Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Reign of Error

Alternative titles: Welcome to the Errordome, By the Time I get to Error-zona

(Get it? Darryl was a 'Public Enemy'? You are too funny, DB)

To be quite honest (which will be Darryl's lasting legacy, besides Stajan), we wanted to go on vacation from this here old blog for like a week. Then the guillotine was dropped on our Prairie Green Incorruptible (we read history, you should too), and nary a Patriot could be found who didn't show up to the Champ de Mars to see the Sutter's severed head paraded on a pike.

We are Patriots too, and so we did indeed have to vacate our vacation, short our sabbatical, to take in the beautifully violent visage. As Thomas Jefferson once said, the tree of Liberty, from time to time, must be refreshed with the blood of Tyrants and Patriots. And as it pertains to the Calgary Flames, Darryl was both.

So rejoice, dance, and drink deep, fellow Patriots, fellow fans. The leader of the Sans-'clue'lottes, the head priest of clutch and grab, defence first, the trap, the architect of an almost two year campaign of 'Institutional Error' (quibble, but Cammo should have been resigned, and the crazy only multiplied from there), was finally removed from his position of power by his fellow members on The Committee For Public Safety (you don't know how badly we wanted to go with the French for that), notably one Ken King.

And while the good patriots will hold parties and dance in their flesh coloured drawers, it is prudent to ponder: What next?

Looking back on our good French Patriots, we see what two years of Terror in their case, or Error in ours, can do to civic fabric. For the French, 'flesh coloured drawers' represents a nation exhaling. And in the gust of wind and turbulence that is unleashed when a great nation exhales, institutions are shaken to the ground, cultural touchstones destroyed, monuments are toppled. The great gust destroys, but in it's destruction it also creates more room to breathe. For the French, what came next was Napoleon, the toppling of European feudal tradition, and total war. What came next was not a return to the Bourbons but a complete rejection of it. What came next was not a return of the Ancient Regime, but it's total destruction.

Fellow Patriots, we worry about what comes next for our Flames. When Darryl's head was removed from it's basket and held up by Ken King for us all to see, it was not the Danton-esque vein ("Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing") but rather in a melancholy, tragic way. Ken King mourned for Darryl, and demanded we all did too. Mr. King feels we robbed him of a Patriot, he stands against us. He is an 'ami du roi'. And he is dangerous because of it, because he controls who ascends to the throne.

Ken King names Fat Feaster to replace the Tyrant. Fat Feaster, by his own admission, has a lot of respect and admiration for Darryl. Fat Feaster, by his own admission, thinks Darryl's strategy of 'from the net out' is a sound one. From his own admission, he feels that the coaches Darryl has assembled, who play defensive, trap hockey, are good coaches. Fat Feaster maintains the state lie about making the playoffs.

Have we simply replaced one dinosaur with another smoother talking one? Have we replaced Darryl to continue going in his direction? Is it simply PR? Or if it is not, to what lengths is Fat Feaster willing to go to prove he is not a foot soldier of the Bourbons?

Be prepared, fellow Patriots. Gusts of exhaled breath, as we said, topple monuments. The monuments on this team, Kipper, Reggie, Iggy, best test their foundation. And the man we have placed in charge of it all once traded Brad Richards for Mike Smith.

On the timing of the whole thing: Yeah, we don't get it either. At least we don't get why they allowed Sutter another offseason. Misplaced loyalty mixed in with some mercy, we imagine. But Sutter had to be fired before January. The work and preparation needed for a trade deadline couldn't be put off much longer than it has been, and with the Winter Classic coming up, the organization didn't want all the media stories being about how Sutter had ruined the team, and why wasn't he fired yet, or his brother, ect. The organization wants the Winter Classic to be about the Winter Classic, and that would not have been the case had Sutter been employed when it came around.

But yeah, why they waited until December when it should have taken place last April (if not seasons sooner) is beyond us. Ken King weaseled out of answering the question at the press conference.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired. Feaster, too. We had forgotten that they axed some of the scouts in the summer. Time for Tod Button and the rest of the Sutters to go as well.


  1. your version of this historical day is reminiscent of the greatest blog post in the complete archive of all the flames nation (in my opinion). penned by his highness, master kent wilson on november 27th, 2007, i present to you, : the rapture

  2. haha, wow. Only you and I still remember that one WI.

  3. perhaps. but it's a joy to spread the word to the masses. ;)