Tuesday, April 3, 2018

You Think You Have It Bad

I hate tax time. I hate it. Kills my soul.

I'm sitting on hold with CRA. They keep you on hold because 1) they hate fucking tax time too and 2) they want everyone to use the online shit so you stop fucking calling. Thing is the online portal doesn't have all the information and 'tools' that a phone call has. Sometimes you have to call. And they hate that, so they make you wait. And wait you do.

The music changes. The hold music, I mean. Sometimes it is classical and sometimes it is modern. Today it is modern, I think. Like elevator music version of pop 40. I don't listen to new music unless I take a young girl out and then have to. I just don't like it. Get off my lawn, and all that.

Seriously though, rap today is dudes talking about how they got the sadz. What is that shit? Rap used to be about fucking a basketball players girl and then robbing him when he got home.

Anyways, I'm sitting on hold, and I hate my work. So I use it as a break. I log onto twitter but I don't see anything there that is holding my interest. Favourite a few thots and move on. I log on to kijiji, and because I miss that stupid fucking girl, I click around on community. She lied about being into volunteering (she went once and made it out like she was Momma Terresa), so I notice the volunteering link. Clients tell me it's a good place to meet women. So I click.

I'm expecting to see wanted ads or something. Please help with the puppy parade, or help out at a soup kitchen, or whatever it is people do when they volunteer. I guess I was expecting normal. You and I have been around long enough to know that no one is fucking normal, not anymore. What was I thinking?

Instead of 'help out at the old folks home' I see "female models needed". Fuck, why didn't I think of that? I don't click because I'm mad I didn't think the scam. I keep scrolling, which was a mistake.

"I have a large family and I just lost my job and I need someone to pay for dogfood."

"My Mom is dying from cancer and she's stuck without running water or heat at a farm in the middle of nowhere and can someone send money?"

"My daughter and I are really hungry. We have nothing, and nothing to eat. Please, can someone help us?" (I have a soft heart. I assume these are all scams, but that one fucking got me)

"Can anybody help? I'm a single mom with three kids and no job and easter is coming up..."

"Single father of seven needs help..."

"I'm a newly divorced mom of three, can anybody pay for my vacation?"

"Volunteer needed to pack my stuff as I am moving" - What? What is wrong with people?

"My diabetic dog is going to die please send money"

"Wanted: Free furniture"

I get to the third page of this stuff. And then I see it.

"Volunteer to help children in India"
"Volunteer to build houses in Nepal"
"Volunteer to teach english in Ghana"
 "Volunteer to _____ in _______"

God...Is it bad that that looks so appealing?

Click to the next page. "Old man willing to spend time with young women and teach them to drive"

Monday, April 2, 2018


The girl I like, well the girl I get the closest to liking, hates me.

Except that's not what it is. If she hated me I could find colour in that. If she hates me, she loves me. There would be something there, I could work with that. A man can survive that and turn it around. There are stories about people who love and hate and love again. I've seen it with the clients. Hate equals hope. And that's the problem. She doesn't hate me.

She doesn't even remember I exist. That's what kills a man.

I creep her media sometimes. She is back with her LTR. Fine. She's probably bored as fuck and running around on him again. That's how she met me, after all. But I'm pissed she doesn't even ask me if I want to hang out. I don't know if I would, but I just want to be asked.

The only reason I care is because she doesn't. What a mind worm.

I have a buddy who makes fun of me for being in love with this woman, but I'm not. I know what love is. But this is worse. I'm pining for the attention of a woman because she has withdrawn it, and I'm never getting it back. Does that make sense? Her withdrawal is what has be enticed. I didn't like her this much when she was with me.

Don't text her, don't call her, delete her from your phone. And I don't text her, and I don't call her, but I can't delete her from my phone. That would be permanent. I'd have to accept my failure then. I never fail with girls, I always kick them off. Maybe that's it.

Got me singing the Blues though.