Friday, February 11, 2011
Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award
It's Friday, and that means just one thing: Yet another glorious Flames 'W'.
Uhh, what? Huh? Damn, you're right. It is also that time of the week when we present the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC)!
This week had a lot of noteworthy and news making events, so let's dive right in with our nominees.
Our first nominee of the week is *yawn* Egypt, and the news President Mubarak *yawn* will be *yawn* stepping down *yawn* and handing *yaaaaaawn* power over *yawn* to the *yawn* military *yawn*.
Sorry, barely made it through that. Anyways, yeah, it's like this. Hand over power to the military? The military has been in power in that country for a loooooong time. You can tell because we used so many 'O's to spell 'long'. But seriously, Mubarak was once the boss of what was at one time one of the worlds premiere police states. What's news isn't that Mubarak is stepping down, but whether or not the people buy Mubaraks intelligence chief, or whomever the army chooses to replace Mubarak with, as acceptable. Whether they continue to accept military rule or not. Some people are portraying this as a military coup or some shit. What? The regime is simply doing a cheap magicians trick, passing the ball from the left hand to the right. Yawn.
Now, if the crazies in the Muslim Brotherhood want to push right now, things might get decidedly less yawn inducing. Actually, quickly, we will tell you why that points to some sadness. We highly doubt the Muslim Brotherhood is dedicated to peace, and therefore stability, in the region. So they can't be allowed the power. Mubarak and his cronies are a bunch of thieves bleeding their nation. Their saving grace is they want peace in the region, but at the same time they have run the country so badly it has produced just a mass, like millions of people, who are unemployed, have shitty lives, little hope, bad situations. Which is why they are currently out in the palace's backyard rioting. So the military regime has shown it can't run the country either. The answer is, of course, for classical liberalism, (free markets, free speech, free determination, free and frequent elections, minority rights, human rights, etc (just for you WI)) to be adopted. Because if you have those things, you produce less crazy people over time. But when the military regime tried to liberalize and end the price controls they had on food, the people went nuts. Because the people there have been bought off with the military regimes socialistic policies for so long, they now feel entitled and will not give them up. So Egypt is probably going to need a dictator to come in who can weather the storm if he tries to move the country forward, and dictators don't do that type of thing as a matter of course. See Mubarak.
Our second nominee is whoever over at the FAN960 who came up with Warrener Wednesdays. Good idea, good segment, but don't have him tell a million stories on his first day. Leave the guy some bullets. We also want to know what cool shit he was wearing. Can you believe someone told him to tone down the flavour when he goes on Sportsnet TV? Whoever did that should be fired. In fact, you could fire the tool who told Rhett no more awesome blue suits, and give his money to the guy who came up with Warrener Wednesdays.
And some auxiliary dap to the Calgarypuck people who dropped the transcript, which you can find by clicking the link (oh DB you so helpful). There is some juicy-ish stuff there. Like Mike Keenan being the meanest guy eva! Rhett's just jealous of the mans ability to chew ice.
Third nominee is tits, literally. These people we have never, ever, ever heard of, we swear, the Reality Kings, filmed a porno in a public park. In the middle of the day. Doesn't get better than that, right? Not really, but it gets just as good. Not the porno or anything, but if you click through, the story talks about what else goes on at this island. Like swinger house-boat parties. This all went down in Florida, but you probably knew that instinctively.
This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: TNA Women's Division Wrestling.
First, and you Domebeer-aholics know this, we are professional wrestling fans. Our fathers loved us and spent time with us, so that's what that is about. Anyways, you uninitiated might not know, but there are a few wrestling promotions on the TV. WWE, TNA, and ROH. WWE's toilet paper budget is bigger than the entire budgets of TNA and ROH combined. So the other two wrestling promotions have to do other things to attract attention. ROH is for the wrestling nerd, so let's drop it from this discussion. What TNA does to attract attention is to position itself in the market as being the more 'adult' brand. They show blood, chair shots, all the stuff from the late 90's that WWF was doing. What they also do is women's wrestling. And women's wrestling is fucking awesome.
Now WWE does women's wrestling too. They use their women's wrestling as a comedic relief gimmick. The matches are usually less than two minutes in length, and maybe feature ten moves. In TNA, the women wrestlers are better, more compelling wrestlers than the men are. And we aren't just saying that because they have tits. Like the TNA women's wrestlers techniques aren't terrible. The TNA women do back flips off the top rope into the middle of the ring, throw each other into stairs and barriers, wear skimpy outfits, and uh, wear skimpy outfits. It's great.
In fact, we were watching it last nights, and this is all true: These two girls ride up to the ring on a motorcycle, and they are wearing slutty biker chick outfits, which was wonderful. They then proceed to get into the ring, and when they go over the ropes they start gyrating their hips and doing that thang, which, again, was wonderful. They then got into the ring, and gave each other a little peck on the lips. Wonderfulness all around.
Shit didn't end there though. They (the producers of the show, we guess) proceeded to have like six more chicks show up to the ring to have this monster tag team match. So besides the two biker chicks who kissed each other who are already in the ring, three more pairs of women come out (and one group rocked three chicks, and one of those chicks yelled really loud as her power, it was crazy) and they all whore it up down the runway. Which, you know, we don't discourage in anyway, shape or form.
So it's starts out on the right foot, is what we are getting at. Hell, we could have stopped watching at the introductions. Velvet Sky, Winter, SoCal Val, Sarita, Madison Rayne, Angelina Love. What is with these names? Awesomeness, that is what is up with these names.
Introductions are done and the chicks start to wrestle, and the chicks can actually wrestle. They flip around, run off the ropes, act their skimpily clad asses off. Like we said before, they are better at planning matches, playing to the crowd, being wrestlers, than almost all of the men on TNA's roster are. Plus, then you factor in the fact they got tits and asses, and it's a no-brainer. We don't know why anyone would watch TNA when there wasn't women's wrestling on. If we was them (so ghetto), we would go exclusively chick fighting. It's their competitive advantage, you ask us.
Want some gratuitous shots of women getting objectified? Well ok.
For being so tits, the TNA Womens Division wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.
Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.