Friday, August 20, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award


It's Friday, and that means one thing: Hey ladies in the place we're calling out to ya.

Huh? What? That's right! It is that time of the week when we present the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC)!

First, the big news of the week. U.S. underemployment is hovering around 18.3%. 18.3%! That's fucking banana's. Obamanomics is stupid. Keyne's is a interesting enough guy, and maybe you could possibly see why people would take a keynesian look at the economy (inebriation, naivete) but this neo-keynes shit that the President has rolled with is an obvious failure. Sorry demand siders, but you look at macro's that don't matter to tweak things that won't help, and the results are 18.3% underemployment. Here's the secret: demand is always around, supply isn't. We can demand flying cars all we want. Indeed, the demand for flying cars, if the population was polled, would assuredly reach 100%. But we don't have flying cars...maybe because the demand side of the equation doesn't really matter? In other words, you can only demand what has been produced. Demand is constant; People always want new, shiny things. Supply is variable. If you want jobs, if you want spending money, you need to let the producers produce as uninhibited as possible. Or you get 18.3% underemployment. Speaking of disappointments, Roidger Clemens is in trouble, bro. What is it with the AL East and cheating? Anyways...Mexican drug dealers know how to bling their shit up. Ballin. What? No Ground Zero mosque talk? No, none. It shouldn't go there. Yeah, we know, we're racists.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: OG Gilbert Gottfried.



Brrrt.

Not much of a story with this one. We are still waiting on Antonin to convince Roman Turek to give this lowly site an interview. Get on it, Antonin. Do it!

We await Khmer Turek.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Delayed Goulet

Ok, ok, ok. We know you all expect it, so let's get this outta the way right now.



There. Happy? Good. We can move on.

Le Michel Goulet was hired by the Flames to be their new western scout. Stanley Cup, here we come.

Thoughts? Plenty.

Without any inside knowledge, we can see something fucked up is going on with the Flames. From the linked article, and we quote: "The longtime Quebec Nordiques star will be based in Denver and report to assistant general manager Jay Feaster."

Uhh, why? What the hell does Mr. Feaster know about hockey?

Whoa now, DB, the guy won a Stanley Cup, what the hell do you know about hockey?

Well, we know how to read, for starters. Let us show you the reading list. M&G's Hayley and, for some minor balance, Calgary Herald's Scott Cruickshank.

The pertinent info from Hayley's piece: "Tampa Bay's 2003-04 teams wasn't entirely built by Feaster. People like to heap all the praise on him, but the truth is that most vital cogs in the lineup were brought in by Phil Esposito (Vincent Lecavalier, Brad Richards, Pavel Kubina, Dmitry Afanasenkov) and Rick Dudley (Martin St. Louis, Fredrik Modin, Nikolai Khabibulin, Cory Sarich, Dave Andreychuk, Tim Taylor). Feaster's accomplishment was rounding things out for the final push."

And to further the point (that Feaster isn't really a scout, or a hockey guy, and shouldn't be making hockey personnel decisions) we bring you some quotes from the Herald: "“I’m sure there were some question marks,” says Bill Barber, a done-it-all hockey man who worked alongside Feaster in Hershey and Tampa."

By 'worked alongside' Scott really meant to say 'was Director of Player Personnel' for Feaster when Feaster was in Tampa and Hershey. Which is to say that Jay Feaster, at all his levels of management, was not the guy with the eye. He was not in charge of scouting. He was in charge of the business. In fact, he had a babysitter in Tampa Bay, Bill Barber, to handle all the hockey side of operations.

Hmm...starting to make sense now, no? Jay Feaster has always had at his side a hockey guy. A guy who played in the league, knows the game, knows what an NHL hockey player looks like. Because this is Darryl Sutter's last year with the organization*, he isn't a candidate to play sidekick. Tod Button can't even spell 'Todd' correctly, so why the hell would Feaster want to tie himself to that retard?

But le Michel Goulet...Hall of Famer, Denver connection, currently unemployed...that's someone Feaster can feel comfortable with as his new Director of Player Personnel when Jay becomes the GM next year, err, as his head western scout while works tirelessly in his job as assistant GM to Darryl Sutter.

Really, what else could it be? Owners hired Jay Feaster for a reason. They then fired 3 scouts to clear out space in the organization for Jay's guys. Jay then hires a HALL OF FAMER to be his head scout for the western region. We thought Darryl was the organizations head scout, and because he only drafts western Canadians (and occasionally a Swede) we just naturally assumed Darryl was the head scout for the western region.

But should we be upset about this? No, not really. Actually it shows ownership is using it's noggin a little. Darryl Sutter is a hockey guy. Hockey guys bring something to the table, mainly a membership card to the old boys club. That's a very effective tool when it comes to making moves. Jay Feaster does not posses that card. But Michel Goulet does...

That's really how we read this move. Jay gets a hockey guy sidekick, which he might not need as an AGM, but will obviously need when he is GM. Why else is Goulet reporting not to Darryl but to Jay? Hell, to keep Goulet away from Darryl, they even let him stay in Denver!

Now as to why Goulet was available...the Avalanche suck, that's why. No, for reals, that's why. When the Avalanche tried to hire St. Pat Roy to be their headcoach (while they still had poor old Tony G as coach) and that flopped, the organization cleaned house. Tony and his coaches were fired, a powerplay ensued, and Goulet was fired because he was boys with the losing party. On the surface, it doesn't look like he was fired because of job performance issues, which means we are probably adding a quality hockey mind.

Which is nice.

Now, to the *. Dear Reader, pray tell, what does Darryl Sutter do? What is his job description? And Mr. Feaster was allowed to bring in his boys already. If next year doesn't go well, and by that we mean if next year goes the way a lot of us suspect it will, who is getting fired?

