Friday, February 5, 2010

Parsin' Olli's Words

So Olli thinks the fans of this city ran Phaneuf out. (The Story.)

What are the implications of this statement? In my mind, there is only one. Dion asked for a trade.

How I came to that conclusion is pretty simple. Do you, dear reader, think that GM Sutter listens to Overtime? If not, then who are these legions of fans that are calling GM Sutter up and complaining about Phaneuf? I don’t think there are any, myself. Now, GM Sutter may have friends in this city who he respects and trusts, and who have told him that they personally didn’t like Phaneuf, but again, do you think GM Sutter would trade Phaneuf because his drinking buddies didn’t like his smirk? I don’t.

Now, I haven’t trumpeted this before, but I do know people who know the owners of this team. Know the owners as in watch the games at the 'Dome in their box. These people have told me, although in full disclosure I have not talked to them since the trade went down, that the owners of the team had no problem with Phaneuf. As in, the owners were not pushing GM Sutter to do this deal because of any Jay Cutler-esque personality clashes.

So if we accept that GM Sutter isn’t making his hockey decisions based on the idiots on Overtime, and the owners didn’t force him to trade Phaneuf, what else could it have been?

Two options:
A) Phaneuf just isn’t good enough to justify the contract, and because of the cap world, that misallocation of resources was killing the team.
B) Phaneuf asked for a trade.

Answer A is a bit tricky, because Phaneuf isn’t the only player we are paying too much on this team (Sarich, come on down!). Because he isn’t the only player we are paying too much, if GM Sutter really wanted to keep him, then he could have traded other assets. Could have. Maybe he tried and nobody wanted his other mistakes.

So option B. And not just option B, but option B in light of Olli Jokinens recent comments. The fans never accepted Dion implies to me that Dion felt that the fans didn’t accept him. Personally, I think that type of comment shows the mental weakness of Phaneuf more than anything.

You all saw that clip of him at the piano bar (no free ads, so no name). The people in that bar (which is in Calgary) didn’t seem to be too hostile to the young man. Those people didn’t seem to hate him. If Phaneuf could go out and party and not return home with a black eye, I don’t think the fans hated him. The fans who pay Phaneufs salary, the season ticket holders, may not have liked him, and let him know with the boos, but if getting booed at the 'Dome because you aignt working pisses you off, then your a baby dick diva.

Sticking on option B, a lot of you will say 'He cried when he was traded, he didn’t ask for one!', which to me, is really stupid. People can fake it, ask your wife. I can easily see a scenario in which Phaneuf asked for a trade, was told by GM Sutter that they would do it in the offseason, and then when it came outta the blue, Dion got emotional. He is just a kid, which some people forget. Kids cry.

Now there is a third option. That Dion was a locker room cancer. I don’t like to take on my fellow Flames blogs, because most of them have been very accepting of Domebeers. But I do want to take on SmellofVictorys take on Phaneuf. Smell (we on first names now baby!) says that this article puts to rest this notion of Dion as locker room cancer. With all due respect, Smell didn’t read the article. If he had, then he would have noticed that there is a little story about Dion and Jarome getting into a fight. Maybe Smell chooses not to believe it. I think that is a little naive. Now, in Smells defence, this 'rumour' comes from the bloggers at Calgarypuck. But it is out there.

Did Jarome (and according to other rumours Reggie hated the guy too) get this guy traded? I don’t think you can discount it. I wouldn’t treat it as gospel, but Id be aware of it as a possibility.

So where does Domebeers come out? Well, Domebeers doesn’t believe GM Sutter runs this team based on the Suns 'You Decide' fill out sheet. Domebeers is more inclined to believe that Dion was moved because he was shitty in the locker room, and because of the atmosphere in the locker room, had asked for a trade. Plus he was overpaid by about 2.5 million dollars, which doesn’t help his case to stay.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

The Times They Are A Changing

First, lest you, dear reader, infer something about me from the title of this post: Bob Dylan sucks. He sounds like a drunk with laryngitis who has a hole in his vocal cord and just swallowed a fat toad. If you like Bob Dylans music, you need to grow the fuck up, hippie, and start acting like an adult. Take your bitching and moaning to the quad, man.

