Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Loin Des Yeux, Loin Du Coeur

Domebeer-aholics, I have both great and terrible news. I also have Loubardias smack.

We will start with the Loubardias shit talk, because he deserves it. I am listening to the second best morning show in this city*, Richards show, and he has everyone's favourite 똥 자루, 정보, Pierre McGuire on. What does the fromage one have to say about last nights game, hmm?

The money paraphrase: Well, I watched it on the Detroit feed.

You can't really quote what you heard on radio, hence, money paraphrase. But that's pretty much what he said word for word - fuck it, let's get $100 with it - verbatim. People, Pierre may be a sack of shit, and information (go ahead and google translate that bad ass Korean), but even he cannot ignore the potent and heavy aura of suck that Loubardias not only possesses, but also seems to be able to project through the very television.

Is Pierre a Domebeer-aholic? If not now, it's only a matter of time. Site is dope, I will agree. More importantly, can Domebeers claim this as a victory against the innocuous and fucking boring Crypt Keeper? Does Ed Stelmach love him some goat ass (I also don't like politicians who never hold elections, it's that whole 'Tyrants should be shot' thing we have going on here)? Uhh, hells yeah.

Terrible news next. Someone needs to tell Colorado that we are ripping 6th place from them. The Flames have a long and storied history of doing fun things in the playoffs if they can just get through the first round (Wayne Gretzky is a fucking asshole, eh? We aren't going to mention that the Oilers used to be good). The easiest team to beat of the top 4 is clearly Vancouver. Vancouver is a fucking joke with a goalie who plays the same way as Cechmanek. Kessler? Kessler couldn't wash my balls. To play the emo's favourite team, we have to be 6th. Bye Colorado!

Also, Domebeers won't be back till Monday. Think of it as an excuse to get drink your sorrows away.

The great news? The Flames are fucking throwing down. Oh, yeah. I found this little bit of awesome:

Oooooooooooh Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah!

* The best morning show

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Dustin Boyd Cuts Cardboard

"I made a go with more experience...We just felt that, with this situation on the road, with line matchups and everything like that, it would be good to put Connie back in. It had nothing to do with Back - he's played extremely well. I've been really happy with the way he's played...But an experience thing...and with what Connie could bring to us in the room right now, being on the road, not having last change, we don't want to put Back in situations where he can fail and possibly hurt our team." Quote Brent Sutter.

Obviously, Backlund is a bust and will never make it in the NHL. Drafting him was a terrible fucking mistake. Why his mom didn't go all Spartan on his ass and crack his head open over a rock when he was a sickly child, I can't figure out. I don't understand why we let this cheesedick breath our Albertan air. A waste of fucking biomass, clearly.

Or maybe, Backlund is a 20 year old kid who was called up before he was ready, because we needed bodies. Maybe the Flames shit away all their cushion, and can't afford to let players develop at the expense of wins. Personally, I want him to play because maybe something good will happen, and some team will fall in love and we can trade him for a real player in the offseason.

The undercurrent here, of course, is why did the Flames go out and trade the greatest player to ever put on a pair of skates, Dustin Boyd? Allow me to play Devils advocate for GM Sutter: Dustin Boyd isn't shit. Technically, I think the term is 'easily replaceable', like one of Tigers whores. He is a 10 goal guy, like Dawes or Langkow (oooh snap). I don't mean to shock you, but Boyd was on his way out when we signed Dawes off waivers. And he didn't step his game up, and he got pushed out. Well, that and he is an RFA Sutter has no intention of paying anything more than the half million (roughly) Boyd makes now for someone who isn't a shutdown player, and who can't score goals consistently. What is Boyd, on our team? A fourth liner? If you don't agree with my 'Boyd who?' take, then at least recognize he wasn't going to get the minutes and the ice to blossom into whatever it is you think his suck will turn into.

Toronto, It's like New York without the stuff! Domebeer-aholics, I am charging you with a very important mission while I am away. Doug Kirkwood was a superior morning guy sidekick than Squeaky Brad and Andrew 'where's my pulse?' Walker. Domebeers wants to know why Doug Kirkwood was fired, or quit, or whatever. Hell, this site is fucking awesome, I bet Kirkwood is a Domebeer-aholic. Send me an email with the story. Domebeers would like to get Kirkwood back as the sidekick, because Calgary is sick of filling it's ears with mealworms in the mornings whenever the new guy sidekicks open up their stupid boring mouths.

