Saturday, February 13, 2010

Its A Talent Issue; Its A Work Issue

Since 04, when the team got screwed outta the Cup and the franchise decided it had to get the Cup for the fans, GM Sutter has been trying to get someone for Iggy to play with.
Tangs trade, Cammo trade, even the Bourque trade, all trades to get some more talent on this team to play with Iggy. Then what does GM Sutter do this year? Signs a J-Blow to cover the ass of his other 6.5 million defencemen, Dion. That means Iggy wasnt even given the chance to make someone 5 million or more the way he made Tangs money and Cams money.

You cant win in this league with one guy in your forwards. You need at least two, and hopefully three or four. And we got one, in Iggy, and if he has a bad year, like this year, then we have none.

GM Sutter is going to have to bite the bullet and pay someone the 7-10 million dollars that it costs to get a scorer. Period. We will not win unless we can score. People point to NJ, but NJ has a bucketload of more offensive talent than the Flames do. On that note, actually, Domebeers would like to say we were a little stupid to say 5 million for Backstrom. Make it 8. We could still fit it in the cap, it would just mean trading Sarich too.

We arent winning for the same reasons the Lions dont win. Lack of talent. However, work ethic is also an issue.

To the people who say that it is a work issue: It may very well be the case that this team doesnt care, is soft, is happy to be here, ect. But teams can be that way and still win, if they have the talent. How many times have you seen Red Wings sleep through the first two periods of a game, only to turn it on in the third and win handily? They could get away with that shit because they had the talent to do it. Not so much this year, but they did have that ability in the past.

Look at our team. Our team is the worst of all beasts, a perverted Chimera. A no talent team with work issues. Shot totals are not what Im talking about. This team loses more puck battles, board battles, than they win. Thats a work issue. It doesnt take talent to get the puck outta the corner, it takes will. And this team doesnt have the will to fight, the most damning indictment one can make of a group of men.

Not enough talent plus soft players = Calgary Flames. E Francis on the radio said what is keeping us outta Oiler territory is Kipper. How long do you think it is until Kipper demands a trade outta town?

We have a window of 3 years to win the cup before Kipper and Iggy are no longer world class (some people are saying its too late on Iggy). You cant win in that window by blowing the team up. The only solution GM Sutter has available, and the only solution the fans should accept, is free agency (or trades). This year you can go out and sign a 26 year old Ilya. Who cares what it costs? If you go out and win the Cup next year, nobody in this city will care when you have to dismantle the team because of cap issues. If you won the Cup, you could rebuild, and nobody in this city would say a word.

Conclusion: Its a talent issue. Its a work issue. Its a player issue. It may be a coaching issue. It needs to be fixed. A genuine infusion of talent is needed. No more fliers on players that may turn out to be good. We need bona fide solutions. Ilya or Backstrom, or whoever, in the offseason. But it needs to be done.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award *updated*


I really shouldnt need to explain this.

Roman Turek bought a substantial amount of tickets for the Flames and gave them away to kids who have special needs. It was one of the greatest things, In my opinion, that I have ever seen in sports. Roman did not talk up his charity, either. 'Large' may not have been great as a goalie, but he certainly earned his nickname when it came to his humanity.

Domebeers is going to be doing a weekly feature where we shout out to deserving individuals who, for whatever reason, have caught our eye with their struggle.

This weeks winner of the RTPIC Award: Mini Daddy



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Mini Daddy hasnt always been the pimped out playa we have all come to know and appreciate. Camus once famously remarked that life is simply feeding and fucking (yeah, thats right motherfuckers, Domebeers is well read). If only those simple truths were truly universal.

Mini Daddy was born during the dark days of the dirty '30s. His mom died during labour, and his dad was Yokozuna's left man tit. Left man tits are notoriously lousy parents, and this case was no different. Shortly after his birth, he was abandoned in Mexico City.

