Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Wasn't There A Story On Sportsnet The Other Day About The Flames Trading Brodie Or Hamonic?

Wasn't there a story on sportsnet the other day about the Flames trading Brodie or Hamonic? Like, it was there yesterday, I'm pretty sure. But I went today and I can't find it. My google skills aren't what they used to be, as I wasn't able to find it there, either.

I swear it was there, though. You gotta believe me. Someone else saw it, right?

Assuming I'm not crazy...why would they post it and then disappear it? Did they get push back from the team?

The story was "Flames have a lot of defencemen, and Brodie and Hamonic's contracts are up in a year or two, so they should trade them for a forward now."

Which, if you play video game hockey makes sense. Here in the real world, you might want to keep your blue line strong if you plan on going on a deep run in the playoffs. Might want to avoid icing three rookies if you plan on going deep in the playoffs. But, again, in video game hockey world, where there are no injuries and the silicons don't feel pressure, sure, it makes sense.

Anyway, just thought it was weird I couldn't find the story anymore.

I would like the team to 'add' though. Sportsnet has this cool thing where if you look up your team it shows how much cap space they have. The Flames have none, so it's gonna be tough to add without taking something off the roster. The obvious candidate would be Stone, but good luck with that.

So probably won't be able to add, which is a shame. Hopefully Neal wakes up.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Thursday, December 13, 2018


It begins.

Or not.

When the robot uprising does begin, I'm going to sell humanity out and become a cyborg. With a ray gun. Pretty neat.

Only send your parents to a home if you hate them.

So warn them to be nice to you, otherwise you'll see to it that their genitals rot off.

Was it coming from San Francisco?

And now to be serious for a moment:

There's a story about dating apps promoting hedonism. Meh. Women being free from shame for sleeping around and being unmarried at 30 promotes hedonism (sorry not sorry). But as a guy who has profited because of this, please take what I am telling you to heart. While it is fun to be post 30 and smashing teenagers, it is very empty.

I have some married friends, and sometimes they tell me, man I envy you, can still go out, play the field, and I'm like, dude, no no no, being married with kids is much better than what I'm doing. And it is.

Like, the dating app lifestyle is corrosive to your soul. I slapped the shit out of a woman recently while she was giving me a blowjob because I didn't feel she was doing it good enough. She loved it. She loved getting 'beat up' while sucking my cock. That's fucked up man. And that's what you meet out there.

And because you need to be a certain way with girls to be successful, it ruins the romanticism about girls. When you go down the game lifestyle and see certain techniques produce certain results, you kinda don't even view them as human beings anymore. I doubt I'll ever be able to fall in love again.

What I'm saying is that you should find someone and get married when you are young. Don't listen to the bullshit about staying single till your over 30. For men, yeah they can get away with it, but it's gonna impact you. For woman...do not be single at 30. Do not. Do you know how I treat women who are older than 30? And they have to let you, because they are over 30. You don't want that.


Flames first place! I told you they were Cup bound. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Deus Vult


Europe is lost. This guy was born there.

I know, they should respond with more atheism and materialism. That'll fix it.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018


I got a girl who can fuck but I can't stand otherwise, and a girl I don't mind hanging out with but can't fuck for shit.

Solution is, of course, to find more women.

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Feel Good Post Of The Week

Submitted without comment:

“Upon police arrival, officers found Bates in the bathroom with the door open while masturbating and simultaneously attempting to penetrate his anus with the handle of the toilet bowl scrubber,” borough Police Chief Kenneth Ehrenberg said in a statement.
“This act was witnessed by several adult females who were in the office,” he added.

And to think, when I want to add a little spice, I use my left hand. So pedestrian. 

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Dating In The Current Year - Death By Fat Broad Edition

Instapundit used to do this bit but I can't remember what he used to call it. 21st century relationships?


The 44-year-old Thomas admitted killing Keeno Butler last March, partially by lying on top of him. Thomas weighs about 300 pounds, while the 44-year-old Butler weighed about 120 pounds.
This is something I've noticed, and it disturbs me. A 300 pound woman should not have a lover, period. But there are...'men'...out there who will fuck these broads.

Fellas...stop rewarding this behaviour. You should not be so desperate for pussy that you even entertain fucking 6's and below. Stop that shit. Stop that shit now. The reason you have 5's acting like they are 8's is because you have a huge amount of men out there willing to fuck a 5. Stop that shit now. Guys, remember: YOU ARE THE PRIZE

It continues:

Thomas was reportedly drunk and wanted to smoke crack when the pair got into an argument that ended in Butler's death.

At least the story had a happy ending. 

Alberta Is Full Of Cuck Pussies, Accepts Carbon Tax, Unlike The Manly And Virile French

Fuck Alberta. What the fuck happened to you? You used to be cool.

Now you whimper like a tamed dog at the heels of the federal and provincial governments tax increases. Carbon tax? Sure, we'll take it. Please sir, do you have some more?


Albertans, if they could untuck their heads from between their tails, should emulate the mighty French, who successfully protested the imposition of the purely religious carbon tax legislation.

And Notley isn't a bigger pussy than Macron. It would have taken 3 days of protests to save the province, and none of us had the balls to do it. Closest thing was when the farmers drove their trucks up to the capital, and even then they turned around after a couple of hours.


Albertans: Bigger surrender specialists than the French.

Monday, December 3, 2018

Arc de Triomphe Vandalized

I like the rioters in France. Climate change is a marxist conspiracy, and if they ask you to pay that much for gas, the only choice for a man is to riot.

The yellow vests apparently smashed up the Arc de Triomphe. Well, vandalized it,and smashed some of the artifacts inside.

I was on wikipedia, and saw this:

After the interment of the Unknown Soldier, however, all military parades (including the aforementioned post-1919) have avoided marching through the actual arch. The route taken is up to the arch and then around its side, out of respect for the tomb and its symbolism. Both Hitler in 1940 and de Gaulle in 1944 observed this custom.

So, while I like the yellow vest protesters, Hitler, you know, Hitler, thought it was uncouth to violate that monument.

Vive le Roi

Friday, November 30, 2018

I Would Like You All To Donate To Charities That Buy Kids Christmas Gifts This Month

I'm giving to something called "The Magic Of Christmas" .

I don't know if there is a charity that gives gifts to poor Jews for Hanukah. I did not see it when searching google. I wish there was, I would give. Maybe for next year. But I'm loathe to give to a general fund. So I'm donating to the goys. 

Poverty at Christmas time is a sad thing. Please give. It will make your soul feel good. There isn't much real about this world. Your family and your health, right? Doing a good thing will make your soul happy.

Neil deGrasse Tyson Out Here Creeping On Chicks And The Left Says Nothing Lol

I can't stress this enough: The current left wing is not ideological, it is religious. They are religious fanatics sure that they are on the road to Utopia. And you are Evil with a capital E if you get in their way.

They are quacks. Don't try to reason with them. Don't try to embarrass them by pointing out their hypocrisies. They don't care. It isn't ideological. It's religious. When you talk to a left winger, it is the same as if you are talking to a flagellant. Logic's not gonna do it, Hoss.

You deal with a quack by mocking them. Do not take them seriously.Let them talk, laugh, roll your eyes, and then continue as if they had said nothing. If they get mad, laugh. Treat them as you would a girl. Agree and amplify. "You're a racist" Say Ok and then wink at their girlfriend (unless she isn't hot, which she probably won't be).

Banging The 19 Year Old Was A Mistake, Kinda

Your humble hero did indeed take down the 19 year old yesterday.

Quick background: Don't remember where I met her, bumble or tinder or real life. Met her about a year ago when she was 18. I like young chicks. Fuck off. Anyway, we talked, we flirted, but we didn't fuck. As I recall I don't think we went on a date even, she flaked. Maybe we went on one. Anyway, I had her in my phone, and every few months I would send her a text, like a corny one line joke, stuff like that. But I'm not a creepy nice guy, so I made it pretty clear I wanted to fuck.

She'd indulge in flirting but never go out. She'd always back out last minute. A 'time waster' is what I dub these women. So I didn't waste time on her.

This week she texted me some lame one liners out of the blue. I knew the score right away. I didn't ask. Maybe I should have asked, but asking is weakness and women, like dogs, can smell weakness. You gotta be cool, daddio. So I was cool, and she ended up in my bed yesterday.


It's my fault. I hadn't had any pussy for over a month. My birthday ended up in a threesome I slept through, after all. I wanted some gushie. She was offering gushie. Like am moron, I took it. I should have screened much harder.

Why? I think you can guess why. She's 19 and new. I'm 33 and know what I'm doing. Guess.

Yup. She's in love.

At some point during the evening she got on to my phone. I don't password it, because I don't mind girls looking through my phone. I'm not married, and them seeing I have other options has only ever worked out in my favour. But there can be a downside. That downside is she discovers your, say, instagram account.

Because she might discover your instagram account and you might wake up the next morning to having a girl comment on all your posts, for the world to see. A world that included girls. A world that included girls you are gaming.

So as you might imagine, I have spent this morning fielding texts from various girls. Which is a great way to spend the morning.

I have an 18 year old in Regina who I bang who is very curious as to who this other girl is, for example.


It actually is funny. I'm laughing while I type this. Just a warning to the fellas though.


