Tuesday, September 13, 2011

We Lost To Angola

Fucking Angola. And we get how it is all the rage these days to build up the self esteem of all the little failed states in the world, but please, Angola? Angola, for reals?

Anyways, the following, from a piece written by the Friedman, made us laugh:

6. Curious to see if Ryan Kesler's lengthy absence (could be mid-November) means Alain Vigneault allows the Sedins - especially Henrik, the centre - to play more of a defensive role. Both ask to kill penalties, but combined for the enormous total of 15 seconds of short-handed play per game. Vigneault also started them more in the offensive zone than any linemates in the NHL, according to the Behind the Net website (half of which I actually understand). 

Too funny. 'Allows' the Sedins to play a more defensive role? As in, they would know what their own end of the rink looks like if only that big meanie Vigneault would 'allow' them to start a shift in it?

This is stupid, stupid, stupid. Vigneault is paid to win games, no? It occurs to us, that in the interest of keeping his job, if playing the Sedins in a defensive role was conducive to the Vancouver Canucks winning games, he would have done so already. Call us crazy, but it is just a theory we have.

You know what Friedman is really writing here? The Canucks think Malhotra is blind, Kesler's old woman injury isn't healing, Chris Higgins finite amount of 'give a fuck' is about to run out, and holy shit Kesler why the hell aren't you healed yet?

Because choosing to play the Sedin Sisters in a defensive role is like choosing prostitution as an occupation. As a rule, nobody does it willingly (But what about the FAN960/Sun/Herald writers? Well, as we said, it is a general rule, and it proves itself by providing exceptions.).

Continuing on, we want to address this little nugget: 'Both (the cone heads) ask to kill penalties'

Does anybody not currently employed in writing the media guide for the 2011-2012 Canucks believe this? Anybody? You want to tell us that the two players the organization has bent over backwards to accommodate, even including trips to the frozen Nordic to convince them to stay in the organization that drafted them (and which made Lebron's offseason courtships look quite reasonable) are 'asking to kill penalties' but Vigneault, who's other job duties, besides trying to win, include 'keeping the Sedins happy so as they don't revert to the reptilian aliens we all know them to be' and 'making sure Loungo doesn't kill himself whenever he reads the paper', is keeping them from doing as such?

The Sedins asking to kill penalties is like when women ask us to use a condom. It's cute, and it shows they care, but it has no weight on the actual tactics employed.

Seriously, you want to tell us that this guy wants to kill penalties?

Really? The guy who is allowing himself to be punched in the face, by a much smaller man, in front of all his teammates, while wearing the 'C', wants to do some dirty work?

Right. And the Flames have 'depth at centre'. Good one.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias Ken King should be fired.


  1. O/T but Double "unfuckingbelievable" facepalm:


    The Judge will rot in Hell one day and the "mother" already has a dinner reservation with Hitler, Mao and Stalin when she leaves this mortal coil.

    Fucking bullshit straight up...


  2. I believe the word is 'barbarism'. Applicable to the both parties, but especially the judge, who, if I am reading correctly, is equating infanticide with birth control.

  3. Abortion is sweet, who wants a crying baby to ruin their weekend?

  4. This girl was a total rookie. Panty choke? Hoe amateur. If you use the vodka and coathanger method, then after you are finished you have something to drink ready to celebrate with.

  5. Man, leave Angola alone, it's come a long way since 2002, even had a growth miracle during the Aughts. Failed state? Hardly. Now, if Miss Somalia won....

  6. I think having a 27 year civil war is one of those things that screams 'Failed State' to me. Also, 40% unemployment.

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