Thursday, March 8, 2012

The MC

(And that's your hint)

Who am I? Sven Baertschi, la-di-da-di

Who am I? If you're like me goal scoring is in your body,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

When the games is tied and you need a proceeder,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

When you need an on ice leader to display the games triple features,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

When you need to rock your 20,000 seat arena, best believe-uh,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

When you need to get the word on the ice with demeanor,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

I beg thee, I score goals, mucho plenty,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi, Whalen have mercy,

I score sudden like Fleury,

In my new Flame jersey, stay thirsty,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

Showing my offensive superiority,

Goal scoring a priority, now you starting me,

'Cause coaching philosophy can only be carried out by,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

No doubt, seeing far ahead what will set the play off immensely,

With plenty of who? Sven Baertschi!

Trained at the rinks of Langenthal in Switzy,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

Skating through opposing teams with harmonious rhythm,

Cuz the moves that I'm dipping, the crowd miss em,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi! Again, Sven Baertschi!

My infinite goal scoring prowess, oppressed fans sent me to tell you,

If you truly study offensive flow and skate on your toes you will be,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

and as Sven Baertschi you will study puck magic,

Toe and heel drags 'cause you attract it,

Control the puck, never lose it in traffic,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

Non-stoppin' Baertschi. Goal scorin' Baertschi,

Shot blockin', assist droppin', top shelf poppin' Baertschi

I laugh 'cause I mastered the craft, Baertschi,

In ice clash I'm the first and the last Baertschi,

It's sort of like Lanny throwing that task to me,

I black out and wake up to a hatrick, G',

Leaving goalies in dread from the hole my puck leaves massively, wow!

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

Untouchable, can't be caught off guard with fast checks or slow backtracks,

Puck bunnies asses gets waxed, Sven Baertschi attacks racks with no slack,

Known throughout all cultures, snipers, role players, and hacks,

Never missed it, the exquisite,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi!

Premeditated scorer,

Killing negative concepts out of the mind of the scouting observer,

Sven Baertschi!

You deserve a break from the Fata's, the counter fit, false and fake,

Claiming to be a prospect like Baertschi for heavens sake,

Well the real Baertschi done raised the sakes,

Under stress from the press,

The rookie scoring records bound to break,

Who am I? Sven Baertschi! Again? Sven Baertschi!

Conduct yourself properly Baertschi.


Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.


  1. I'm getting serious Jeremy Lin flashbacks from last month. I hope this kid lives up to the hype.

  2. Sven Baertschi, the Flamers biggest prospect since Mikael Backlund.

    *plays sad trombone sound.

  3. Flames haven't really finished last place in the 'new' NHL, so prospects that could be high end are still new to us, jaded Oiler fan.


  4. I wasn't commenting about the ineptitudes of the Oilers management (of which there are many). Of course, Fat Feaster was talking about what an embarassment the Oilers were and how he didn't want to be like them. I guess we'll see how things look next year . . .

  5. I was just needling. You know I think Feaster and King are retards. And the hype is hysterical, that's the joke!