Monday, April 25, 2011

Where The Questions At?

Holy shit, people. Before we even begin, let us say this for the universal record: The new Calgary Sun website? Yeah, it should go fucking die.

We mean, you show up, and blam! This website is right up parked in your grill. It doesn't even pretend to front. Log on, the website goes, " Ay yo! You want some colour overload, motherfucker? Yeah, bitch, take that."

It has like 38 headlines on the front page, each with a picture, in case the reader is illiterate, or something. Too much, too fast. This riotous, cacophonous, stertorous...spill of visuals had us so disoriented that we almost missed this story.

Da da da da: Lingerie Football League.

Uhh, fuck yes? Hell fucking yes? Which one is more appropriate? Fuckyeshellfuckingyes?

First off, let's all hope that the Stampeders owners are behind this, and not the Flames. Admit it, you would all feel much better if the thing was being run by Hufnagel and co, rather than King and co.

Second off, were can we buy season tickets?

Honestly...Flames tickets or Lingerie Football League tickets? Hmm...real tough choice.

We mean, we could sit there and watch a girl make a mockery out of a proud and noble sporting tradition, or we can choose to not watch Matt Stajan skate around aimlessly, and watch some hotties in panties play football instead.

Anyways, we were on the Sun website to begin with because we have noticed there has been an absence of Flames coverage, and we had to make sure we hadn't missed anything. Nope. The Sun hasn't had a new Flames story (according to it) since April 16th. The Herald hasn't run one since April 19th.

Media people? Hi. How's it going? You guys get to go golfing now that the Flames season is over, too? Because, call us crazy, but what we see is a franchise in, if not turmoil, then it certainly finds itself in turbulence, and, you all being 'journolists' and what-not, should know that stories are midwifed in turbulence. And yet it seems that none of you are looking for stories.

We have before us a franchise that, just on the surface, has a General Manager who sits with a label of 'Acting' in front of his name, a high paid coach who was brought in to put the team over the top who has missed the playoffs for two years in a row, two aging Superstars in Iginla and Kiprusoff who protest to want to win a Cup, and a President who speaks for the owners, not speaking about the direction of the club. Media people, you don't think if you press those issues you won't be able to come up with a juicy quote?

What about Kotalik? Are they going to send him to Europe or the AHL (and should we all boo every time he gets on the ice if they cheap out and play him again?)? Same thing with Hagman, is he staying up or getting sent down or going to Europe (Vote for this one!)? Ivanans has to hang out with the same questions. We know this is obvious, but we still don't know, officially, from the organization, what the hell is exactly going on with these people. Why not? Where is the media asking and demanding answers to these questions?

Or, instead of making up hypothetical plans for the organization, why not ask the organization what the hell the actual plan is? And by ask, we mean ask and get an answer. 

Seems to us there is fertile ground for story hunting.

Call us crazy, but the 'media's' job is to inform, right? Well, we don't know anything about the Flames right now. Who is the GM of the team? If it's Feaster, what is Feasters plan for the team? If it isn't Feaster, who else are they looking at? Is it someone in the playoffs? Why does the organization like them? What might their plan for the organization be? Why is Loubardias still calling Flames games? Media people, we don't have access to these peoples phone numbers (that's what she said), you guys do. Which puts you guys in a position to ask these questions and inform the fans. Is asking for information too much?

Or how about, quite honestly, why hasn't any official person asked the organization (read: Ken King): What have you learned from missing the playoffs two years in a row?

Anyways, fire Ken King. Hire Lanny.
...

Gotta hit on this. That new TV deal thang the NHL just signed? Pays for Brad Richards, just saying. At the very least, it pays for sending down one of Kotalik or Hagman. (~$3 million in cash for the owners to spend off the cap, ~$3 million for them to spend on it).
...

Watching TV, saw a commercial for this show, 'Glee'. In the commercial for this show, they had the Flames goal song on in the background. Is the Flames goal song taken from the show 'Glee'? Fabulous.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE CALGARY FLAMES IN-GAME PRODUCTION PEOPLE?

Fuck, we are sorry you are stupid, let us spell it he fuck out, so there is no more confusion on this: Music from 'Glee' is soft. You don't play soft music at the Colosseum! It's really as simple as that.

If you don't buy a ticket and watch at home, they get you with Loubardias. If you do buy a ticket and go down to the 'Dome, they get you with bad pop-punk, techno, and music from 'Glee'.

The Lingerie Football League can't get here fast enough.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

5 comments:

  1. the forgotten manApril 25, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    AZR,

    The local media (Sun/Herald/Fan 960...the only exception being QR77 SportsTalk) just "carry fucking water" for K-Squared. As Yaakov Smirnoff would say, "In Soviet FlamesLand, the useful idiots are the media".

    Don't expect anything but cricket chirping from this bunch...K-squared has the Sword of Damacles hanging over many a journalistic head in this town.

    Our only hope going forward is for M.E. to go "Born Again", repent his sins and can King's ass...sadly I am not holding my breath. Like the tanking US Dollar/Economy for Americans, this is the "new normal" for us Plebs in FlamesLand...maybe we need to dig up Ed Whalen or check Mike Lownsbrough out of rehab??

    As per Brad Richards, he is becoming more affordable by the day...haven't heard Bettman commenting on the Greenback Freefall...at this rate he may only be some 5 million/year CAD or we can just pay him in Silver Maple Leafs (+$47 and climbing /ounce USD bitchez!) On the downside, can 6 Canadian teams prop up the 24 American ones??

    Serf's Up!

    PS - Is Chicago calling up Gelinas for Game 7?

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  2. the forgotten manApril 25, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    If they play Jeopardy in Hell...

    J. Stalin: Alex, I'll take "Who fuckin' cares" for $600.

    A. Trebek: United States of America

    Hitler: Who won the 2011 World's Women Hockey Championship.

    A. Trebek: Sieg Heil!

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  3. Calgary Sun: the all night waffle house of newspapers.

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  4. Umm, you think it is bad that the Flames goal song was on Glee, what would you think if I told you the name of that song was Barbara Streisand...

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