Friday, February 25, 2011

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means just one thing: Sic Semper Tyrannis

What? Oh yeah, yeah, that's right. It is also that time of the week when we present the very trophy the Arab world is busy tearing itself apart trying to get: the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC)!

So...did anything happen this week? Anything at all?

Nominee number one this week is going to be Libya and Qaddafi (Gaddafi? If you choose to use the 'Q', you get to write a word that doesn't have the annoyingly hackneyed 'QU' combination.). Man, what a fucking douchebag, eg? Trying to go all 40-foot-gallows on it like that? Dude...abdicate. Right? To any dictators reading this: you go Burma, or you go home.

And it appears Qaddafi does read. Who knows the real number, but the standard one refrained appears to be at least 2,000 dead brave Libyans. At the same time, he doesn't read deep enough; he seems to have only one city left in his control.

Which, who knows, could be a recipe for rainbows, sunshine, and puppy dogs. We don't know anything about Libya. Maybe it is a stable, homogeneous society...oh, tribal society? Fragmented? Shit...Well, hope it turns out well!

Nominee number two is, hell, wouldn't you know it, Qaddafi again! What the hell did he do this time? Well, this wretched little turd is providing an excuse for OPEC and the other players in the market that collude to control the price of oil (oh snap did they just say that?) to jack up the price of said oil. Which is going to give the decrepit and tired PC's of Alberta a shot of life in the arm. Sooo lame, Libya. First off, it's hilarious to us that the Tories forecast into their budget that oil sells for like $85+ all year, and they still run out of money! How fucking inept. Where's Ralph and his 20% cuts down the board? But with a gajillion dollar oil, they are going to be able to turn around next month and say 'hey look we don't have a deficit after all, more spending!', and that taingt right. Choda!

Nominee number tres is Charlie Sheen. Who is currently hanging out with two porn stars in the Caribbean. No doubt copious amounts of cocaine and champagne are being consumed. Probably off of naked porn stars titties. That would be enough to win the RTPIC normally, but then we hear he is calling into radio shows and going all 'spill my heart angry guy'? Uhh, dude, anytime you spend on the phone is time you don't spend with the two porn stars who are wet and ready to go on a white sand beach. Well, unless mad fellatio is breaking out. We have to assume Sheen was getting a beej. Criticism rescinded.

The winner of this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award is: Football To The Groin!

Game starts in two minutes. Out.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.


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