While this chick was clearly in to me, so YMMV, I did the 'your fat' thing to this girl as my pre fucking text flirting. When she would send me nudes or sexy pics this week I would text back 'Lose 10 pounds by friday"

The girl is not fat. She protested out loud, but she must have liked it. Try it out if you think you can pull it off. It's not a rookie line, be warned.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

19 Year Old Flaked On Me, Wants To Bang Tonight

I was supposed to take a young lady to the hockey game tomorrow. A nice date.

She texts me that she can't go. I know it's beta to confirm plans, but I'm glad I confirmed plans.

"I can't go. Sorry...what are you doing tonight?"

Geeze. Women. Adam should never have let Eve out of his sight.

So I got a 19 year old who wants to bang. I should wrap it up but I won't. She's white. White girls don't get STD's unless they are coal burners. Who knows but the lord, but in Calgary you are semi safe.

I kinda would have preferred to take her to the game, because there are guys on my hockey team who sit by me, and I always like to show off the kittens. But a lay is a lay.

I actually wanted to watch the Raptors play the Warriors. Can you believe I'm lamenting having to bang a chick over watching an NBA game? But that's the attitude you need to have. Chicks dig it. She got the tingles when I initially told her I wanted to watch the game over banging her. "Who is this guy?"

You gotta get them thinking that. Who is this guy? Why does he think he can act this way? If he thinks he can act this way, he must act this way. If he acts this way this must be normal for him. If this is normal for him he must be good with girls. If he's good with girls then I want to fuck him.

There are a lot of girls, but there are only a couple of girls. If you get that, you get it. If you don't, I probably don't have the ability to explain it to you.


The other thing I've been doing is calling hot chicks fat. Not like "HEY YOURE FAT WHATS YOUR NUMBER", but like "Oh, you are going to eat more fries?"

Subtle, unless they bring their weight up. If they bring up their weight, it's a trap. They want you to not supplicate. If you go with "no baby you're beautiful" then you lose. Chump response. I go with "Yeah, maybe could lose X amount of pounds". I would not use this on girls who are plain. 8's and up. Maybe can do it on a 7 but I haven't tried it on that, I've used it on hot chicks. Hot chicks seem to be responding to it well. The trick is to stick to your guns. And have a wry smile on your face.

Your mileage may vary. I have jewish bantz so I'm probably better equipped to deploy it than most. lulz


Go out this weekend and talk to some girls. Talk to them as if you have fucked them before, or talk to them as if you don't want to fuck them. I feel as if you should know this.

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Women Sleep Better With Dogs

Who was that guy on twitter? "White women fuck dogs" guy?

Maybe he was right.

Some study purports that women sleep better with a dog by their side than with a 'human'. As a dog owner, I can't disagree with this, anecdotally it seems correct.

I mean, I think. I don't let women spend the night at my place (If you let them sleep over, they will want to get married, so I don't let them sleep over). So I'm not sure about the 'sleeping next to a human' part.

But the dog part makes sense. I know I have a harder time sleeping if my dog isn't in my bed (new dog guys, don't let your dog sleep in your bed. It creates a bad habit for the dog. I have a jewish brain and can charm my way out of any negative consequences of my dog refusing to leave the bed during sex. Can you?). I miss her snores if she's not there.

Isn't that a weird quirk of the brain? Like, when you are alone in your bed, arguably you have the most optimal conditions for good sleep. But if you are used to sleeping with someone or something else in your bed, their absence will prevent you from sleeping well, despite the conditions for a good sleep being better.

Eh, I just wanted to write something, and I figured I'd spare you the story about a chimp being pimped out.

Have a date with a 19 year old on Friday. Taking her to the game. If she doesn't flake. Hate making dates more than a few days out.

I'm supposed to fly out to Regina a the end of December to spend a week having sex with an 18 year old I met the other weekend. I don't like that I bought tickets to go see her. In reflection, it seems like a chump move. Makes me look very desperate for sex. So I'm going to cancel the tickets. If she flies out to me, fine, if not, wasn't meant to be. There is always more pussy out there.


Friday, November 23, 2018

I Got A Strippers Phone Number Last Night

Brothers birthday. After dinner went to ESQ, because it's close to the house.

Thursday strippers aren't the greatest. When we walked in there was a fat mexican on stage. Not my bag of tea.

Anyway, we are sitting there, and this girl comes up to me, and I've been in enough places I can tell an off duty stripper when I see one, and she says to me "you're in my spot, you gotta move."

What a great opener. Women can't open, because they don't have to usually, so I was impressed with this one. I told her she would have to fight me for it, and I was actually a little nervous about if I would win it because pretty girls usually don't looks so tough (That's a Prince line, btw. Prince has lots of good lines, google his lyrics and use them). She laughed and said she was going to let me off this time because I was cute. Awww, that was sweet of her.

I said thank you and played it cool, like I get called cute by off duty strippers all the time. She was glancing at me through my remaining time at the club (I think I only stayed an hour), so when I went to leave I walked up and told her it was rude to stare, but she could make up for it by taking me out for coffee. She laughed and I got her number.

I thought I did pretty well. The caveat being it's a stripper, so who knows.

She sent me a snap chat thing, I got it when I woke up this morning. It was her trying to be sexy. My response, like yours should be when you get sexy pics, was "messy room".

Thursday, November 22, 2018

The Calgary Flames Will Win The Western Conference, And Then The Stanley Cup. You Heard It Here First.

You know me. I don't make these predictions lightly.

But it is so obvious that even I can see it. The Calgary Flames are the best team in the NHL. Period.

They have scoring, they have depth, and David Rittich is the best goalie to ever goalie, or at least he will be this year. What happens when you have scoring, depth, and goaltending?

You win Stanley Cups, that's what happens.

It's simply math. The Flames have the formula. At this point it's just...I don't have the word for it. When something is obviously going to happen but you still have to run the experiment. If someone has the word, please let me know.

Sorry, I have the word. It's Fate.

Again, I don't make this prediction lightly. But you look at the numbers, and then you factor in the fact we should have three or four more wins but don't, because of Mike Smith. It is what it is. Don't hate, appreciate.

The Flames are a top team in the league. Now you add in the goaltending. Fait accompli, same as I tell the french girls after they ask how they fell for a guy like me.

And this Rittich guy...he's like oppo Kipper. Euro, but gregarious. He's giving me the tingles, not afraid to admit.

So I'm smitten with this team. It's the best. Plan the parade. You dig?

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

The Only Thing I Miss About Twitter Is Kantbot

I had a buddy contact me the other day to tell me that they were asking where I went, on twitter. It's nice to be missed. It only took the people a year to realize I was gone...

I say this in all sincerity: ya'll can get fucked.

Here is the definitive list of people I still sometimes look up using twitter search: Rubbertrout (who has gone full commie, and it breaks my heart), akaRCN (Who has always been a commie but I don't mind because he's always been a commie), and Sap (or officially MacSapintosh, who may or may not be a commie, but I just find interesting).

That's the list. Sorry if you didn't make it.

(I will search up Mr. Wilson too from time to time but he's all "Read my shit in the Athletic", which I don't have a subscription for, so the twitter feed is of limited value. But he's the OG so mad respec)

I don't think I am coming back. I tried after I got banned, but they must have my phone on file, so after a minute they banned that account. I'm like banned banned. I'd need a new phone. I'm not married and cheat like crazy but I'm open about it so I don't need a burner phone. So I haven't gotten a new phone and I doubt I will.

I know you all miss my takes, because it's what you are thinking but can't say because of society blah blah blah. It is what it is.

I'm in the 200's now. Holla if you hear me.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Never Use Condoms

Like, ever.

You shouldn't even have them in your home. I used to keep a bowl full of them by my bed, and then chicks who would have let me fuck them raw started demanding I use them. Why? Because they saw them by the bed. So now I keep some in my sock drawer. I shouldn't even do that. Just don't own them.

I can't even stay hard if I'm wearing a condom. Well, I can, but I have to start rough fucking the girl. And how do you go ass to mouth if you are wearing a condom? So just don't wear them.

Also, chicks hate them. They won't tell you because 'women', but all chicks love it when you bust in them or on them. You aren't suppose to be using your real name anyways, who cares if you get them pregnant?

But the real reason you should never use condoms is because the fucking Chi Coms have scammed the market by recycling used condoms and then re-selling them.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

You Beautiful Bastards Did It; Calgary Votes No On Olympics

I never would have thought that there was enough people tired of the grifters and looters, that would have presided over the Olympics, to vote these bums down. But you did it, Calgary. I could kiss your cheek.

I had sort of lost hope for the electorate after Nenshi was re-elected, and even worse, when most of the city councilors won their bids for re-election. Voters are stupid, that confirmed it, democracy sucks.

But the fatigue of all that stupid finally seems to have gotten to people. And thank the lawd that it did. Taxpayer just saved billions of dollars. Don't worry, we are dealing with politicians, so they will find another way to spend it. New stadium, come on down.

But for the time being, the good guys won.

The best thing about this whole endeavor was reading about old women crying at the Yes rally when the results came in. Crying! My word. The Swedish skier wasn't going to be sleeping with you anyways, hunny.

Don Braid is crying! Delicious commie tears.

Rick Bell is not crying. "David Beats Goliath". To bad we don't get to take any heads.


