Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Examining Sportak's Shill Job

CALGARY - For all those who think the Calgary Flames aren’t rebuilding, just look at the last month alone.

Shit Randy. You actually wrote that? In a published medium? With your name attached to the statement, and everything? Damn, dawg. Unfortunate.

GM Jay Feaster may not be tearing down his roster or holding a fire sale with every pending unrestricted free agent, but he is doing more than just splashing a coat of paint on the walls with his recent moves.

 Hey, Randy? Hi, Dome Beers guy here. How ya doing? Anyways Randy, I thought I would point out to you, in a gentle manner of course, that when people who aren't on the payroll of the Calgary Flames talk about 'rebuilding' they are in fact actually referring to the roster being torn down and the organization attempting to trade every pending unrestricted free agent. That's kinda what 'rebuild' means, brah.

I like how you are maintaining the polite fiction that 'GM' Jay Feaster is in control of the hockey ops though. Ken tip extra for that?

Monday’s swap of minor-league defenceman John Negrin, who played three games for the Flames in 2009, to the Winnipeg Jets for minor-league winger Akim Aliu could end up being nothing.

I don't know gang, but 'could end up being nothing' sure sounds like an euphemism for 'just splashing paint on the walls' to me. 

However, Negrin had fallen so far down the depth chart — it’s too bad injuries derailed his career — that he didn’t appear to have a future with the Flames, so they decided to take a chance on an already well-travelled forward. If Aliu can “get it”, maybe the Flames will have something good.

I'm glad I live in a sports media environment where the swap of two career minor leaguers is evidence of a rebuild. No really, I am.

Also, what is this 'If Aliu can "get it"' shit? Get what? Hands? Skating ability? Aliu is known as a retard, I get that, but his retardness isn't keeping him out of the league Matt Cooke plays in. It's his talent. If Aliu wasn't 6'4 220, he'd be out of the game already.

Things already look improved in the deal which saw centre Blair Jones come from the Tampa Bay Lightning in exchange for defenceman Brendan Mikkelson, and dealing Brendan Morrison to the Chicago Blackhawks for minor-league all-star defenceman Brian Connelly is looking to the future.

Uhh, Blair Jones isn't an NHLer, Randy. No matter what sweet nothings Ken whispers into your ear. If anything, the fact that Blair Jones is getting into the lineup speaks to the lack of depth on the team, not to Blair Jones's ability to play hockey. He should be viewed as a stop gag acquired due to Moss being injured. Or in other words, he is a splash of paint on the wall.

Aw yes, 'minor league All-Star' Brian Connelly. You guys know what 'minor league All-Star' means? It means you aren't good enough to play in the NHL. See: Krys Kolanos. I mean, acquiring him is looking to the future, for sure, but it is looking towards the Heats future. 

As for the Michael Cammalleri deal, the jury is still out.

Yeah, that little midget is no Blair Jones. Amirite Sportak? 

Giving away yet another second-round draft choice along with Rene Bourque and prospect Patrick Holland doesn’t bode well, but goalie Karri Ramo is another potential NHL player for a team which will need a No.-1 netminder in a few years and Cammalleri is expected to contribute more than he has so far.

Listen, idiots, I am going to say this once, and if it ever comes up again, I'm simply going to refer to those of you who don't get it as members of the retard class. Patrick Holland is a seventh round draft pick. Ok? That means he cost nothing. He is putting up some numbers in the WHL (wait, he played in the WHL? Now I get why all the hockey nerds are slobbering over him.) which has given him value.

Idiots, when you acquire an asset for nothing, and then it accrues value, you fucking sell that asset. Ok? You can all follow that? The risk associated with holding onto Holland isn't worth what you'd get if you traded him. Got it? Good. Lesson over.

Seriously, the value some of you people put on unproven question marks is astounding. At pick #193, if Holland got in 50 NHL games it would be a win. Ramo is playing in the KHL, a professional league, for fucks sake.

Say this, Feaster has not stood pat over the past while, and won’t be slow to move in the future.

Right. Feaster has been doing his best ensuring the Heat are poised for a lengthy run at whatever the hell it is they play for in the AHL. Good point, Randy. 

Here's a recap of their January deals:

(Randy recaps the deals. I want to highlight this particular 'recap' though)

Jan. 12
To Calgary
LW Michael Cammalleri, G Karri Ramo, 5th-round pick in 2012

To Montreal
RW Rene Bourque, F Patrick Holland, 2nd-round pick in 2013

Cammalleri made a nice debut, scoring a goal off a tip, but that’s been his only offensive output since arriving in a whirlwind. Cammalleri is a minus-4 with the Flames, which is the direct result of not scoring goals. The left-winger had a career year with 39 goals for the Flames in 2008-09, but so far he hasn’t lived up to the big package given up for him. Bourque has two goals in his past two games with the Habs.

People did you read that? I can only come to the conclusion that Randy Sportak does not understand the concept of 'sample size.'

Well, hey, he has only been the beat writer of a sports team for like, what, 15 years? You can see how such a concept could elude him.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.


  1. So is Randy Sportak just Randy Workman's pen name or something? Has anyone seen the two of them together in the same room?

  2. I'm a little slow this week DB but your LW (I'm assuming 1st on the list is the LW) is spectacular.

  3. RW is a bit of a butter face but I'm willing to look past it given the intangibles she brings to the table.


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