Wednesday, December 22, 2010

What About Bob?

With all the local consternation over managements constipation, that is, the refusal of Nyarlathotep Murray Edwards to deliver Darryls Sutters head to the Hôtel Crillon (tell me one of you gets that), we thought it would do the soul good to offer some sustenance for the people looking toward the day where the GM chair sits empty and vacant.

On this site in the past, hell, the last post we did, we have talked about possible replacements, guys we think could come in and take charge of the franchise, assume the mantle of GM, and start steering the ship in a better direction. We have discussed amorphous men like 'Accountant' and 'Oil company CEO' as well as flesh and moustache figures like Lanny McDonald (our preferred choice) and Michel Goulet.

Today we offer a figure that we have not yet heard discussed. What about Bob?

Bob Gainey, that is.

Yes, 'Le Capitaine' himself.

Why Bob Gainey? Why not, really. But ok, ok, some specifics. Just off the top of our heads? The guy is bilingual. And look, we know Darryl is bilingual too, it's just that Gainey speaks two human languages, English and French, whereas Darryl speaks one sorta human language, muffled English, and one animal language, Horse.

We are a little more impressed with Gainey's bilingualism.

Still not sold? Geeze, it looks like it will be harder to close the deal with you then with Sister Juana Inés de la Cruz (obscure historical Church reference)!

Besides the obvious intellect that the man displayed by learning two languages fluently, Bob also had an illustrious playing career. A Hall of Famer, the man affectionately known in Montreal as 'Le Capitaine' had 501 points over his career, to go along with 585 penalty minutes.  Contrasted with Darryl's 279 points and 288 PIMS, Bobs numbers look quite impressive. But the real important number you will find if you flip Bob and Darryl's cards around is that Bob has a leadership skill of +9, which, frankly, is just flat out insane. Darryl, despite a carefully constructed appearance, only has a leadership skill of +4, which is why, for instance, he does things like trade for Steve Staios (Leadership: +5).

With the 'Inteligence' and 'Leadership' boxes checked, we can move on to other categories, like 'Sucess' and 'Accomplishment'. Although you would never know it by talking to the man, Darryl Sutter has never won the Stanley Cup as a coach, a GM, or as coach/GM (or, for that matter, as a player). Bob, on the other hand, was able to kiss Stanley on 5 separate occasions as a player, and once as a GM, for a total of six times more than Darryl Sutter. Which is another way of saying that unlike Darryl, Bob can talk the talk and walk the walk. (Wait...Darryl can talk?)

 Bob achieved a lot of his success by being able to acquire quality players from teams that didn't have the ability to pay the costs of escalating player salary. He got Joe Nieuwendyk from the Calgary Flames, for instance. Darryl Sutter once traded Ryan Wilson for like two months of Jordan Leopold. So by making the switch, instead of having a GM that gets swindled (DARRYL TRADED PRUST FOR KOTALIK?!?!), hiring Bob Gainey at least represents the chance, the ability, to swindle others.

With 'Leadership' 'Intelligence' 'Success' and 'Accomplishment' checked off our list, we turn to the all important ability of a GM: The ability to fire your coach for mistakes made in the summer at the draft and free agency. We will call this 'Scapegoatability'. Sadly, this is one category Bob loses out to Darryl. Gainey was coach/GM of the stars until he fired himself to hire Ken Hitchcock. That works out to about two coaches in about 10 years in Dallas, compared to Darryl's three in about seven years. Gainey would go through coaches a little faster in Montreal, however, going through two coaches in about six years. In other words, Gainey has less coaches scalps than Tammy Wynette has had marriages (stand by one man?).

Clearly Bob Gainey has all the qualifications and pedigree necessary to win in the NHL, and to turn around the struggling Good Ship Flames. The man is a free agent, and with Mike Keenan coming off the books, as well as with the soflty rumoured expiration of Darryl Sutters contract at the end of the year, the Calgary Flames definitely have the need and the payroll space to hire the guy.

The only question is whether or not N. Murray Edwards wants to step up to the plate and write the man a big fat cheque. And after charging fans some of the highest rates in the league for tickets to come and watch a last place team that losses must win games to the Wild on home ice, he kinda owes it to the city to cut that aforementioned cheque.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.


  1. Goddamn, Bob Gainey. I never thought about that. He's old school and a crusty-as-hell motherfucker ... all the things we liked about Darryl seven years ago.

    But Gainey has smarts and guile.

    He'd look at Jokinen, say 'fuck off and sign here, prick.' And no judge in the world would hold him in violation of a contract ... at least not in Calgary anyway.

    Brilliant work, DB.

  2. I'll second Angela's comments. Nice pick out of the blue DB.

    He can be a mover and shaker, and would be able to bring some kind of respectability to our GM/team/city from what it has become over the past 2 years.

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