The mayor, hell, all of city council, should pivot to pipelines. The only 'revitalization' plan that makes any sense is building pipelines. The only words out of the local politicians mouths should be 'pipelines'. Embarrass the province, who in turn will embarrass the feds.


That Brad Treliving guy better fix James Neal, eh? 

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

The Song 'Last Time I Saw Him' Always Gets Me Dusty

The song 'Last Time I Saw Him' always gets my eyes wet. It's a great song (Dottie West version numbah 1) , and I don't even mind.

The reason? I think about the girls that see me as the guy getting on the bus.

Also, there are a couple of girls who got on a bus and left me with a sweet kiss.

Life man. Funny. Enjoy it.


My birthday story is terrible. Went out with a chick as a wing, picked up two country 18 year olds. Going good, right? Wing and me live about 5 blocks from each other, so we pile into the taxi. As we get to her house, the girls try to crack my demeanor and they all leave with the wing. Fine. I'm not a rookie, I know in about a minute I'll get a call to come over.

Except I had been drinking. Taxi drops me off at my place. "I'll just sit down while I wait for the call". Bad move. Passed out.

I woke up to about six 3 am calls from the girls telling me to come over.

I might never get drunk again.

Friday, November 2, 2018

How Much Dumb Can A Human Brain Hold

Why not spend a trillion dollars on the olympics, then? Wouldn't we get 10 trillion dollars if we did that?

I always wonder if the hucksters who come up with these arguments know how flimsy they are, or if they are so dumb they actually believe this shit.


I'm not hopeful for the 'no' side. The olympics are clearly a bad idea, but the city is home to a lot of people who are easily conned. Electing Nenshi was a bad idea but they did it, and electing the NDP was a bad idea and they did it. So I'm fully expecting the arguments by brains like Tewksbury are going to persuade the populace to vote yes.

Feel Good Story Of The Day

I did not go to the game last night, but apparently they had someone come out and address the crowd about how the Flames were not running a charity scam. If you're explaining, you're losing.

Anyway... "A 22-year-old man left in a coma after his genitals were "ripped off and eaten" by a bulldog had apparently smeared his crotch in peanut butter."

And you thought your girl used too much teeth... 

Thursday, November 1, 2018

I Missed This: The Calgary Flames Run A Charity Scam

This story is a couple days old but I've been skirt chasing so...

The Flames are running a scam charity.

Now, as I always say, all charities are scams. I tell my clients this when they bring me in their donation receipts. Scams all the way down. Every one. Don't give to registered charities. Give charity, by all means. That's a mitzvah. But don't give your money to a registered charity if you are expecting it to actually go to helping people. Help people yourself.

I give money to food banks, myself.

Anyway, of the eight sport charities that were looked at (mostly hockey based) the Calgary Flames did the worst in terms of actual money spent on charity. The explanation that the guy running Flames Foundation gave was absolutely terrible, and so I am surprised this story doesn't have legs. The guy running the charity basically said they stash the cash in case something happens. LOL.

Spend the fucking money. If you raise 4 million dollars in money, and the overhead is half a million, then spend the rest. The guy running Flames Foundation says, with a straight face, that by allocating the money to a reserve fund (you guys think the Flames make interest off that?) it's the same as spending it on charity. Which is fucking retarded.

I've been a season ticket holder for 4 or 5 years now. Every year they send you a little book about all the good the Flames Foundation does. Every year I have been underwhelmed. It seems they always spend about a million dollars. They raise much more than this. The team itself makes a lot more than this. So while a million dollars a year is a lot, it's a pittance compared to what they could be giving out.  This year, for instance, they could have given out, according to the article, three million.

Basically, don't give money to the Flames Foundation if you don't have to.

Furthermore I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Monday, October 29, 2018

The Communists Killed The Olympics...Huh?

Like all good tax payers, I did not want Calgary to pay for the Winter Olympics. Number one, it's too much, number two, it's a invitation for corruption, and number three, the people charged with planning it were nincompoops.

So imagine my surprise to find out that, essentially, hopefully, mercifully, the bid is dead.

And it seems to be not from the efforts of people opposed to the Games, but rather through the efforts of the people who actually want the Games. In short, the games being planned by the local morons, from the mayor on down, has resulted in a killed bid. Amazing.

Between Nenshi, Notley, Trudeau, and the IOC, the city had the perfect storm of dummies 'working' for our behalf. And thank the lord that we did. Because of them the city, hell, the nation, just saved 4 billion dollars.

The commies, Nenshi, Notley, and Trudeau, killed the bid because they got tight in the pockets. You couldn't write this shit. They've never had a project they didn't want to throw money at...until now. I'm giggling.

This is an amazing, amazing development.

Friday, October 26, 2018

And You Thought The Flames Had A Rough Night

Yesterday was bad, but at least it wasn't "woman tries to bite off your dick" bad.

I don't know, gang. I left midway through the second period, after they pulled Smith, so I didn't get to hear the crowd boo the team off the ice. But I had seen enough. It was shit.

How do you fix it?

If it's me, if I'm coaching, I have the team play a trap. I might let them have one guy forecheck, that's it. I clog up the neutral zone and I play for turnovers.

There is some stat out there that says the Flames have given up the most high danger scoring chances in the league. Play the fucking trap.

The next thing I do is I start instituting fines, team wide fines, if the players don't respond to physicality. I saw 19 get hit in the head early in the first period, and no Flame even went over to chat with the guy who did it, let alone stand up for one of their meal tickets. I know the nerds are going to cry about this, but there is more to the world than what you can see. A gang mentality is a good thing to have for a sports team, and the Flames don't have it. The only way to force these pussies to stand up for each other is probably through monetary means. So I'd institute fines for pussyiness.

I think that's about all they can do. There is no trade coming, they don't have cap space next year to make a splash, this has to be fixed internally. It's on the coaching staff.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Game Post: Silly Joke Texting

Like most dudes hunting, at some point you will find your phone full of numbers. If you are like me, you will remember some of them and you won't remember others. All the 'K's in my phone, for instance, I had no clue who they were. Did I just get a number? Did we go on a date? Did we fuck? Well, what do you do with these numbers?

What I did this week is I texted all the girls in my phone who were 'dead' (read: inactive, hadn't texted for at least a month or more) a silly halloween joke. My phone lets me send out texts to multiple people without it becoming a multi message, which was nice. Total brag here, but I sent out about 40 texts. It's been a good year for DB.

The joke should be very lame. Mine was "Why is the skeleton so calm? Because nothing gets under it's skin!"

I did this, initially, to see what the response from these girls would be. I have a halloween party this weekend to go to and didn't have a solid lead on a date. Necessity being the mother of invention, that is what I came up with.

I was actually surprised by the reaction. Not all the girls will respond back to you. In my first batch of 20, I got 7 responses. Those responses fell into:

1) Who is this?
2) Lol.
3) Response with their own lame joke.

From my perspective, any response is a good one. If they ask who this is, I tell them, but I say "Did we end that badly deleted me out of your phone? smile emoji" and that usually defuses any tension, if there was any. Nobody who asked me "who is this?" and got my above response was upset with me. One wanted me to take her to dinner that night.

The 'lol' responses were more tepid. Those I let sit, or sent another joke to the following day. I don't see how you can respond to 'lol' and not lose some frame. The response I have been going with, besides sending them another joke the next day, has been "now you owe me a joke" which some respond to and some don't.

The girls who responded immediately with their own lame jokes have been the best in terms of continued communication. The hindu chick, for instance, is now speaking to me again. I don't know if I like that, but that's another post. I will say when you get another joke back, it's fairly easy to transition that into teasing the girl for sending you a lame joke. You judo the situation. And at this point you should know that girls love to get teased.

So, that's my tip. Use it before halloween has passed. 

Friday, October 19, 2018


For those that didn't know, the Flames removed the smoking areas from the Saddledome this year. 

I used to use those smoking areas to meet girls.

Through two games this season, I haven't gotten a single phone number. I've barely seen any pussy worth pursuing. It's tragic.

I need the smoking areas back. Sign the fucking petition.

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Is This The Most Vancouver Thing Ever?

From Sportsnet: Panthers' Matheson had death threats after hit on Canucks Petterson 

"...but there are thousands of people commenting things on my social media pages — sending me (Matheson) death threats, wishing I would commit suicide or get cancer — that’s bringing things to a whole new level. People have even threatened my dog.”"

Threatening someone's dog.  "We're going to light your dog on fire bro" Bong hit.

Never change, Vancouver. Never change.

Calgary Flames Post: On Deterrents

Johnny Hockey is getting hit a lot this season, and it is causing quite the concern among the locals.

Or maybe not. When I drove to work this morning the sports morning show guys didn't bring it up, and I missed Peter Maher on the other station, so I don't know if he brought it up. But normal people are talking about it, I talked about it in the stands with the fellow fans at the game last night, and Eric Francis wrote an article on the national sport website about it.

I'm assuming it's a topic.

Now, I will admit, I like enforcers. I will also admit that Team Enforcer has lost this war, and the enforcer is effectively dead. So how do you protect Johnny from hits, late hits, dirty hits, in this new wide open age?

