Saturday, March 6, 2010

Let Me Clear My Throat

A quick post on Saturday. It's beautiful out and I hope to be playing ball all day. That said, a few things I would like to share with the universe:


Listen, I'm sure Dreger pretends to know about every team in the league because that's his job. I'm sure he isn't coming from a terrible 'lets get Sutter fired so my boy Pierre 'douchebag' Mcguire can get a real job' place. But this latest turd offering about how our beloved, deified GM Sutter might be/is going to get fired is, as we say in polite society, beyond the pale.

Why? Because if anybody is going to get the GM fired it's going to be the locals. Eat shit, Dreger. Seriously, GM Sutter may be an illiterate country bumpkin, but he's our illiterate country bumpkin, and I don't take kindly to strangers taking pot shots at a man when he is down on his back. Real brave article, Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

Dreger, would you rather lick ass or get all up in those toes? I ask because I want to know what type of freak I'm dealing with.


Big win last night. At home no less, which is odd for our Flames. My own opinion on the matter is that this crew lost any faith I had in them a while back. They are going to have to play like that for the next 15 of 18 if I'm going to believe it. Also, listening on TV, the Flames are up 4 goals to start the third, and the Crypt Keeper continues calling a straight game, instead of getting all baseball with it and sharing stories. Fucking Lame.


Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means one thing: it's socially acceptable to get shit your pants drunk and throw up on a stranger!

Huh? Oh yeah, that's right. It's also time for the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC)!

It was a hard decision this week, let me tell you. Sunday, the mens hockey team almost shit the bed in front of the world. Sid the kid scored the winning OT goal, but we all know it was one Mr. Iginla who did all the fucking work. Iggy in a puck battle in the corner, that was a sight for sore eyes, eh? Sid the kid is a fucking free loader, stealing all of the Captains credit. We also had...gee, not a lot. Sutter tried to self murder the franchise on trade deadline day, so that was nice. Canada won a lot of gold medals. Even more hilarious, the Soviet Union did not, and Putin almost had a stroke. Good times. In light of all the worthy candidates, and by that I mean the one, picking this weeks winner of the RTPIC was easy.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Samurai Pizza Cats

Samurai Pizza Cats began life, oddly enough, in Quito, Ecuador. The Cats were part of a litter of 1543 kittens, who's mother was a tabby cat, and who's father was David Wells (what a retard). David Wells got stoned one night and ran out of Fritos, so the fat bastard began, much like Cronus, to devour his children. The Pizza Cats managed to escape by hiding in one of Wells belly folds. When Wells went to sleep following his macabre feast, the Cats fled the house. They managed to stowaway on a Japanese whaling boat.

The Pizza Cats were discovered by the crew, but made themselves useful, so they were not treated as shark bait. Hunting mice and cleaning the dishes, the Cats were able to contribute to the boat. In fact, they did such a good job that the crew decided to mutiny against their current captain, and name the Cats Shogun in his stead. The Cats made port in Tokyo, and immediately spent all their money on geisha girls. The Cats, now broke, found work at a pizza shop.

During their days at the pizza shop, the Cats took up crime fighting. One of the villains they came across during the 03/04 season happened to be Chris Simon. Poor Cats, they got their little kitten asses absolutely kicked. One of the Cats lost the ability to speak without slurring, the beat down was so magnificently complete. Forced with the realization that the King Lizard himself wouldn't be able to save Tokyo from Chris Simon, the Cats made a deal with the devil. They called up Darryl Sutter, who they had played hockey with in junior, before they had a falling out over Sutters refusal to eat pizza. In exchange for some Noodles, Sutter promised to save Tokyo and ship Chris Simon to Calgary. Simon would later destroy Rathje's face. It was pretty epic.

For saving Tokyo, and for providing the toughness for the 03/04 cup run, the Samurai Pizza Cats win this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.
So, we got all the new guys in the city now, which sucks, because that means Staios is here. Honestly, Rhett still lives in town. If they wanted a guy who was broken, too old, too slow, and just not NHL quality to play on our d-corp, they could have at least asked Rhett first. Loyalty, and all that.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Panick! Panick Louder!'s not the coach?

