Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Current Year Season Ticket Holder Letter


Season tickets have arrived. The package they came in is cool, they sent everything in the 'retro' colours. So the box the season ticket package arrived in is retro, and then the colouring used for the marketing material inside is retro. The season ticket debit cards are in retro. The history book they give you is in retro. The immediate thought that came to my head was "the Flames winning a Cup is retro."

Besides all that good stuff, the season tickets always come with a nice form letter sent from the desk of Ken M. King, President & CEO TM. This years had a few things that I thought were funny. The letter is below:




"Dear Calgary Flames Season Ticket Holder"

I like that I'm such a commodity to the powers that be that not only do I not get a name on my letter, I don't even get a number. Like, we are such cash machines they don't even bother to number us, let alone name us. "Dear Calgary Flames Season Ticket Holder" I got a name, trick.

The first sentence of the first paragraph is utter word salad. The second part, where they reassure the nameless fucking cash machines reading the letter like me that they are 'truly grateful' for my money err support and dedication, just makes the whole thing art.

Second paragraph kiddos. I think it starts off with a shot at the former coach (may peace be upon him) with the use of the word 'evolving'. You tell me. Other than that this paragraph is fine holy shit wait did they talk up the acquisition of 'Alex Chaission' like it was a real move? Even more retarded, and I wouldn't have even noticed this if they hadn't talked up the acquisition of a noted bust, is that they spell the dudes name wrong. You spell his name CHIASSON. (I misspelled it too in all the hysteria and I fixed it now). Well, I mean, you do if you care about spelling peoples names correctly.

***UPDATE*** THEY GET THE FUCKING COACHES NAME WRONG TOO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Google says you spell it: Gulutzan, and they spell it Gulatzan.

The third paragraph, finally. What I really wanted to talk about. The stadium. The thing that I can take or leave about the paragraph is that in the first sentence they do this trick where they add volume and size to their proposal and then present an alternative. To be as clear as mud, I am talking about the trick where they put what their proposal is about "event centre/cfl stadium/public field house (three things)" and the alternative is about "event centre (one thing)". It's a little gimmicky to me.

The actual important things in that paragraph are the facts that we are now talking about there being a 'plan B', which I assume to be on the Stampede grounds somewhere (Where I happen to think it should be and that has nothing at all to do with me living in Stanley Park). That wasn't a 'thing' last time around. The other thing I noticed is where Kenneth writes 'it's clear the future will include new facilities in Calgary'. That made me gulp. People are telling me it's innocuous but I disagree. I think it's also a gimmick. If you accept that the argument is over location, then you accept a lot of stuff that should be up for negotiation. Because location is an issue, sure, but what makes it an issue? Money. The real issue is capital M Money.  Who is going to pay and for how much. I just think it's another little gimmick to shift the debate from cost to location, which is what I kinda see this letter setting up.

The fourth paragraph is vomit. They try to sell you some ticket exchange program but we all know that's bullshit because you should be using Tik Tiks for that shit instead holmes.

Oh my lord does Kenneth put "hockey experiences" in "scare quotes" at the "end" of "his" "letter"?


Furthermore, I think Treliving should sign Gaudreau.

13 comments:





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