To me, the answer is simple, and the answer is to answer. That is, if a team hits Johnny late, then someone on the Flames needs to hit the other teams star player after the whistle. If someone knees on knees Johnny, then someone on the Flames should slew foot the other teams star player. And on and on.

Eye for an eye. Answer dirty or late or cheap hits with dirty or late or cheap hits of your own. I think that's the only way to do it in this open age of no enforcers.

There are other things that should happen, but won't, but I will still suggest them. The biggest guy on the Flames side, as far as forwards go, when Johnny is on the ice is Monahan. Monahan is going to have to stand up for Johnny one of these days. Now, when I say that, I mean it like: If Johnny is hit, Monahan should find the smallest opposition forward that is on the ice, and go attack him. Not every game, but at least once, and the earlier the better.

I have another idea about this, I call this one the nuclear option, and that is that the next time Johnny takes a late or dirty hit, the Flames coach should send his entire bench over the boards and start a brawl. The purpose of this in reality isn`t to beat up the other team: It`s to send a message to the NHL, and essentially embarrass them into protecting the star player.

Is there any other league in the North America where you could hit a star player after the whistle and not get ejected from the game? I want to keep hockey hockey, but I'm not paying 2 grand a seat for my season tickets to watch scrubs play. I pay it to see players like 13. So last night, as an example, when Johnny got hit after the whistle in the third, the refs gave the guy a 2 minute interference penalty. Ok. They should have given the guy another 2 minutes for unsportsmanlike, or roughing. He should have received a four minute penalty. 

So, to summarize, I think the solution with regards to Johnny getting hit isn't to ice a slug who can't play to fight another slug who can't play. I think it's to ice a player who will go after the other teams good players.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Go Shit On Calgary Politicians Attempt To Steal Our Money For A Vanity Project

The would be thieves have a website set up to 'hear' from the citizenry about the looting of the treasury under the guise of the olympics.

Go shit on it.

My suggestion? Say something like: We could be spending this money on libraries! The 'yes we want to burn our money on a pile' crowd hate that shit.

Remember, use judo. The 'yes' crowd are cucks. So use the shit cucks love as a negative against the olympics.


- We could be using this money to heal the wounds of the aboriginal community

- This money could be better used furthering the integration of woman and minorities into the fabric of society

- I'd rather see this money used to enhance the experience of the LGBT community

- The environmental impact of the games will take mother earth centuries to recover from

- Rather than use this money to throw a party for the rich, this money could be used to help the poor

You know, shit like that. Make them choose between their fake pious bullshit and their desire for the olympics. I think it's a good tactic.

President Trump Is The Only Human Being On The Planet To Ever Get A Refund From A Hooker.

Not my line. I saw it on the internet. But it was too good not to share.

Dude's had a good few months here. He hasn't even outed the domestic spying operation against him yet. Does he bomb the agencies pre or post midterms?

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Pepsi's New York Area Commercial Is Terrible

First off, my new season tickets in the 'Dome are sweet. I can't go back to sitting in the 300's now. I'd give up my tickets rather than move back. Sitting in the second level...you feel like a human. You can see the jumbotron, you can see the fire, you can see the players, and most importantly, the fans you sit with are also fans of the home team. Just a better game experience all around.

The $10.50 beers are real. Fuck that. They did this 'happy hour' thing that went to game start where beers were half off, which was cool. The beer guy said that was a home opener thing though, and usually happy hour ends well before the game starts. Fuck that.

Ok...now: I'm listening to ESPN New York Radio and they just played a Pepsi commercial and I'm going to lose my mind.

First off, it's one of those new Pepsi commercials ("This is the pepsi your mom drank") and it's voiced by a guy who sounds like a dweeb, as it is. So this guy goes: This is the pepsi you drink courtside while your team gets a breakaway and (and then the 'announcer' in the background goes) 'He shoots he scores!'

Catch that? Courtside. Breakaway. Wow. Why would you even run that on a sports station?

Anyway, Pepsi hates Jews so I don't drink it anyway, and it tastes like warmed over piss, so I don't drink it anyway, but because of this commercial I implore you not to drink it anyway.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

Calgary Flames Post: Welp, That Was A Disaster

I don't know if I'm going to do this every game, but I'll do one for the opener. What the hell was that?

Like, I want this coach fired after one game. What the hell was that? If he doesn't bag skate these fuckers...

I mean, they could have hired Darryl Sutter. Fuck.

And what the fuck was going on with the powerplay? After last season, where the powerplay was fucking shit, you'd think the number one priority would be to bring in someone who can plan a fucking powerplay. These guys spent a fucking period on the powerplay and couldn't score. The fuck!

There are better teams than Vancouver, the Flames know that, right?

The lines were fucking weird. Why the hell do you sign a scorer in James Neal and then play him on the third line? With fucking a rookie!

I don't know, there seems to be a lot of pussy-itus still left on this team, after the team made a loud and public effort to get rid of the pussy-itus on the team.

I thought Burke had a good point on the TV yesterday, if you want to be a tough team, you need to ice guys who can be tough. If you want a deterrent to the other team hitting your fancy players, you need a player who can scare them. The Flames don't have any players like that. OK, that's not the end of the world. The deterrent then can't be physical. The deterrent has to be the ability to score on the powerplay. And these fuckers can't do that.


I liked the european we got from Carolina. I thought he was ok. He looks like a guy who can take the puck away and wants to make plays. I don't see how that works on a line with 13 and 23. He doesn't look like a goal scorer.

I think I'd go with Lindholm with Neal and Backlund. And I'd play Tkachuk with 13 and 23. Frolik with the two new guys, and Jankowksi with Bennett and...who the fuck is the last forward? Whoever it is. Dube I guess. That's me though.

Just one game though.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Calgary Flames Post: Season Starts

The Flames season starts tonight and you know what? I'm actually excited about it.

I guess I'm excited about it every year, because I'm a mark, but this year is especially exciting because the team actually spent some money during the offseason. I'm also excited because I upgraded my season tickets this year, going from the nosebleeds to the second level.

Can the Flames make the playoffs? I don't know, I hope they can. I think on paper they have a team where I would be disappointed if they didn't. To me, the main thing is the goaltender needs to play well and stay healthy, otherwise the season is toast. Forward depth should be there and the defence should be able to play a little bit. I actually like the roster a lot.

The best move of the offseason was when they fired Gulutzan. Now we will all see whether or not Gulutzan was the problem or not. I think he was but who knows, time will tell. He got bit by the goalie getting hurt last year. Gulutzan's line usage was bananas so that should improve with him gone. The biggest inditement against Gulutzan, to me, was that Sam Bennett got worse under him.

I'd have prefered they signed Sutter to coach, so I don't go into the season with an automatic love for Peters. He's going to have to show something to win me over. Let's hope he does. You didn't see too many people in Carolina crying over his getting released from his contract. That could be a tell.

The shitty-no-good-terrible-awful third jersey the team used last year has been mercifully retired, and the cool-awesome-just-the-best-and-should-be-the-full-time retro jersey is back as the third. I like that move, can you tell? And I'll just repeat myself, the retro jersey should be the regular jersey. Hell, the white jersey should be the regular home jersey, but that's a whole other battle.

What I like:
- Team isn't constructed to rely on Sam Bennett scoring (ie: they brought in a real scorer in Neal).
- They traded The Pussy (Hamilton).
-  Brought in some forwards that should push the other players on the bottom six to be better. There is some competition now, and some of these guys could play up, so the pressure to play well should be there for most of the roster.

What I don't like:
- I don't think they addressed the goaltending depth. Very scary.
- Did they have to trade Ferland? If they had this roster plus Ferland you'd be feeling really good about scoring.
- The team is relying on TJ Brodie not sucking. He has sucked for two seasons now. Big gamble.

I could be missing stuff. But all in all I am excited about the team, and if you hit me with truth serum I'd say this team makes the playoffs and surprises people when it gets there.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Reminder: You Are Either Actively Fighting The Communists, Or You Are Collaborating With Them

That's it. The title of this post is what I wanted to say. Remember.

I don't even care how old the Benny Benassi Public Enemy remix is, I bump to that shit.

I added this sri lankan dude to my dodgeball team because I thought it would be an in to the sri lankan girls. This dude claims he doesn't know any. Pathetic. I can't even with the whites or the asians anymore.

I bumbled a black chick with huge titties, hopefully she sends me a message. That's it. Nothing else.

I had a girl over on the weekend and she gave me a rimjob, which is pretty hot, because it is so nasty. Nasty ass girl was mad I didn't call her the next day. I'm supposed to want to wife a girl I met on the internet who ate my ass the first time we fucked? Women.

I just googled if Phil Collins was dead. He isn't. Good news. Love 'I can't dance'.

Actually I take it back. White girls who can shuffle dance are better than hindu chicks. But they need to have pigtails. That's the law, Cremshaw.

Maybe get a blister on your thumb.

Friday, September 28, 2018

Calgary Flames Post: Fuck These Guys (Calgary Flames Rumours)

I've not been to any Flames preseason games, even though I have to buy the shitty tickets as part of the season ticket holder package. However, I have heard some concerning things. Namely: beer prices are outrageous.

The people I've given my tickets to have mentioned it, but I just assumed they hadn't been to a game for a while, so the normally outrageous prices were just new to them. I can't even remember what the price for a beer last year was, but I think it was $9 or something. Which is crazy in and of itself.

