Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What do you say?

Breaking news: QR77 Sportstalk guys are DB.

What? For reals, brah. At least we think they are. They sounds like DB. Talk what DB talks, we mean.

Yeah dude. We will get to that in a second. But first:Put your hand up if you watched the whole game last night?

We are a bunch of marks. That's the only word to describe that shit. You guys know we like wrestling. Wrestling came on during the third period. You know what we did? We didn't flip the switch; bailouts are for pussies (Hang Hank Paulson!). We stuck with the boys. Because there was no way they were going to lose to Columbus, right? The comeback was going to be sweet.

Three shots in the third period? Like, you guys get how hockey is played, right? When teams are down by whatever, they usually try to score goals, so they open up, and they generate more shots. Conversely, teams with big leads tend to play a little more cautiously, and open themselves up to taking more shots against. This is elementary stuff.

The Flames were down by two goals going into the third, against the worst team in the league. Three shots?

You can tell me it's talent all you want, but three shots tells me that it isn't talent, it's 'give-a-fuck'. Fire the fucking coach.

Let's be real frank here: There is nobody on this team who is as good a player as Jarome Iginla. Which means the team is dependent on Jarome Iginla. That is self inflicted. It also means that if Jarome wants to stay, and is using his NTC to stay, or you can't get anybody to give you anything for him, then you have to make him happy. Otherwise, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

People don't want to fire the coach because we have fired coaches before. That is retarded. That implies we have hired the right coaches before. Playfair busted. Keenan was a joke, and Sutter is currently experiencing that peculiar joy of being made into a punchline. We have had to fire so many coaches, because they hire so many bad coaches.

Iginla got 45 seconds of power play time last night. He also had one shot on net. Coincidence? (Oh, and by the way, nice to see Glencross show up with a whopping zero shots on goal with 1:50 of PP time.)

Anyways, we started out talking about how DB was the QR77 Sportstalk guys. We did so because we wanted to make a point. Last night, after the debacle, we tuned into QR, because Bryn is awful and Overtime is Overtime. QR77 guy had a call in show going on as well, but holy shit is theirs better. Some good points were brought up, we thought, because they seemed to be points we have been making.

Which is crazy, right? How people who have never listened or read each other come to the same conclusions? There is a word for that, in the science, we think.

So what craziness was being talked about on QR? Well, in general, 'Fire Ken King' was brought up, and of course we thought it was deserved. But also the coach, kinda what we just touched on, and then someone called with an idea that we are going to promote (read: steal).

First, 'Fire Ken King' was good because QR77 guys had some things to impart. One, they told us that they were pretty sure when Brent Sutter was hired in the first place, that Darryl was not exactly a proponent of the move, and the move had been made by Ken King. Which is fucking huge, people.

You know how we charge that the organization is run poorly, and one of the signs of that is that Ken King acts like the GM? There are examples of this when it comes to Feaster, the best being that Feaster had to ask for permission to sign Baertschi, or how about Ken King signing Glencross. So the question has always been, how much power did Ken have when Darryl was around. And everyone has always assumed that Darryl was in control.

Well, Darryl Sutter was the GM, and Ken King signed the coach. To us, that implies that the current working hypothesis is wrong, and that Darryl was not the man in charge, and in fact, would have had his moves vetted by King. Moves like trading Phaneuf. Moves like extending Bourque and Stajan. Who knows how far it goes. King might be responsible for Bertuzzi, for all we know.

We think it's funny that the radio personalities on the FAN won't touch that subject on the air, but the station without the teams tentacles in it will. Odd, that.

Moving on to the coach. QR guys, like DB, wants the guy gone. Honestly, we don't understand all the cover Brent Sutter receives. And hey, dontcha know he is being covered for by the same guys who never bring up Ken Kings meddling influence (Hi Sportsnet personalities!).