Now that that is outta the way, we can get to the brass tax. Many sites you’ll go to today will be talking about Iggies 1000th game. Mazel Tuv, Jarome. You finally get an honour that a racist puke in Quebec can’t take away from you.

-A brief aside: You’ll notice that the idiots running around and elbowing people in the head all seem to be from Quebec, and they aignt anglos. Stand down, frogs. Nothing says ‘complete bitch’ like elbowing some kid who can’t see you in the head. Too bad the Québécois have no concept of honour. Too bad for Canada, we have to live with these children.

Anyways, back to Jarome. This guy is honestly one of the most screwed over athletes in the history of sport. He has been screwed outta a MVP, screwed outta a Stanley Cup, and screwed outta a Rookie of the Year. Can a brother get any respect?

I have been a Flames fan for quite a while, one of those 'real fans' bandwagoners are always talking about. My first game at the 'Dome just happened to be a playoff loss to Chicago in '96. I was a child and Jarome was a kid. I’ve pretty much grown up watching Iggy, so this 1000 games of Jarome certainly highlights the time that has gone by (hence the title of this post, duh!).

Is he the 'Best Flame Ever'? Well, to my knowledge, he hasn’t demanded a trade like Nieuwendyk, didn’t fuck the babysitter like Gilmour, didn’t party his way outta town like Vernon or MacInnis (or Phaneuf), didn’t break his neck to get outta a contract like Roberts, and he didn’t set the franchise back 10 years like Kidd (did you know we drafted Kidd over Brodeur?). So yeah, he just might be.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Ilya Kovalchuk Sells His Soul

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

While We Are Talking About The Stars...

Word is they are exploring a way to trade Turco. Why? A hot backup:

Furthermore, I think that Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Alls Quiet On The Western Front

Well, Domebeers came out for Phaneuf, and he gets traded. So knowing our luck over here, once this gets posted Ilya will have been traded. Who will we obsess about then? I hate to say it, it hurts my very soul to even consider it, but the only names that really excite me are a couple of the assholes from that Tampa Bay team that stole the cup from us. Brad ‘House on Fire’ Richards and My Cousin Vinnie.

Fuck no, has it really come to this? Either option still has that ginormous price tag, just like Ilya. The difference is that we can sign Ilya without giving anything up, but to get on of those two centres we will have to trade some assets. Dear reader, you’re asking what assets we have that would be of interest to TB or Dallas? The one the Calgary Flames have in spades, thanks to this fanbase: Cash.

I don’t know if you are aware of this, but if you reach into your pocket, and you pull out, say a 5 dollar bill, then you, amigo, have more money in your hand then Tom Hicks does. That’s right, you have more cash on hand then the guy who owns the Rangers, the Stars, and something called Liverpool that plays some sort of kickball game back in the old country.

Tampa Bay ownership isn’t much better. In fact, who owns TB? The team of jokers they currently have as owners apparently have so much 12 year old girl in them that they can’t even talk to each other, which makes date night awkward, no doubt. They also don’t have any money. There was a report that they did indeed trade Vinnie to Montreal, (What, pray tell, is a montreal?) but that Bettman killed it. Black hearted monster, that guy is.

So the teams with some centres, Dallas and TB, are cash poor. We are ‘good-hockey-player’ poor, but we do have cash. To the best of my knowledge, you can’t trade cash considerations. Fuck. But you can give them cap relief in the form of ‘your 10 million dollar hockey player for a bag of pucks and some tickets to watch Glencross play cowboy at the rodeo’ type of trade. Hey man, don’t scoff, those rodeo tickets are hard to get.