But mucking around, I saw this post on calgary puck, which claims that the price of a beer is now $10.50. Ten. Fifty. As in, a $20 bill won't get you two beers. This is nuts.

The Flames talk a good game about not raising ticket prices, but the rise in price in everything else at the Dome has been considerable. So it's a con game. They aren't raising the ticket prices, sure, but since I've been a season ticket holder (4 or 5 years now) the price of beer has gone from $7 to $10, and everything else (popcorn, nachos, pop, burgers) have gone up as well.

In short, fuck these guys. They don't pay any rent for the building, get TV money and league revenue sharing, and operate under a CBA that ensures cost control (and ask people who work for them, they pay their vendors late). The only reason to raise the prices of these items is to increase profit margin, which is fine. Just don't ask me as a taxpayer to buy you a new stadium, greasy fucks.

I'll be smuggling in alcohol and snacks this year.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired. 

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Where The Hell Should I Troll?

The Flames blog is terrible, all run by nerds. Not even nerds, nerds are fine. They are run by dweebs (Dweebs Eat Dirt)! And the commenters? "Hey dweeb do you think this fringe guy can make the team thanks Dweeb" like what the fuck is that? Dweebs writing for dweebs. It's not something that I can endorse.

There used to be a bunch, obviously this one was the best when it was alive, but now? Are there any besides flamesnation? I need something else. Or should I go troll there?

Is calgarypuck still around? It must. I just googled, it's still there. Holy fuck is that bad. Like the second thread is some dweeb asking how to get his mcdavid jersey autographed. Get cancer or suck his dick, dweeb, what the fuck do you think the easiest way is? Fucking morons.

I don't know, it seems like it's beating up a retard.

Oh shit Mike Keenan has cancer. That's shitty.

You know what commercial is fucking awful? That moneris commercial about ways to pay. It drives me fucking nuts. I only know the f word by the way. "I'd like to pay with tap" this dumb broad chirps. BITCH! DEBIT OR CREDIT! TAP ISN'T A FUCKING WAY TO PAY.

Anyways...I had a tinder date on the weekend and I threw her out when she didn't let me stick it in her ass. Now the cunt won't return my calls. Yes, calls. I'm a fucking gentlemen you deviant texters.

Poor Cosby. Dude did nothing wrong.

Kavanaugh needs to start grabbing pussies why isn't he getting this god level advice?

The olympic committee is leakier than Nenshi after the bathhouse. ZING

I like my porn in GIF mode now thanks for asking.

I heard on the radio that Derek Wills is divorced and I was all like gee you don't say.

Hopefully he gets fired soon. I mean, talk about a guy who looks like he belongs in the catholic church.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

The Dichotomy Of My Tabs

On one tab, I have the 'Conversion of the Khazars'. The Khazars were like a nomadic warrior peoples of central Asia, think the Huns, who converted to Judaism. Noted as excellent warriors and horsemen.On the other tab, I have pornhub up, searching for hindu actress porn.

On one tab, I have 'Longinus'. Longinus, Saint Longinus I guess, was the soldier who stabbed Jesus while he was up on the cross with a spear, to see if he was dead. On the other tab, I am searching porn gifs under 'eye contact'.

On one tab, I have 'the Silk Road'. The trade route that connected Europe to China. I am reading about how it was under the Mongol Empire. On the other tab, I am looking up how to tie a proper bondage knot.

On my phone, I am looking at pictures of my dog, before going to the next picture, which is of nudes some girl has sent me.

Hope everyone gets written into the Book of Life this year. Except Derek Wills. They should fire Derek Wills.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Flames Post: Season Ticket Package Sucked


Ok, so the Flames Season Ticket Package Box Container Thing came to my house yesterday. I will now tell the void all about it.

Last year, iirc, the tickets came in a tin box. This year, the tickets came in a, I don't know, paper product box. Like nice cardboard, I guess. I prefer the tin box because I can use it for shit, like to hold my drug paraphernalia, which I can't do with the cardboard box because they glue shit into it, like the little shelf thing they put your tickets in. So right off the bat I was like "this shit is lame".

I mean I don't have the fanciest tickets, and maybe the quality of the box changes with your ticket level, but last year I was in shittier tickets, so I doubt that. I think everyone gets the same box. Maybe suit holders get something better. But I upgraded my tickets and the box was shittier so I have to assume everyone got the shittier box. I don't like it. Step up to cheap tin, fuckdammit.

You open the box and what do you get? You get a nicely printed booklet that shows off the charity the Flames do. That's nice, charity is nice, mitzvahs are nice, but I'm a selfish asshole so I don't really care about that shit. You also get a schedule for the Flames, which is NOT magnetized, I repeat, NOT magnetized, which is just fucking retarded. I actually complained to my season ticket customer service rep over it. Give us a fucking magnet schedule you fucks. You also get a nice little poster, which is useless, and you get your tickets. That's it.

Listen, I know I am paying for the tickets, but would it kill the Flames to include something nice as a thank you for giving them a seasons worth of ticket money in June or July or whenever the fuck they make us pay? Like, my tickets cost about 2 grand each, which I've paid already. Could a brother not get a bobble head or a stuffed Harvey the Hound? I mean, we should get a jersey for every ticket we buy.

Oh, and the letter from Ken King this year was about six sentences. Usually I post them but there was no 'there' there on this one. No talk about the stadium, as there has been the last two season ticket letters, and no talk about, well, anything really. "We have new players and we hope to have an exciting year, basically". Which is kinda odd, seeing the stadium is the elephant in the room.

Furthermore I think Derek Wills should be fired. 

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

I Don't Have A Title To This Post About This Taiwanese Girl Who Kept Screaming

Holy fuck. The dating world is full of freaks.

So I met this girl, Asian because of course, and we are chatting or whatever. I think I met her on one of the STI apps, bumble or tinder. Could have been a real life meet but my real life meets are usually less damaged. Whatever, doesn't matter. I met this girl and we are chatting. Using Whatsapp or some shit. Because I can't get pictures when chicks text me, so I have to use other shit. The savvy ones send me them over Snapchat because they disappear after, but this chick is sending them over Whatsapp. Again, whatever, not important. Point is, we are chatting.

I'm fresh off the defeat in 'game seven' of NCHL playoffs, where my very cool and fun team lost in the city championships with a Flames versus Ducks like effort. Regular readers will recall that I almost always make the finals in some sport I'm playing but I have never in my life actually won the finals. So second place, yet again. I'm kinda pissed that we weren't able to take the trophy home, so I send her a text saying so. Something like "lost in the finals, sadz" or some shit. The content doesn't matter. "I can cheer you up" is what I was fishing for, and what I got back.

Obviously I say "sure" because I am an empty human being who uses women for sex in a perpetual bid to forget some girl who broke my heart a long time ago. She then tells me she doesn't have a car. Great. Where do you live? It's actually not that far away so I say I'll come over. I can't though, I'm informed, because she lives in the living room of an apartment and she has roommates and blah blah blah. Whatever, I'll come pick you up, be outside.

I arrive and of course the girl makes me wait 15 minutes before coming down. It's like 1 am. I am not a happy camper at this point but what are you going to do. I don't love fucking in the Challenger, so I drive her to my place. I'm planning to take my displeasure about having to pick her up and having to wait on the poor girls throat and punani. So I'm cheering up.

The girl starts to pull some shit when we get back to my place, you know, it's 1, 130, and she called me to have sex, but she doesn't want to look easy. Fucking women. I'm not in the mood so I laugh and just assume the sale and the girl is in my bed pretty quickly. She hits me with 'use a condom'. Fuck. I won't get into it but only a certain subsection of the population get STD's and because I don't fuck schvwartes I don't use condoms. This asian bitch insists on it though.

So it's like 1:30 AM, on a Thursday for fucks sake, and I'm about to get my fuck on. Usually I eat pussy but this chick has me in a bad mood so I don't go down on her, I just use my hand. I get her started, and I tell her to suck my dick. The bitch could not suck a dick. It was amazing. Like, not in a good way amazing, like when you hear that Troy Brouwer got another contract amazing. It was terrible. She literally left teeth marks on my cock.

I stop the most awful BJ I've ever had and put a condom on. I was initially going to have her use her mouth to put my condom on but at that point I was worried about my safety. I've already been circumcised once, don't need to do it again. Condom goes on and I put it in the girl and...holy fuck.

Now I just want to set the scene a little. I am not rocking a 14 foot cock. I'm a normal guy, normal size. I'm not in any porn movies, ok? Nothing special. Ok? Well, I put my cock in this girl and she starts SCREAMING. Like, SCREAMING. The caps don't do it justice. She is loud. LOUD.

Now, I can't lie, when it first happens it is a bit of an ego boost. I think she is just doing it to make me feel good, fully expecting it will quiet down in a few strokes. Nope. I keep going and she keeps SCREAMING. Like, I look down expecting to see blood or something, she's making it sound like I'm hurting her.

It's almost 2 AM on a Thursday. I live with my brother. He's literally in the next room. I can't have this bitch SCREAMING all night. Normally I'd stuff a chicks panties in her mouth if she's being noisy, but I can't find her panties. She's naked, I can't use her tshirt as a gag. I don't have anything around, so I cover her mouth. Protip: All chicks want to be raped, so when you cover their mouths in a brutish manner they get wet. So instead of quieting this bitch down, the hand over the mouth gets her hot and she starts getting louder. Like, she's trying to be loud through my hand.