Listen folks, that horse shit effort at home is completely unacceptable. Fuck you, Calgary Flames. Every season ticket holder should demand their money back after that vomit.

Assign blame, get out the guillatines, whatever. The coach looks like he is in over his head. Bad hire. The players are not giving their full effort, they aren't even giving half their effort. Teams usually do that when they are trying to get a coach fired. Dions gone. Can't blame him, anymore. Who's fault, but the coach and his staff, is it now?

Do the players suck? It appears that way. Suck is too vince carter a word. The players have no pride, no heart, no compete, no will to win. You show up and do that in front of a crowd that sells out every night at top end prices? They don't respect themselves, the coach, the GM, the owners, or the fans.

Brent Sutter, why the fuck don't the players fear you? Why do the players feel they can throw on the sweater, skate around with no heart in front of the hometown fans, and collect a paycheque? Why have there not been any repercussions for this fucking garbage?

This organization has gone soft. I don't know if you remember it, but back when Keenan was coach, the players stunk it up on their road trip to California (unheard of for our Flames, right?). Keenans response? He cancelled the players wine tasting trip. The Flames are complete pussies, so they got sour about it. Vince fucking Carter. He should have made them walk home from LAX.

Brent Sutter doesn't seem to be any better than Keenan, who everybody and their dog thought was mentally handicapped. Yet I don't hear shit about him. In fact, I hear the argument that it can't possibly be Brents fault because he is their X coach in Y years. That is fucking stupid. Your telling me that the guy who hired Playfair and Keenan couldn't possibly hire another bad coach?

The players are dogs. That isn't an excuse, as they have been dogs since before the current GM of the team arrived on the scene. He was able to get them to play with heart. Everyone since him has not. Of course it's the fucking players fault. But who the hell got the players? And who is hiring the coaches who can't work with the players?

This is a mess. I don't think GM Sutter is getting fired. Ownership let him trade Dion, which I think is a sign he is here for the long run. How do you let him trade Dion if you don't think he is capable of overseeing a rebuild? Because if a rebuild, or a retool, or whatever, isn't coming this offseason, if he thinks he can go out with this potato patch of shit knowing his mandate is to win a Stanley Cup, this guy should be shot.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Books

So that's what it is, folks. 10 forwards, 6 d-men, 1 goalie. And 2.6 million measly dollars in cap space to sign 6 players. And we can't fill up the roster with nobodies. We can't afford nobodies.

Honesty rules here at Domebeers. I like GM Sutter. I do. The Kipper trade was that big, in my mind. We all know the Littlest Hobo was the brains behind that deal, but GM Sutters signature is on the documents. Chris Simon, Neimo, Tangs, Juice, and so on. The guy is trying to help the team win. I like that in a GM. I'm not coming from the 'I've always thought Sutter was an inane country hick' camp that seems to have made itself very vocal round the local. But looking at the numbers, and the paralysis that this franchise could be stuck with, it makes you think that some of the haters are right; It makes you think that GM Sutter really never passed grade 2, and hence, really does not grasp this whole 'addition' thing.

Domebeer-aholics, your humble correspondent, to be up front, is at a loss. Do you give GM Sutter the benefit of the doubt, and eagerly await the offseason that will undoubtedly see Sarich and Kotalik ride off into the sunset, the bounce back seasons from Moss and Lanks and J-Blow and just about everybody on this team (Iggy gets a pass on Domebeers, eh? You ever notice that?), and maybe the acquisition of some skilled forward who has a name that rhymes with Bilya?

Or do you not extend GM Sutter the benefit the doubt, as his most recent efforts have been complete horseshit. Bourques an ok player. You don't sign ok players to 6 year contracts. Stajan? The fucking Pillsbury Doughboy on skates? Mike 'looks like a child rapist' Keenan? Playfair? Not being able to ice a full roster at the end of the season? The Sarich contract? The Sarich fucking contract was bad the moment it was signed! GM Sutter signed Anders Eriksson for tits sake.