I actually would prefer Ilya over Vinnie or Richards. I think we could make Backlund a very good player if he got to pass to Ilya and Jarome for the next 5 years. Whatever happens, it’s pretty clear that it’s about high time we got Jarome another thoroughbred to play with.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

They Can Rent, We Will Buy

There are some rumours swirling around this here internet that one of Domebeers favourite 'bitchables' (that is, a topic that we can bitch about) is about to conclude itself. Ilya Kovalchuk may be headed to the land of fake tits, fake skin, and faker people.

But can the LA Kings even afford him? You see, trading for Ilya is one thing. Im sure any team could do it. The returns teams have been getting for top players have not been outstanding. The Thornton deal, the Heatley deal, and the Phaneuf deal show that. Teams arent trading for this guy because they dont know if they can sign him.

So we ask: do the Kings know something we dont? After all, Jay Blow wasnt signing with anyone until he tested the free agency waters. (As an aside, isnt it cute how Kerr on the radio keeps saying 'But GM Sutter said this' as if he thinks the audience at home thinks GM Sutter respects Kerr enough to tell him the truth? Or as if the audience at home hasnt figured out that GM Sutter doesnt tell them shit about shit?)

So can the Kings afford to keep Ilya? Or can we still sign him in the offseason? (all numbers from




Free Cap12.504



To me, that is looking pretty tight. Obviously we dont know who is off this list if and when the trade goes down, but the big ticket guys on LA are probably not going. I dont think they (Atlanta) would take Smyths contract, but who knows, they need wingers. I assume the need cheap wingers, however. It is Atlanta.

If I was Atlanta, the first thing that pops up on my want list is Brown. Outside of Kopitar, he is the Kings best player. I dont think they would trade him, but if they did, you would have to assume that Ilya would have agreed to a contract extension with them as part of the deal.

Honestly, besides the untouchables in Kopitar, Brown, and Doughty, who would you want from this team?

Best case scenario for the Kings is that Atlanta takes back a group of players like Stoll and Williams, and a defencemen in Greene or Scuderi. I do not see that as acceptable return, but as I alluded to before, nobody has gotten acceptable return for their superstars via trade.

To conclude: No, I dont think the Kings can afford him right now. After the trade, if it happens, depending on who they can get rid of, maybe they can. Brown and Kopitar are already signed long term. Doughty comes up for contract in 2 years (11/12), although Smyths salary is on the books until 12/13. To me, if they can get Ilya and find a way to make Smyth disappear, they will have improved themselves tremendously, as they should still be able to keep Kopitar, Brown, and Doughty together as well.

In short: Fuck the LA Kings. There is only one redeeming quality about that stupid franchise:


Furthermore, I think that Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Sutter, What Hath Thou Wrought?

Ladies and gentlemen, your Calgary Flames:

Hagman - Stajan - Iginla

Higgins - Langkow - Kotalik

Boyd - Backlund - Bourque

Glencross - Nystrom - Mcgrattan

Who knows. To me, the team looks a hell of a lot better when Moss, Dawes, and Conroy arent in the lineup. I cant say which, if any, of these guys stick, save Iginla. There are a lot of forwards on this team, so some are going. Buy-outs or trades, that is the question.

The team has cash, so maybe they will eat another 3 million dollars to send some of GM Sutters mistakes away. The owners did that last year, so you wonder what their appetite is for that kind of move. Oh yeah, the owners are also paying Keenan to look like a creepy pedophile on TSN.

I gotta think they trade some of this deadweight. If the Rangers can get rid of that bum Kotalik on some country rube, surely GM Sutter can get rid of Moss? or Glencross? or Pick-A-Name-Outta-A-Hat?

Speaking of Kotalik, I hope he gets the number -18 for his jersey. All in good fun. Ive been making fun of him for being a Russian, but he is actually a Czech. That, at least, should make you like him a little more.

As for the team now, it looks like, on paper, that we may have, I stress may have, 3 lines that could potentially score. Of course, I still want Ilya. Who doesnt. But, depending on how they play, this may be able to get us through the season. We can always sign Ilya in the offseason, and trade some forwards by this trade-deadline for some draft picks.

