers you want, Domebeers, but good teams don't lose 9 games in a row. Teams that have heart and hustle on them don't lose 9 games in a row. Teams that are made up of people collecting a paycheque do.

I don't know, Domebeers, calming the fuck down would seem an unlikely action for the fans in this city to be taking. Who the fuck is going to trade for Sarich, Staios, Langkow, Stajan, Hagman, Kotalik, or Moss? Who?

Geeze, you guys are uptight. Again, calm down. Inhale deeply, think about whales or some shit.

You ever heard of N. Murray Edwards? He is the main owner of the team, and he is worth over a billion and a half dollars. He aignt poor. Which is nice, because whether Darryl stays or goes, cap space will need to be found, and the easiest way to find it is by paying players to play for the Heat.

This type of move wouldn't be unprecedented for the Flames. We all remember Anders Eriksson. The amount of money we are talking about sending down is a little unprecedented in our franchises history, however. Who cares. This franchise has money. This franchise also has a 33 year old winger and a 34 year old goaltender. If this franchise wants to keep the Stanley Cup window open for the next one or two years, then this franchise does not have time to build through the draft. It needs to get better, quickly.

The quickest, easiest way to get better is through free agency. Free agents only cost money and cap space. Which is a problem, because as of today, the team doesn't have much cap space. Like we have been suggesting, this problem is easily solvable. You send the dead weight away via trades, if you can, and the only thing you take back are cheap, young players, or whatever draft pick you can get. Because most teams won't trade a 7th round pick for Sarich and the 7 million he is owed for the next 2 seasons, the only other solution, besides a Putin ordered jet crash, is to send him (and the other turds on this team) down to the Heat, where the contracts don't count against the cap.

The 3 most glaring candidates for a new Heat jersey are Sarich, Kotalik, Staios. That is 3.6, 3, and 2.7, which is  9.3 million dollars in additional cap space, poof. That 9.3 plus the 3.421 we have already is 12.721 in cap space. Now we are cooking.

Hey, if Backlund is staying, he has to play on the top 2 lines. Also, Darryl gave Stajan a long term contract. It looks like the Flames are now paying a 34 year old 4.5 million dollars to anchor the 3rd line. Uhh, fuck no. Langkow will hopefully retire, which would help the Flames out, but if he doesn't, he has to be traded for a draft pick (ie: no salary coming back). If this can't be done, then the Heat just got their new captain.

12.721 plus Langkows 4.5 is 17.221 million in cap space. It sucks for Murray Edwards, because he is then going to have to pay to restock the roster with some quality players, but hey, if you want to win in the next two years, then you gotta do it.

If we go the Heat road, we would then have the following roster:

Which is 8 forwards, 4 d-men and one goalie. You are going to go to war with 13 forwards, 7 d-men, and 2 goalies, so we are 9 players short of a roster, 5 forwards short, 3 d-men short, 1 goalie short. 9 players to sign, and with the new cap space, about 1.9134 million to spend on those 9 players, each, if we gave them all the same amount of money. Which, of course, we do not plan on doing. The question of how to allocate the money, a problem for the current GM, rears its ugly head.

We need 2 centres, if we keep the soft piece of shit Stajan as our number one and the wunderboy Backlund at number 2, propositions, you may be able to tell, that don't thrill us. We would have 6 wingers on the roster, so we would need 2 more, and then there is the one extra spot. 5 new forwards in total. We then would need 2 more d-men to play in the top 6, and then the extra body. Plus a backup goalie. Now that we have the shopping list...

17.221/3=5.74, or we can spend 5.74 on the forwards, on the d-men, and the backup. Obviously we are not spending 5.74 on the backup, so we have increased flexibility to spend on the other pressing needs. 500k may not be enough for a backup, but 2 million is probably too high to pay. The range to pay a backup probably is 1 - 1.5  million dollars. Let us choose the high range: 17.221 - 1.5 =  15.721 million left to spend.

What is next? How about the d-corps. 3 spots to fill, and most people will want one of those spots filled with one Ian White. That is probably 3.5 million dollars for an undersized defenceman. We are not a fan of that, we think he is too small, but the guy is a decent player, regardless of his height. Pricey, at 3.5, but decent. We are hesitant to sign the guy because we are trying to save money for the forwards, for one of Plekanec, Marleau (would you keep Darryl just for that connection?), or Kovalchuk. But you do need another NHLer on that D-line, Whites young, so for shits and giggles, let us say he is resigned. In the interest of saving money, you need to call up one or two of the d-men on the farm, let's say Pelech, and then sign another Aaron Johnson, that is, another cheap guy who can play some minutes. So that's 3.5 + 0.5 + 0.5 = 4.5. 15.721 - 4.5 = 11.221.