I had enough. I'm too old for this shit. I faked an orgasm. I was actually very happy at that point that I was wearing a condom, because it does allow a male to fake an orgasm. I tell her I came, rip that condom off and throw it in the trash before she can see it, and forgo the cuddle and basically take the bitch home immediately after.

Tough too, because she was kind of cute. But as I was fucking her and she kept SCREAMING all I could think about was that it would be like this every time. Women give me a headache as it is. I couldn't live with sex that loud.

To make the matter more absurd, we are chatting a few days later (don't burn bridges and all that) and she tells me that she had gotten out of a relationship and I was the first guy she had been with in a few months. The guy she was dating? A Jamaican. Those dudes pack.


Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Thursday, August 23, 2018

You Ever Just Become A Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird?

So I'm just sitting at work, half asleep from a night of staying up watching porn after spending the previous three hours fucking a 21 year old, and I'm looking out the window from my corner office when BAM out of nowhere I see this fucking squirrel taunt me. The little shit is literally throwing nuts at my window and letting me know that my existence as an office serf is SOOO amusing to it. Meanwhile the squirrel doesn't have to push paperwork or deal with government red tape bureaucrats or any of the shit, just gets to chillax in the sun and mock me. So I look at the thing and I think "what the hell can I do to this little fucker to really teach it not to step to me" when it hits me: Become the original stealth plane that was developed from the alien technology located at Roswell. And that's exactly what I set out to do. Now you can't transmute into a SR-71 Blackbird inside of an office, that would be fucking impossible. I have to go outside. But you know how offices work. A bunch of KGB agents around here. So I get up to leave the office so I can wreak furious anger and vengeance on the little squirrel who has flaunted his free and easy existence one to many times when I get stopped. "Where are you going?" they want to know. "Fucking classified" I shoot back. A SR-71 doesn't even officially exists during 'nam, and I aignt about to throw the whole fucking secret program down the tube. Who do these fuckers think they are dealing with? I'm not a fucking MiG. So after blowing off all the nosy cunts trying to block my path out the door, I do what I set out to do. I stretch a little because one can't just become a stealth jet without stretching, everyone knows that. I have to go on autopilot because I'm no fag, I aignt letting some dude inside me. And I start flying around, and I look for the squirrel but the little bitch knows I'm coming for it now, probably one of the office cunts, the fucking secretary I bet, ratted me out. No problem, I'm equipped with radar it's probably state of the art radar too I mean I am a fucking top secret stealth jet so I mean I aignt exactly rocking mid tier shit here, but the problem with radar is I have no clue how to fucking use it so I just start by blowing up all the trees. And that works because I don't see no more fucking squirrel outside my office.

Fucking miss that guy though. Shared a bond.

Furthermore I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Thursday, August 16, 2018

A Girl Texted Me As A Wrong Number And Now I'm Sleeping With Her

She's 22 and still lives with her parents. Crazy world out there, ya'll.

Best part? She isn't Asian. A white girl. Manna from heaven. God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I get this text from a random number, and I can't remember what I said and I'm too lazy to look, it was something like 'wrong number, are you a chick though? And are you cute?" and from that we flirted and then I had her out to a softball game (that I didn't play in because my hand is mangled) and then from there she came over and...I have really good closing percentage.

The hindu girl I'm still madly in lust with actually sent me a text this week too.

My father recently asked me why I bought a Challenger instead of renovating my kitchen. Well Pops, this is why.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Did I Bang The Family Friend's Daughter? And Other Events

I don't even remember where we were. I had told you guys about the family friend's / client's daughter? Did I hit it? Did I?

I did not. I went soft. I couldn't pull the trigger. Also, she was...she was too nice. I couldn't do it to her.

Her opener was strong, though. Usually women give you the shittiest openers, because they never have to do them in real life. This one hit me with a "It's not Monday, but you can be my Woah-Man Crush Wednesday," which I thought was pretty cute. So I talked to her but not like how I usually talk to women on these apps, which means I was nice. 'Nice' is usually a good way to get a date, but I was conflicted about whether to throat fuck this girl in the first place, so I went with nice. To my surprise she kept talking to me. Eventually I just unmatched.

So nothing real salacious. I ejector seated. Couldn't go through with it.

Other news? I took a come-backer playing softball to my hand. The ball, at a not slow velocity, hit my ungloved hand and smashed into the area between my pointer and middle finger. Read that again. Then go take a look at how big a softball is. Then go look at the space between your pointer and middle finger. So my hand fucking ripped open. It wasn't that bad. I had three stitches. Two at the end and one in the middle of the gash.

I totally tough guyed it at the field, too. Some chick wrapped my hand up while I smoked cigs and chugged whiskey. It was legendary.  Didn't even flinch.

It kind of ruined my vacation, though. Had to miss the summer league's playoff game, which they won. It wrecked my right hand, so I had to have one of the girls over to, uhh, you know, help me out. She did my laundry too, which was nice, but now I'm going to have to blow her off because she probably thinks I like her now. You know how it is.

My little cousin is in town. I have a few fancy cars so I had him take some pictures in those, had him take a picture of my dog. Told him to download Tinder and make a profile. He did, and he got a couple of matches on his first day. He tells me he doesn't like it though. He thinks the girls are 'too hoe-y". Lol. He's a good kid.

I'm in the 200 section now at the Dome, and they called me to see if I wanted my tickets on a card (what I'm used to coming from the 300 section) or if I wanted paper tickets. Felt good, man.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

What Do You Do Bumble Edition

Got a match on Bumble today. Cool beans, right?

Match was a client's daughter. And not just a 'clients daughter'. A client who also happens to be good friends with my Father and Mother. A client who my Father and Mother introduced to his wife, a million years ago. A client I have known since before I was out of diapers. A client who I have had passover dinner with, at his house.

What do you do?

Now, on Bumble I do not use my real name. But I do have pictures of myself, and I do have pictures of my dog. My dog is fairly unique in that I have seen one other dog that looks like her. She's a pointer but she's black and white. This client's daughter has looked after my dog when I went on vacation last year. She therefore knows what my dog looks like.

I do not know if she knows who I am or she thinks she is matching with a rando.

What do you do?

I am not nice with girls, I think I should point that out. Like, they have a good time with me and all that, but that's what I am, a good time. I am not 'boyfriend material' and I do not act like I am (one of the reasons girls fall head over heels for me so often). If I get with this girl and treat her poorly there could be repercussions.

What do you do?

In Speed, the guy shot the hostage in the leg. He tried to make the play. I feel I should try to make the play. Any differing opinion on this?

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Manure Post

My buddy recently asked me if I still go on twitter and look at the timelines of people I used to follow. Not a fucking chance, I said. I go on twitter to search for 'domebeers'.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

HAHAHAHAHA Alberta NDP Edition



The poll also found that Albertans have a positive view of Kenney compared to Notley. While respondents have +9.8% net rating of Kenney, Notley has a -12.7% rating.

 What a waste of four years. NDP. Not even once.

In other news, the green party candidate is pretty cute:

Yeah, I'd honour and respect the living fuck out of her until it stank.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Calgary Flames Rumour: John Gilles Caught Out With...

In the aftermath of signing a new two year deal with the Calgary Flames, John Gilles was caught out on the town celebrating his new deal with...a cell phone holster.

Yes, the talented six foot six Providence product was seen brandishing a brown leather cell phone holster on his hip, in 2018. It had beige stitching, according to witnesses at the scene.

No word yet on what cell phone Gilles' was using. There is rampant speculation it was an Iphone 5.

Domebeers.com has reached out to Gilles representatives to confirm if in fact he was wearing a cell phone holster. They have not replied as of yet. We will update the story as soon as new information is available.

This isn't the first time Gilles has been the centre of controversy. In 2016, Gilles was reportdely spotted singing an Alanis Morissette song at a karaoke bar.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Monday, July 16, 2018

Stampede Stories

I don`t have twittah no mo so I gotta puke out on this page.

Stampede time in the city. Oh boy. Did your std apps blow up? Mine did. Well, some of mine. Tinder was absolutely dead for me. On bumble I had 15 matches this week (that's a lot for me). 0 tinder, 15 bumble. Girls who didn't match me on tinder matched me on bumble Makes no sense to me, but it is what it is. I had about 5 from plenty of fish, but those are iffy. I only got one on OKCupid, and I think that's all I'm on. I did have a chick send me a 2 am message on instagram. That was nice.

Anyways...I had been drying up in June, so this bump in July was timely. I had one girl going into July, and I met her late June. I have ended up hooking up with her and two more girls in midpoint July. All Asians. Korean, Chinese, Taiwanese. I can never get what I want, a Japanese. Whatever. I don't even want a Japanese chick anymore. I'm sick of Asians. Almost all the girls I've bedded in 2018 have been Asians. I used to wish for Asians. I had an Asian fetish. Well, be careful what you wish for because you might end up only banging Asians for year.

