Friday, May 20, 2011

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means just one thing: Kraken Rum!

Huh? What? Oh yeah, yeah that's right! It is also that time of the week when we present the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC)!

So, did anything happen this week? Anything at all?

Nomination number one this week for the prestigious Roman Turek Profile In Courage award is Stephen Brunt. Why? Because the svelte Mr. Brunt beat the lumbering Bob Mackenzie to the story about Winnipeg acquiring the Thrashers.

Seriously, was anybody else watching Sportscentre when the story broke? You got to see Mackenzie and Dreger look all pissed they had been beat to a story, and you got to see them scramble for information on the TV. You guys are the insiders?

Maybe if Bob spent less time eating and more time digging, he would have been able to break the story. As it happened, when Brunt broke the story, Mackenzie and Dreger, in an effort to alleviate their embarrassment, started playing semantics! The deal is not done, they said, because I's needed to be dotted and T's needed to be crossed. Seriously, insiders? That is what you are going with?

Now to be fair, you can understand their shock. Sportsnet is a joke! They regularly report stories that end up being not accurate. But common guys, Brunt beat yeah, don't shit on him with 'well the board hasn't made it official yet', when everyone who can chew gum and walk at the same time knows its inevitable. It was fun to watch the insiders sweat a little bit, though.

And speaking of sweating bullets, nomination number two this week is Assad dictatorship in Syria. Or, maybe not sweating bullets, but Assad is certainly sharing his bullets. Sharing them at funerals, at street protests, sharing them with women and children. What a guy, sharing is fun!

So the world went into Libya to prevent 'a massacre of civilians'. Well, we have 'a massacre of civilians' actually going on in Syria, so where is the world with their white hatted cavalry? We would hate to be one of those crazies who say countries get invaded for oi, but it certainly looks like the West chose to intervene in Libya and not Syria because they thought they could rob Qaddafi of his 40 billion dollars (rob may be the wrong word, as Qaddafi stole the country that allowed him to amass the fortune in the first place), and the Assads didn't have near that much money in their bank accounts.

And what's more, Obama has shown a willingness for political assassinations. He went in and got Osama, and he even ordered bombs dropped on Qaddafi's house (in an attempt to kill him). We aren't going to cry for murderers or dictators, but if they can order the assassination of Osama and Qaddafi, why the hell don't they order one up for Assad, who is in the same category as those other two baby killers?

The West should step up and kill this guy. Let's be heroes, lets be brave, like the brave Syrians who are risking getting a hole put into their domes, Western world.

And, of course, sticking with heroes, our third nominee is all the fire fighters from across Canada who have come to save Slave Lake. Sad thing is that their isn't much to save.

Honestly, what is to say? You have all seen the pictures. Is that Slave Lake or is that Dresden, you know? Thoughts and prayers.

The Canadian Red Cross is taking donations. These are Canadians, Albertans, who have had their lives fucked up by this. Please give what you can.

The winner of this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award is Macho Man Randy Savage.

Rest In Peace, Macho King.

Look, when we were growing up wrestling had its Golden Age. So we grew up with some of the great legends of the industry. And Macho Man Randy Savage was a towering figure, even among the legends.

So it's, well, not shocking, but jarring, when these guys die. Because these guys oozed life.

Honestly, Elbow Drops were fucking awesome.

You know what it is? It's that we are getting older. So you get nostalgic, right? And these guys were around for our childhood, so in a way it's like your connections to childhood is dying. Or something corny like that.

It's also a tragic reminder that doing lots of cocaine has consequences. Kids, watch your noses. Because you're 20 now and invincible, but those extra heart beats you use when high on the candy are beats your heart won't have when you are 58 and driving down the highway.

Kinda sad. Legends don't die, right?

For being our favourite wrestler when we were kids, Macho Man Randy Savage wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

And go buy his DVD!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

More Cap

We know everyone is doing cap posts, and hell, we just did one. Just another angle on it:

Meh. Not the shittiest team ever, but there isn't a lot of money available to make it any good, either.

If they sign Pardy, and roll the dice with farm kids for the 4th pairing (Brodie and...Negrin? Breen? Whomever?), that might cost them (0.7+0.742+0.8 (?)) 2.242 million dollars in cap, leaving the Flames with 7.541 in cap space to fill the empty positions on the first two lines, the empty position on the second defence pairing, and the backup goalie position. 7.541/4 is $1.885 million dollars, or not enough money to get anybody of any quality, or anybody who isn't a scrap heap reclamation project. But Darryl went fishing last year and came away some good years out of some gambles. We will see if Feaster can repeat the feat. really depends on your point of view, we guess, but one of (or both of) Langkow or Stajan really kill the teams flexabilty. Sarich as well, obviously. Waters wet.

Speculation time. Langkow and Sarich are on the last year of their contracts. Florida needs to acquire like a billion dollars in salary to make the floor. Maybe there is a fit there. Would help us sign Brad Richards and Tanguay and move Joker to the wing.