And that would be a shame, because his replacement is Jay Feaster.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Salmagundi

The Story Of The Missed RTPIC

Domebeer-aholics, no doubt you noticed that we did not present a RTPIC award last week. For shame, Dome Beers.

But wait...there is a story, and we are sure you want to hear it.

Dear Reader, we attempted to do something big league for you, and we failed completely, like our last post on FN (Hey-Oh!). Obviously we heard that Roman Turek retired, for reals, from hockey. He had retired from NHL hockey, which is a nice way to say he washed out of the NHL, around 5 years ago. What did we do when we heard the news? Why, we contacted the team he had been playing on, of course, and we tried to get an interview.

Little did we know that Turek was the star of HC České Budějovice. His face adorns the title page of the website, and he appears to be a very popular player. There is a poll on the website asking the fans of the club who, besides Roman Turek, they would like to see the club market. For reals, they are asking the fans who the franchise should be, because now that Roman has retired, the club is left without a star. Honestly, we can't make this shit up.

Anyways, we fired off an email last week expressing our love and admiration for a goalie who posted a .906 save percentage for the Czech league last year. We told the PR flack all about the RTPIC, how Roman was a sort of cult figure here at the DB, and how about we would really, really appreciate it if Roman could make some time in his schedule to answer some questions, either on the phone or on the email. We then went ahead and even offered to do an interview with him on the FAN960 morning or afternoon show. Hell, why the fuck not, right? If Roman agreed to it, we are sure the FAN would have taken the interview, whether we informed them prior to making commitments on their behalf or not.

What do you think happened? We got big timed, that's what happened. Big timed by Large! Irony is dead.

We had a ton of good shit to talk about too, and barely any of it was hockey related. Some DB crew members get swollen penis whenever Iron Maiden plays, and wouldn't you know it, that is Turek's favourite band. Think about all that 'Eddie' talk that was missed! We also had more good stuff to talk about re: music, as we got a DJ and some pickers available to us to think up questions for us to ask Turek, who is down with indie music. We were going to ask him about women, puckbunnies in particular, and about food (Life is nothing but fucking and eating, which you would know if you read Camus). Oh the things we were going to ask. And stuff about being a hockey player? We are sure there would have been room for that.

So we cleared the deck. The RTPIC winner was going to be 'Police Academy', because Leslie Nielsen is fucking hilarious. Cancelled. You done, son. Outta here. Now Roman Turek's Interview was going to air Friday, as a nice little tie in with the RTPIC. How awesome would that be, are we right?

The days go by, and we wait for the response, and nothing comes. Fuck you, HC České Budějovice. You ruined the planned. Now, we know Roman Turek has a heart of gold, so the only possible reason we did not get a response is because the evil PR flack is keeping Roman from getting the message. Obviously.

And that's where we are at, Domebeer-aholics. Actually, since Friday we have done some more detective work and found alternative email addresses for us to stalk, err, contact Large at. Also, we tried contacting his agent, someone google claims is named Sloof Lirpa, which, to us, sounds like something best enjoyed between one consenting adult and one kidnapped teenager. Well then, another dead end.

So how should you digest the missed RTPIC? As an homage, a moment of silence if you will, to Roman Turek and his career.

***UPDATE***

Shit your pants, Domebeer-aholics, but we got a response! It turns out we were emailing the contest line, or something like that. We sent an email to the correct address (yes, we read Czech. Doesn't everybody?) and we actually got a response, from the now not evil and most definitely not a flack PR guru, Antonin Vansa. Yeah boy. He (Antonin) claimed he was 'in the intensive touch' with Roman...you can make up your own joke.

Anyways, in a few days we will know whether we can get the interview or not.

Yzerman

Yzerman ripping Team Canada's scout? What the fuck is that? First, he learns how to be a competent GM from the brain trust operating over in Detroit, and then he plucks talent and best practices from arguably the greatest hockey institution in the world (Hockey Canada)?

Who needs that type of guy running their hockey team?

Eskimo Beat Down

Wow, that was awesome. We want to know why the Stamps took the 3rd quarter off. They could have gotten 100!

Anyways, in light of the historic display of suck that the Eskimo's unveiled for all to see, we decided to shed some light on the arena football rejects who make up the Green and Gold.


Kyle Koch, Guard, Edmonton Eskimos
Kyle Koch, when he isn't blowing assignments and getting his quarterback murdered, enjoys spending his afternoons drinking tea with his friends Honey Pie and Rasberry Tart. Oh, the fun they get up to at tea. The boys talk everything, from fashion and cooking to who's cute and who's fat on the recieving corp (Stamps is  a favourite of the group).

Kyle also likes to entertain at tea by baking cookies, muffins, and other treats for his friends with his Easy Bake Oven. Kyle loves learning new recipes, so he encourages his friends to come to tea with new baking ideas for them to try. Richie Hall came by once with some recipes to share, but Kyle and his friends just ignored him.

When Kyle isn't baking or playing tea with his friends, he likes to pretend he is a grown up. He will sneak into his mom's closet and try on her big girl dresses. He is especially partial to purple. Sometimes, if he is feeling a little mischievous, he will even get into his mom's makeup case and put on her lipstick. His mom really hates it when he does this, because with his poor technique, Kyle often finds himself on his face, so the lipstick smears all over. Oh Kyle, what a mess!

The Ocho

The best thing about Sportsnet One? Shaw doesn't carry it. Shaw should play hardball, and say they will only carry it if they get written assurances that Peter Loubardias will do none of the games the new channel shows. Do it Shaw.

The other observation: Sportsnet is just so full of talent that they needed another channel just so they would have a place to put them all.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.