Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Unstoppable Suck VS The Immovable Blow

The Flames appear to be full of low character, no try, soft players. Lucky for them, they get to play the Oilers tonight.

Not much to say but the obvious. The Flames need to win this game. If they lose this game, the era of 'The Core' is over.

In my opinion, last year was the 'go for broke' year, and we didnt get it done. This year was like one last, desperate grasp at the Cup.  If this group of players fails to deliver, it needs to get broken up. If GM Sutter can pull his usual magic tricks with regards to disappearing salary, next year we have the potential for a powerhouse. Maybe.


Sarich - 3.6 cap hit
Joker - 5.25 UFA
Langkow - 4.5
Moss - 1.3
Glencross - 1.163
Nystrom - 0.68

Total Savings: 16.493 million dollars.

Thats 3 new 5 million dollar players, or a brand spanking new centre and Ilya. I understand most of those players are signed for next year, but teams that are going to be buying may be willing to take a Langkow, or a Sarich. Im sure Sutter can trade Moss, Glencross, and Nystrom to teams that need some depth for the cup run. The 16 million goes up when you dont bring back Conroy. And if you go crazy and trade Reggie, thats 20 million plus in cap space. We would have Dion, Gio, and J Blow, so the D would still be good, still would have Kipper, and 20 million to spend on 2 centres and a winger.

Of course, I hope we do win tonight, my desire for a Flames Ilya jersey notwithstanding.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Mommy, The Fans Were Mean To Me!

On the radio today, coming home from work, I heard Pete Maher, Pope, declare that the players didnt like it when they got boo'd on home ice.

Ill admit, I dont go to all the Flames games I want to. I dont like to pay 50+ dollars for nosebleeds, especially when the club Im paying to see has a nasty habit of showing up for 1 outta 3 periods. I would be fine with the horseshit lack of effort if I got a 2/3 discount on my ticket, but I dont. If 'shelling out' for nosebleeds pisses me off, I can only imagine how some of the season ticket holders feel. We got people in this city spending well above 10k for their season tickets, to watch a team with a disconcerting lack of 'give a fuck'.


Word to your moms, Flames, but the people in Calgary work for a living. We expect you to do the same. Your mad you got boo'd? The fans are mad we just shelled out 100k or more (a full house at the average ticket price) to watch the players embarrass themselves. Its a double piss off because this current group of players, from the outside, doesnt seem to possess an ounce of pride. If they did, they wouldnt lose NINE in a row.

Who on this current roster do the fans 'owe' something too? Iggy, Reggie, and Kipper. That is it. Those guys have been through the wars, as the Romans were want to say. The rest of this roster is comprised of draft busts, free agent busts, and Gio. Everyone loves Gio, so dont boo him. The rest of the roster has no connections to my heart, or most of the fans hearts. Maybe Prust and Pardy have wormed in there, because they got some sandpaper in them. Other than that?

If the Flames want to be treated with respect, they should start treating the fans with some respect, and actually show up for a home game.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Peter Maher, The Pope of Flames fans, said on the radio that GM Sutter and this malock had locked themselves in a room. Who knew GM Sutter was down with '2 minutes in the closet'?

So what do I want? We all dont want who I dont want. No Drury, Redden. No Erik Christensen. Where did that name come from? Look where the cat is from.

Wouldnt it be fun if at the end of the day, Dion and Avery were on the same team?*

OK. I want Dubinsky I guess, because he is the only one I have heard of. I see this guy is 6'6 and plays centre. Fuck yeah. And looky here. A goddamned communist! A 6'4 Drago looking motherfucker! We will have someone to play with Ilya next year!

Pete (yeah motherfucker we be first naming the Pope) said the talk involved Joker. If we can get something good for that clown, you atheists out there are going to have to close up shop.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

*In the homage to my man Mr Davis: Dion Phaneuf is a great player. Get over it.

You Could See This Iceberg Coming

Now, I know it isnt good etiquette to kick a blind retard in the ballsack, but it also isnt very nice to lose eight games (EIGHT FUCKING GAMES) in a row. So notwithstanding Coach Sutter and his 'everyone gets a gold star' attitude (this keep it positive shit is bush league), allow your humble correspondant to pile some more shit onto this bandwagon.

You know how GM Sutter thinks everyone is an idiot? Meet this fucktard. Said hi? Well Steven happens to run a pretty successful magazine, you probably havent heard of it, its very very fringe. Its called Forbes. His magazine is suppling the aforementioned shit shower I am about to bestow. Check this shit out. Scroll down. Win/Cost ratio. Inhale the feces.

Too lazy to click? Ill oblige.

Notice a trend here? I didnt either. Because Im not stupid, and I know GM Sutter is gods gift to hockey general managership. Or maybe I do see a trend. Maybe I see a hockey team that continues to disappoint year after year. Maybe I see a team that isnt built to win a Stanley Cup. Maybe, just maybe, GM Sutter needs to admit he is wrong, and go back to the chalkboard.