Stajan sucks. I get that, and I wouldnt be shocked if Backlund is Iginlas centre by the end of the year. But he doesnt suck at 5.5 million, which makes his suck more palatable. Odd that.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Im Going To Miss 'Sugar Fists'

Look, I know nobody gives a shit about Joker, Kotalik, or Higgins. But Prust was a hockey player. And this team isnt in a position where it can be getting rid of hockey players. Prust is easily the best player in this deal, and we are trading him. For two more years of Kotalik, no less. Thats like trading Prust for herpes. At least Higgins is gone at the end of the year.

Folks, I dont get it. I want to see the plan. Show me the chalkboard.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, February 1, 2010

What Is To Be Done?

The Team 10/11  (if the NYR trade goes down, yuck)

Kotalik 3 
Iginla 7 
Langkow 4.5 
Moss 1.3
Glencross 1.163
Hagman 3
Dawes 0.85
Backlund 0.875
TOTAL: 21.688

Bouwmeester 6.68
Regehr 4.02
Sarich 3.6
Giordano 0.892
TOTAL: 15.192

Kiprusoff 5.833
McElhinney 0.535
TOTAL: 6.368

Team Total 43.248
Cap Space 56.8

Free Space 13.552



Well now, lets not panic, all that. These new guys feel like coal on Christmas, however, and Im going to be non to pleased if all we got for Dion was this. I, like everyone else, want the big shiny toy in Atlanta. I showed above how we should have 13.552 million in cap space, provided that the cap stays the same. That isnt enough to sign Ilya. Lets assume that he wants 10 million a year. That would leave 3 million dollars to sign 9 or 10 players. Probably not going to happen.

But lets pretend for a moment that GM Sutter is serious about this 'win-the-Stanley-Cup' shit he is always chirping about. He would recognize that this team is missing some dynamicism, especially after the Phaneuf deal. Ilya may be bad at a lot of things, but scoring goals isnt one of them. And he wont be looked on for leadership here. Some would argue that this team needs someone to play with Iginla, and that we need a centre. Sure, I agree. Who's out there, that is legit? This guy is at least available.

So, how does GM Sutter bring in this guy? Easy as Jennifer Hedger on Lofters. We trade people, stupid:

Langkow: 4.5
Sarich: 3.6
Net Savings: 8.1
New Cap Space: 21.652

And did that even hurt? You can resign Stajan to do Langkows job, at half the price, and replace Sarich with some of this cheap defence GM Sutter is talking shit about. And we havent even gotten to real wastes of cash like Moss yet.

21.652 - 10 = 11.652 million dollars in cap space to then sign the 9 guys it would take to fill out the roster. Now that is eminently doable.

So to conclude: No, currently we dont have the cap space for Ilya. Could we? Hells fucking yeah we could. And it would be fun trading Langkow and Sarich, more fun than trading Dion for turd sandwiches from Toronto.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Cold Feet

It appears GM Sutter took a dose of smelling salts last night, and may have decided that Kotalik and his 3M salary for this year and the next two wasnt worth an expiring contract in the Joker. I say maybe because B Mac is reporting that we are playing the Joker tonight against Killadelphia and then consumating the NYR deal. I hope fucking not.

Prust is still here, which is good. Maybe NY will take Mayers instead? Probably not.

Also, Higgins? Darryl must have been drinking after the Dion deal, and the evil Sather tried to do to Sutter what I try to do to club girls who drink too much, which is to say, screw them. Hopefully Sutter just aignt that type of girl. We shall see.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

GM Sutter Is Good At Math The Second

After the insanity, who knows if this is even correct when you, dear reader, get to it.

Also, Pope Maher, did the fans drive Olli out too?

Anyways, without further...uhh, tada:

Rene 1.35

Conroy 1.05

Nystrom 0.775

Mcgrattan 0.547

Lundmark 0.6

Stewart 0.5

Johnson 0.54

Stajan 1.75

Mayers 1.333

Boyd 0.65

White 0.85

Higgins 2.25

12.195 Million Dollars! in savings. Sexy. That isnt sexy enough for a centre of any worth or Ilya. Sarich will have to go, and maybe Langkow too. That would give them enough wiggle room for a superstar to play with Jarome and to re-sign some players.