Found by members of Santo de la Muerte, Mini Daddy was raised to care for and respect his fellow man. Well, as long as they wore the right colours. And stayed off his turf (Mendoza we are talking about you). Mini Daddy stayed true to these ideals, despite the constant harassment he received from Mexico City Police (cant a brother get his pimp on without The Man ruining all his fun?).

For continuing to keep it real, despite all the hardships he has endured, Mini Daddy is awarded the RTPIC award, for this week. Enjoy it, and stay pretty, little man.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

*Mad props to loyal reader Rubbertrout for pointing out my mistake. No Domebeers post is complete without the call to fire Loubardias.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Could The Flames Steal Backstrom?

The Flames, just in case you had not noticed, are the best team in the world. One of the things that makes the Flames the paramount power of hockey is their depth at the centre position.

But, just for shits and giggles, let's pretend that Flames were not the gargantuan monsters of the hockey world. For the sake of argument, how about we assume the Flames were somewhere at 29-22-9, with 67 points, hovering around 8th place. Crazy, I know, but let's suspend disbelief.

At the same time, lets also pretend that instead of having the best centres in the world, we had centres named Stajan, Langkow, Conroy, Boyd, and Backlund.

What could possibly be done to improve this situation?

Two things come to my mind: Free agency or trades. Again, for the sake of argument, let's pretend the Flames didn't have so many prospects and expendable talent that teams in the NHL were not literally beating down the doors of the 'Dome to get to GM Sutter and swing a deal. Let's say the Flames best trade piece was, oh I don't know, playing for Toronto.

Free agency then. A quick look here shows that the centre market isn't great. Marleau is available, as is Plekanec. Jokinen is available, and I have heard GM Sutter is just infatuated with the big Fin.

That's it? There isn't anybody else? Calm yourself, dear reader. A white knight does indeed exist. His name is Backstrom, and he's a pointaholic (from Sweden!).

RFA Rules. Go down to section 10.5. RFA Compensation. See it? Do you see it?

In case you don't, or just don't want to read: we would have to sign Backstrom to a contract that is at least double what he currently makes. For the sake of argument, lets peg him at 5 million. That would put the compensation at 5 first round draft picks. I know what you're thinking, that we don't have any draft picks, so we can't do it. Fuck that, that's the position of Domebeers. PARAPHRASE: If we had to give up 5 draft picks, we would need them available in the next 6 rounds. Which means that not having one this year matters for shit.

You crazy, Domebeers. That would destroy the franchise! We have money tied into all these players, we need the cheap kids in the system.

No, no, and again, no. Obviously we would trade Langkow and resign Stajan, or at least someone at his price range. Backlund is cheap, so really, you would be replacing Langkow and the cap he is wasting with someone who can actually score in Backstrom.

To the point about how losing a first rounder for the next 5 years will hurt us, I reply with this: Erixon, Nemisz, Backlund, Irving, Pelech, Chucko (just for good measure). Ok players, but no certified superstars. Chucko is a bust. I don't think that one could say that if we forfeited those players and instead just had the second round picks (namely, Prust) the organization would be unsalvageable.

Also, if you have Backstrom, you're going to be winning, and drafting higher anyways. So it amounts to 5 mediocre first round picks. Check out the draft history, GM Sutter does his best work in the later rounds (we hope).

To conclude: We have the cap space to do it, we have the draft picks to do it, and we have the need. It, of course, refers to signing Backstrom to an offer sheet. The draft pick compensation is negligible, because GM Sutter hasn't shown that his first round picks are any better than his third round picks. At the same time, for the next 3 years at least, the Kipper and Iggy window, if we had Backstrom we would be winning, so those draft picks wouldn't be worth what their name (first round) implies.

Or we could just sign Plekanec or Ilya.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Brutal Assault On Lame, FJM Style!