And no, there is nothing to the story that Boomer ate Kirkwood (FAT!).

Merle Haggard, bitches. I'll miss Kipper shutting out the Red Wings, embarrassing them in the same way as having a 30% unemployment rate would embarrass me.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, March 8, 2010

The One About Langkow

Domebeers has written a little bit about Langkow. Over at M&G Steinbergs nemesis tries to explain to the average viewer why Langkow doesn't suck, shouldn't get traded, ect. Most of what RO writes, I agree with, philosophically: Skills = Scoring Chances = Goals = Wins = Stanleys (from RO's article).

RO basically argues that as long as a player is generating scoring chances, then he is doing his job. Goals are not what we should be looking at, but whether or not a player is able to generate the opportunity to get a goal. If a player is able to generate goal opportunities (or scoring chances, as they say), this is good. If that player is able to generate goal opportunities when he is playing against the other teams best, this is also good. If a player can generate goal opportunities when he starts the majority of his shifts in his own zone, this is Haagen-daz pussy good.

I don't disagree with this philosophy at all. It makes sense, is reasonable, is logical. Here, let me be honest: I am an advanced stats guy (Sabermetrics) when it comes to baseball. Batting average and a pitchers record are about two of the most stupid things in the entire universe, as these stats don't mean anything on their own. When it comes to hockey, not so much. Don't throw tomatos when I tell you I hadn't heard of CORSI until I started this website, and was forced to read other hockey blogs (Kenneth, that's you I'm talking about).

But to me, and a majority of people, the most important stat is points. Scoreboard, baby, look up at it. And when we look up Mr. Langkow's, we see: 12 goals, 21 assists, 33 points. For 4.5 million dollars in cap.

I get that he is consistently playing the other teams best lines. I get that he moves the puck, that is, if he starts in his own zone, there is a good chance he can move the puck into the oppositions zone. I don't think he is the shit at faceoffs. The numbers say he isn't good this year at 43.9%, good for 83rd best out of 86 centres in the league. What I don't get is why some people feel that at a 4.5 million is a cap hit, this is enough out of Langkow. At that number, you need to score fucking goals, or tally assists.

What is a good range to look at? Well, the in the cap range of 4 - 5 million (which is a huge range, so I'm being nice) we have a total of 61 players. Of those, 15 are centres. Some names? Carter, Savard, Horton. Some choice names are on this list. Centres who make Langkows 4.5? Legwand, Arnott, Connolly.

What do these people bring to the table, scoreboard wise? Is 4.5 a scoring number?

So...Langkow, scoreboard wise, is at the bottom of this group. He does play games, which is good in the same way that a 5th rotation spot pitcher pitches innings. His contract, I will admit, does not seem that out of wack when we do the comparison, but it certainly does not hold the most value. It may hold the least. I probably lean towards the camp that would like to see the 33 year old moved on during the offseason, if only because he is 33. He has a no movement, which means he isn't going anywhere, so the defenders can relax. Also, Langkow is about the only centre on the team who could get into a bar without being asked for ID, which counts for something, I think.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Week Ahead

Next week on

- Observation of the Lovecraft-esque crawl through shit that is the remainder of the season

- Vacation

- Coaching Adventures of Brent Sutter

- Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award
Your humble correspondent is out of the city for most of this week. I'm going to Hog City, the Big Smog, or what I like to call it, Dante's Limbo (it's not hell, it's not heaven, it's just shitty and grey. Also, the people are plastic. Yum). Family obligations. Fuck I hate those guys (It's a joke, relax).

I might get a fill in writer, I might not. The fill in writer, if there is one, may talk about hockey, or may not. I have yet to decide. I personally like the crazy, so we will see if I can find someone who I think can be true to the voice of this site. Otherwise we will be dead from Tuesday - Monday. Don't self abort, Domebeer-aholics. You can live with the shakes for a week. Man up.
More shit? Fuck yeah. Ever go to fiveholefanatics? It breaks down the games, you know, using observation. In other words, it is the complete opposite of the IPCC. Why am I pimping? Simple. If you check out Fiveholes, you will see that we scored on the majority of our scoring chances. Which happens all the time in the NHL...

To be honest, I was very surprised that the Flames went out and won that game for Brent. Maybe there is some 'Man' in them boys. Would it be in bad taste to make a Theo joke after that line?

More funny? You people dont quit. Lets go with:

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.