If you go to Calgary Flames games, or have to suffer through their commercials on the radio or tv, you are probably aware that the marketing for this club is terrible. It can be terrible because, what, you going to cheer for another team? But just because they move a lot of merchandise it doesn't mean they have good marketing.
And, we think, the Flames themselves have acknowledged this fact. They have done so by sanctioning a contest that, wait for it, allows you, the fan, to do the job of the Calgary Flame marketing department, for free!
Yes, the Calgary Flames are putting the power of persuasion into your hands, and asking you to create a 30 second commercial about the 'C' of Red. Because if they (the Calgary Flames) did it, it would suck, and they probably know that.
Honestly, Flames standing in a dark stadium, looking solemn and having Johnny Cash's 'I Won't Back Down' playing in the background is the official Calgary Flames Sportsnet commercial, and it is about as exciting as watching a Curtis Glencross breakaway (Spoiler Alert: He doesn't score). As an aside, we like how they won't play country music at the 'Dome, but they will use it in their commercials. Fire the people who play techno music after goals.
We just looked for the Sportsnet commercial on the youtube and didn't find it. We hope you know what we are talking about, so you can follow along. They use the same one for the Oilers, maybe you have seen that one (what the hell is that about, by the way?) Anyways, now that you know the type of commercial that Sportsnet pays for, you know that the bar isn't set all that high in terms of creativity, excitement, watchability (damn you Budweiser!), ect.
We can win this contest, people. And if you win the contest, you win 10 large. Should Dome Beers produce a commercial? We are leaning towards it. 10 grand will buy a lucky section a lot of 'domebeers. Actually, we would probably host a Dome Beers party, and only let domebeer-aholics in. Velvet rope and everything.
Lots of things one could make a commercial about. The Flames are what they like to call a target rich environment. But the point of this thing is to win, right? So we probably won't make any commercials that feature Ales Kotalik using wads of cash to light his cigars on fire, even though we should.
Should we talk about how the ownership group of this team is jacked up? How Seaman and Hotchkiss, the owners who know something about hockey, are like 80 years old and may die? How the majority owner, Edwards, who is young and not near death, knows nothing about hockey?
Should we talk about how Brent Sutter's 40 win campaign last year would have got Keenan or Playfair fired?
Anyways, we are freeballing with ideas right now. We can see a commercial where the camera pans over a full Saddledome, and the fans in the stands look up, and they are all Sutters! A 'Twilight Zone' nod, if you will.
Lots of good ideas. We are going to let them percolate in our heads a few nights before we start unveiling anything official.
We like baseball, and because we like baseball, we like http://www.baseball-reference.com/. Did you know there is a http://www.hockey-reference.com/? Did you know that you can sponsor pages? Did you know that nobody on the Flames roster is sponsored, save Jarome (hockeyfights.com)? What kind of fun could we have with this?
Domebeer-aholics, you tell us who you would like us to sponsor. Right now we are thinking Brandon Prust, with the message 'traded for herpes', with herpes being a link to Ales Kotalik's capgeek page.
Karlsson, or however you spell it, is starting. He starts winning games, we will start using the google to see how to spell his name correctly. Deal?
Actually the Karlsson topic leads us back to Darryl. What is the point of having a back up if he isn't good enough to start in the league? Same thing with Ivansuck, why have him on the team if he can't do the job? Maybe if he stopped blowing money on tough nosed hockey players like Stajan (Darryl thought he would be short centres, right? That's why this chump took us for a four year contract, right?) and spent the required money on backups and enforcers...well, this wouldn't be a Darryl Sutter team then, so nevermind. Continue to cheap out at positions that cost us wins.
Dirty joke? sure.
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, 'Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.'
'Dear,' the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, 'I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!'
Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.