(As an aside, the other girl you guys know I love are hindu's, and I don't know if they turned the Elbow into the Ganges but it seemed like there were a ton of hindu chicks there. Like, one third of the girls were white, one third asian, one third were hindus. I was sorta in heaven, but of course I was at the Stampede with girls I was trying to bang or currently banging, and I didn't have the time, game, or energy to try to pick another one up with one hanging off my arm. Curses.)

Why am I bringing this up? Well, be patient and I will tell you. On the second trip to the Stampede, I was with a girl. I had not banged this one yet, and it was our first date, so I was doing kino escalation and all that stuff, and we were being cute and huggy as a couple (yes I would end up banging her on our first date I'm sorta good at that). Of course, what happens? You probably guessed. Another one of the girls I am 'dating' was there with her friends (fucking slut!) and saw me, I think. I say I think she saw me because she knows where I live and what car I drive and the next day I woke up to this:

The only car on my block to have a smashed window just happened to be mine. What a coincidence. Now, it may have been a bum trying to get my change, but I think it was the girl because she had texted me some sweet and innocent things that night/morning. I guess I should be flattered. I'm just glad she didn't get the Challenger.

The other thing that happened was that a girl drove down from edmonton to see me, and we were supposed to meet at the Big 4, but when I saw her I didn't think she looked like she had advertised on the std apps so I didn't even say hi. Abundance mindset and all that. She was texting me updates all night about the guys she was dancing with, so I think she was pissed I 'missed' her.

I think I might give up girls for a month. Draining my chi, mang.

I stalk the Instagram page of the hindu girl I still dream about and she posted a pic of her at Stampede with her girlfriends and I was going to DM her with like "hey if you needed a date smiley face" but my homie grabbed my phone and stopped me. It was probably for the best. I need a new hindu though. Driving me crazy. Or a white girl would be nice. One can dream.

Softball team is 7-3. I think this is the year we win the league. Everyone pray for it to happen. Also my summer league hockey team is like 9-2. If we don`t win the `cup` in that I may quit sports forever. I`ll end up getting second place in both those leagues like I always do.

Furthermore I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Flames Kill Smoking At Saddledome. Also Sign James Neal.

Wow. They did. They actually did it. Everyone was sitting here waiting for them to not sign a scoring forward, and resigned themselves to watching the team in a chase for 8th place, but Treliving stepped up to the plate and signed a real life scoring winger. Damn. Was not expecting it but am very happy they did it.

I will be honest: I just upgraded my season tickets, going from the nosebleeds to the the second level. I was joking about how I spent more money on this team and they 'rewarded' me by spending it on depth level players. But now I can't complain. I moved my tickets up and the team signed a real forward. I am quite pleased.

Now on to the the real news of the day:

Holy hell. This is a shake up. I am not pleased by this at all.

They just killed the smoking pits. Holy fuck. Do you realize how bad that is for me? It's terrible. It's fucking terrible. I use those smoke pits to meet girls!

I don't smoke regularly. I do smoke when I am at the Flames games, because one of the few places to go that aren't overly crowded in 'dome during intermission are the smoke pits. And when I am in those smoke pits at intermission I look for girls, and I go up and I bum a smoke. That's my opener. I use the bumming of the cigarette to break the ice and talk to girls. This move, the ending of the smoke pits, is a disaster for me.

Call the Prime Minister. Complain. Send letters. We need to get smoke pits back at the 'dome, otherwise how the hell am I going to meet any girls at the games this year?

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Friday, June 29, 2018

Flames Leak Free Agent Targets To Media

It's not that much of a secret that the people who cover the team are...well, I was going to say dumb, but the proper term might be lazy. Anyone who has followed the team for any length of time will have seen the phenomena where major stories about the Flames are broken by eastern based media. The local reporters just don't like to do much, you know, independent reporting on the team. When is the last time one of them broke a story independently?

So with that said, I think you have to take this list of potential Flame free agent targets for what it is, a leak by the team. They are floating the people they might pursue. I don't know why they need to float it, but the team feels they do.

The list: C Derek Ryan, C Jay Beagle, RW Michael Grabner, RW Ryan Reaves, F Austin Czarnik.

What does that list tell us? The Flames are once again going to dip into the free agent pool, where guys get too much money and too many years, for depth players. Oh joy.

I think, obviously, that that isn't the smartest thing to do. If you need depth, go ahead and sign it off the free agent market, but for the love of all that is beautiful, don't go out and sign them on July 1. Nobody on that list of five should be signed for more than one year. And if we sign them they are going to get three. Just stupid.

To me, I resign Versteeg instead of getting into a bidding war for Cznarnik or Grabner. I like Reaves but I don't think you can have a Reaves on your roster if you have a Brouwer on the roster. And if you buy out Brouwer to give Reaves a contract longer than a year...that would be a dumb move. I don't hate the addition of Derek Ryan, but to me it's a misuse of cap. Jankowski might not get my blood flowing, but he's cheap and I'd run him out as the 3rd centre. Like, I don't know why we are pushing Jankowski down the depth chart by bringing in a free agent when the immediate need on the team is to push Frolik down the depth chart by bringing in a real scoring winger.

Like, if we are bringing in a centre, to me, the quality of the centre should be such that it pushed Backlund down the depth chart. You'd bring in a guy to make Backlund the third centre, which pushes Jankowski to the 4th. You don't bring someone in to push Jankowski down. Again, that's a misuse of cap space in my mind when you still don't have a real winger to play on the top six.

How I see the forwards, or how I would like to see the forwards:
19/11/NEW WINGER (James Neal)

If they sign Ryan I see Versteeg being replaced with 93 and Lazar moves to the wing on the 4th line. The team would still need a winger, the way I see it.

I just don't love that the team's targets seem to be depth guys that they will probably have to give contracts to that will be longer than a year. The whole point of a minor league system in a cap league, to me, is to use it to develop the depth players your team will need so you can go out and spend money on real players.

But it is what it is. I'm not thrilled by this list. Let's hope Treliving has some trick up his sleeve to get a 50+ point winger on to the team.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Thursday, June 28, 2018

The Best Take On The Doug Hamilton Trade

Asked the boys on the summer league hockey team what they thought about the big trade. One guy there had the best take, and I will share it with you here:

"Hamilton was a pussy. Do you lose trades when you trade the pussy?"

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

More Doug Hamilton Trade Stuff

As I often lament, I am banned from twitter, but I still like to go on and search it from time to time. One of the pages I creep is @akaRCN, which I would assume anyone reading this blog in 2018 already follows, but you never know. On his page I found a couple of things that made me lulz, as it related to the Hamilton trade.

In my last post I had wondered why the Flames didn't try to move Hamilton at the trade deadline, if he was really so bad in the locker room or so unhappy on the team.

Well, there you go. The team, according to Mark Spector, did indeed try to move him. I think stuff like this lends credence to the Flames version of the story, where Hamilton was a 'murper' and unhappy on the team. It seems weird to me that the team wasn't able to trade him then. Maybe they got cold feet. I also find it odd that his name, as far as I recall and I could be wrong, didn't leak out during that time. I mean this thing is odd all around.

More evidence that the Flames and Hamilton had a bad relationship:

They didn't even tell the kid he was traded! He found out when the rest of us found out, while watching the TV. That's amazing to me. I don't know how Ferland found out, but the two Carolina guys we got were called by Carolina to tell them they had been traded. Maybe I'm reading in to the Flames not calling Hamilton to tell him he had been traded too much, but I don't think I am. That's an asshole move. The Flames must have hated this guy, and I would assume they had reason to do so. I would hope they did, at least.

More from Chip, on the players we got:

So, there is that. One underachieving forward for another. Oh joy! And a guy who 'is going to be' a very good NHL player for someone who 'is' a very good NHL player already.

I will say, in my experience running much much much lower level teams in completely different sports, getting rid of talented players who piss the team off with their attitude, people I call 'murpers', and replacing them with people who are not 'murpers' does tend to increase the success of the team, regardless of the talent level difference between the murpers and the non murpsers. I don't know why, but in my experience my teams have always done better the following year after I get rid of the murpers from the last season. So I see the Flames logic in this trade.

But time will tell.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Monday, June 25, 2018

Doug Hamilton Trade Was Bad Tho

Regardless as to the motivation of the trade, the trade itself was a bad one. Some thoughts I have one it:

- I would have liked the media to ask the GM if he had consulted the team leaders about making this move.

- This move implies the Flames believe the locker room has issues. Does moving one player fix it? Who else needs to go?

- If Douglas was this 'unhappy' in Calgary, why wasn't he traded, say, at the trade deadline?

- Douglas being unhappy or a bad apple or whatever may be true, but it is also a convenient excuse for the organization making a widely panned trade. How much benefit of the doubt you give the Flames largely depends on your opinion of the front office. I choose to believe the cover story because I pay for season tickets, and the alternative, while plausible, is horrifying.

- Treliving trading a guy he got in a trade he is acknowledged to have 'won' is another data point in favour of Douglas being a problem, either through his demeanor or his agitation for a trade, whatever the case may be. Douglas Hamilton on the Flames is perhaps Treliving's signature move. Brad moving that guy is not nothing.

- This isn't an original take, but the inclusion of Adam Fox in the trade makes no sense. The Flames should be getting the prospect or pick back in this deal. Imagine offering up the best players in the trade and still having to sweeten the pot. It's fucked up. Did Treliving get worked?