I read, and one of the best books I've read is the Decline & Fall Of The Roman Empire. One of the things it touches on is what happens when you take accountability away from the person who runs the show. GM Sutter, by all appearances, has a lifetime contract. He is Caesar. How did Rome turn out?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Charlie Simmers Hair & Lanny McDonalds Mustache Debate: Flat Tax

The Ish: Flat Tax vs Progressive Tax
The Beef: Which system is better, better being defined as which system can generate the most revenues, compliance, ect. Also, as a bone to the communists out there, which system is the most 'fair'.
Flat Tax Champion: Lanny McDonalds Mustache.
Progressive Tax Champion: Charlie Simmers Hair.

Quick Backround: Flat tax is one tax rate for everyone, applied to income. Progressive tax is one where there is a multitude of rates, usually based on what one earns, or other variables. Canada currently operates under a progressive tax regime.
Charlie Simmers Hair: Well, it's really quite simple. Some people dont make a lot of money, so to tax them at the same rate as people who make millions isn't right. People who have the most money in society are able to afford higher taxes, so they should pay them.

Lanny McDonalds Mustache: That's really stupid, Red. You invite me to debate you on economic policy and you throw out this trope? My times fucking valuable, man. Have you not heard the commercial? 'Tell em Lanny sent you" doesn't ring a bell? Shit, son, I work for a living.

Charlie Simmers Hair: The rich people in our society are also able to afford to bribe the politicians, and influence legislation. This, if unchecked, would allow the moneyed and the privileged to set up a de facto caste system. To check that influence, progressive tax rates take money from the rich and allocates it to the poor.

Lanny McDonalds Mustache: You were a hippie when you were a child, weren't you? You look for 'The Man' underneath your bed before you go sleep, don't you?

Charlie Simmers Hair: The wealthy people in any country also have the most to gain by seeing that country continue to function in a stable manner. Security apparatuses, like the military, benefit the rich the most, because the military offers protection for the wealthies investments.

Lanny McDonalds Mustache: Listen, Hair, that last statement was so imbecilic I'm amazed you manage to comb yourself in the morning. Do you know who invented your little 'steal-from-the-rich-so-I-dont-have-to-work-hard' tax scheme? Robespierre, and the Jacobins. You know, the people who were killing anybody who owned property back in 1793. The same people who started French Revolutionary Wars. You are an idiot, Hair.

Charlie Simmers Hair: There you go again, Mustache, bringing history into a debate where it has no reason to be.

Lanny McDonalds Mustache: ...I dont even know how to respond to such an idiotic statement. Do the gene pool a favour and just kill yourself, Hair.

Charlie Simmers Hair: Progressive taxes also allows the government to level the playing field by ensuring that the rich have less money then they should and the poor have more money then they should. Progressive taxes addresses the ills of income inequality.

Lanny McDonalds Mustache: I'm going to bill you for this waste of time, Hair. Seriously. And I'm fucking expensive. Hair, do you know that when you take money away from the rich, you also take money away from the poor? Capital investments raise the standard of living faster than the consumption spending you seem to be advocating. Did you know, Hair, that capital investment is fucking expensive? Do poor and middle class people tend to buy a lot of copper mines? Do you know how many fucking jobs a copper mine creates?

Charlie Simmers Hair: Thats another thing, Mustache. Progressive taxes allow the...

Lanny McDonalds Mustache: Shut up, comrade, just shut up. Ive had enough of your juvenile gobblygook. You've bored the audience half-to-death with your 'Im-jealous-of-rich-people' diatribe. Let's get real, so I can get out of here and get back to selling cars. You talk about 'fairness', Hair, well, let's get to what's fair. If everyone is taxed at the same rate, wouldn't that be more fair than taxing people at different rates, just cuz? And 15% from a guy who makes $100 dollars is $15, and its $150,000 for someone who makes a million dollars. And because the tax is a flat rate, the tax code, which is thousands of pages right now, can be reduced to one, which would add value to everything anyone produces because it would be a permanent efficiency. I mean, it's like you've never even heard of the 'Laffer Curve', Hair.

Charlie Simmers Hair: Well to that point...

Lanny McDonalds Mustache: No, that's it, we are done. Sorry, Hair, but I don't have any more time. Again, I work for a living, I don't get to call Flames games and collect a paycheque and call it work. If Lanny's Mustache wants to eat, Lanny's Mustache has to hustle.