Crazy Blogger Man, what, pray tell, is GM Sutter so wrong about? I dont know myself. In my opinion, Sutter has done his job in collecting players. He has a top flight winger. He crapped out on Joker, but his heart was in the right place. The defence the Flames have? Are you going to sit there and tell me the thought of the Big 3 on D doesnt make your jimmy reach for a hat? Plus Mikka is the best goalie in the world.

It isnt working, though. It hasnt been working for 3 years now. When was the last time you saw these guys play 60 minutes? We are too slow, too complacent, too soft, too fed. We look fucking great on paper. On paper we look like  

and we play like


Yeah, she is from Edmonton.
So what is to be done? Tune in tomorrow kids. 

Furthermore,  I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

59 of 95

We can guess that the Flames will need 95 points to win the division. As of this loss, the Flames sit at 59 points.This means we have to pick up 36 points to win the division. The season lasts another 29 games. Thats 58 points available. The Flames will need to go 18-11 to win the division.

Does anybody believe that they are capable of such a 2005 Steeler-esque late season run to and through the post season?

The question becomes: by which stalls do we set up the guillotine? I have a few suggestions.

The Big Stupid Viking
10 goals. 10 goals. Thats $550,000 a goal. You feel bad for GM Sutter, you honestly do. Lombardi for a 6-3 centre? I would say yes to that everyday all day. The guy had two great, 90+ point seasons, and Sutter is thinking its all between the ears and he can fix him, but Joker is a total dog.

The No Heart $33.5 Million Trinket
How many goals does J-Blow have? 2! How many goals does Adam 'Fish n Chips' Pardy have? 2!

The Old Guy Formerly Known as Langkow
Mom! Somebody broke Daymond! The moment this guy gets hot, we should trade him. People hate on Jokinen, but Greyballs has had just as bad a season. Good thing for him he isnt European.

Who Is This Turds Agent?
David Moss is the single most disappointing story of this season. Why do the Flames always get the big guys who play like they are little guys?

These Guys Shit The Bed
32 goals out of these guys, and the Flames probably needed 50 out of this group. They simply dont score at a fast enough rate. Flush.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

How do you spell 'desperation'?

M-I-K-A-E-L    B-A-C-K-L-U-N-D

Thats right. The kid got called up.

Does this mean I can pre order the 'Ilya Kovalchuk' Flames jersey?

Furthermore, Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Opening Entry

It was during the magical '04 season when a scrappy group of underdogs and inhuman killing machine known to mortals as Martin Gelinas won the Stanley Cup in six games. Eat it Tampa, it was in.

Alas, we all know the thought of a Canadian team winning the Cup made Garry Bettmans synthetically created skin crawl. The winning goal was conveniently missed, and Tampa Gay would go on to claim the greatest trophy in sport.

The success of the Flames in 04 fueled expectations of a championship in this city (Calgary). These expectations exist to this day, and we all know they remain unmet. With the Flames on a 7 game (SEVEN FUCKING GAMES) losing streak, it is starting to look like this current group of Flames wont make the playoffs, let alone challenge for a Stanley Cup.

The anger in the city is palpable. People everywhere are questioning the Flames character, will to win, drive, all that. In a word, they question the Flames manhood. A common question among the fandom is: Do they even care?

Why such tone? I contend it is because of the 04 team. Go ahead, right now, look at that roster. How many All-Stars does that sack of shit team have? Yet that group, made up largely of scrubs, made it to the Cup Finals. That team is the team that Flame fans fell in love with, and still love.

The elephant in the room is the 04 team. If that team could do it, why cant this one?

To answer that question, we have to look at the differences between the two teams. And the first and foremost difference is that the 04 team was willing to pay the price, while this current version of the Country Club simply is not. Exhibit A: Blocked Shots. The 2004 team was made up of guys who would get down to block shots. When was the last time you saw one of the softies on this years roster get down to block a shot?

Now the reason the team is on a seven game losing streak is not because we arent blocking shots per say. The reason we havent won in forever is because we cant score. The lack of shot blocking does speak to what is perceived by the fanbase to be the problem, however. A general lack of 'want-to-win' pervades this team; A general lack of work ethic that is instantly recognized and despised by a city that is full of hard working people.Yesterdays loss to the Blues is just the latest in a long line of examples. The team only gave effort in the 3rd period, and floated through the first two. This group hadnt won a game in their last six, and still had in their tiny apricot sized hockey player brains that they would be able to win just by showing up. It was pathetic to watch, really.

A team that couldnt outscore an AHL team right now, who hadnt won a game in about a month, took off two periods, at home. The best line of the night was the 4th. Ladies and gentleman, this is your Calgary Flames.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.