The word is Kotalik is being a little turd about the trade, and he might have some sort of no-trade. Dont worry, Kots, we dont want a slime ball vodka swilling dog of a player back either. Kotalik has been benched and called out during his limelight tour of the Apple Grande, and he is the one kyboshing the blind date? You have to have more than 22 points to try to big time someone, comrade.

Look at this pig ugly soviet:

Seriously, he looks like Danny Brieres uglier, more retarded, mentally weaker sister.

Yeah, we want this douchebag. This guy was an Oiler loser, for christs sake. And they didnt want his fermented potato liquor drinking ass.

Again, tomorrow, I hope I wake up and Ilya is here.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Jokinen Experiment Over?

As per TSN: (8:46 PM Update - Prust now Involved)

Sources tell TSN the New York Rangers and Calgary Flames are expected to announce a trade tonight that will send Calgary centre Olli Jokinen and forward Brandon Prust to the Rangers in exchange for forwards Ales Kotalik and Christopher Higgins.

This team is starting to look a lot different up front. Hopefully a certain Super Russian will be involved...

Kotalik is -18 and has 2 years @ $3 left on his contract. What the fuck Mr Sutter? At least Jokinen was coming off the books. The loser Rangers have scratched this 3M player in 8 of the last 9 games...

I hope Atlanta really likes this Kotalik kid.

And I forgot to mention, Jarome Iginlas dome managed to break Sheldon Sourays hand last night. Haha stupid Oilers!

Please fire Peter Loubardias.

Doug Gilmour Redux

When the rumours about Dion asking for a trade came out, the informed opinion in this city, the radio guys and the print guys, poo pooed the idea and killed the guy who reported it. Either they got scooped or they were lying to protect a player who they had no good reason to protect, other than access.

Do the radio guys and the print guys have any credibility to you, the fans, anymore? Do you believe that the radio guys and print guys are so wrapped around GM Sutters finger?

Well, now that that is outta the way, lets get to this trade. I dont know the contracts, NHL numbers is down.

I am torn on this. I was planning on making my post today about the need for the Flames to get some players who are true checkers, so we can get a true checking line back on this team. Well, it appears we may have done so with this deal. Mayers will be ok, and teamed with Langkow and Glencross or Nystrom will be an ok third line.

But the rest of the deal? Im not sure if Stajan is signed for next year or not, and thats kinda a big deal. As of now we have Stajan, Joker, and Langkow. We may only have Langkow at the end of the year. So centre is still an issue. Unless Vinnie is coming here, we may be in some trouble down the middle.

The wings look good now, dont they? Jarome, Bourque, Hagman. Thats not terrible. Add Ilya to this mix and its world class. If we dont bring in my favourite Russian, we still have servicable wingers in Boyd, Glencross, Moss, ect.

Ian White? Im hearing Reggie hated Dion, and that Dion was a bit of a locker room cancer, per Dough Boy. So Reggie wasnt able to bring Dion back into the fold, and his lack of leadership is rewarded by shipping out Dion. Whatever. As long as Ian White is steady, we should be alright.

The impression Im left with is that this is probably the first move in many. If the locker room is so bad that players are getting exiled to the Big Smoke, it probably wont end with just the one. Langkow gave Jarome a black eye at the Flames Halloween party. Which one of those two do you think are going?

Im also not sure what type of move this is. Was this move made to give the team a chance to make the playoffs, or a chance to win the Cup? Was this move made in preparation for a bananas offseason?

So this move will get spun. On the surface, it looks like Toronto won, because they got the big name. Im not so sure. We got a bullet back in the gun with this trade. We can now go get Ilya, it isnt so insane now. With the health of the owners what it is, I wouldnt be shocked if they cleared up this capspace just for the Russian.

Who knows. More on this later. On the surface, I think we actually won this trade.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.