Thursday, December 8, 2011

Top Five Reasons Given For Missing The Flames Christmas Party

The sleigh bells are ringing, if you listen, and in the lane, the snow is glistening.

Yes, it is that time of year where thoughts turn to snowmen, mistletoe, and eggnog. Besides holiday cheer and red nosed reindeers, the season also brings another guest: The office Christmas Party.

At most office's, the idea of having to make it through a night where the liquor flows and the co-workers are easy fills most employees with dread. The trepidation is understandable. After all, who wants to deal with the consequences of one regrettable moment with Suzy the slutty secretary?

For the Flames and their employees, it is no different. In fact, with some of the stories floating around the organization about the tensions between the players and management,  it is a good bet that the Flames Christmas party would be a bit more awkward affair than a Lowe/Burke holiday family gathering.

Cancellations were expected, so we sent our crack team of investigative journalists down to the Saddledome to snoop around and see if they could find evidence of such. Our people managed to uncover the returned invitations to the Flames Christmas party. Below, we highlight five of the best excuses that were used by the players to get out of attending:

Dear Calgary Flames, I will not be attending the Christmas party because...

  • It's being held across town, and I don't really want to drive, so I am invoking my No Movement Clause.

  • I got the invitations late, and am unable to score a babysitter on the rush.

  • We may have overestimated how fun the second half of last year's party was.

  • I've actually requested a trade to another Christmas party. Preferably Toronto's.

  • I've just been diagnoses with a disease. I have apparently had it for the last two years.
...

We would also like to take this opportunity to clear up the rumours. The Dome Beers crew will not be attending the Calgary Flames Christmas party this year either, as showing up in underwear is against the dress code, apparently.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.

4 comments:

  1. IDK... I chuckled, but I feel this idea offers more meat.

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  2. I would have expected that you would never have opened your invite DB. I expect KK had it laced with anthrax.

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  3. I've had a few people email me to tell me the same. Don't know if they work for the org or what the story is. But still, it's nice to know he reads us.

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