Charlie Simmers Hair: Well now, it's not as easy as it seems. I have to call the game with Peter Loubardias. Do you know how much opium I have to smoke to get through that?
And that concludes Domebeers first ever 'Great Hair Debate'. I have to say that I think Lanny McDonald's Mustache won that one. I mean, Jacobin smack? Who does that? Insane, Lanny's Mustache, but in a goood way. Im sorry we had to keep him that long, seeing as he has cars to sell.

Oh, its NHL trade deadline day today, you say? How can you tell? Do you think the Flames complete their set of 'Soft & Overpaid' players collection and pick up any Oiler what-so-ever?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Tío Sutter está loco

You've all heard the news. Stajan, who has been in this city for a cup of coffee, was signed to a 4 year contract, worth about $14 million. Reaction can be found here, here, and here. You might be surprised to here this, but I'm negative on the deal, too. Surprised, right? Hell, I wasn't in love with the Bourque signing, and Bourque can never be accused of ever being a Leaf. Also, don't kill yourself, but GM Sutter gave Stajan a limited No Trade Clause.

What I'm concerned about is the chalkboard. What's the plan, man?

The plan used to be obvious. We had superstars, or superstar quality players, in Iggy, Kipper, Reggie, and Dion. We added J-Blow, and had two NHL centres in Langkow and Joker. Brent Sutter would bring back the grit, and we would be on our merry way to a Stanley Cup. So much for the best laid plans of mice and men (nope, I don't read Steinbeck, it's a Burns reference, even more snobby).

Now we have Gio I'm still madly in love with Kipper, because I remember the dark age of Kidd et al. But Mikka is 33, and I dont know if you've notice, but of all the tricks man can do, getting younger isn't one of them. Iggy is 32. Langkow is 33. Kotalik and Hagman are 31, and 30, respectively. Members of the 'core' that are under 30? Reggie, barely, and Bourque, who will be 29 next year.

I don't feel like doing all the math, but if you are up to it, I think you will find that guys are their best at around 28 - 32. Our group is largely in this age range, but not for long. The 'window' to win a Stanley Cup, and that should be the goal, appears to be this year (Domebeers, you on the crack?), next year, and maybe the year after that. Have you seen the roster? Say it with me people: Fuck.

And that's why, I think, the negative reaction. The fans in this city want a cup. Matt Stajan doesn't do it for them. Who can blame them? Nobody on this team has over 50 points, save Iggy. Does anybody expect any of the non-Jaromes to break 60 points, this year or next? And don't say Bourque. You can say Bourque when he actually does it, not when you adjust his numbers to reflect an 82 game season, which are about 12 more games than Bourque plays every year.

The team is in, or should be in, 'win now' mode. You don't 'win now' with Stajan. Besides being 12, soft, unable to grow a beard or play on the first line, he is also a Leaf, which means all he has known in his NHL career is losing. We signed a player who is used to losing for four years. Same with J-Blow, although J-Blow is worse because we are paying him for at least, at a bare minimum, 40 points, and he has half that. Stajan will at least get 50 points.

Domebeers isn't here to hate, we are here to help. And help comes in one form now that GM Sutter's wife let him leave the ranch drunk to negotiate the Stajan deal: Free Agency.

The thing with free agency, though, is that you need cap space. Which (thanks Darryl!) we don't have. So we are fucked. Which means Darryl has something up his sleeve we just aren't seeing. Trading Kotalik, Sarich, Langkow are great ideas, but your not getting anything for Kotalik back other than a bad contract. Same with Sarich, and probably the same with Langkow, although Id be calling the Rangers and trying to do a Langkow for Prust swap ASAP.

Darryl may have fucked us. Fucked teams can't cry about their situations. If you have to give 100 million, or more, to Ilya, than that's what you fucking do. If you have to pay Plekanec $5.5 a season, you fucking do it. The goal is not to be the Red Wings (dynasty). You need scouts, and hockey people who know what the hell they are doing to be the Red Wings. But we could be the Florida Marlins. We can load up for the one year, win it, and then break it up.

