Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Cowboy Boogie

From the Herald:

Randy Travis Arrested For Public Drunkeness

" ...police found him sitting in his truck, apparently intoxicated, in front of a church... Sanger Police Chief Curtis Amyx said an officer stopped at the church and noticed the smell of alcohol on Travis and saw an open bottle of wine."

Aaaaand mugshot!:


BAM!

So let's examine this story. for a minute; for 'Countryness'. Checklist styles, yo.

1) Police found him sitting in his truck: Country. Definitely country. One of the canons of the conceptual framework around Country is, in fact, that Thou Shalt Use (a domestic) Truck.

2) Apparently intoxicated: I was originally going to give this one a 'Not Country' rating, because there shouldn't be any room for misdiagnosis when it comes to whether or not you are intoxicated. But, I found the police report (or TMZ did). I think the word 'apparently' has been added out of politeness. Ergo, Country.

3) In front of a church: If that aignt country, it'll hair-lip the pope.

4) Drinking from an open bottle of wine: Now a lot of you are probably thinking: 'Whoa, wine? Record scratch.' Because it seems intuitively Not Country to be have your weapon of choice come from the vine rather than from the field. But before we (me, you, society) condemn this act, let's look for mitigating circumstances. One, it was an open bottle. At least he wasn't pouring it into a glass first. There is something Country 'bout that. And two...and two...uhh, maybe it was watermelon wine?

I'm giving Randy the benefit of the doubt. Country.

4/4. Randy is fucking killing this thang. But wait! There's more! Bonus points time!

If you clicked through the police report, you will find a delightful story about why Randy is out in his truck drinking in front of a church. He and his lady had an argument! She probably booted his ass out! I haven't seen the Grand Ole Opry, and I never met Johnny Cash, but if that aignt Country, you can kiss my ass.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.

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