Monday, April 2, 2018


The girl I like, well the girl I get the closest to liking, hates me.

Except that's not what it is. If she hated me I could find colour in that. If she hates me, she loves me. There would be something there, I could work with that. A man can survive that and turn it around. There are stories about people who love and hate and love again. I've seen it with the clients. Hate equals hope. And that's the problem. She doesn't hate me.

She doesn't even remember I exist. That's what kills a man.

I creep her media sometimes. She is back with her LTR. Fine. She's probably bored as fuck and running around on him again. That's how she met me, after all. But I'm pissed she doesn't even ask me if I want to hang out. I don't know if I would, but I just want to be asked.

The only reason I care is because she doesn't. What a mind worm.

I have a buddy who makes fun of me for being in love with this woman, but I'm not. I know what love is. But this is worse. I'm pining for the attention of a woman because she has withdrawn it, and I'm never getting it back. Does that make sense? Her withdrawal is what has be enticed. I didn't like her this much when she was with me.

Don't text her, don't call her, delete her from your phone. And I don't text her, and I don't call her, but I can't delete her from my phone. That would be permanent. I'd have to accept my failure then. I never fail with girls, I always kick them off. Maybe that's it.

Got me singing the Blues though.


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