While I was embracing my inner narcissist and googling Domebeers, I came across what could be called Domebeers first hater. I've arrived. Now that I got my first hater, I can start working on the second.
While I dont want to get into the habit of crawling down into the shit with the haters, this particular time I'll oblige. With that said, let's get right to business. What you are about to read is my take on the haters stupid inanery, FJM style. Original story is in italics, while my response is normal.
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You may recall my rational hatred of Domebeers.com on last week’s Fun Time Friday.

Dr. Gaylin, who literally wrote the book on hatred, defines it as thus: a psychological disorder--a form of quasi-delusional thinking. Quasi-delusional, that means rational, right?

Lack of research, etc.

I believe he is getting his uterus all swollen over this post. Why didn’t he get the joke? Oh I don’t know, a lack of brains, ect.

Well, my opinion hasn’t gotten better.

And by reading your blog, your writing hasn’t gotten better. Neither has your grammar.

He has since added a tonne (this is fun!) of provacatively dressed lady photos.

That’s one big fat (SIC) on his attempt to spell ‘provacatively’ (which is spelt ‘provocatively’). Hey, loser, how about mixing in a spell check?

I’m not going to get into some moralistic debate about such things as skimpy clothing, porn, and so on, because that’s not the point here.

I was actually taken by surprise by that line. Who knew there was a point to this guys rambling? Well, other than to bore the audience to death. Is it to provide Domebeers.com with free advertising? Is it to provide Domebeers.com with a stalker?

What I do want to say is that if he ever wants anyone to read him seriously, he needs to drop those pictures. Why? It’s goddamn unprofessional.

I can picture some old turd with a pipe in a rocking chair, pontificating on what ‘serious’ is. Back in my day... and so on, while everyone ignores him. Its a sad picture of abject loneliness. Also, did you know this clown was the arbiter of what is ‘serious’ and what is not? He got that job by inserting a stick firmly up his ass (nobody said it was an easy job to get).

I’m sure you, dear reader, noticed the ‘goddamn unprofessional’ which, besides being grammatically incorrect (its goddamned, get a fucking dictionary), is also a really lame attempt at dichotomy highlighting humour. But then again, lame and 4th line seem to roll together.

I’m a sailor. I swear like a sailor, drink like a sailor, live like a sailor.

Do you think he has STD’s like a sailor? I tried to shy away from the obvious ‘suck dick like a sailor’ gay joke he walked right into.

But I don’t bring it here, because I want to be taken vaguely seriously.

Hmmm. If I was you, and I wanted to have 4th line taken seriously, I’d get a better writer.

I don’t want someone clicking to my blog, enjoying an article, and then having to close it because it’s not appropriate for their kids running around or boss walking by. Jesus, be a friggin’ professional.

Well, if someone were to read his blog, he wouldn’t have to worry about people enjoying it. ZING! The definition of 'professional': a person who earns a living in a sport or other occupation frequently engaged in by amateurs. Here’s a secret, kiddies: Domebeers is free! If I wanted to be a writer, then he may have a point about the girls (although Maxim, FHM, Playboy, ect. wouldn’t agree) but, unlike this tool, I’d like to make more than the minimum wage.

My hatred for this jerk and his blog goes on to blog ettiquette.

That is another big fat (SIC) on his attempt to spell ‘ettiquette’ (etiquette). Seriously, I love how a guy who is too dumb to use a spell check is calling my blog out for being unprofessional. Maybe he thinks his audience (I know right, you don’t think he has an audience either) is too stupid to pick up on it. To correct this problem, I’d suggest that he insert the aforementioned stick 3 more inches up his ass. If he became even more anal retentive, he’d probably catch those mistakes.

One: if you whore yourself out to get readers on other blogs (as he did), link back to those same damn blogs.

I wasn’t aware that this little ninnies kids or boss had given him permission to use the word ‘whore’. Friggin’ unprofessional!

Hit The Post, one of my favorite reads was kind enough to put him on the blogroll. Does he return the favor? Certainly not.