We covered it. Brent Sutter is a shitty coach. You know how I know? HE HAS NEVER MADE THE PLAYOFFS WITH THIS TEAM. The counter-argument is that he has been saddled with a team that was incapable of making the playofffs. You know what? We don't give a shit. He took the job with eyes wide open. We highly doubt he would have bolted New Jersey for a worse situation (from his perspective at the time). Brent thought we were a playoff team when he signed here. He hasn't been able to get them into the playoffs. He is a shitty coach, QED.

Alright, and now for the brilliant idea we are proudly going to steal off a season ticket holder who called into QR77 last night. Because it is quite brilliant.

The Calgary Flames brand has lost it's lustre. It's pretty apparent. The Dome is not full anymore, and people are having harder and harder times offloading their tickets. Moreover, the actual experience of going to a Calgary Flames game is boring. Not only is it boring, but it has gotten stale.

It's time for a re-launch of the brand. It's time for the team to re-evaluate how they operate on the game day level (And on every level, frankly): The team needs to look at it's same old same old boring contests. It then needs to throw them out and come up with new ones. You know that host they have had forever? Steve Strapon? Fire that guy, too. New look, new blood. And while we are at it, fire the people responsible for the music selection at the Dome. These people are morons, they have been filling the Dome with shitty music since the lock-out ended. New look, new blood, new music.

And new fucking goal song, for Whalens sake. Seriously, if the person who gave the ok to use 'Ducksoup' as a goal song is still employed by the organization, then that is reason enough for wanting to get rid of Ken King.

Seriously. Ducksoup? We went to our cousins birthday party. She is nine years old. She was getting hyped at the Ducksoup. If nine year old girls are your intended audience, Calgary Flames, then you made the right choice to go with that song as the goal song.

Anyways, on the topic of new. Know what else you have to do in a brand re-launch? Clear out the people who tarnished the brand in the first place. That means Ken King is fired. Feaster will be fired because the guy who replaces Ken King is going to want his own guy in their. So Feaster is gone, too. You may want to fire all the scouts. You definitely will fire Coach Sutter, and you probably would fire his assistants too, because they perpetuate a style of play that is simply not watchable.

New style of play, too. With a new President (Lanny!) and a new GM (Whoever Lanny Wants!) and a new coach (Whoever the Guy Lanny Wants Wants!), we are probably going to get a new style of play to go along with...yes, new players.

Shorter DB: Ken King has ran this team into the ground. Because of this, the one thing that Ken King should be concerned with, the brand, has suffered. We are hack advertisers at heart: Damaging the brand is a cardinal sin. Ken King needs to be fired for what he has done to the brand.

The people defending the coach have an agenda. They like the guy, they are friends with the guy. So when you hear the guys on the morning show on the FAN deflect blame, know it is because they break bread with the man. Of course they want him to keep his job, being friends with a head coach of an NHL team is cool. Roger Millions is pretty much in the same boat.

The players may not be any good. That doesn't exonerate the coach: his best player hates him. That means the coach needs to go. And because the players are not any good, the person who assembled them needs to be fired. Ken King needs to go. On top of that though, the person who went out and said that this roster was 'playoff bound', Jay Feaster, either lacks the integrity to tell the truth to his customers, or he is terrible at evaluating talent. Either way, he needs to go to.

This org needs to clear house. It needs to bring in people who understand hockey for one, which means not another Ken King, and it needs to get people who understand how to build a hockey team in the post-lockout NHL. Which isn't Jay Feaster.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.


  1. The only good thing that the Flames have done with in game presentation since 2004 is they brought back the Yahoo Cowboy after a goal.

    And maybe dancing Iggy, which was an idea stolen from the internet.

    These people need to go. Well said DB, well said.

  2. Of course DB, we have to keep in mind that this squad has had the following coaches:

    1. dSuttz
    2. Playfair
    3. Keenan
    4. Bsuttz

    in how long? Fuck man. Firing the coach is the easy answer. If that many guys have difficulty with this crew then maybe it isn't the coach.

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