Friday, October 29, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award


It's Friday, and that means just one thing: Halloween inspired easyness.

What the hell? Oh, yeah, yeah, you guys are right. It is indeed that time of the week when we present the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC)!

There were a lot of good potential nominees this week. Down south, the Americans are preparing to welcome the Tea Party to the adult table, the Democrats are running for the hills, and Obama is blaming you for not realizing how awesome he is. Dome Beers wants to highlight one thing: Christine O'Donnel is crazy, and she probably wasn't going to win her election. For some reason, a Democrat sympathetic media outlet ran a smear story about her yesterday, and the election is next week. This is not a good sign for the Democrats. First, women hate that shit, and we predict that they will now vote for O'Donnel out of sympathy. We think that story hands the election to O'Donnel. Second...why? Why go after a person who was down by 11 points in most polls? We will tell you why. The Democratic party planners and panicked and panic makes you do emotional, irrational things (like trading Olli Jokinen for Ales Kotalik).

The other thing everyone is talking about is the World Series and the American Federal Bank printing money. On the World Series: We went down to Arizona this year, and we caught a Giants game. We sat in the Giants section, and we sat next to some Mexicans who were also enlisted in the American military. Our kind of immigrants. So we are pulling for the Giants. Giants in 5. On Money Printing: Buy gold, and play the commodity bubble. Seriously, some people will tell you that since the start of the year, the DOW is up 14%. Cool. What's the USD down since the start of the year? So you didn't really make that much, did you? Again, buy gold. The Fed is going to inflate it up to $4000 an ounce.

Anyways, while those are respectable nominees for any other week, they didn't make it this week. This week only has room for one nominee for the RTPIC: Edmonton Oiler Cheerleaders.

Domebeer-aholics, you know that we here at Dome Beers have a nact for getting confidential and hard to find information. And we did it again. While the Edmonton Oilers would have you believe that the auditions for cheerleaders is closed, it actually was not. We managed to get in, and get our hands on the program. So without further ado, let's introduce you to some of the better Edmonton Oiler Cheerleaders.

Sarah


Sara is a fun loving gal from the prairies. Born and raised in Edmonton, she embodies the civic spirit and community mindness that Edmonton is famous for. Also, she is heavily pierced, which means she will probably suck your dick. Her likes include paying top dollar to see a last place hockey team, and her dislikes include winning.

Jessica
Jessica is a ravishing red head who also was born and raised in Edmonton. She was a co-winner of Miss Edmonton 2009, having to share the title with her equally intoxicating gunt. Her favourite story involves Craig Mactavish, after his usual 56 beer night, calling her 'Xena'. She also once beat Sam Gagner in an arm wrestling contest. Her likes include running out on bills from Osteria de Medici. Her dislikes include salads.

Monique


Monique is a sultry young lady who is famous in Edmonton for dating Erik Cole. Erik couldn't score, so he demanded a trade. She then rebounded from the failed relationship by dating Patrick O'Sullivan. Patrick wouldn't put in the work or effort required, and he too was unable to score. With Patrick leaving the team, Monique is now reportedly getting close to Taylor Hall. Her likes include scoring on herself, just like her hero Steve Smith. Her dislikes include living below the tree line.

Nicole

Nicole is clearly the coolest girl in the tryout. But at only 4 packs a day, she maintains the best breathe out of all the inhabitants of Edmonton. This buxom blond enjoys nothing more than spending her nights taking in the smell of industrial chemicals as she strolls 'Refinery Row'. Her dislikes include, like most people from Edmonton, actually living in Edmonton.

With all these choices, you can see why the Oilers plan to hold tryouts over several days.

The winner of this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Rubbertrouts Movember Campaign.

Rubbertrout hates cancer. And well he should. Cancer murdered his mom and is currently raping his dog. You read that right. Cancer is such an asshole that it is currently raping Rubbertrouts dog. After it murdered his mom. Fuck you, Cancer. Fuck off and die, you fucking bitch.

That's good, noble hate. That's the type of sentiment we can get behind, 100%. We have family members who Cancer murdered, too. Cancer is like that, it will kill anybody. It doesn't care if you are rich or poor. It doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly. It doesn't care if you are smart and cheer for the Flames or are mentally handicapped and cheer for the Oilers. It doesn't care. It will fucking kill you.

So let's stop taking this shit from Cancer. It's time to fight back. Let's help Rubbertrout murder Cancer.

In Rubbertrouts own words:
"I really, really, really hate cancer. I lost my mother to cancer nine years ago. My dog is currently undergoing cancer related radiation therapy. Cancer has at some point directly or indirectly affected nearly everybody I know. This year I’ve decided to try and do something about it. This year I’ve decided to grow a moustache."
Well said. The only thing we would have added is: What the hell is Cancer going to do, when the legions and legions of Domebeer-aholics trample right all over you (Cancer)?

DONATE, FOOL!
...

Gio signed, Jarome vs Brent Sutter, all good stuff. We will hit it next week. Go Stamps (did ya'll hear Nik Lewis shout out to DB on the radio?) and go Flames. Also, go alcohol.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

3 comments:

  1. congrats on the NL shoutout, that's rad. all i ever got was a couple of hat-tips from my pal strombo on the hour (one was right before he interviewed theo, about how he was texting with his "friend in calgary" who insisted that the people wanted #14 in the rafters at the dome.... THAT was cool). anyhow.

    as for your post below, i don't go to EVERY game y'know. but if you keep your eye on the seats i emailed to you, you can see my dad once in awhile anyways.... and if you wanna hang, i'm suggesting a blogger meetup dec23 for the dallas game at schanks ---so we can all peg off steinberg in the head with suicide wings.

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  2. Thanks DB but it probably should have been Conroy. Not many 90 year olds can still skate out to accept the silver stick.

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  3. Maybe Conroy could have won it if he scored/prevented a goal. Conroy should never be raised to the rafters of the dome.

    It will be interesting how the oilers fill out the rest of their cheer leaders roster. By the looks of it, they need to add more dong to make it a true Edmonton cheer squad.

    shane-o-mac

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