Thursday, August 16, 2018

A Girl Texted Me As A Wrong Number And Now I'm Sleeping With Her

She's 22 and still lives with her parents. Crazy world out there, ya'll.

Best part? She isn't Asian. A white girl. Manna from heaven. God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I get this text from a random number, and I can't remember what I said and I'm too lazy to look, it was something like 'wrong number, are you a chick though? And are you cute?" and from that we flirted and then I had her out to a softball game (that I didn't play in because my hand is mangled) and then from there she came over and...I have really good closing percentage.

The hindu girl I'm still madly in lust with actually sent me a text this week too.

My father recently asked me why I bought a Challenger instead of renovating my kitchen. Well Pops, this is why.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.


Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Did I Bang The Family Friend's Daughter? And Other Events

I don't even remember where we were. I had told you guys about the family friend's / client's daughter? Did I hit it? Did I?

I did not. I went soft. I couldn't pull the trigger. Also, she was...she was too nice. I couldn't do it to her.

Her opener was strong, though. Usually women give you the shittiest openers, because they never have to do them in real life. This one hit me with a "It's not Monday, but you can be my Woah-Man Crush Wednesday," which I thought was pretty cute. So I talked to her but not like how I usually talk to women on these apps, which means I was nice. 'Nice' is usually a good way to get a date, but I was conflicted about whether to throat fuck this girl in the first place, so I went with nice. To my surprise she kept talking to me. Eventually I just unmatched.

So nothing real salacious. I ejector seated. Couldn't go through with it.

Other news? I took a come-backer playing softball to my hand. The ball, at a not slow velocity, hit my ungloved hand and smashed into the area between my pointer and middle finger. Read that again. Then go take a look at how big a softball is. Then go look at the space between your pointer and middle finger. So my hand fucking ripped open. It wasn't that bad. I had three stitches. Two at the end and one in the middle of the gash.

I totally tough guyed it at the field, too. Some chick wrapped my hand up while I smoked cigs and chugged whiskey. It was legendary.  Didn't even flinch.

It kind of ruined my vacation, though. Had to miss the summer league's playoff game, which they won. It wrecked my right hand, so I had to have one of the girls over to, uhh, you know, help me out. She did my laundry too, which was nice, but now I'm going to have to blow her off because she probably thinks I like her now. You know how it is.

My little cousin is in town. I have a few fancy cars so I had him take some pictures in those, had him take a picture of my dog. Told him to download Tinder and make a profile. He did, and he got a couple of matches on his first day. He tells me he doesn't like it though. He thinks the girls are 'too hoe-y". Lol. He's a good kid.

I'm in the 200 section now at the Dome, and they called me to see if I wanted my tickets on a card (what I'm used to coming from the 300 section) or if I wanted paper tickets. Felt good, man.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.