Which means that this current roster needs to be blown up. I can't believe that this gets no play in the media, or in the 'Domesphere, and if it has, I missed it, but where are all the calls to trade J-Blow? According to Overtime, which one shouldn't listen to too much, Iggy needs to go, Kippers needs to go, Reggie needs to go. They all suck. But I never hear J-Blow getting called out for being the thief that he is. People, J-Blow takes up $6.680 of the cap, for what looks like 25 points. If you want to be upset about a contract, fuck Bourques, fuck Stajans, J Blows, and his understated suck, is the one to be pissed off about. And, true to form for GM Sutter, Bouwmeester has a NTC. Who the fuck doesn't on this team?

Remember when John Ferguson Jr was the worlds biggest nincompoop because he gave NTC's away like crack at Paris Hiltons birthday?

Honestly, J Blow at 7 or Ilya at 10? J-Blow has to go. Langkow, Kotalik, Sarich, all gone. Gio still needs his money, and if White wants anything above 2.5, he has to go too (if that midget gets a 1000 year contract, I'm going to kill myself). I think one of Hagman or Bourque needs to go as well, just for the cap space that's going to be needed to get a big dog like Ilya, or Plekanec, or both (my prefered).

This has been one fucked season. You need a laugh? I know I do. Football to the groin:

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Fun With Cory Sarich!

Domebeers, in case you hadn't noticed, is a fan of the Flames, but not necessarily the players on the Flames. We are 'front-of-the-sweater' people here. Players have to earn the love of Domebeers, it isn't freely given out when a player puts on the uniform. The traditional way to build goodwill with Domebeers, the Domebeer-aholics, and the Flames fandom in general, was to do something epic. Something, I don't know, like this:

Neat segue, huh? Yet, even after a hit like that, in a playoff game, no less, Sarich remains one of the least popular players on the Flames roster. His level of suck is just that high. Really, think about that for a minute. An epic playoff moment, delivered at a time when people were questioning the players toughness (Domebeers wasn't even around back then), did nothing to ingratiate Sarich with the fans, because Sarich operates at a 'Red Light District' level of suck (BJ joke!).

The stats don't really paint the picture of this guy, because he is the prototypical one way shut down defenceman. Domebeers honest opinion of the cat is that he is an ok player, and when you have an ok player as your 6 or 7th defenceman, that aignt bad. Domebeers would also like to point out that we are paying $18 million dollars over 5 years for that (does that contract sound familiar to anybody?). Most teams pay less than one million for their backend defencemen.

That's the rub then, when we get to brass tax. Corey Sarich sucks because he makes too much money. If Sarich made less money, his level of suck would be tolerable. He is also old, with 2 more years left on his deal, not counting this season, at a cap hit of 3.6 million. In the words of Brigadier General McAuliffe: Nuts!

Domebeers isnt writing this to hate. We dont hate at Domebeers, we obfuscate. We also try to help. With that said, Domebeers offers these humble suggestions:

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Sarich (musical reference!):

- Sarich is 6'4, 204 pounds. He would make an excellent paper weight.
- At that size, he would also make a great coat hanger.
- Sarich isn't very fast. He could race Dale Earnhardt JR (and probably win).
-  Sarich is pretty ugly. He could use some cosmetic surgery.
- Sarich could be lent to the La Brea Tar Pits, you know, to hang with the other dinosaurs.
- Sarich can try to swallow his own tongue. That would help the cap situation.
- Send him swimming with Tillikum the Whale.
- Send him to BALCO.
- Set him up with the Olsen twins
- Send him luging.
- GM Sutter caused this mess, he can act as Sarichs kaishakunin.
- Oh yeah, we could trade him for a bag of pucks. 

That's just a short list of some of the potential solutions to this scabies like problem. Feel free to add any I may have missed.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Week Ahead (Also, Remember 1812)

Next week, on

-Flames Trade Deadline (is it too late to trade for Ilya?)

-Salmagundi (its like gallimaufry!)

-Coaching Adventures of Coach Sutter

-Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC!)

Something is happening today, around 1 o clock. Something big. Sorry guys, my minds a blank...

185 - 3, for Canada. Take the over.

Something funny? Im feeling ninja, today:

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.