Thursday, August 23, 2018

You Ever Just Become A Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird?

So I'm just sitting at work, half asleep from a night of staying up watching porn after spending the previous three hours fucking a 21 year old, and I'm looking out the window from my corner office when BAM out of nowhere I see this fucking squirrel taunt me. The little shit is literally throwing nuts at my window and letting me know that my existence as an office serf is SOOO amusing to it. Meanwhile the squirrel doesn't have to push paperwork or deal with government red tape bureaucrats or any of the shit, just gets to chillax in the sun and mock me. So I look at the thing and I think "what the hell can I do to this little fucker to really teach it not to step to me" when it hits me: Become the original stealth plane that was developed from the alien technology located at Roswell. And that's exactly what I set out to do. Now you can't transmute into a SR-71 Blackbird inside of an office, that would be fucking impossible. I have to go outside. But you know how offices work. A bunch of KGB agents around here. So I get up to leave the office so I can wreak furious anger and vengeance on the little squirrel who has flaunted his free and easy existence one to many times when I get stopped. "Where are you going?" they want to know. "Fucking classified" I shoot back. A SR-71 doesn't even officially exists during 'nam, and I aignt about to throw the whole fucking secret program down the tube. Who do these fuckers think they are dealing with? I'm not a fucking MiG. So after blowing off all the nosy cunts trying to block my path out the door, I do what I set out to do. I stretch a little because one can't just become a stealth jet without stretching, everyone knows that. I have to go on autopilot because I'm no fag, I aignt letting some dude inside me. And I start flying around, and I look for the squirrel but the little bitch knows I'm coming for it now, probably one of the office cunts, the fucking secretary I bet, ratted me out. No problem, I'm equipped with radar it's probably state of the art radar too I mean I am a fucking top secret stealth jet so I mean I aignt exactly rocking mid tier shit here, but the problem with radar is I have no clue how to fucking use it so I just start by blowing up all the trees. And that works because I don't see no more fucking squirrel outside my office.

Fucking miss that guy though. Shared a bond.

Furthermore I think Derek Wills should be fired.