Watch your ass, HTP, I think a really PC, lonely, old, unfunny nerd who has yet to figure out that ‘Word’ comes with a spell check wants your ass.

Same with Flames Nation and Join The Rush. In fact, his only actions at those esteemed establishments is whoring himself out.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this guy is obsessed with whores. Also, he hates puppies.

He has no interest in engaging in conversation there.

I wasn’t aware one could engage in conversation over the internet (one can certainly engage in debate), sans VOIP. Can’t you just picture this crotchety old guy yelling at his computer screen “Steinberg, why won’t you talk to me?” And when Pat doesn’t reply, he just starts yelling louder!

Goddamn rude is what that is. It says “I just want to talk and don’t care what anyone else says.”


Stop murdering the English language for Christ’s sake! Goddamned rude, not God Damn Rude. Fucking cheesedick!

There’s nothing wrong with whoring yourself out as a blog. Everyone gets started somehow.

Speaking of whoring Domebeers.com: DOMEBEERS.COM DOMEBEERS.COM DOMEBEERS.COM!!!

But how you whore yourself out and how you treat your pimp makes a difference.


I’m lost, I’ll admit. Is Domebeers the whore or the pimp? Does this guy want to fuck Domebeers and is mad his pimp won’t let him? Is he angry his pimp hits him? I’d get a nicer pimp, myself.

Be polite. Thankful. And so on.


Thankful isn’t a sentence, you fucking asshat. I just thought I’d point that out, in the name of being polite. And so on.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Just Like Music

What does Zoloft and the music they play at the 'Dome have in common? They both make you want to kill yourself!

So, youve bought your 'Domebeers, you've got some delicious food (go overpriced popcorn!) and your at your seat, ready to enjoy a night of narcolepsy inducing play from the Flames. All of a sudden, BLAM, you get hit in the face with a metaphorical sledgehammer of fucking terrible music. Are they playing emo? Are they playing pop? These thoughts race through your head like a car through a crowd. All you know for sure is you want to cut your ears off.

We here at Domebeers feel your pain. Although everyone has their own preference in music (I was going to write taste, but what do taste and this whore have in common?), we think there are a few issues everyone who follows this team can agree on. More country music, less gay music, no emo music (Linkin Park? Can someone explain to me how the fuck these no talent walking arguments for forced abortions get on the playlist?), these are some touchstones we can all agree upon.

Looking over the 'Domes playlist is pretty depressing. You look at it and your like, 'Does this organization employ anybody in the 'Entertainment' department that isnt a fucking retard greaseball?'. Hey idiots at the 'Dome: YOU'RE IN ALBERTA! You would think they would play a country song once in a while. Whatever. Thats a whole other post. Today we are going to talk about the songs under 'Warm-Ups':

Music at Work - Tragically Hip
Starseed - Our Lady Peace
Sounds of Madness - Shinedown
Animal - Pearl Jam
Indestructible - Disturbed
The Pretender - Foo Fighters
Runnin' Wild - Airbourne
Inside the Fire - Disturbed
Light It Up - Rev Theory
Hammerhead - Offspring

Where the fuck to start with this magnificent pile of shit? The Hip? OLP? Foo Fighters? The brain dead sheep who listen to Vibe FM have a better taste in music then whoever thought this list up. Pathetic. However, we arent here to hate, we are here to help.

What Would Domebeers Keep:
Alright, we will try to be open minded. We will keep something. Actually, looking through this list, and checking out the youtubes, I found two that I didnt immediately develop a visceral hate for. Runnin' Wild and Light It Up, as far as warmup songs go (which Im taking to mean should jack the crowd up pregame) they do there jobs. They arent sung by some wuss sounding fairy, and Light It Up actually has a pretty awesome video (if a bunch of hot girls in their bras and panties appeals to you). So we have 2 of 10 that are worth keeping.

What Domebeers Thinks is Kaka:
Every song on that list, save the two aforementioned.