So, now the big gorilla in the room, the forwards. These guys fucking suck, but you don't need me to tell you that. Nobody pisses Domebeers off more than David Moss and his suck. 8 goals? 8 fucking goals? Way to kill the team, asshole. Glencross got 15, for christs sake, playing in only 3 more games. Dawes got 14, playing in 2 more. What we are trying to say is that we are not 40 goals away from being a contender, although 40 extra goals would be nice. We don't need Ilya to save the franchise, although, that would be fucking awesome. We have, theoretically, 11.221 left in cap to sign 5 players: 2 centres, and 3 wingers.

This is the hardest part of the allocation, because we do not know about Backlund. Is he going to be up with the big club, in an offensive role, the whole season, regardless of his performance? If he is, then you need a checking line centre and a 4th line one. If he is going to be sent down, then you need to sign a capable NHL centre to play on one of the two top lines. On top of this, you don't know who the GM is going to be.

11.221 for 5 players. We probably need at least one impact winger and one good centre, so 2 of the 5 will be making some money. 3 of the 5 we should try to go cheap on, as they will be playing on the 4th line. 2 kids from the farm would cost 1 million, if we go cheap and young. That leaves us with 2 centres and 1 winger to sign for 10.221 million. Ilya is probably out of the price range, Domebeers broken heart notwithstanding, so our next target would be Marleau or Plekanec. This would push Backlund into the number 3 centre spot, but because this team has no grinders or toughness on it, our 3rd line is a scoring line anyways, so this might not be the end of the world. What do those guys cost? Probably 6 million dollars. 10.221 - 6 = 4.221 left, with 2 players left to sign. That is plenty. One could resign Lombardi for 3 (pretty rich, yikes!) and still have a million left over for your enforcer. Again, that is 0.5 + 0.5 + 6 + 3 + 1 = 11. 11.221 - 11 = 0.221 in cap space left.

Suddenly, a team that was too old, too slow, too expensive is young, fast, and dynamic. Jarome would have some elite level talent to play with under this scenario, which would lead you to believe his numbers would improve. Iggy, Bourque, and unnamed 6 million dollar player would give the team 3 30 goal scorers on it. Hagman should be good for 20 - 25, and Dawes and Glencross 10 - 15, or they both could net 20 if they stay healthy, who knows. The team would suddenly have enough offence to compete, and it would be younger, and (one would hope) hungrier. Giving up Staios and Sarich doesn't really hurt your defence, because those two are too slow for the league anyways, and we really only have room for one too slow defenceman, and that would be Regehr. And Kipper even gets a 1.5 million dollar backup goalie in this scenario, so we don't give up 10 - 20 wins a year just because.

To conclude, the Flames are indeed in cap space purgatory as it stands. The situation needs to be fixed, because the team is not good enough as is. We do not have any superstars in the minors, so trading our way out of this mess seems unlikely. The easiest and most effective way to clean up the cap space mess and fix the roster is by sending the old and expensive players down to the Heat, where their contracts won't count against the cap. This would allow us the cap room needed to infuse the team with new, younger, and better talent. This would allow us to field a vastly improved team next season, and as our window to win is the Kipper window, we may only have 2 more season's worth of 'win now' time left. Barring a miracle trade, we see no other way to improve the team dramatically within that time period. If the owners truly want to win, they are going to have to spend the money, which they can do, because they are not poor.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Week Ahead

Next week, on

- Player analysis

- Darryl Sutter

- Offseason announcements

- Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

I can't believe they didn't start Vesa.

It has been interesting listening too and reading the media's takes on one Darryl Sutter. Regardless as to the validity of some of their points, which will be discussed another day, the fact that we keep seeing lines that refer to the GM not talking to them, is illuminating, we think. Also, Eric Francis quoting an 'anonymous staffer'? That is what passes for journalism in these parts, nowadays?

Listen, there are ways to quote someone and there are ways to quote someone. When the NYT's quotes a 'senior Administration official' everyone and their dog knows they are referring to one of Rahm Emanuel or David Axelrod, and depending on the context of the quote, it's pretty fucking easy to know who they are talking about. We can know that the 'senior Administration official' was indeed one of the aforementioned two because of the nature of the information quoted.

'The Sutter's don't talk to each other' and 'Ken King acts as a referee' are statements that are attributed to 'Unnamed Staffer' aka 'Some Guy'. Who could they have come from, if we think they are real? Ken King, or someone in that office. Brent Sutter, or someone in that office. Darryl, or someone in that bar stool, err, office.

2 of the 3 regimes have been here for a while, and we can't remember leaks like this. We don't know if Sutter talked to Playfair. We don't know if Sutter talked to Keenan. Yet we 'know' that Darryl and Brent don't talk? Curious, curious, curious. It kinda looks like there is a Coach out there doing a little 'Cover Your Ass', but that's just us. If it's legit, to begin with, and not hype by Francis or PR by the team.

Our own thoughts on the Flames current regime and players will be coming throughout the coming weeks. Due to life, ect. we don't currently plan to keep updating everyday in the offseason. We may, who knows, but will probably cut it back to 2 or 3 posts a week, given that there is something to talk about.


Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.