Friday, July 8, 2011

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means just one thing: Princess Kate, it isn't cheating, it's stampeding.

Huh? What? Wait, that's right. It is indeed that time of the week when we present the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC)!

So, anything happen this week?

Our first nominee of the week is this whole 'OH GOD MURDOCH IS KILLING THE NEWS OF THE WORLD ARGH MALARG'! thang. First, before we begin on this, Robert Fulford, the guy we link to, writes this:

 "...the abrupt shut-down of the 168-year-old News of the World looks like the worst financial calamity in the long and mostly successful career of the paper’s owner, Rupert Murdoch."

Which is so fucking stupid it's fupid. The 'News of the World' represents less than 1% of News Corporations (the parent company) operating income. So anybody who writes something like 'the worst financial calamity' is either ignorant, ill - informed, pushing an agenda, or stupid. Fucking stupid, to be exact.

'News Of The World' isn't even closing. People who think it is closing, again, are fucking stupid. 'News Of The World' is 'shutting down', we guess, but it is 'shutting down' so that it can be 'rebranded' as 'The Sun on Sunday'. Honestly, what the fuck is with this coverage? We get it, Rupert Murdoch is incredibly good at life, so it pissed people off who work in his sphere who are not as good at life as he is. We get it, that's a human emotion. But we aren't going to pretend this coverage is more than nakedly personal for most of the people reporting on it.

Let's get fucking real here, people. Murdoch is trying to by BSkyB. His little phone hacking scandal puts that bid in jeopardy for no other reason than the British are dumb. They have put the sale of BSkyB in the hands of politicians, and politicians who suck at running Britain but want British people to forget that will demagogue any issue they can find if they think it will get people to forget about how badly the politicians suck at running Britain. Because the business transaction of buying BSkyB is now tinged in politics, Rupert Murdoch made a political decision to re brand (or, if you are prone to hysteria, personal jealously,  or bouts of 'fupidness', to 'KILL') 'News Of The World', in order to assuage the politicians into allowing him to buy BSkyB. That is all this is. This is not 'the end of News Corporation', or whatever else people are peddling. And people who are pretending otherwise...are fupid.

Speaking of murders, our second nominee this week is the 'lying murderous slut' Casey Anthony. More specifically, the retards on the jury that let this 'lying murderous slut' out of jail. Not guilty? Are you fucking kidding us? Do they serve retard sandwiches during lunch time at the old courthouse?

This bitch should have fried. Her daughter was missing for 30 days before a call was made to the police to report this, and it was the 'lying murderous sluts' mom who made the call, not even the 'lying murderous slut'! We keep hearing from people who are trying to defend these moron jurists, saying there was no evidence blah blah blah. No evidence? First, if you want to talk about no evidence, how about we talk about the defence team, and their inability to present any evidence whatsoever about their own theories. Second, there was the most concrete evidence available: 30 days passed, in time, before the 'lying murderous sluts' missing baby was reported to the police. 30 fucking days. And during these 30 days, the 'lying murderous slut' was out clubbing and sleeping around. You know, searching for the real killer on her back with her ankles up.

Anybody who needs more evidence than this to fry someone is a moral midget. The jurists in this case are fucking retards. They had enough evidence to convict, they chose not too, and they can hide behind whatever reason they want to hide behind, but it doesn't change the fact that these jurists are moral cowards and fucking morons.

Keeping with morons, our third nominee of the week is Mayor Nenshi. This guy has been terrible, but we will stick to one topic. Ok, two. First, Nenshi and the rest of the city council morons get rid of fluoride in the water...because...and now it turns out that the price the city charges you for water is increasing! Huh? That little trick takes a real moron. Second, bike lanes? Really? Bike lanes, downtown? Nenshi wants to make the already caraphobic Calgary downtown more hostile to cars?

Mayor Moron, let us point something out. THERE IS WINTER IN THIS TOWN EIGHT MONTHS OF THE YEAR! Nobody uses the bike lanes in the winter except 'Bike Guy', who deserves to be run over anyways, and 'Bike Courier Guy', who is a professional, and doesn't need your little pansy bike lanes in the first place. But hey, Mayor One Term hasn't met a waste of tax dollars that he doesn't like, so this was probably predictable. As predictable as Nenshi being a one-termer.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage: The Calgary Stampede.

Go ahead. Touch it. It's ok. Just touch it.

Not a big story with this one, right? Booze, girls, boozy girls. It's everything a boy could hope for. Also, it is the one time of the year you can hogtie your partner and not have to explain the sexual kink. You can wear plaid, in public, as well. Good times.

Honestly, women look great in cowboy hats. They also look great in chaps. Assless chaps. And boots. They look great in boots. We are glad that back in the day, a conversation took place in this city that went "Hey, women look great in cowboy hats, chaps, tight jeans, or short skirts, and in boots. Also, if we could find a way to get some alcohol into all these hotties, that would just be grand. Hey, I know, why don't we start a festival!'

That's what we call commitment to civic culture.

For giving us an excuse to ogle coca-cola cowgirls, the Calgary Stampede wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Hey, who wants to get sexist?


Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.


  1. Cowgirls on the sidebar, please.

  2. the forgotten manJuly 9, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    Hey AZR/DB,

    Any word yet if Grimace is still living in his parent's closet?

    If so, when is he coming out of the closet to buy a shack in Calgary so that he can start paying some fucking property taxes like the rest of us Plebs...maybe then he might clue in how much they are going up every year. Then he can also start contibuting to paying off the half billion dollars needed for his Tunnel to Nowhere. Only in our decadent Western society, would we elect a guy to lead us who doesn't even contribute to the tax base that he spends?!?

    However, since Grimace is always the "Smartest Guy in the Room", he'll probably buy out in Rockyview as an added F.U. to all of us.

    PS - Posting a comment on this site is like playing Russian Roulette with Christopher Walken in Deer Hunter.

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