Monday, March 18, 2013

New Goal Song?

Ladies and gentlemen, the news!

Or rather the potential news, because as of now that is all that it is. Fluff and conjecture; and to grant it the status of concrete reality would be to ridicule fate and tempt an undefeated universe to send down a thunderous fist to crush our hopes and dreams into a thousand miseries. 

We have endured our present and peculiar torture for far too long to see our salvation smashed in front of our eyes while they at the same time behold a visage of sweet salvation. Oh what a ruinous calamity that would be. 

A peacock today, a pillow tomorrow; we shall not strut impetuously while the powers that be still decide our destiny...

But ladies and gentlemen, the news! 

Oh glorious, wonderful news! And while indeed the news is rooted in foundations firmly placed in the ethereal realm that is The Kingdom of Rumour & Conjecture, the observer, in good faith, must hearken,  must indeed exclaim that the words are as sweet as those off the lips of Gabriel: The Calgary Flames may* be getting a new goal song at the end of the year. 

Hallelujah!

But alas, the news falls upon our plebeian ears from the tower and offices of the temporal powers from which the hated goal song emanated. The decree, by its very nature of descending from a secular source rather than an ecclesiastical one, is marked with imperfection: the new goal song may be chosen through...a vote.

So while we rightly celebrate the death of the deplorable and despised goal song, it, apparently, comes at the cost of having to employ the most cumbersome, inelegant, and gruesome of the tools at Man's disposal: Mobocracy. 

I wont lie. I wont try to cover up decay with eucalyptus and lilies  We are a spambot away from getting a Nickelback song as our next goal song. 

The thought chills the soul. 

Solutions? I'm but a simple man, but the obvious one to me is to simply restrict the vote to season ticket holders. I can't guarantee they won't pick something terrible: if you want something I don't think is terrible, you'd have to put me in charge of the People's Committee For The Establishment Of Goal Songs, and I don't think that invitation is coming. I can guarantee that restricting the vote to season ticket holders means that you eliminate the chance that some over zealous Canuck fan hires a legion of Chinese data slaves in Beijing to 'hack' the vote by voting repeatedly for the Nickelback selection that is bound to be one of the choices in a fan vote. 

Also, fiddles. 

*Maybe. Stress maybe. 

Furthermore, what do you guys think I should lobby for next?

3 comments:

  1. Great deliѵеry. Outstandіng argumentѕ.
    Keep uρ thе great еffort.

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    ReplyDelete
  2. Let me know if a vote goes public; I'll try and get some hockey fans in on it.

    My suggestions:

    "This Fire Burns" by Killswitch Engage
    "Inside the Fire" by Disturbed
    "Fuel" by Metallica

    ReplyDelete
  3. How about "Kernkraft 400"? It's a classic.
    "On Fire" by Eddie Van Halen. Really intense.

    ReplyDelete