We can dream.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Monday, May 16, 2011

More Hurried Quickness

It is way too nice outside for me to be doing this. Therefore, it's going to be quick.

This is a black day for the Flames.

We have been busy and unable to get in front of a radio; Has the FAN960 been doing the organizational dick-suck all afternoon?

This is fucking retarded. Fucking retarded.

Curtis Glencross was signed for four years, and given a NMC.

Read that sentence. That's real, that really happened. We signed a guy at market rate, gave him huge term, and gave him an NMC to boot.

Good for Glencross. Good for the agent of Curtis Glencross. Take every crumb on the table, you know?

The guy who signed Curtis Glencross, however, is an idiot. Right? Who isn't this obvious, too?

Fuck, where to begin. First off, Curtis Glencross is the big trophy they choose to roll out with Feaster? What a joke. Let's be real: Glencross is a third line player. Wow, we are so distracted by that shiny bauble. It isn't a coincidence that the news 'breaks' at the same time.

How small.

The Feaster hiring is shitty. Signifies Ken King is still firmly in charge of the organization. That...isn't good. Quick illustration of why: You will notice that instead of hiring some more brains into the organization to assist Feaster, the organization instead intends to develop Craig Conroy. Do you get it? Ken King is not allowing the organization to hire credible, independent people into the leadership and management ranks. Do you get it? Ken King wants to keep the organization bodunk and dumb because that way he gets to yield power and influence. Do you get it?

(Which probably goes a long way in explaining the Feaster hiring in the first place. If Feaster is smart he brings in Goulet or someone from his stable of contacts to be the AGM, not someone who is connected to Ken King.)

Honestly, Feaster claims he thinks he had the job for at least two weeks, yet still allowed the organization to publicly allow him to twist in the wind, what with his 'Acting' title. Desperate for a job, or what? Look, it's a tough economy out their, but really.

Do we have to give Tanguay four years and a NMC too now?

How fucking dumb. The problem with the team is that it has little flexibility with the players, the key players, on the roster. All the cogs have NMC or NTC clauses. So if they want to go Country Club, they can. You could probably live with that too; Darryl Sutter's problem was that he gave out NMC's and NTC's to support players, like Bourque and Sarich. And Stajan.

And then the first thing that Darryl's replacement does? He gives one to Glencross. You can't make this shit up.

And Tod Button still has a job! Fucking cockroach.

More shit that pisses us off. This is a quote from Feaster, from "We want to get back to that identity of being a very, very hard working team. A very difficult team to play against."

Fuck this squirrel shit, for reals, yo. First, what Feaster said doesn't mean anything, and second, the last time the Flames were a hard team to play against was the last time they regularly used AHLers in the lineup, in 2004. So whatever. We just hope we don't end up signing more Dancing Bears in the name of Toughness. (Although...)

Honestly, it's too much. We just saw that on Twitter the official NHL thang (@NHLFlames) is retweeting people saying that we are 'championship bound' for next season. They honestly believe you, the consumer, are that fucking stupid.

These people, the people who think we are 'championship bound' (we would link the tweet but we don't know how, being luddites and all. If you know, please tell)? These people are the fucking mouth breathers that we talk about. Who the fuck, in their god-damned wildest dreams, thinks the Flames are championship bound next year?

These are the organizations 'useful idiots'. They provide the organization with cover and noise, and who knows, probably like the music they play at the Dome. And there just might be enough of these cover giving troglodyte's around, too. Hell, Rogers has been able to pass Peter Loubardias off as a play by play guy in this city for two years now. And Peter Loubardias is the pussy anal wart of sports commentary.

But fuck, how fucking stupid. And the organization looks like it is being run by 12 years old when it retweets such nonsense. If these are the best marketing ideas they can come up with, then Ken King really should be fired.

Fuck, we can't. We are out. We will think about this whole fucked up situation and try to come up with something more poignant for another date. It is fucking nice out.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Check Out Feaster's New Nickname

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

Talking to a gal at FFWD. We have a lot of spoiled Dome Beers ballots. Anyways...

So it looks like Ken Kings Reign of Error will be allowed to continue. Mazel tuv. We are thrilled.

No, honestly, we are: Another season of it and the season ticket wait list will finally start to thin out. Of course the team will probably do something brilliant and raise the prices after a third straight year of missing the playoffs...

Yes, Jay Feaster has been installed as Ken Kings puppet, errr, the Calgary Flames GM. The Ventriloquist Dummie's first move was to do the Darryl, and award a solid NHL player with a contract that is too rich, too long, and of course, includes the clause Darryl made famous around these parts, the dreaded NMC.

Yes, you read that correctly. Curtis Glencross, yes, that Curtis Glencross, was given a four year term. And yes, you read that correctly as well; He was also given a NMC on top of those guaranteed four years of employment.

Thank God for this cities low bridges, eh?

More to come later. We have meetings to get to and what not. We will leave you, for now, with this chart:

It shows we have a lot of work to do. A defence corp wouldn't be a bad place to start (or, how about Brad Richards?). More reaction from this corner later when we have some time.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.