Thats 8 songs that need to be changed. stat. Domebeers, grab your scalpel.

Whipping Post - Allman Brothers
Taking Care of Business - BTO
Tombstone Shadow - CCR
Shut Em Down - Public Enemy (Pete Rock Remix)
Feel Like Im Fixin To Die - Country Joe
Convoy - C.W. McCall
25 Minutes To Go - Johnny Cash
Living For The City - Stevie Wonder

These are my humble suggestions. Kept the list family friendly, and yet we think we managed to get a huge infusion of cowboy soul into that list. If you have your own suggestions, or just want to tell Kenneth King about how awesome Domebeers music list (and website) is, feel free: kking@calgaryflames.com!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Redundant Point About Machine Guns

You can never have too many shots.

One thing that just jumps out at you when you look at this is that that the new guys (not Dion, not Jokinen) all have more shots than the old guys.

Stajan: 105
Hagman: 153
Kotalik: 111
White: 133
Higgins: 144

Iggy: 180
Langkow: 106
Bourque: 153
J-Blow: 101
Nystrom: 68

Iggy doesnt count for this study, of course. He is what we would call an outlier. But Stajan to Langkow is even, and Stajan is half the cost. Hagman to Bourque is even, although Bourque hasnt played a full seasons because he is made outta the same stuff they made Haiti out of. Kotalik and Higgins whoop Nystrom, or Boyd (78), or Glencross (103), or Dawes (74), or Moss (89). Dawes and Moss have missed time, and hopefully, will continue to miss time (although...according to this Bourque is going to be out, and we will see how long MVP sticks).

Its been said and said and said, but one must shoot to score. Or buy drinks. On that note, actually, heres a tip from us at Domebeers.com to you, dear reader. Do not, under any circumstances, buy a girl you want to get busy with on Valentines day a Pajamagram. If she is from Alberta, buy her one of these.

Now the question that begs to be asked, of course, is what the hell is Coach Sutter doing to the players on this team. On a team that didnt really have a ton of offense, especially before last week, shouldnt our shots be higher? Shouldnt we be playing a more offensive style? I mean, playing a defensive style is fine, I guess, if you have the gamebreakers on your roster that can score when it counts. Jarome hasnt shown he can be that guy, not this year. Yet the Coach has continued to strangle what little offence we have by making the players play too safe a system.

Its insane. On any given night you can generate X number scoring chances. What X is is determined by how much talent you got on your roster. A team full of Ovechkins will score more than a team full of Brian Mcgrattans.

But what other variables are there? Style of play. A team that plays the 1-4 will have less scoring chances than a team playing (lets go crazy folks) a 4-1. A team full of Ovechkins playing the 1-4 will probably generate more scoring chances than a team of McGs playing the 4-1, but thats a talent issue, again.

The Point: The Flames dont have much offense. Or at least they didnt, we shall see if the new guys help any. But even though we didnt have much offense, the coach chose to employ a playing style that requires the players to play safe. And safe = less risk taking. IE: Less offensive play, which means less shots, which means less goals. Which means less Wins.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Week Ahead (Also: Go Saints)

So next week, on Domebeers.com:

-Review of the music that is played at the 'Dome (Hint: Its awful!)

-The Coaching Adventures of Brent Sutter

-Attempted interview with 'Dome beer salesman

-Roman Turek Profiles In Courage Award

-Continuation and escalation of the Fire Loubardias campaign (Tell your friends!)

And much more!

On last nights game: Boooooring. I was expecting the annual 10 goal barnburner TB and Calgary always seem to have, and so was suicidally disappointed with whatever that was that we saw last night.

Also: Charlie Simmers hair is the best in television. I dont understand why Simmers hair doesnt do the play by play.

Thats probably it for today, kids. Americas Grey Cup, and all those going ons. I wonder if Ill get to see Dawes if I order some pizza...

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.