- The GM, by making this move, has married the coach. If Peters doesn't work out, Treliving will be fired now, as well. That may have been the case anyways, but now it is official. Ballsy move.

- Because of that, I can't imagine the team is done adding. Treliving is going to want to look good coming off this trade, and that means getting Peters enough players for his roster. The team is universally acknowledged to look like they need at least one more forward, and I won't argue with this notion at all. The forward brought in has to be a scorer. Do you pay James Neal?

- Were any of the players traded by the Flames in this deal offered up to Ottawa in the trade talks for Hoffman?  If not, if the Hoffman trade was going to be based around different players or assets, I would think the team would still be pursuing trading for a scoring forward, as well. Could we be seeing two new forwards in Calgary?

- There still seems to be moves to make. Getting rid of Brouwer would be nice. I'd like them to look at Reaves. Moving Stone would be nice, but I think he'd also be missed if an injury hits, as you'd be forced to play kids with kids on your bottom pair, unless they could sign an cheap alternative. Who plays in the bottom six? Do you play Bennett as the 4th line centre or the 3rd line winger? Lots of questions.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Enough Bad Takes: Doug Hamilton Asked For A Trade

Man. They ban me from twitter and then the team goes and makes a trade. Great. Now who is going to go after all the very bad and horrible takes that are coming out. I feel bad for the waste walkers of social media, having to wade through this cesspool of shit.

I will say, when I first heard the trade, I was not a happy camper. Because I am not on social media I got a chance to digest it before I was tainted with any other opinion. I did not like it, it seemed we gave up a lot for not as much. There had to be a reason, right? Something happened that we did not see?

And of course, that was the case. Initially, the word sorta broke that they traded Hamilton because of locker room issues. Of course, it came in the form of a tweet or something that said "Hamilton would skip team lunches to go to a museum", which of course got all the lonely nerds on the twitter very upset. Obviously 'skipping lunch to go to a museum' was a fucking euphemism, but the responses were of course "Flames hate the guy because he reads". Honestly, whenever I see these takes my initial thought is "Yes, we all needed to know you got stuffed into a locker in high school, random internet person."

The "Flames are stupid for trading an elite defenceman because he likes to read" take was so unbearably, well, stupid, I was surprised it survived a minute out in the wild. But people don't know what they don't know, except on the internet where they know everything, so I shouldn't have been. In a world of nerds writing about jocks, these bad takes can propagate.

The Flames themselves tried to cover their asses by very quickly putting out there some juicy quotes about Hamilton not being a fit in the room. Very quickly we heard insinuations about Hamilton not caring about losing, about him being more upset the team traded his brother than with anything else going on in the season, and perhaps, this being the juiciest, that he did not like it here (Brad Treliving's comment about "taking both on ice and off ice in to consideration).

 So obviously something was up. What we were getting from the media wasn't the clear deal. What was really going on? And now we know, sorta.

In today's 31 Thoughts, Friedman pretty much makes clear that Hamilton requested a trade, and the team was trying to trade him before his trade request was made public. While Friedman says that a trade request was not 'formerly' made, he also insinuates that an informal request was definitely made. And the subsequent actions of the club imply, to me at least, that the formal trade request was indeed coming if they did not move Hamilton.

(Hamilton was apparently unhappy with the team getting rid of his brother (understandable, in a sense, when he looks down the roster and sees Brouwer, Lazar, and Bennett stinking up the roster. Is Fred Hamilton worse than Lazar? So I can see his point, in a way), with his role being changed coming into the new year (he was apparently going to be moved from Gio to play with Harmonic, which would have pissed me off, too), and the fact that Gulutzan was a retard who waited too long to play him on the powerplay, which I believe pissed everyone else in the city off too.)

With that news, the whole trade should be seen in a different light. The team probably lost the trade. But they could have lost it in an even worse way if they had let the news of a trade request leak out.That's how I view it, at least.

Now...are those above mentioned reasons enough to warrant a trade request? I'm not Hamilton, but they seem kind of flimsy to me. Still, I can't imagine this trade was made without something like a trade request being made behind the scenes. It's just too...lopsided. I mean, if you were trading Hamilton in a vacuum, you would want a legit top line winger coming back. Right?

So I sorta view it as Treliving having two guys who were unhappy in Hamilton and Fox, and a guy he didn't want to pay in Ferland (and would be caught in a PR nightmare if Ferland put up a 50+ point season this year), and looking to get rid of his 'problems' with a neat and tidy package, trading them all to one team for guys who had similar talent, and who his new coach (who he is tied to the hip with, especially after this trade) liked and vouched for. It makes sense to me (although I do not 'love' the trade) in that light.

But that's the take. Not "The Flames hated Hamilton because he read books". The take is "Hamilton was unhappy here and they were not going to pay Ferland so they traded them for similar players who the team will have long term control over".

Not as sexy, but I think it is more accurate.

Furthermore, I think Derek Wills should be fired.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Tales From The Exile: May

I can't remember when they kicked me off twitter. I think it was May. Feels like it was May. I've quit addictive things before, and a month after you get this dullness feeling. I have that dullness feeling, so it must have been in May.

Of course I started a new account almost immediately after they kicked @DomeBeers off. But they caught me there too. Suspended for having multiple accounts, or some shit. I had a good tweet about women get some attention, and they killed me off shortly after. I haven't bothered trying to start a new one.

I have an old alt account, @AGiantTRex, I think, but I can't remember the password to get in. So I'm done.

It's both good and bad. It's good for me because I have more time to chase skirt. It's bad for you because you don't get to hear my tales. Did I share the butt plug girl story before I got canned?

I wasn't going to even blog anymore but like I said, I'm feeling the post addiction dullness. So I came back here. Paid for this damn site, might as well use it.

March sucked, April sucked, but I wasn't an exile then so you heard all about it. DB, how was May?

May was cool. I enjoyed it. I took some time off after tax season. To the chagrin of at least one of you, I bought a used Dodge Challenger R/T, not a Mustang GT. I really like her. She's fast, she's low, she growls. And she's black. Which I like. I've owned her for about a month and I wash her twice a week. She's black.

Everyone tries to race me now, though. Everyone. Civics try to race me. I don't even know what the point is. Sometimes I oblige and most times I don't. I'm not scared of traffic or speed so I usually win. I narrowly lost to a Porsche 911, and that was cool. Did I mention she was black? Oh, she's mean.

I bought the Challenger for me, because I've wanted one since it came out. But I would be lying if I said it was not helping me get pussy. Girls don't even need to know it's a somewhat fancy car. I hit the gas and make the thing growl and it makes their pussy tingle. Lay-ups from there. I banged three chicks in May, and she helped me land everyone. That and the pickup line "You're attractive and I want to go out with you. Basically".

I'm getting pussy again, after the tax season dry spell. And it has me in a good mood so I have been helping other people get pussy. After one of my softball games I yelled at a girl walking across the street to have a beer with us. She came over. She said she was 19. She looked younger, and she weighed maybe 90 pounds. Heroin addict look, which I would have fallen in love with in my younger days. Turns out she was a heroin addict, fresh out of rehab. I got her and a buddy on the softball team talking, with my boyish charm, and they are still together a couple weeks later. Love Doctor DB.

Did I tell the butt plug girl story? I got a girl on tinder, went to pick her up in the Challenger, which I had just cleaned. She gets in and I do my usual thing where I took em home and start just assuming we're fucking, rubbing her legs and all that. Went from make out to eating pussy in about a minute, and I'm down there and I see this thing. It's a fucking butt plug. Which is cool, I guess, but all I was thinking about was how she had her butt plugged ass on my car's freshly detailed leather seats. Abundance mindset, I guess.

I finally got a date with that girl who had stood me up, the one I put on twitter couple months back. She was a hit it and quit it story, so not much to tell. Same thing, get her back home, sit on the couch with her legs over mine, start rubbing them and go up from there. She did the white girl thing of fake no's and then they turn into 'no don't stop'. Other than that, vanilla.

And I got with a black chick from south Sudan. Great tits on that one. That one I got by being extremely racist, like over the top jewish stereotype racist. It's in the vibe. If I hadn't been so charming I'm sure she would have had one of her 8 brothers beat me up.

And finally, while I have not banged the Brand New Hot Hindu girl I met, I am talking to her, and have a date with her this week, actually. This one I'm excited about. I deleted old hindu girl out of my phone, so hopefully this one can take her place. Love Hindu's. So hot.

The garden is going well, for all you #GardenTwitter veterans out there. I planted potatoes, lettuce, spinach, radish, zuchinni, tomatoes, corn, peas, carrots, and cucumbers. I think that's it. Everything came up, which was nice, as I planted them at the start of May and I think it snowed like a day after. I'll post pictures soon.
Other than that, not much has been happening. I built a shed box, and I built some birdhouses.

I'm taking next week off from work, so hopefully I can get some adventures from that to share. I have a few dates scheduled, one with a korean chick and one with another black chick, but she lives in Edmonton. She wants me to drive up and see her but I feel that would be bad for frame game. Might just bang the korean and work on the hindu chick instead. 

I'd really like it if the Flames were to do something, or if there was a cool Flames rumour. I could write about that, then.

Oh yeah I'm on instagram under a fake name where I post pictures of my dog. I think some of you have found me. Keep it on the down low now.