Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Hey

They charged my credit card for this site. I'm Jewish. 2+2=4 so I'm back, at least until I think I get my 10 bucks worth. Although, and I hope I was just getting marked, but I've been charged the 10 bucks by the googlecorp twice now. As in, once every month.

I'm sorta hoping that was just a fluke and I'm not paying 10 bucks a month to host this prose shit pile. Because it's gonna piss both of us off if I have to try to get my money's worth on a consistent basis.

Anyway, I changed the site a little. I got rid of the girls. It killed me to do. Believe me. I loved the goalies, they were always black chicks. But I am a lazy man, and the thought of changing them up every month just wasn't appealing to me. I'd sooner take a vacation to Syria to be quite honest. I'd rather lend Kanye money than change the girls up on a consistent basis. I'd rather motorboat Susan Sarandon.

I also got rid of the wall of fame videos because, like Alberta, half of them didn't work anymore.

Everything else stays the same like the weather.

* * *

Alright I gotta post something that is at least a little cute if I'm bothering to log on and someone (doubtful) is coming to read. So I give you the story of what happened to me last Saturday.

The ol' accounting factory is starting to get busy, so I'm coming in on weekends. Which means I'm at the office on Saturday morning. Usually on Saturday mornings, I like to drink coffee, smoke weed, and play Dragon Ball Z on my Xbox. Instead I'm in the office, and feeling as miserable as that last sentenced implied.

But God loves us and wants us to be happy. When I arrive at the office I am greeted by the news that there is a homeless person sleeping on the floor of the men's bathroom. Now, my office is on the floor of a building, and the bathroom is on that floor; every tenant of the building located on that floor use the bathrooms on that floor. And what makes it funny about there being a homeless person sleeping in the men's bathroom was that on the Friday, my boss had printed a sign that read "Please do not lock the bathroom" and taped it to the bathroom door, because he didn't like taking the bathroom key with him.

Oops.

Now, I had my dogs with me. So I lobbied the boss to let me put the dogs on him, but he said something about liability and criminal battery and whatever. Party pooper city. Instead, we call 311, and they say they are gonna send someone to get him out.

The poor homeless schmuck. Apparently, when the city says they will send someone, that someone is the cops. Aww great now Im a narc. Anyway, the urban camper probably thinks he has gotten away with his perfect crime. The cops come up to our floor and knock on our door to just get the story before they go in to (into? is it 'in to' or 'into'?) the bathroom to evict the buildings newest tenant. As they are talking to us, the guy comes out of the bathroom.

Oops.

Here is the punchline: As the homeless dude is being escorted out, a woman comes out nowhere (the women's bathroom? I have no idea) and they put their arms around each other.

My boss turns to me and goes "If this guy can get a girl, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

17 comments:

  1. I enjoyed that. Didn't want to as I found you through Twitter and I think you're a putz but still. I'll admit it. I enjoyed that. And I could tell your boss the answer to his question.

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